A shy 7yr old with an April birthday - 2nd v. 3rd grade

[Anonymous]

My kids are in a DC private elementary school. We redshirted my eldest daughter born 7 days before cutoff. She has never been the oldest in her class. Most July and August birthday kids are redshirted. Lots of June birthdays too… some Mays. I have heard of 1 April kid that was redshirted and one February girl that was held back at some point (not sure which grade).

I worry the school will suggest we redshirt my March birthday boy born in March. In his case, it would be to make sure he is ready academically for K. I would still not want to do it. If your son is ready academically, I would not hold him back. He would be the oldest (by a lot) and it’s never good to stand out amongst classmates.

[Anonymous]

Are you looking at public or private? If private, talk to admissions, meet parents, have your child spend a day with each grade, and pick the grade you like best?

[Anonymous]

You are considering holding your child-- who "excels academically"-- back a year and putting him with kids who are 1.5 years younger than him? Because he is shy and got teased by other kids? Holding him back won't change that he's shy and that other kids might tease him (in fact, learning that he's going to turn *9* in the middle of second grade might lead to even more teasing), and sounds like it would do him a real disservice academically.

(Also, where do you come from where people consider holding back a kid with an April birthday to wait to start kindergarten until they're 6.5, and kids who enter kindergarten at 5.5 are "one of the youngest"? That's not the case around here.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are relocating to the area and as is, DS will enter 3rd grade in September. However, this likely is our only/last chance for us to reverse? a decision we made with putting him as one of the youngest kindergarteners. It wasn't an easy decision and while he has adjusted, he has had difficulties, socially. We have often wondered if he would have fared better if he was one of the oldest kids in the class.

A bit about DS: He is a little shy, sensitive, and loves to read and do arts & crafts. In 1st grade, the "jocks" excluded him from recess sports and that had a huge impact on him unfortunately. He has always scored 50% in height and weight so I don't think size was an issue. He is actually decent in sports but still refuses to play sports at school during recess. He is caring and is very good with younger kids, etc.

Would he feel more confident if he were to repeat 2nd grade in a new area/school, come September? He excels academically so one major consideration for us is that he might get bored. We are also trying to decide private v. public currently (he's been in a private school since kindergarten) and if we were to put him in a public school, we are thinking repeating 2nd grade makes good sense.

Appreciate your thoughts!

I have a very similar 2nd grader with a birthday in August. April is not really that young for the grade...There is no way I would consider holding him back now. Holding back doesnt change a kids personality. Find a supportive environment for him to try out sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t hold a kid back with a spring birthday especially if they’re excelling academically. My spring birthday kids were never the youngest in the class. I redshirted my late July kid for kindergarten but he was behind academically and now still struggles in K.

+1. My April kid is nowhere near the youngest. In a class of 25 first graders there are at least five June birthdays and a bunch of April and May.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep him on track. A new school or group of peers might change things for him. Also, he might change some himself. My 7-year-old, a July birthday in second grade, has gone from completely bookish to a sports-obsessed athlete over the past couple months. Both “personas” are just a growing part of who he is.

Same here. 10 year old who has always hated organized sports now plays basketball and comes home talking about football and Travis Kelce. Really hoping it’s just a phase! I kind of preferred when he just ran around and talked Pokémon.

[Anonymous]

I have to assume OP doesn't know the date cutoffs in this area. No one in their right mind would hold back an academically advanced, 50% size, April birthday. That is nuts.

My son has an August birthday and is still not the youngest in his class. April is going to be middle or older than most.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. April is not that young. My DD is the youngest in her grade as a late July birthday and she's doing absolutely FINE. Redshirting has gotten absolutely out of control because of people like you. There are March redshirts in my DD's grade and it's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People will just think he failed a grade if you hold back an April birthday. I’ve heard of June and even that is pushing it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to assume OP doesn't know the date cutoffs in this area. No one in their right mind would hold back an academically advanced, 50% size, April birthday. That is nuts.

My son has an August birthday and is still not the youngest in his class. April is going to be middle or older than most.

Agreed but is there anywhere in the country where the age cut off is May or June? I know in NY state it's December but that still wouldn't make any sense for OP.

This is one of the weirder red shirting questions I've seen asked on here, and I always read the red shirting threads because like you I have an August birthday we didn't redshirt and I'm always curious what the conventional wisdom is on that because it was a hard choice for us (and I've kind of concluded it's hard either way because there are downsides both to being the youngest and the oldest). I've always envied parents with kids who have winter or spring birthdays because they don't have to think about this.

[Anonymous]

Anyone know if it's common to redshirt April boys (starting in preschool) at St. Patricks, Beauvoir, etc? Those are the places where this is likeliest to happen. I know June is pretty routine at this point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An April birthday is in the middle of the year, there’s no way he is the youngest in the class. I have heard of people redshirting kids with September or late August birthdays, but not April. If he is already ahead of the curve academically, he will be bored. And what kind of message does it send that he has to do second grade again because he is shy? He has to keep repeating it until you’re satisfied he plays enough sports at recess? This is just his personality! Let him be who he wants!! He will make new friends in a new place. Sitting through another second grade year is definitely going to do more harm to his self worth and I can’t see anything positive coming from it.

This x100!!! What the heck, OP? I am not anti-redshirt or repeating a grade but this is not a good case for it.

[Anonymous]

No to the redshirting. Make more of an effort to link up with kids like him (not sporty). It may even be easier than you expect in a new place.

[Anonymous]

My county would not let you do this. April is crazy to redshirt! And I'm someone who did redshirt my August boy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is an April birthday, too. I wouldn’t think of redshirting him. Even though he is on the younger side for his class, there are plenty of younger kids and many right around his age. Also, at this point, it would be more like holding him back and would likely crush his self esteem. Please do not do this.

My daughter has a late April birthday, like April 29. I can empathize with you OP. With all of the redshirting (where we are 99% of kids who are born June 1 onwards are redshirted, girls and boys) a late April birthday is basically the equivalent of being born in late July in the 80s or 90s. It feels like everyone except for you and me is in an arms race to have the oldest child. Anyway, my daughter’s best friend from preschool is a boy and he was born a week earlier and his parents held him back a year. He’s really smart and very calm. He’s small (I guess, he doesn’t look particularly small to me but that is what his mom said; fwiw his parents are small - his dad is like 5’8) and on the quiet side and even though he got into a great private school they talked to the school about their concerns and the school said that he could do a “soft” application the following year and spend another year in preschool. So it happens, OP. I would say don’t do it and that all of this redshirting is bananas and if a child is smart and has a good work ethic they will do fine if they are one of the youngest students or one of the oldest students but a lot of literature suggests being an older student is better. Of course there are many anecdotes that prove exceptions to this rule are not uncommon but we all know that we shouldn’t consider ourselves or our kids exceptions. Statistically that doesn’t work out well. So just do what you want!