People who get engaged/remarried super fast after divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affair

Affair or no, it's dumb for the other person to *marry* them that fast

+1. That short of time is always an affair. And the same stupid selfish person who has an affair is also stupid enough to get remarried that fast.
Certain people just are too stupid to overcome/recognize limerence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childhood BF’s mom committed suicide when she was 13. Her father remarried 6 months later. It was very scandalous and my parents, who were very good friends with them, cut him off. I was angry about it for many many years until I came to the realization that he was probably scared and at a loss as to how to raise four kids alone. It’s actually given me a different perspective on quick remarriages - some people just don’t know how to be alone or raise kids by themselves.

This is a very specific situation where it is understandable that you would sympathetic because he'd experienced a trauma -- not just losing his spouse suddenly but losing them in a traumatic way. You are right he was probably scared and at a loss because he was on his own as a dad and likely struggling to process his own loss.

That is very, very different than someone who remarries quickly after a divorce, which is what this thread is about. Most divorces do not result in you raising kids all by yourself. And yeah, people are scared to be alone. Welcome to being a human. That does not mean it is advisable to MARRY someone as soon as possible. It means you should make sure to stay connected to friends and family, potentially start testing the dating waters, and also, well yeah, get used to being alone sometimes and see how that feels.

I do not think your average recent divorced person should get the same leeway as a widower who has had his entire life turned completely inside out in the span of one day.

As the kid in one of these situations- yes over the years I have come to empathize more with why my dad may the choice to remarry months after my mom died. (there was definitely no affair since we had moved to a different state). The issue is that the person who will marry someone with kids who lost their spouse months prior is often not … the most stable of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a few people who spent more than 2 years (longest I know if is 5 years) fighting about their divorce / not getting divorced. I assume they dated during that time.

Very wealthy couple I know 30+ years married with a contentious divorce took 11 years. They definitely dated during that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childhood BF’s mom committed suicide when she was 13. Her father remarried 6 months later. It was very scandalous and my parents, who were very good friends with them, cut him off. I was angry about it for many many years until I came to the realization that he was probably scared and at a loss as to how to raise four kids alone. It’s actually given me a different perspective on quick remarriages - some people just don’t know how to be alone or raise kids by themselves.

This is a very specific situation where it is understandable that you would sympathetic because he'd experienced a trauma -- not just losing his spouse suddenly but losing them in a traumatic way. You are right he was probably scared and at a loss because he was on his own as a dad and likely struggling to process his own loss.

That is very, very different than someone who remarries quickly after a divorce, which is what this thread is about. Most divorces do not result in you raising kids all by yourself. And yeah, people are scared to be alone. Welcome to being a human. That does not mean it is advisable to MARRY someone as soon as possible. It means you should make sure to stay connected to friends and family, potentially start testing the dating waters, and also, well yeah, get used to being alone sometimes and see how that feels.

I do not think your average recent divorced person should get the same leeway as a widower who has had his entire life turned completely inside out in the span of one day.

I disagree widowers should get leeway.

If a woman’s husband died and she turned around and remarried in 6 months, she’d be crucified. Accused of having an affair, accused of putting her kids at risk for being SA’d, accused of never loving her husband, accused of not loving her kids, etc.

Everyone would tell her she needs to stay single, focus on her kids, grieve, heal, and then start dating again in 3-5 years, take it slow, don’t rush to get married (or don’t get married at all, can’t have strange men around your kids!)

I just don’t buy this BS that men are so clueless and helpless that they need a woman to manage their lives as quickly as possible. Certainly if men are that weak and helpless, they should not be in any positions of authority!

[Anonymous]

To be fair, I think your dates are wrong. They divorced in 2023 but he’s only been seeing this girl (apparently) since May. So quick engagement (too quick imo!) but not immediately post divorce. We basically saw him kissing all the other sunset women after the news broke so it’s not surprising he moved on quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prompted by seeing that Brittany Snow's husband is engaged just 5 months after their divorce.

Have known a few people IRL like this as well, including a guy who was married for 10+ years (no kids though) who started dating his now wife during the separation period, and then they were engaged in less than a year after the divorce.

