Women don't want men over 45 who have never been married or have no kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your date actually say she had concerns about your history?

Because it seems far more likely that she just didn't vibe with you for whatever reason.

OP here. Yes I'll agree with you we probably didn't vibe. But when I have been on dates before, I always feel like they think there is something wrong with me because I am single no kids never married at this age. I understand it's part of the vetting process, but it's frustrating nevertheless because there is nothing wrong me I just didn't want to settle in my 30s.

“Not wanting to settle in my 30s”—what does that mean? Were you expectations unrealistic?

OP here. But settle I meant getting married having kids. Poor choice of word. I don't have unrealistic expectations. I many not be the most outgoing bubbly guy, but I am an introvert either. I think my issue is that I don't have that spark that can captivate a woman's attention. And this why I was hoping OLD would work for me because with OLD at least the first initial contact is not face to face. Should I get a dating coach? I'm getting kind of desperate and I don't want to be alone anymore because I have a lot to offer. I get my sperm count/mobility checked yearly, I exercise and eat healthy. So I don't know.

This is going to sound callous, but the choices you made in your 30’s is now baring out consequences.

Most rational women see the lack of marriage in your thirties as a fear of commitment and self centeredness. And honestly most men in their 40s who never married or had kids usually fit that description. You haven’t shown your ability to care for anyone other than yourself.

Throw in that you admit to being desperate, I’m sure is getting picked up on which is why you aren’t getting anywhere.

I’d like to give advice and not just criticism, but a person cannot go back in time, so you will need to put in extra effort to prove you have more to offer than a six-pack abs and a high sperm count.

We have plenty of women in their 40s on this forum who have never been married no kids and who focused on their careers. Do you include these women as well? Or does it just apply to men?

I don’t date women, so you will need to ask someone else. But those women usually always sound equally desperate and shocked that they missed the boat to snag a husband or have kids by the time they are ready to settle down in their 40s.

Again, sounds callous, but choices have consequences.

[Anonymous]

There could be other reasons that you are striking out w/women OP - - unless women are specifically telling you directly that they prefer men who have been married before ➕ have had children, etc…..you are likely simply speculating.

I just think the older one gets >> the harder it is to date.
No matter what your gender is.

Keep your head up OP.
Hopefully you will meet someone nice soon. 👍🏽

[Anonymous]

Because there is something wrong with you. Only you know what that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your date actually say she had concerns about your history?

Because it seems far more likely that she just didn't vibe with you for whatever reason.

OP here. Yes I'll agree with you we probably didn't vibe. But when I have been on dates before, I always feel like they think there is something wrong with me because I am single no kids never married at this age. I understand it's part of the vetting process, but it's frustrating nevertheless because there is nothing wrong me I just didn't want to settle in my 30s.

“Not wanting to settle in my 30s”—what does that mean? Were you expectations unrealistic?

OP here. But settle I meant getting married having kids. Poor choice of word. I don't have unrealistic expectations. I many not be the most outgoing bubbly guy, but I am an introvert either. I think my issue is that I don't have that spark that can captivate a woman's attention. And this why I was hoping OLD would work for me because with OLD at least the first initial contact is not face to face. Should I get a dating coach? I'm getting kind of desperate and I don't want to be alone anymore because I have a lot to offer. I get my sperm count/mobility checked yearly, I exercise and eat healthy. So I don't know.

This is going to sound callous, but the choices you made in your 30’s is now baring out consequences.

Most rational women see the lack of marriage in your thirties as a fear of commitment and self centeredness. And honestly most men in their 40s who never married or had kids usually fit that description. You haven’t shown your ability to care for anyone other than yourself.

Throw in that you admit to being desperate, I’m sure is getting picked up on which is why you aren’t getting anywhere.

I’d like to give advice and not just criticism, but a person cannot go back in time, so you will need to put in extra effort to prove you have more to offer than a six-pack abs and a high sperm count.

DP. I agree with the above poster. You'd do better saying that you're lonely and want to find "the one" who can make your life a happier place and be a companion on life's journey than say "I'm finally ready to get married and have kids and be conventional now'.

