How to date while high maintenance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by high maintenance? Are you talking about hair and nails or are you emotionally high maintenance?

I work a lot and don’t always feel like grocery shopping for one so I rely on food kits like Hello Fresh. I still eat healthy but don’t have to buy a bunch of ingredients and food that will go to waste.

I like massages. I like traveling. I like going out to try new restaurants and wine tastings.

This sounds pretty standard for a highish earning white collar professional in their 30s. I was like this at your age and it was a total non issue in terms of dating. I wouldn't call this high maintenance as that term is commonly understood, especially since you are totally capable of funding it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 31 and really want to marry and have a family. Admittedly, I’m high maintenance. I’m aware but do not plan to change this because that’s what works for me. Am I a lost cause or is this still hope to find a man?

If you are pretty and wealthy, you can be as high maintenance as you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your best bet is to be yourself. Always go on dates with full makeup, perfect hair, manicure/pedicure, heels, fancy clothing.

Some men really appreciate a girly girl who always looks perfect by their side. Don’t downplay this part of your personality and make sure it is something he appreciates.

I don’t really do makeup, nails, or hair much. My high maintenance is subscriptions, massages, a house cleaner, etc.

This doesn’t sound like high maintenance. Sounds like a lazy person who spends a lot. I don’t think most men care about how much you spend as long as you make $$$.

I don’t think I’m lazy. I cooked and cleaned when I didn’t make a lot of money. Now I do and would rather not do this stuff because I work 45-50 hour weeks and make enough that I can afford the luxuries.

Being able to "afford the luxuries" means different things to different people. Some think that if have the money in savings, you can afford it. Others think that you can only afford it if you can pay for it and otherwise have plenty of money to save, invest, etc. Some people think that spending tons of money is a moral failing even if you can afford it under any metric. Others think that being frugal is a moral failing if not necessary. There are all types out there, and it is hard to know what you are indulging in and what you can/can't afford. But I think that if we want to make generalizations, guys who are marriage minded probably tend to be on the more conservative side when it comes to money, so if you are trying to find a guy who wants a wife and kids, he might be turned off by frivolous spending.

[Anonymous]

Do you want kids? Because nothing about your current habits is sustainable with kids. Unless you and he come from or make a lot of money. And nothing says you’d tolerate the drudgery of parenting well. That is why you are a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Even if you’re paying for this stuff now, guys are going to assume that eventually they would be on the hook for it, so you are limiting yourself to the subset of trad guys who are all about giving their woman the princess treatment. Not sure how hard they are to find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Can you pay for those so-called high maintenance things?

2. Can you take care of all of your needs, even if you hire out (cooking, cleaning)?

3. Are you polite to people who wait on you or otherwise don’t have power over you?

If you answered yes to all three, you are fine. And if any guy gives you a hard time, ask him to explain the reason. If the reason is dumb, give him a miss.

1. Yes.

2. Yes

3. Yes. I am from the midwest and extremely nice. I’m kind to everyone and also tip well. Even sucky service gets pleasantry and a 10% tip. I would never be rude to anyone. I’m not above anyone either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want kids? Because nothing about your current habits is sustainable with kids. Unless you and he come from or make a lot of money. And nothing says you’d tolerate the drudgery of parenting well. That is why you are a red flag.

Meh, I was like OP was a 20-something. I have fully embraced the daily drudgery of parenting. Why would people need to embrace drudgery before it’s time to do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 31 and really want to marry and have a family. Admittedly, I’m high maintenance. I’m aware but do not plan to change this because that’s what works for me. Am I a lost cause or is this still hope to find a man?

If you are pretty and wealthy, you can be as high maintenance as you want.

I’m pretty not hot. I rate my looks a 6.5/7. I’m not wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want kids? Because nothing about your current habits is sustainable with kids. Unless you and he come from or make a lot of money. And nothing says you’d tolerate the drudgery of parenting well. That is why you are a red flag.

Meh, I was like OP was a 20-something. I have fully embraced the daily drudgery of parenting. Why would people need to embrace drudgery before it’s time to do it?

You are the one who said “embrace.” My post says “tolerate.”

[Anonymous]

That laziness means you wouldn’t be a good mother. When you’re a mom you need to clean up after multiple people, but you refuse to even clean up after yourself. That’s a red flag for guys who want kids.

[Anonymous]

Nothing you posted sounds that odd, especially since you can pay for it. Sure, the not cooking may be a turn off to some guys, but not to the extent that you are doomed in relationships. There must be something else going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That laziness means you wouldn’t be a good mother. When you’re a mom you need to clean up after multiple people, but you refuse to even clean up after yourself. That’s a red flag for guys who want kids.

I’m not lazy. I used to cook and clean but now choose not to. I will be cooking and cleaning once kids come in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you posted sounds that odd, especially since you can pay for it. Sure, the not cooking may be a turn off to some guys, but not to the extent that you are doomed in relationships. There must be something else going on.

I can cook and will cook if it’s what makes sense for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want kids? Because nothing about your current habits is sustainable with kids. Unless you and he come from or make a lot of money. And nothing says you’d tolerate the drudgery of parenting well. That is why you are a red flag.

Meh, I was like OP was a 20-something. I have fully embraced the daily drudgery of parenting. Why would people need to embrace drudgery before it’s time to do it?

You are the one who said “embrace.” My post says “tolerate.”

Ok, why do people need to show they would tolerate the drudgery of parenting years before they become a parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That laziness means you wouldn’t be a good mother. When you’re a mom you need to clean up after multiple people, but you refuse to even clean up after yourself. That’s a red flag for guys who want kids.

That's a red flag for guys who want a bang-mommy. Normal men don't think about hiring cleaners as being unable to care for children.