Son marrying a woman with no career

[Anonymous]

Do parents have sway over choice of their kid's fiance?

[Anonymous]

I'd be upset and would talk to son about it (preferably way before they became close to getting engaged).

But if they get married, unfortunately, not much you can do but be supportive if you don't want to push them away.

[Anonymous]

I would not feel good about it at all but I would assume it’s happening. If she’s open, do you have any connections for a more lucrative job? It may be that she wants something better but just hasn’t found it yet. A friend of mine got engaged (years ago) to a guy who had a similar profile as your soon to be DIL. He was open to being set up on some interviews through her family’s connections, got an entry level job with growth potential and has been consistently performing ever since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be upset and would talk to son about it (preferably way before they became close to getting engaged).

But if they get married, unfortunately, not much you can do but be supportive if you don't want to push them away.

These are adults. MYOB. If my parents talked about my fiance in any negative way, I would keep them at arms length!

[Anonymous]

Also, what is her job? I married my husband when we were 28. He was in his first year in big law. I made $25,000. With an college degree. So, we might fit your model.

But, I was working as a high school English teacher. I made so little because I taught at a boarding school and also got free housing. I was doing a Masters in the summers. I was pretty poor but I wasn’t lazy or unmotivated. It’s been 30 years and my career has been all over the place, as has my salary, but I will never be a very high earner. DH and his lovely parents don’t seem to care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel about your son (who has a semi lucrative career but nothing crazy) marrying a woman who is college educated but makes close to minimum wage in her late 20’s? This is my son. She’s pretty and nice but has no career or money of her own. They’re both the same age.

Tell him to prepare to toil until he drops dead. She will stop working the remaining of his days the minute that pregnancy test pops positive. Probably demand 3-4 kids so "it would be too expensive to go back to work".

Her plan is man, which, in this case, is your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't really matter what you feel. Take those feelings and shove them all the way down so you don't express them, or you risk losing your relationship with your son.

+1 I'd be concerned if she was unemployed but someone working, just not making much in their 20s, I assume is still figuring things out. They can do that together.

[Anonymous]

The world needs teachers and social workers. You sound like a snob.

[Anonymous]

Is she nice, intelligent, and a hardworking person? That's all I'd need to know. If she's lazy and gives off mooch vibes, I'd be pretty unhappy but would probably keep my mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

I was making about that when I married DH at 27. I will never be a super high earner but, 20 years later, I am at the top of my chosen (not terribly lucrative but respected) profession, making about the same as DH. I don’t think your earnings at 27 can necessarily predict where you’ll be at, say, 40.

I’d be more concerned if she seemed like a big spender—that is almost impossible to out-earn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my daughter wanted to marry a career less guy in his late 20s making minimum wage…I would tell her the same thing I would tell your son. Their choice but while love might seem like all you need now, having a partner who can’t adult will wear you down in the long run.

This, all of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel about your son (who has a semi lucrative career but nothing crazy) marrying a woman who is college educated but makes close to minimum wage in her late 20’s? This is my son. She’s pretty and nice but has no career or money of her own. They’re both the same age.

Is she working a random job or one that pertains to her college major?

[Anonymous]

Some of you people are the absolute worst.

If your son loves her, and she's a good person- let them figure it out and be supportive.

Not everyone is old money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be upset and would talk to son about it (preferably way before they became close to getting engaged).

But if they get married, unfortunately, not much you can do but be supportive if you don't want to push them away.

These are adults. MYOB. If my parents talked about my fiance in any negative way, I would keep them at arms length!

This exactly. If you start to interfere, prepare to eventually be one of those MILs that women bemoan over on the Family Relationships forum.

[Anonymous]

OP, your son is not your man. Worry about your spouse and he will worry about his.