People who loved their partners/spouses but cheated anyway

[Anonymous]

The part of your brain that falls in love is not the part of your brain that #%*~s. It’s that simple. So people who are very much in love cheat.

With love comes some scruples, so most don’t. And when love dies out, so do the scruples, so there is a higher chance of cheating there.

But love doesn’t necessarily equal fidelity.

[Anonymous]

Agree that it’s something they say. Love to them means their spouse was filling a void for them - childcare, housework, boredom, s*x.

I believe you could have an ONS and actually love your partner, but no way the hiding, lying, gaslighting and manipulation of the spouse when you’re having a long term affair equates anywhere into “love”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The part of your brain that falls in love is not the part of your brain that #%*~s. It’s that simple. So people who are very much in love cheat.

With love comes some scruples, so most don’t. And when love dies out, so do the scruples, so there is a higher chance of cheating there.

But love doesn’t necessarily equal fidelity.

It doesn’t mean fidelity, but the things that come along with infidelity are no longer compatible with love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know two different women who basically told me the same story. They had serious boyfriends and were totally head over heals in love. They were having amazing sex with the guys they chester on. But they reacted very badly when their relationships hit rough patches. When the boyfriends started to seem ambivalent and were pretty clear that they were thinking about breaking up, these women couldn't take the stress and uncertainty, and they cheated. The men they cheated with were less desirable but more consistent in showing devotion to the women. One of the women ended up getting busted because the new guy got angry at her, since he didn't know about the first boyfriend, and told the first boyfriend. The other one just denied everything but the first boyfriend suspected something was wrong and they ended up having a bunch of breakups.

Those two women did not cheat. Bf/gf is not a legitimate relationship. It is a fornication arrangement. Those two women fornicated with additional person(s) while fornicating with their regulars.

Ok, Cotton Mather. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who was the "less successful" half of the couple in college but, by mid 40s, was earning much more than her husband. Like five or ten times more. He went to a firm and became a reasonably successful professional but she went to a corporation and got stock options. He became resentful. She may have become a bit condescending, but she doesn't admit it. She says she loved her husband very much but he became incredibly cold and they stopped having sex. She ended up having an affair with someone from work who was even more successful than she is was. He figured it out and left her. The kids disagreed about who was at fault but now they're all capable of celebrating holidays and other family events together. He's got a hot, dumb younger girlfriend and she's struggled to find a man who meets all of her criteria.

He got himself an ego soother, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of closeted guys truly love their wives but cheat anyway.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of closeted guys truly love their wives but cheat anyway.

Probable happens more often than people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know two different women who basically told me the same story. They had serious boyfriends and were totally head over heals in love. They were having amazing sex with the guys they chester on. But they reacted very badly when their relationships hit rough patches. When the boyfriends started to seem ambivalent and were pretty clear that they were thinking about breaking up, these women couldn't take the stress and uncertainty, and they cheated. The men they cheated with were less desirable but more consistent in showing devotion to the women. One of the women ended up getting busted because the new guy got angry at her, since he didn't know about the first boyfriend, and told the first boyfriend. The other one just denied everything but the first boyfriend suspected something was wrong and they ended up having a bunch of breakups.

Those two women did not cheat. Bf/gf is not a legitimate relationship. It is a fornication arrangement. Those two women fornicated with additional person(s) while fornicating with their regulars.

Of course it is. Some men I've known date for five years before marriage. People use birth control now. They are often in long term relationships. I will give you that they didn't commit adultery but they were lying and cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The part of your brain that falls in love is not the part of your brain that #%*~s. It’s that simple. So people who are very much in love cheat.

With love comes some scruples, so most don’t. And when love dies out, so do the scruples, so there is a higher chance of cheating there.

But love doesn’t necessarily equal fidelity.

It doesn’t mean fidelity, but the things that come along with infidelity are no longer compatible with love.

Meh. That’s an overreaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have low self esteem, emotionally immature (though may seem mature intellectually/successful in the workplace) and seek validation outside their marriage.

I was coming here to ask this. It seems the common thread is insecurity by the cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have low self esteem, emotionally immature (though may seem mature intellectually/successful in the workplace) and seek validation outside their marriage.

I was coming here to ask this. It seems the common thread is insecurity by the cheater?

You really can’t have low self esteem since if you did you would fear rejection, you have to be really confident to even try to approach the topic. I am talking about people that meet in person and aren’t online specifically looking for affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have low self esteem, emotionally immature (though may seem mature intellectually/successful in the workplace) and seek validation outside their marriage.

I was coming here to ask this. It seems the common thread is insecurity by the cheater?

You really can’t have low self esteem since if you did you would fear rejection, you have to be really confident to even try to approach the topic. I am talking about people that meet in person and aren’t online specifically looking for affairs.

I'm not referring to people online. I mean people who are insecure and yes say they meet someone say at work and it seems like what they need is the "new romance/honeymoon" energy at all times. They don't have the ability to be confident on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spinoff of all the other cheater threads. I'm curious to hear stories of cheaters who actually were very much in love with their partners/spouses. I think this happens pretty often.

Doesn't happen to people who are in love or loved their partners. What cheaters label as love, is anything but love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have low self esteem, emotionally immature (though may seem mature intellectually/successful in the workplace) and seek validation outside their marriage.

I was coming here to ask this. It seems the common thread is insecurity by the cheater?

You really can’t have low self esteem since if you did you would fear rejection, you have to be really confident to even try to approach the topic. I am talking about people that meet in person and aren’t online specifically looking for affairs.

I'm not referring to people online. I mean people who are insecure and yes say they meet someone say at work and it seems like what they need is the "new romance/honeymoon" energy at all times. They don't have the ability to be confident on their own.

I am telling you that’s not always the case. A serial cheater is probably chasing the dopamine from the NRE, but not a one and done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop justifying your bad behavior and get a divorce. You don't love your spouse if you are cheating.

So you’ve never hurt someone you loved? Ever? It happens. People make mad decisions all the time. We’re imperfect. I’m not defending it but this refrain that all cheaters must not love their spouse just ignores that humans make mistakes.

NP. People do accidentally hurt people they love. If you intentionally hurt someone, then you don't love them.

No one "accidentally" cheats.