My mom gave her money away and now has nothing

[Anonymous]

Your brother may not step in, but that does not mean you have to - you both have a choice. You should not sacrifice your own family for your mother; it’ll take you down. Decide what you are willing and able to do (and it’s fine if it’s nothing) and stick to that.

[Anonymous]

I would just gather the family together with your mom and talk about things.

Mom - you lost all your money! You are still working, but obviously people can't work together.

We can't help you with money. But we can help you plan what happens when you can no longer work and pay your rent, so that you aren't surprised if and when that happens.

Let's research - what places are there in our community for elderly people on Social security who have no assets? Time to get on some waiting lists? Maybe she needs to move to a different area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just gather the family together with your mom and talk about things.

Mom - you lost all your money! You are still working, but obviously people can't work together.

We can't help you with money. But we can help you plan what happens when you can no longer work and pay your rent, so that you aren't surprised if and when that happens.

Let's research - what places are there in our community for elderly people on Social security who have no assets? Time to get on some waiting lists? Maybe she needs to move to a different area?

What “places” do you mean? Other than nursing homes for those who qualify for long term Medicaid and homeless shelters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Just wow. No moral obligation to help parents? I swear to god I don't know how some of you live with yourselves thinking things like this.

Do you put your family's needs first? Yes. 10000% yes. Do you not help in some ways to make sure your mother is not homeless and suffering? Also yes. That doesn't mean that you give her all or even a lot of your money. Maybe you fill out the paperwork for any benefits and qualify her for Medicaid and send her on her way (with whatever your siblings also help with or however you all agree to it).

But- no moral obligation to parents? Americans are such self-entitled a$$holes towards the elderly, even when it is your own parents.

And FTR, my father was ACTUALLY abusive. Have not talked in 25 years. But would I let him be tossed out on the streets (I'm using hyperbole here) - no.

My mother was abused and neglected by her parents and still helped out when her mother gave all her money away and ended up in need of support.

But just because some people are angels doesn't mean everyone has an obligation to help out abusive or neglectful family. I for one definitely think OP should not sacrifice a penny of her own money to help out this mother of hers!

[Anonymous]

I can tell you one thing, when you "help" her she will quit that job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Just wow. No moral obligation to help parents? I swear to god I don't know how some of you live with yourselves thinking things like this.

Do you put your family's needs first? Yes. 10000% yes. Do you not help in some ways to make sure your mother is not homeless and suffering? Also yes. That doesn't mean that you give her all or even a lot of your money. Maybe you fill out the paperwork for any benefits and qualify her for Medicaid and send her on her way (with whatever your siblings also help with or however you all agree to it).

But- no moral obligation to parents? Americans are such self-entitled a$$holes towards the elderly, even when it is your own parents.

And FTR, my father was ACTUALLY abusive. Have not talked in 25 years. But would I let him be tossed out on the streets (I'm using hyperbole here) - no.

This doesn't actually seem like helpful advice - the mother isn't being tossed out on the street, so it seems like you're claiming some moral superiority that doesn't exist. You say it's hyperbole - so what would you do? Let him move in with you? Take from your kid's college savings to support him? The OP is asking for support, not judgement.

First of all, I said that the hyperbole wasn't on point. Second of all, I'm in no way morally superior. If you're reading that and YOU Feel that was, that says more about you. And in my post, I said what I'd do. I would give only what I could afford, not at the expense of my family (like retirement and 529). At the very least, I'd help fill out the paperwork to get any benefits and they'd be left with those options.

And, frankly, this is an opinion board. Opinions and judgment are part of it. I've been on the receiving and giving end of that. Sometimes it's hard to hear but if you don't want to hear it, and hear opposing or judgement, then this place is not for you.

DP. Yeah, no. I'm looking at one person raging about "such self-entitled a$$holes," and I'm pretty sure that's you.

