DD refusing to go to homecoming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is a junior and I really want her to go to homecoming since it's a classic and, in my mind, important HS experience. However, she recently had a big falling out with her friend group and as such will have no one to go with. She doesn't have a date. However, she has a decent amount of acquaintances who she knows will be at the dance, and I'm hoping she can hang out with them.

However, she's being absolutely firm. Is there anything I can say or do to change her mind?

This is your problem, not hers. Is there anything she can do to convince you that you had your homecoming and it is her life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kinda get where op is coming from. Sometimes some kids, particularly those with anxiety, need to be pushed a little to get out of their comfort zone. For teens, a parent pushing can also be a convenient scapegoat.

I'd drop the iconic experience stuff and say "hey, I know you said you didn't want to go because of your friend situation. That's your call. I just remember how much you enjoyed the last one. If you went this year and didn't have fun, you can say 'I told you so' to me. But ultimately it's your choice and life will go on either way. Keep me posted on your decision."

And then drop it. No nagging or reminding.

This does not at all accurately describe the reasons why OP said her daughter doesn’t want to go. It doesn’t sound like anxiety. She had a falling out with her friend group and doesn’t want to go. Kind of a normal reaction.

[Anonymous]

OMG. If this is real, please leave her the hell alone on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind of mom.

This makes no sense to me. What in the original post indicates a terrible mother? Maybe a bit pushy and overbearing, but geez, lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not let her have her journey?
If you think she might change her mind, make sure she has a dress and tickets.

If she is not going to the dance - how about doing something else fun instead? Go get nails done at a place late in the day when the classmates are gone.
Go to a movie she wants to see - or stream something at home.

This is a nice idea, thanks. The reason I'm so eager for her to go is because she really enjoyed the last two, and I know this thing with her friends isn't going to last. I just don't want her to not go and regret it.

It's OKAY if she regrets it. Parents need to stop trying to prevent any negative feelings their kids may have - this is why these kids have anxiety and zero resilience. She's old enough to make this type of decision on her own, and old enough to deal with the consequences of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind of mom.

This makes no sense to me. What in the original post indicates a terrible mother? Maybe a bit pushy and overbearing, but geez, lighten up.

Trying to force a teenager who had a falling out with a group of friends to attend homecoming WHERE THEY WILL ALL BE and she will have to see them and face them is seriously out of a bad teen movie it's so atrociously clueless. So much so I think this post is a troll.

[Anonymous]

The only worse thing you could do would be to ask her cousin to escort her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only worse thing you could do would be to ask her cousin to escort her.

Wtf

[Anonymous]

Get out of her social life, mom. All you’re doing is making her feel like crap.

[Anonymous]

HC isn’t a big deal. Not like it used to be. Leave the kid alone.

[Anonymous]

It's her life OP, missing homecoming (or going to homecoming) means absolutely nothing in the long run.

Except...I'm still occasionally pissed off when I think of my mom making me go to homecoming.

[Anonymous]

I think this lond of thing is worth one stab to say something like “screw them—-why don’t you check with the kids from debate club and maybe you could join them? I bet that would be more fun anyway. You don’t need Larla and her crew to have fun.”
But then I think you gotta leave it. It’s more damaging to remember that your mom felt like you were a loser because you didn’t have anyone to go to homecoming with, than it is not to go to homecoming. Ask if she wants to do a movie marathon or go to a show with you downtown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not let her have her journey?
If you think she might change her mind, make sure she has a dress and tickets.

If she is not going to the dance - how about doing something else fun instead? Go get nails done at a place late in the day when the classmates are gone.
Go to a movie she wants to see - or stream something at home.

This is a nice idea, thanks. The reason I'm so eager for her to go is because she really enjoyed the last two, and I know this thing with her friends isn't going to last. I just don't want her to not go and regret it.

It's OKAY if she regrets it. Parents need to stop trying to prevent any negative feelings their kids may have - this is why these kids have anxiety and zero resilience. She's old enough to make this type of decision on her own, and old enough to deal with the consequences of it.

Absolutely this!!

[Anonymous]

Wow, I feel so sorry for you, the supposed adult. No, Homecoming is NOT important. What’s wrong with you?!?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the idea to offer to do something fun with her instead.

do not push her to go. Her choice. And it is awesome that she’s comfortable enough to decide she doesn’t want to be there. Much preferable to someone to goes anyway to be cool or whatever.