I just could never marry someone in that situation. I don't care how much they tell me that it was a "dead marriage" and they should have divorced long ago blah blah blah, it's way too fast. How do you commit your entire life to someone who already committed their entire life to someone else and only left that person 5 months ago? What the heck?

Your example is a terrible one - they didn't have kids, they started dating during separation, which happens before the divorce, and they were engaged less than a year after the divorce was final - that all makes perfect sense, they dated for about a year all told and they were older and knew what they wanted/needed.

By the time people get divorced, and frankly even by the time they officially separate, they can be totally done and over the marriage, especially when they weren't kids. Using the date someone divorced is kind of useless, that's 6-12 months minimum from the date of separation, which isn't generally the first day something went wrong...

[Anonymous]

I don’t know of any divorces with kids that took less than two years. And in most cases, the relationship was over long before a divorce was initiated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and while I didn't get engaged after divorcing, I did hop back into dating very quickly (within a couple weeks of separating).

Even though we separated on that specific date, I had actually spent the last 3 years in therapy, processing our issues, trying to fix the relationship, realizing he wasn't going to change, grieving, healing, etc. So by the time I caught him cheating again, I wasn't emotional, wasn't upset, wasn't sad, didn't need to grieve, it was more feeling disappointed and then 100% ready to move on.

OP here. Dating I totally get! I've had many friends in crap marriages and I totally understand that you'd be ready to get out there. Especially in your case where you'd done a lot of work on yourself. But if you'd met a great guy and he'd proposed a few months after your divorce, would you have said yes? Or if you were dating a divorced guy and everything was going great but the divorce was still *fresh*, would you be willing to get engaged just a few months after the paperwork is signed?

I personally would not. I am all for people moving on and don't think people have to like stay at home and think about what they did or something. But you just had this marriage fall apart, you're really going to jump right back on the ride?

I think if men do it post-divorce, it’s to “lock her in” because the dating stage is tiring and expensive for men. If women marry quickly post-divorce, they probably have some Madonna/whore complex issue and feel that getting married seems better morally (to prove they’re not a slut). But everyone knows that doesn’t make it stable, right or even cares who she actually sleeps with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know of any divorces with kids that took less than two years. And in most cases, the relationship was over long before a divorce was initiated.

By the time mine is officially done, it will have been one month shy of 4 years, beginning on the official date when we decided we were separated.

[Anonymous]

Some sort of relationship 6-12 mos out I can understand- if being mindful about under 18 yo kids, but to get legally married!!?! No F way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know of any divorces with kids that took less than two years. And in most cases, the relationship was over long before a divorce was initiated.

And then you have munition husband who just last week threatened divorce when he refused to tell me or our tax accountant his anticipated income for the year (partnership bonus) for 1099 and 2024 tax purposes.

He response to me was to fly off the handle, threaten divorce and add “we can be divorced in two weeks time, it’s easy.”

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I met the most amazing person shortly after my ex moved out and we've been together a year. This thread makes me feel like everyone is going to look down on us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different people have different ethics, you know? We knew a couple YEARS ago Brittany's husband was cheating on her, so clearly the relationship's been done for a long time. The actual divorce decree may be just paperwork at this point.

I don't think it's an ethics issue, unless there was an affair. Marriages are hard and I think many people who divorce spend years essentially separated emotionally. The marriage truly is over well before the actual divorce. They've mourned the marriage.

Life goes on.

I should say that I wouldn't want to.date or marry someone so soon after divorce, but I don't think it's an ethics issue necessarily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know of any divorces with kids that took less than two years. And in most cases, the relationship was over long before a divorce was initiated.

By the time mine is officially done, it will have been one month shy of 4 years, beginning on the official date when we decided we were separated.

I’m so sorry. What a nightmare.
Mine is just short of 2 years and I felt like I was dying through most of it. My cheating deadbeat exh just kept trying to take more and more from me and the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I met the most amazing person shortly after my ex moved out and we've been together a year. This thread makes me feel like everyone is going to look down on us.

How? I was an exhausted, demoralized, scared, overworked mess, raising kids, barely hanging on. How does one have time to meet someone and develop a relationship amid this?