[Anonymous]

Moneyed brother should buy her a place to live that is easy for an old person. Nothing fancy but something with a first floor or elevator accessible bedroom and bath. He should keep it in his name but let her live there and sell it when she dies or moves and he gets his moeny back hopefully and maybe some profit. Not sure you can suggest that to him tho. But that’s what my husband and I were going to do with his mom

[Anonymous]

I’d want to figure out how large sums of money are disappearing, other than due to the
bad boyfriend. Does mom have an issue with substance abuse or gambling or is she being blackmailed or covering up for some telemarketing scam she is too embarrassed to say she fell victim to? Find out what’s going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just gather the family together with your mom and talk about things.

Mom - you lost all your money! You are still working, but obviously people can't work together.

We can't help you with money. But we can help you plan what happens when you can no longer work and pay your rent, so that you aren't surprised if and when that happens.

Let's research - what places are there in our community for elderly people on Social security who have no assets? Time to get on some waiting lists? Maybe she needs to move to a different area?

What “places” do you mean? Other than nursing homes for those who qualify for long term Medicaid and homeless shelters.

Subsidized senior assited living?

https://aging.maryland.gov/Pages/senior-assisted-living-subsidy-program.aspx

HUD senior housing?

https://www.hud.gov/states/maryland/homeownership/seniors

[Anonymous]

https://www.hocmc.org/extra/2-uncategorised/157-specialized-programs-for-the-elderly-disabled.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contribute a nominal amount, make the rich brother take the lead in dealing with her about this. Set boundaries, financial and emotional. As long as she is physically able to work and pay her bills, no financial help should be forthcoming. She may live to be 85 — there is no reason to help her financially until she is physically unable to work.

OP can't "make" the rich brother do anything.

This, and he shouldn’t either. She’s not his responsibility or yours op. You are not TA. She sounds totally irresponsible and deserves to live in poverty. She can sign up for all of the social services we pay taxes for.

[Anonymous]

Housing will be the biggest concern. Find a way, amongst siblings, to help purchase housing where you collectively make the down payment and she pays the mortgage rather than pay rent.

[Anonymous]

I mean, she pushed you out of her vaj, right? You do owe her something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, she pushed you out of her vaj, right? You do owe her something.

Which is where the research comes in. But OP doesn't need to join her mother in making bad financial decisions. That's not a bonding experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Just wow. No moral obligation to help parents? I swear to god I don't know how some of you live with yourselves thinking things like this.

Do you put your family's needs first? Yes. 10000% yes. Do you not help in some ways to make sure your mother is not homeless and suffering? Also yes. That doesn't mean that you give her all or even a lot of your money. Maybe you fill out the paperwork for any benefits and qualify her for Medicaid and send her on her way (with whatever your siblings also help with or however you all agree to it).

But- no moral obligation to parents? Americans are such self-entitled a$$holes towards the elderly, even when it is your own parents.

And FTR, my father was ACTUALLY abusive. Have not talked in 25 years. But would I let him be tossed out on the streets (I'm using hyperbole here) - no.

This doesn't actually seem like helpful advice - the mother isn't being tossed out on the street, so it seems like you're claiming some moral superiority that doesn't exist. You say it's hyperbole - so what would you do? Let him move in with you? Take from your kid's college savings to support him? The OP is asking for support, not judgement.

First of all, I said that the hyperbole wasn't on point. Second of all, I'm in no way morally superior. If you're reading that and YOU Feel that was, that says more about you. And in my post, I said what I'd do. I would give only what I could afford, not at the expense of my family (like retirement and 529). At the very least, I'd help fill out the paperwork to get any benefits and they'd be left with those options.

And, frankly, this is an opinion board. Opinions and judgment are part of it. I've been on the receiving and giving end of that. Sometimes it's hard to hear but if you don't want to hear it, and hear opposing or judgement, then this place is not for you.

DP. Yeah, no. I'm looking at one person raging about "such self-entitled a$$holes," and I'm pretty sure that's you.

I'm pretty sure you don't know what that term means if you think this.