WWYD? Family history event vs. intense 10th grade classes

[Anonymous]

The problem is that she picked a very serious load of classes for 10th grade and she's going to be stressed out about missing a week of school, and might hate traveling to Europe by herself (she'd be picked up at the airport by her brother and relatives, of course).

But has she said this? What is her attitude about the trip? As a teen I would have hated something like this, especially alone. Does she speak the language? Is she comfortable with the country and the relatives? I would have felt absolutely smothered by my relatives since I barely spoke the language. If she wants to go, do everything you can to help accomplish that. If not, then it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Does she need to be gone a whole week to attend this ceremony?

I don’t think she’ll have problems returning to the US as a citizen, but what would happen if she was seriously injured or got very, very sick? Is there anyone there who can take care of her? Could your adult child extend their trip if necessary? I’m asking because I have a relative who suffered the sudden onset of a medical condition that required surgery while they were in a foreign country. It sounds like you and your dh would be unable to leave the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she need to be gone a whole week to attend this ceremony?

I don’t think she’ll have problems returning to the US as a citizen, but what would happen if she was seriously injured or got very, very sick? Is there anyone there who can take care of her? Could your adult child extend their trip if necessary? I’m asking because I have a relative who suffered the sudden onset of a medical condition that required surgery while they were in a foreign country. It sounds like you and your dh would be unable to leave the US.

OP here. Yes, she speaks the language and has visited a few times, but always with us. Our parents and siblings live there and will be happy to see her. Her older brother is attending college there, but he has to arrive in August and stay, so they cannot fly together.

Thank you everyone. I posted before telling her, just to get my thoughts in order. Of course if she doesn't want to go, I wouldn't force her.

[Anonymous]

I would send her.
One week of 10th grade at the beginning of the school year isn't going to break her GPA.
And the amount of family, local and larger european history she absorbs with this event cannot be replicated.

[Anonymous]

Does she need to miss a whole week? When I was a junior in high school I went to an important event for my grandparents in a country that was a 10 hour flight away. I just missed Friday and Monday.

It's ok to go to far and expensive places for short periods if it's for a meaningful event.

[Anonymous]

If she wants to go, I would recommend that you work with her teachers.

I really wish I had talked to my grandma about her family history while she was alive. The insights I gain now are hard-won and sometimes more about her ethnicity than her life specifically. Her family history was somewhat unhappy which is why we let the sleeping dogs lie. But maybe there were some topics that would have been ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems odd that neither you and your husband can’t make something so important but you want to send your busy high schooler. Plus it sounds like she’s not that keen anyway. Let her stay home. The other adult going can record the ceremony to share with the family.

OP here. Not odd - we're applying for our green card and are not allowed to leave the US while it's processing. Otherwise I'd go!

Then no way would I let her go. She’s a minor child and if there’s a problem where a parent would need to travel to get to her you wouldn’t be able to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems odd that neither you and your husband can’t make something so important but you want to send your busy high schooler. Plus it sounds like she’s not that keen anyway. Let her stay home. The other adult going can record the ceremony to share with the family.

I agree. If it's such an important event you or your husband should be there too. It almost feels like you want her to go to further distract from the fact that you aren't there and I can't help but feel like you're hiding behind your "she doesn't have a connection with her European roots" claim.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not send her under the circumstances you describe.

[Anonymous]

A teenager can handle a flight alone. Geez!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In September, some of my relatives will gather in a European country to attend a public ceremony marking an event in which my ancestor played a role. My adult kid will attend. My husband and I cannot attend, but I was wondering if my high schooler should go. She has lived in the US all her life and has the least connection to our European history. I feel this would help her understand her origins.

The problem is that she picked a very serious load of classes for 10th grade and she's going to be stressed out about missing a week of school, and might hate traveling to Europe by herself (she'd be picked up at the airport by her brother and relatives, of course).

But this event is not likely to re-occur. The head of the family who invited us is elderly and in poor health. It might be her only chance at meeting him at his best (tasked with this public presentation, he loves those).

What would you do?

Go obviuosly. High school is a nothing burger, doesn't matter in life as long as you graduate, and missing a week of it is no big deal. We used to pull kids out for a week every year to travel. Much more education than being in a babysitting public school.

Wow. This is so insulting, hearing that my hard work is a “nothing burger” and simple “babysitting.”
- teacher

OP, I say have her go (as long as she wants to and is comfortable with the trip.) Teachers will often go out of their way to help students when one-of-a-kind opportunities like this arise. We’ll prepare individualized units, we’ll stay after to catch students up, etc. (We’re less inclined for mere vacations like the heartless PP… but this is different.) It sounds like this is a great education in its own way.

[Anonymous]

Does she have to miss a week? My kids are dual eu/us and have often missed 2 days of school to go to important family things. They would never want to miss a week bc the jet lag would also be tougher. Missing 2 days also has no jet lag on either end so easy

[Anonymous]

No. A week is a lot to miss. Especially if she had calc, APUSH, honors chem and other hard classes

[Anonymous]

I would encourage her to go if she is interested. It’s a once in a lifetime event, surely she can make up the work if she is a conscientious student. I bet her teachers will understand and work with her. Her brother and extended family will be there if there’s any sort of emergency, right?

I was so short-sighted as a teenager and college student. I was really caught up in an extra curricular and didn’t study abroad and skipped out family events that I really wish I had gone to. At the time, all that seemed to matter was the next competition and the preparation time I would miss. Such minor things in hindsight and I missed a big family reunion that has never been held again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems odd that neither you and your husband can’t make something so important but you want to send your busy high schooler. Plus it sounds like she’s not that keen anyway. Let her stay home. The other adult going can record the ceremony to share with the family.

OP here. Not odd - we're applying for our green card and are not allowed to leave the US while it's processing. Otherwise I'd go!

And your minor daughter doesn’t need a gg?