I also bet nobody cares about your sperm count. Low sperm count is barely even a problem in the horrifying world of infertility treatment (of which I have personal experience). I hope you're not ever bringing this up...Great that you got it tested...but no need to do it annually.

Also your face matters more than your absurd. Not to be blunt. But if you are geeky-looking, the main value of muscles is so you don't look like a stick.

[Anonymous]

^face matters more than abs. (Damn autocorrect).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what are you going for now? Are you trying to meet someone to start a family with now? If so, what are you considering "too old" for you to date?

What were you doing between 30 and 46? Were you actively dating and trying to start a family and it just didn't work out? Or were you off touring as a musician or something and just putting off family life?

The context matters a lot.

So I graduated with a degree in petroleum engineering and from the age of 23 until 38 I was based outside the United States mainly in Africa Angola, Gabon and Nigeria and for a few years in Saudi Arabia. So I spent all my 20s/30s working in my dream job and still do but I am not longer on the field.

That's a good answer! Keep at the OLD. Schedule as many convenient, low pressure first dates as possible (drinks or coffee, not dinner) with women 35-45 who say they are looking for a partner to get married and have a family. Assume of 10 first dates, there will be one second date. Maybe .5 second dates. It's really important to level set and assume you will be getting "rejected" or will be "rejecting" most of the time, even though usually it's just a mutual "no thank you" and "rejected" is too strong a word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer a divorced man with no kids at 45+. No marriage at all by that age is a red flag for both men and women.

I agree. Kids are a complication, divorce is not, especially over 40 because so many single folks over 40 are divorced.

I suspect kids become less of an issue in your 50s and 60s because custody issues go away.

But no marriage at all by 45 raises questions. If the questions can be answered in a reasonable way (say, foreign service officer stationed in dangerous places, maybe a serious relationship that didn't work due to moves) might not matter.

But someone who has been dating normally for 25ish year and never settled down? Why? And what's different now?

[Anonymous]

OP, did you have any quality relationships with women between 23-46? Did you ever live with a woman or if not did you have any steady long term dating relationships? I don't think it's simply not having been married or not having kids. I.e. any girlfriends?

During all that time what did you do for sexual relief? Sex.workers? Self help?

Is the reason you essentially exiled yourself for the bulk of your 20s and 30s so you wouldn't have to come to grips with your difficulties connecting with the opposite sex?

I mean you have to think about these questions and be able to explain what is going on with yourself if you hope to connect with a woman in the here and now. Especially if she has children.

What's the real deal OP?

[Anonymous]

How tall are you OP?

[Anonymous]

You aren't being rejected for your age and lack of kids. Your simultaneous pity party and entitlement are off-putting, and tha'ts before we even touch your misogony

[Anonymous]

I think you are wrong about the reason women aren't into you. Over 45 never married/no kids may be a red flag for some but it’s not a dealbreaker for many. I think there is something else going on and that you would benefit from finding out what it is.

What types of women are you trying to date? Age? Education? Career etc etc etc. Are these women your equivalents? Are you primarily dating younger because you want kids?

[Anonymous]

It just baffles me that people think of marriage as this huge accomplishment in life. Most people complain about their marriages, nonstop, especially on here so avoiding marriage actually seems like the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How tall are you OP?

+1.

If you are under 5'7", OLD is not the way to go. And the shorter you are, the more charming and lean you have to be.

Work on your shyness and your look. The divorced and single women I know with or without kids would love to date a man without kids. You have more time and are more flexible with your schedule.

[Anonymous]

I'm 47. I don't have a preference for whether a man was married previously, or has kids. However, for a serious relationship, if he has kids, I prefer that they be at the same stage as mine (teenagers in high school). I really can't see myself back in the position of having younger kids or tweens living in my home again, it was fine with my own kids but no desire to repeat.

[Anonymous]

That is SO not true. I prefer a man without kids and if previously married - a widower. Ex wives are tricky and kids are really complicated. Money is tied up in the kids, regardless of age. They are basically penniless.