People who loved their partners/spouses but cheated anyway

[Anonymous]

This is a spinoff of all the other cheater threads. I'm curious to hear stories of cheaters who actually were very much in love with their partners/spouses. I think this happens pretty often.

[Anonymous]

A selfish person will always say this. They don't know what love is, though.

[Anonymous]

I know two different women who basically told me the same story. They had serious boyfriends and were totally head over heals in love. They were having amazing sex with the guys they chester on. But they reacted very badly when their relationships hit rough patches. When the boyfriends started to seem ambivalent and were pretty clear that they were thinking about breaking up, these women couldn't take the stress and uncertainty, and they cheated. The men they cheated with were less desirable but more consistent in showing devotion to the women. One of the women ended up getting busted because the new guy got angry at her, since he didn't know about the first boyfriend, and told the first boyfriend. The other one just denied everything but the first boyfriend suspected something was wrong and they ended up having a bunch of breakups.

[Anonymous]

My dad fits your description. Eventually, he settled down and was faithful to my mom for the last 28 years of his life. My mom died shortly after him. They both had issues (and personality disorders/poor coping) but they loved each other unconditionally. Great for them, too bad for me and my sibs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know two different women who basically told me the same story. They had serious boyfriends and were totally head over heals in love. They were having amazing sex with the guys they chester on. But they reacted very badly when their relationships hit rough patches. When the boyfriends started to seem ambivalent and were pretty clear that they were thinking about breaking up, these women couldn't take the stress and uncertainty, and they cheated. The men they cheated with were less desirable but more consistent in showing devotion to the women. One of the women ended up getting busted because the new guy got angry at her, since he didn't know about the first boyfriend, and told the first boyfriend. The other one just denied everything but the first boyfriend suspected something was wrong and they ended up having a bunch of breakups.

Those two women did not cheat. Bf/gf is not a legitimate relationship. It is a fornication arrangement. Those two women fornicated with additional person(s) while fornicating with their regulars.

[Anonymous]

I know a woman who was the "less successful" half of the couple in college but, by mid 40s, was earning much more than her husband. Like five or ten times more. He went to a firm and became a reasonably successful professional but she went to a corporation and got stock options. He became resentful. She may have become a bit condescending, but she doesn't admit it. She says she loved her husband very much but he became incredibly cold and they stopped having sex. She ended up having an affair with someone from work who was even more successful than she is was. He figured it out and left her. The kids disagreed about who was at fault but now they're all capable of celebrating holidays and other family events together. He's got a hot, dumb younger girlfriend and she's struggled to find a man who meets all of her criteria.

[Anonymous]

You can love someone but not be in love with them. We were both happily married, but we had intense chemistry and we just fit so well together except for being married. We broke it off since neither one of us was going to change our situation and we knew it had to end. We are still friends and the chemistry is still the same, we just don’t act on it now.

[Anonymous]

Stop justifying your bad behavior and get a divorce. You don't love your spouse if you are cheating.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think cheaters are necessarily “bad” people but they are broken people. I had an “emotional affair” which I don’t consider the same as a physical affair, but it’s still bad. The way my husband was treating me was not unrelated to the fact that I sought comfort from another person, but my lack of appropriate coping mechanisms and my inability to draw boundaries were all on me. I would say that I have always loved my husband, but I was completely at a loss regarding what to do when things turned sideways.

[Anonymous]

Lots of closeted guys truly love their wives but cheat anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop justifying your bad behavior and get a divorce. You don't love your spouse if you are cheating.

The question was about people who loved their spouses and cheated anyway, not whether the cheaters really loved their spouses. There are cheaters who think they love their spouses. They probably know their emotions better than you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop justifying your bad behavior and get a divorce. You don't love your spouse if you are cheating.

I am not justifying my behavior, it’s a terrible thing to do.

[Anonymous]

What? That is not how you love someone. Cheaters are awful people who only think about themselves. They cause a lot of pain and leave their family in ruins. They deserve nothing but bad karma and shame. F them.

[Anonymous]

They have low self esteem, emotionally immature (though may seem mature intellectually/successful in the workplace) and seek validation outside their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop justifying your bad behavior and get a divorce. You don't love your spouse if you are cheating.

So you’ve never hurt someone you loved? Ever? It happens. People make mad decisions all the time. We’re imperfect. I’m not defending it but this refrain that all cheaters must not love their spouse just ignores that humans make mistakes.