When performance review suggested more gravitas..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Katie Couric didn’t succeed as the anchor person for the evening news because she didn’t have gravitas. She was perfect for the Today Show because she could make people feel good in the morning. But she wasn’t taken seriously during the evening news. Since you work from home think about everything they see and hear. What’s in your background shot, what are you wearing, at the beginning of the meeting are you talking about personal stuff like kids, do your comments get quickly to the point or run on, are you a very young looking 30 and everyone else is older. Like others said, ask the person to define gravitas and give examples so you have something tangible to work on in response.

Perfect example!
Also an example of - you either have it or you don’t. Find the environment where your natural style fits.

[Anonymous]

You don’t either have gravitas or you don’t. It can be learned, of course, and it is a perception in the eye of the beholder. Which is of course why the feedback given in a vague way is so irritating.

I would try to get more specifics even if it is uncomfortable, without seeming defensive. But also realize that some work feedback is just bs and filled with human biases and flaws.

[Anonymous]

It’s a sexist comment that means “you remind me of my wife and I can’t imagine her being in charge here”. As a performance review comment, it should go where “you should smile more” went.

[Anonymous]

Maybe get a career coach?

[Anonymous]

I like how people are automatically assuming this advice is sexist.

I will say that all good feedback should be actionable, and it doesn't sound actionable. so, you have to probe them a bit, because they might just be grasping at the straws.

But here are some examples I can think of:

1. Hesitancy in decision-making.
2. Difficulty in articulating ideas clearly.
3. Reacting impulsively instead of maintaining measure.
4. Inconsistency.
5. Being late to meetings, failing to follow through on commitments...
6. Difficulty in managing pressure.
7. Shifting blame, making excuses, failing to take ownership.
8. Inability to motivate others.
9. Limited strategic thinking. Focusing too much on short-term goals.

So, I don't know. It could mean so many things, and no, I don't think it's necessarily sexist. I think some men lack gravitas too, look at how many terrible leaders there are...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Become tall and male.

Nope. I’m a petite woman and have been told I have presence and command.

[Anonymous]

look up "executive presence" videos or podcasts. Maybe you can learn something there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it means be more male.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Katie Couric didn’t succeed as the anchor person for the evening news because she didn’t have gravitas. She was perfect for the Today Show because she could make people feel good in the morning. But she wasn’t taken seriously during the evening news. Since you work from home think about everything they see and hear. What’s in your background shot, what are you wearing, at the beginning of the meeting are you talking about personal stuff like kids, do your comments get quickly to the point or run on, are you a very young looking 30 and everyone else is older. Like others said, ask the person to define gravitas and give examples so you have something tangible to work on in response.

Katie Couric was awful at the evening slot precisely because she lacked gravitas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]How does one display more gravitas? What is gravitas?

I am a young 30’s female WFH and well-regarded. It was the only weakness cited on my recent review.

I do not giggle or upspeak. I don’t flip my hair.

Thank you for your suggestions. What worked for you?

[/b]


Dear OP - I've given reviews like this to younger women but generally give examples. How is your language? do you speak tentatively or with authority? Do you use "um" or "you know". Are you professional in emails. Do you use exclamation points too often. Are you assertive about your ideas when appropriate? Do you dress professionally all the time. Do you act in any way like a bimbo? etc.

For the love, please stop giving this feedback to younger women! Can you not see how problematic it is??!!

No, it’s spot on.

[Anonymous]

This is a peak boomer feedback, God they are terrible

[Anonymous]

A woman wrote a whole book about this titled Gravitas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Become tall and male.

Nope. I’m a petite woman and have been told I have presence and command.

Translation: People think you are too aggressive and emotional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does one display more gravitas? What is gravitas?

I am a young 30’s female WFH and well-regarded. It was the only weakness cited on my recent review.

I do not giggle or upspeak. I don’t flip my hair.

Thank you for your suggestions. What worked for you?

IMO, gravitas comes from 3 things:

1. Subject matter expertise. Your knowledge needs to be comprehensive and authoritative.

2. How you present that expertise (confidently, articulately, efficiently, with bonus for class/education signals).

3. Your personal presentation. Easiest to manage--the only unacceptable approach to appearance or personal presentation is frivolity or undue eagerness (trying too hard).

I once saw a female law firm partner absolutely command a room full of male partners and Fortune 50 execs, despite being by far the least "put together" in wardrobe and appearance.

She dominated them with knowledge and presentation--it was awesome.

I think #2 is a great point. I actually think getting feedback like "you sound tentative even when you are knowledgeable" or "you say um too much instead of just pausing" is useful for someone who does want to advance out of an SME role into leadership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Become tall and male.

Nope. I’m a petite woman and have been told I have presence and command.

Translation: People think you are too aggressive and emotional

This is unhelpful. It’s absolutely possible to be female and have presence and command. Sometimes, yes, you have to be willing to show you can be aggressive and authoritative when the situation calls for it, but you have to balance that out at other times with having a generally likeable personality by being easy to work with, anticipating more senior partner and client needs, caring about those more junior to you, speaking up on their behalf. It’s a tough balance but I would start with recording yourself having a conversation and seeing how you sound and how you might improve your speech/communication.