Does a woman need to be high-drive to have a long-term happy marriage?
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Anonymous
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Maybe you have this impression because people on DCUM tend to brag about having high drives and having a high drive spouse. Someone who has a low sex drive, especially if it's a man, is unlikely to feel advertise it. And of course people don't usually talk about a libido disparity except to complain about their marriage.
DH and I are both sort of low-ish drive and we have a happy marriage. You can also have a happy marriage with a libido disparity; often when sex causes big problems in a marriage it's more about an underlying problem than the sex. |
Anonymous
I'm a formerly high drive wife and I don't pretend otherwise and I have a happy marriage. YMMV. |
Anonymous
| I’m clueless about having a high drive relative to others because I never discuss it with my friends. We’ve been married 33 years and we have sex at least once a week and I really look forward to it. My husband doesn’t nag me about doing it more because when we do have sex I really get into it. If one of us had no drive that would be a problem. I guess if you are compatible that’s a very good thing. |
Anonymous
The key is not the woman’s drive but the man being good in bed and not a jerk. |
Anonymous
Same. Biology works that the majority of women will have significantly reduced libido by menopause. |
Anonymous
Married the sane length of time and my husband could not settle for once a week. We are in our mid 50s and minimum he needs 2-3 times per week—but frankly wants it every day. |
Anonymous
+1. There is no way I can “fake it” that much. It makes me feel terrible to have sex when I don’t want to, and it makes me resent my DH, even though he wouldn’t pressure me about it. |
Anonymous
I'm the poster you're responding to who fakes it. I used to be high drive, so I know what it feels like to really, really want sex. That's why I'm able to do it. I remember how important it was to me and realize he didn't have the same hormone changes that I did. We've been married 25 years and I am 60 years old. |
Anonymous
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No. Some men are low drive and also it's very common for male drive to decline as they get older. My DH and I have a very happy marriage and we are both low drive.
There is this common misconception that all men are high drive forever and it's very untrue. Look at the threads and comments on here from high drive women who are frustrated because their husbands are low drive, for instance. It's mismatch that drives unhappiness in this area, not low sex drive in women. It's also age dependent because it's rare for people to maintain high sex drive past 50. Yes, it happens, but the reason you hear about it more is because they are the older people talking about sex all the time. Most older people have less (or even no) sex and are totally fine with it. Why do you think ED drugs exist? The natural urge to have sex declines with age. In both genders. |
Anonymous
When you’ve been married 30+ years and have had sex a few thousand times the urge can lessen given some sexual boredom can set in. We fight that by trying to mix things up in different ways and when you are empty nesters that becomes pretty easy. We are in our early 60s and we still enjoy a very active sex life. |
Anonymous
+100 I’m 54 and married 25 years and haven’t ever gone a week without having it. Usually minimum 2 times a week now—from much higher years past. But- I could frankly be happy 1-2 times per month. |
Anonymous
| Yes. It's a fact. |
Anonymous
I actually think I’m low drive but my husband is not a jerk and he is great in bed. While I don’t have sex on the brain, as men seem to do, once we get started my drive kicks in. We really take our time and that works for me. |
Anonymous
No, it isn't. Ridiculous premise. |
Anonymous
Agree! Plus when my husband showers and importantly shaves just prior to coming to bed my drive really kicks in. He’s always good in bed but on those nights he’s a master. |