Trying to convince spouse to move away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I like how people are illustrating in real time why I don’t want to live here. I can understand that this question might be triggering for many. I was hoping to hear from people who could provide insights based on their own decisions and how they played out or what they learned. Whatever. No more comments are needed. I am no longer looking at this thread.

Good grief. People don’t respond exactly as you want them too and so you flounce out of your own thread?

Bad news, OP, wherever you go, there you are.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP. I could never get my DH to leave. And unlike in your marriage he is the primary breadwinner (big law.) We do live in Loudoun, which I think helps with academic pressure but there is still tons of "keeping up with Joneses" in terms of homes and cars and renos and travel, etc. Also youth sports are very competitive out here.

3 more years and youngest will be done with HS. At that point we may start spending part of each winter in Florida. We will see. I like my immediate neighbors and I have a couple great coworkers so that helps. I wouldn't have wanted to participate in parenting as a competitive sport closer into the city. It is bad enough out here.

[Anonymous]

We lived in the DC area for about 16 years then moved to California for about 3-4 years. Lots of positives about CA...but it felt so, so far and was crazy expensive. My H's family is in the midwest and mine in the Northeast and traveling to see them was a lot. So we moved back to DC and have lived here for the past 16 years or so. I'm pretty happy.

What I learned: I thought if I made a big change, like moving, then I would be happy. And moving to CA was the dream! Then I thought if I moved back to DC, because CA was so far, then I'd be happy. But you know that saying, wherever you go, there you are? I had the same issues both in CA and DC because it was me not the place.

I learned to focus on the positives now, which can be challenging sometimes, especially now as I have a teenager and aging parents who can't live in their house anymore. My H and I have a small circle but it's a positive and supportive one. Yeah there's annoying people around here and bad traffic and sometimes the political stuff can be too much. But I focus on my family and the things in DC we enjoy. We're also applying to private schools right now and found a couple that seem really great, challenging without craziness, lots of different kinds of kids. I'd never really heard of this school beforehand and now it's #1 on my list.

Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

You did not explain what you don’t like about DC, but given that this is your first child, I wanted to give you a word of caution. The childhood you (we) had does not exist anymore anywhere. My friends in California have their kid is travel ice hockey at 6…

Again, I don’t know what you don’t like about the DMV, but if it has to do with kids, you might not find what you want anywhere.

[Anonymous]

OP, since the focus of your post was not where you want to move to, I'm disregarding your concerns. Surely you could find a community w/in the DC area where you'll feel comfortable. If you try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck OP. I could never get my DH to leave. And unlike in your marriage he is the primary breadwinner (big law.) We do live in Loudoun, which I think helps with academic pressure but there is still tons of "keeping up with Joneses" in terms of homes and cars and renos and travel, etc. Also youth sports are very competitive out here.

3 more years and youngest will be done with HS. At that point we may start spending part of each winter in Florida. We will see. I like my immediate neighbors and I have a couple great coworkers so that helps. I wouldn't have wanted to participate in parenting as a competitive sport closer into the city. It is bad enough out here.

Why do you feel you have to compete with anyone? We are probably the poorest of our friends and neighbors, and it doesn't really phase us except when we dream about one of us not working and deep cleaning the house. I guess a vacation house could be nice if you didn't work either; but if you both work who wants to go to the same place all the time?

I'm from a small southern town, and spouse is from NorCal -- neither of those options would be better choices than the DMV, trust me. Maybe if you were a multi-millionaire NorCal is feasible.

We have friends who moved White Plains, and it seems delightful. Good schools, lots of town events, good retail. College options are meh; VA and PA are better in state options.

You need to focus on jobs; moving someplace and that being the priority over financial stability is very short sighted and something you do in your 20s.

Your general attitude is somewhat juvenile, and your whole "I'm not coming back to this thread" schtick probably indicates we'll all be better off if you succeed in moving away.

[Anonymous]

Hi Op, what about Houston or Seattle?

[Anonymous]

When you write that life seems difficult and challenging…in what way? I don’t want to assume so can you share if your issue is a people issue, OP? If it is, it is understandable but also fixable. I also have a spouse who is reluctant to leave the area and I advise you to make the best decision for your child long-term. If you determine that is away from the DMV, then do some comprehensive feasibility research and present it to your DH. It’s hard to refute data and a tangible analysis.

I’ve seen NJ, MA and TX have great k-12 education systems; NYC, Chicago and San Francisco are well known for the financials sector. So you will need to do some homework on your feasible options. Maybe a visit to these areas would help. My spouse had to physically see our current city in order to be convinced that it was the right move. You know what will motivate your DH so lean into that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Op, what about Houston or Seattle?

Really ? Seattle is a tough town socially & very competitive regarding private schools.

Houston just isn't very nice. Only move to Houston for major bucks and/or to be close to family.

OP seems to be a bit childish, highly emotional & rude so it is difficult to recommend a location.

OP, most folks go where the jobs are and make it work. My feeling is that no place will satisfy you even though I do understand your desire to relocate.

[Anonymous]

OP got all huffy puffy a few pages ago and said she’s done with this thread. You all are wasting your breath.

[Anonymous]

US News ranks the top 250 places to live (my Google search was "best places in US to raise a family 2025").

https://realestate.usnews.com/places/rankings/best-places-to-live

[Anonymous]

Assuming that you both can find meaningful jobs in each location, do you want mountains, ocean, freshwater lakes, urban, arid desert, or another country.

Warm weather, cold weather, or don't care ?

Boise, Idaho is popular.

If I moved, I would want to be able to pay 100% for a desirable house. No mortgage, no rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP got all huffy puffy a few pages ago and said she’s done with this thread. You all are wasting your breath.

+1. I love how no one reads threads— they just start posting.

[Anonymous]

We moved after our first baby. In our case, my spouse was able to make way more outside of DC. Though it meant I had to give up my job.

[Anonymous]

I’ll try again, this time in all caps:

OP SAID AGES AGO THAT SHES DONE WITH THIS THREAD