How much $$ are the Grooms parents expected to contribute to wedding costs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the South Asian poster. We started saving for our own retirement and college for two kids - from our first jobs, before we even got married. It was forced frugality and in some ways, I resented seeing my money go in what seemed like the black hole of savings and investment.

The whole paying for weddings, paying for 1st new sedan, paying for set up of first apartment and first professional wardrobe, helping with downpayment to first real estate purchase etc...this started happening when our savings and investments - compounded. All of these are frosting on the cake. The main investment was only for retirement and state college.

We are South Asians too with a 8-fig net worth, and have much younger kids (boys - 22 and 20). We are paying the usual - private college, setup first apartment, downpayments for car and house. No way am I spending $350K for a wedding though.. Maybe $100K each when the time comes? Not sure..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father told me that the custom dated from when parents paid for sons' to go to college and daughters' to get married. He paid for my college, and I graduated in 1989. He did not pay for a wedding (1998), but he did give us money for a honeymoon trip, just because he's a nice guy.

I have two sons and I have told them that we will not be paying anything for a wedding, I think they're a huge waste of money. (I didn't particularly want one, but it was important to DH's family so they paid for quite a bit of it).

Just because you think they’re a waste of money and come from a cheap and rigid family doesn’t make it a universal truth. We paid for our daughters to go to college and grad school and paid for very nice weddings (one was close to 6 figures) and provided down payments. We don’t regret any of it and consider none of it a waste of money. As for the grooms’ parents, all three were as generous as they could be as well depending on their individual circumstances and we were perfectly happy to accept with whatever they offered.

DCUM is very anti-wedding, which is so odd. I’m assuming it’s because most posters can’t afford to provide their kids good ones so they get defensive and say they’re a waste of money. But they’re not a waste of money if you actually have it.

[Anonymous]

I have three daughters and will gladly pay 100 percent for weddings if grooms actually pays for his part.

The Bride family pays 100 percent for wedding, wedding dress.

The Groom and his family pays per custom rehearsal dinner, engagement ring, honeymoon and most importantly provide a proper place for bride to live in after marriage. Meaning he needs his 20 percent down on a house.

My wife's family paid 100 percent wedding. But I paid engagement ring, honeymoon, my Mom paid rehearsal dinner and I saved enough for good downpayment on a little starter home with both our names on title.

That is my expectation. Ask me to pay a wedding for a guy with student loans, plans to moved my daughter into his apartment to pay half his rent and pay off his student loans. No way.

I dont care if coop, small condo, tiny starter home you are starting a marriage the guy needs to have a place he owns for them to live. I am not paying 50K to 60k for a wedding to a deadbeat who could leave the next day and leave my daughte a pile of bills.

Heck I will gladly pay 100K for a wedding. Just buy a two million dollar home in Chevy Chase with a big down payment and put my kids name on title. You need skin in the game too.

I say that as my Grandmother who was dirt dirt poor as piss like could not afford an outhouse and shoes with holes in them her Dad scrapped together every nickle and penny and borrowed and paid for his daughters wedding . She married the oldest son of a Farmer whose Dad had passed away and he inhertied Farm. The wedding was the ticket to his daughter being co-acre of Farm. They actually married for love. But my Grandad paid as he wanted his daugher to have the life he did not have. That was around 105 years ago. And that Farm is till in the Family.

it is todays men who think Dads should pay 100 percent with no skin in game for daughters wedding that is problem.

And does not have to have assets. But ability to earn assets. My Friends Dad a retired NYC cop on a fixed income in a little small house paid 100 percent a big and expensive fancy wedding for daugther. She was very pretty and a 25 year old Nurse. She married a 26 year old guy on Wall Street from Greenwich CT with an MBA just starting out but on right path. By 38 she was a SAHM in a big fancy house with a BMW. Her Dad made an investment. Where are these men today? Todays men are mostly not worth it.

[Anonymous]

I have two sons and I tentatively plan to contribute about 10k- 15k each. Getting married is an adult decision and they should start making adult financial decisions from the get go. A big wedding isn’t something that I consider important but the bride’s family might.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 2025, why should a bride’s family pay for the wedding BECAUSE she’s the bride? I’m curious to hear from people who still expect this.

In 2025, why are parents paying for their adult children's parties?

If you want to give your kids financial help for any number of things, go for it. But to decide that marrying couples need to have a big wedding and parents need to make that happen? Nope.

I am trying to ignore the PP who treats paying for a wedding as an investment in getting your daughter a quality spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three daughters and will gladly pay 100 percent for weddings if grooms actually pays for his part.

The Bride family pays 100 percent for wedding, wedding dress.

