Assumed we’d host again…

[Anonymous]

This seems like NBD, honestly. They made a reasonable assumption. You have been thinking of the repeated hosting as a temporary thing. They didn't realize that. Don't host. But don't be mad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell them you’re not hosting.

+200
The end.

[Anonymous]

Make it clear you're not hosting and also open up the possibility of not getting together if no one volunteers. Call their bluff. And OP, why do ALL holidays revolve around your husband's family? What about yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make it clear you're not hosting and also open up the possibility of not getting together if no one volunteers. Call their bluff. And OP, why do ALL holidays revolve around your husband's family? What about yours?

OP here. We do holidays with my family in a “this year Christmas, that year Thanksgiving” rotation.

[Anonymous]

This is a non-issue.

You have hosted for several years so they mistakenly thought you would again. You simply tell them it is time for a rotation.

From you OP it didn't even sound like they were pushy. Just mistaken.

You ask how to "move past" it. The answer is just tell them you don't want to host.

This is not hard.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like they all had a wonderful time at your home. I would take it as a compliment. Can you see if there’s a way to be hosting less of a heavy left? It’s almost like you’re looking for a reason to be offended/upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they press: “No, we’re all hosted out. But we’d be happy to come visit, or let us know if someone knows of a good restaurant.”

I can tell from this thread who the perpetual guests are. The health fluctuations of the in-laws are one thing, but BIL and his wife have no more excuses to expect yet more hospitality. You have your new home now, either invite people or at the very least don’t expect to be hosted again, some more.

Some of us enjoy hosting. Every year there are threads from people trying to wrest hosting duties away from their parents or in-laws. Op seems oddly hostile about a pretty normal statement that could be resolved with a simple conversation.

+1. Also, if you’re the only one with kids it’s nice they were coming to you. Lots of people struggle traveling with kids. But a simple conversation will clear this up. Drop the hostility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make it clear you're not hosting and also open up the possibility of not getting together if no one volunteers. Call their bluff. And OP, why do ALL holidays revolve around your husband's family? What about yours?

+1
Summer then Thanksgiving then Christmas? I don't care the hosting/rotation, I'm not dedicating that much of my life there. I would have some nuclear family traditions too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they all had a wonderful time at your home. I would take it as a compliment. Can you see if there’s a way to be hosting less of a heavy left? It’s almost like you’re looking for a reason to be offended/upset?

Who cares if they had a wonderful time? Op does not want the “tradition” of hosting every year. They are not stepping up because they know hosting is a lot of work and a pain in the a$$ even if you are “good” at it.🙄 OP do not give in and do your own thing. Their free loading expectations need to be reset.

[Anonymous]

You spoke your mind. Now you hold your ground. Since they are his family, your DH is the one to also send out a simple, a couple sentences, email. Soon, as a reminder. No fluff. No drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just spent a beach vacation with them. I say you're good until next year. Go travel on the holidays or something.

This is what I was thinking. One visit is enough. Sounds like the expectation is to get together for every holiday. I would not let other adults try to dictate my plans and time. Yuck!

[Anonymous]

Why would this be awkward, OP? It was a reasonable assumption on their part, and it's also perfectly fine to say you want to go back to rotating the hosting.

Please don't manufacture drama out of thin air. There's already way too much of it in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why would this be awkward, OP? It was a reasonable assumption on their part, and it's also perfectly fine to say you want to go back to rotating the hosting.

Please don't manufacture drama out of thin air. There's already way too much of it in the world.

Because they put op on the spot in front of everybody and said (not asked) op is hosting. Extremely rude!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why would this be awkward, OP? It was a reasonable assumption on their part, and it's also perfectly fine to say you want to go back to rotating the hosting.

Please don't manufacture drama out of thin air. There's already way too much of it in the world.

Because they put op on the spot in front of everybody and said (not asked) op is hosting. Extremely rude!

PP you replied to. No. This is family that is close enough to vacation and spend holidays together, not some random acquaintance. I would expect that sort of direct talk, and not think it rude at all. If one of my BILs spoke to me like that in front of everyone, I would just say, "That was because there were health and house reno stuff going on, we didn't mean for it to become a regular thing. I'm done hosting for now". And I would not be disturbed in the least. My BILs wouldn't be either. We have that sort of relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they all had a wonderful time at your home. I would take it as a compliment. Can you see if there’s a way to be hosting less of a heavy left? It’s almost like you’re looking for a reason to be offended/upset?

NP. Are you kidding me? One family should always be the one to buy hundreds of dollars of groceries, cook and bake (often for at least 2-3 days), clean their entire house (or pay to have it cleaned), deal with dishes, clean up after guests leave, move furniture around, etc., etc.? When other people are completely able-bodied and capable, and have space? And don’t have kids?

Yes, I like to host. But I don’t want to host every family gathering every year. Especially when the excuse has been “our house isn’t ready,” well, now it is.