The Groom and his family pays per custom rehearsal dinner, engagement ring, honeymoon and most importantly provide a proper place for bride to live in after marriage. Meaning he needs his 20 percent down on a house.

My wife's family paid 100 percent wedding. But I paid engagement ring, honeymoon, my Mom paid rehearsal dinner and I saved enough for good downpayment on a little starter home with both our names on title.

That is my expectation. Ask me to pay a wedding for a guy with student loans, plans to moved my daughter into his apartment to pay half his rent and pay off his student loans. No way.

I dont care if coop, small condo, tiny starter home you are starting a marriage the guy needs to have a place he owns for them to live. I am not paying 50K to 60k for a wedding to a deadbeat who could leave the next day and leave my daughte a pile of bills.

Heck I will gladly pay 100K for a wedding. Just buy a two million dollar home in Chevy Chase with a big down payment and put my kids name on title. You need skin in the game too.

I say that as my Grandmother who was dirt dirt poor as piss like could not afford an outhouse and shoes with holes in them her Dad scrapped together every nickle and penny and borrowed and paid for his daughters wedding . She married the oldest son of a Farmer whose Dad had passed away and he inhertied Farm. The wedding was the ticket to his daughter being co-acre of Farm. They actually married for love. But my Grandad paid as he wanted his daugher to have the life he did not have. That was around 105 years ago. And that Farm is till in the Family.

it is todays men who think Dads should pay 100 percent with no skin in game for daughters wedding that is problem.

And does not have to have assets. But ability to earn assets. My Friends Dad a retired NYC cop on a fixed income in a little small house paid 100 percent a big and expensive fancy wedding for daugther. She was very pretty and a 25 year old Nurse. She married a 26 year old guy on Wall Street from Greenwich CT with an MBA just starting out but on right path. By 38 she was a SAHM in a big fancy house with a BMW. Her Dad made an investment. Where are these men today? Todays men are mostly not worth it.

How many UMC families will pay 20% down on a nice house and title it in both their names? If I gift substantial money to my adult kids, it's going to be a separate gift, likely a trust with income, that is not subject to division in a divorce. I want to keep it in the family - to my kid and their kids. Not to a spouse.

[Anonymous]

These days, its common for both the bride and grooms families to contribute what they can to the wedding. The idea that the bride's family should 100% cover the wedding / groom does rehearsal dinner is outdated. Of course, if the bride's family can afford it and wants to, I don't think anyone would object.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 2025, why should a bride’s family pay for the wedding BECAUSE she’s the bride? I’m curious to hear from people who still expect this.

tradition

[Anonymous]

This is crazy. I had an advanced degree and a career when I married DH. Unless you're marrying off your kids fresh out of college, why on earth are you paying for their party?

[Anonymous]

We are paying for rehearsal dinner and the bar tab for the wedding. My dh’s family has always done this and he offered to our ds. I support. I also suggested to gift airfare for honeymoon. If they’d like further help we would absolutely consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. I had an advanced degree and a career when I married DH. Unless you're marrying off your kids fresh out of college, why on earth are you paying for their party?

Because it's tradition, and it's an act of love. I appreciate that my parents gave me a beautiful wedding and I will do the same for my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every family and culture is different. there is no normal.

American culture was the groom’s parents pay for the dinner the night before the wedding and maybe the honeymoon and the bride’s parents pay for the wedding. That’s the way we still do it. If the bride’s parents are short on cash they have a backyard wedding which can be a lot of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2025, why should a bride’s family pay for the wedding BECAUSE she’s the bride? I’m curious to hear from people who still expect this.

tradition

But there were reasons for the tradition that don’t exist or apply anymore.

When my daughter gets married, if the groomers family expects that I am going to pay for the entire wedding, except the rehearsal dinner, they will be in for a rude shock!

[Anonymous]

Starter marriage or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of the parents need to pay for the wedding. If they pay, it is out of the goodness of their heart and the weight of their wallet. No child is owned a wedding by their parents.

We are South Asian and our DD married a WASP American. We decided to pay for our DD's multi-day wedding. Groom's family paid for rehearsal as is their custom. Now my DS is marrying from within our own community. We will follow whatever the bride's side decide. We will spend the same amount that we spent on our DD's wedding (350K). Money not spent will revert back to us. For us non-negotiables are -
- Wedding in a comfortable, convenient, secure and appropriate place so our elderly relatives and small children can attend in comfort. No beach or farm house kind of stuff for us. No castles in remote locations.
- All our relatives, friends and their families will be invited. So venue cannot have space restriction. Willing to pay for that.
- Guests are the most important element of the celebration. The food, venue, drinks, DJ - must reflect that.

You can’t get everyone to a remote castle for $350K?

Elderly relatives don't need to be falling down stone staircases. Pick a hotel. Any hotel.