How I thought it'd be...and how it is: the disillusionment of new motherhood

[Anonymous]

As a first time mother, I had big plans for my baby and I. Breast milk only until 1 year of age, carrying her in a sling only and forgoing the giant stroller, foreign travel, minimal "stuff". No big swing, said I! No bouncy seat. I'll bounce her myself! Fast forward 3 mos in. The lady with the big stroller navigating her way through a restaurant? Feeding her baby formula due to low milk supply? Assembling a giant swing in her living room in a desperate attempt to get some sleep? Yup. That's me. I have the giant stroller. I've acquired more "stuff" than my small apt can fit. And we've taken one trip with family that was a minor disaster (she did fine; I plugged my breast pump into a foreign outlet and it exploded). I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have my beautiful, healthy baby. Believe me, I'm not complaining. But when I think about what a departure these 3 mos have been from the cozy, organic, new-baby experience I expected, I feel like laughing at myself (when I don't feel like crying). I wanted to be a hippy mom. Instead I'm a hot mess. Blarg.

[Anonymous]

The good thing about that age is they have no clue and love you and think you are perfect just the way you are. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Parenting is nothing if not humbling. The only thing you can do is try to keep your sense of humor, and it seems like you're doing that, OP, so hang in there! (BTW, the compromises you make only grow larger as your children get older.)

[Anonymous]

We all go through this. And it never stops. Before I had kids, I always thought I'd teach them good eating habits. Then around age two, it became apparent that my first has a serious eating disorder and life is about keeping him alive. Only thing that matters is calories and chocolate has more of them than broccoli. And, don't get me started on middle school or electronics for toddlers.

[Anonymous]

OP it is okay! You have to hit the ground running with the whole motherhood thing... I remember I bought a swing for my firstborn (he would not sleep!) and it made him so happy. I felt so guilty over it at the time especially with my older sister's negative reaction to it. Now I know I did what I had to do to keep us happy and to survive.

[Anonymous]

My friends with older kids still give me shit about the child-rearing pronouncements I made while pregnant. My oldest is nine now, and they still think it's funny.

The only thing to stand fast on is your sense of morals and ethics. Everything else is up for negotiation!

[Anonymous]

Don't be angry with yourself - be angry at the people who made you feel like you had to do everything their way (BF, baby wear all the time - even when it's 100 degrees, etc) in order to be a good mom.

Sometimes I think once of the best things about having twins is it forced me to not internalize any of the pressures new moms face, because it's pretty much impossible to be a Dr Sears parent of twins (despite what Dr Sears would tell you).

[Anonymous]

Ha ha ... I remember while pregnant thinking I'd be sitting on the back deck, reading magazines and rocking the baby's rocker seat with my foot as it stared into space. Ha ha ... my kids are 5 and 7 and I still haven't sat on the deck to read a magazine!!

[Anonymous]

I've never had the "idyllic" parenting experience, but it's been pretty damn great anyway. I got pregnant accidentally, got dumped, became a single mom within 6 months of starting a new job. Couldn't breast-feed. Worried my daughter would never crawl (she did) or potty-train (she did.) Worried I'd suck at this. (I don't.) Worried I'd never lose the baby weight. (I did, and then gained some back.) That said, I didn't have any real expectations - I just wanted to not screw up my kid too badly, and so far, we're ok. Good luck, OP. Parenting without lofty expectations is much easier!

[Anonymous]

No stage of babyhood lasts more than 6 weeks. when they are going off to sleepaway camp, or high school, or college, you will miss your kids so badly you will be fighting back tears. These are the good times - all of them. Trust that. Have some humor. Forget about being perfect (isn't that easier?) They are over before you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends with older kids still give me shit about the child-rearing pronouncements I made while pregnant. My oldest is nine now, and they still think it's funny.

The only thing to stand fast on is your sense of morals and ethics. Everything else is up for negotiation!

Love this! And couldn't agree more.

And don't worry PP - we've ALL been down this road where expectation meets reality. 3 months in is still the early innings - give yourself some time and you will find your groove.

[Anonymous]

22:32 again. Also - really hoping the swing or something is the magic answer for you. the swing was eh with my first, but with the 2nd it was absolute magic. First place she slept through the night, and she'd routinely take 4 hour naps and be happy as a clam sitting in it. And she was my 2nd, so I was more than happy to use it. By #2 I was definitely in camp 'whatever works.'

[Anonymous]

I never thought I would be loved so much / needed so much.

[Anonymous]

OP, I could have written your post, except I have a DS and he's 4 months.

I remember Googling "international travel with infants" when I was pregnant. It's kind of cute how delusional I was. We've taken one trip to visit family. I thought it was horrible enough, but at least my breast pump didn't blow up. So there's that. Thanks for giving me a reason to be grateful, OP.

[Anonymous]

I remember sobbing on DH's chest in the middle of the night when our first was an infant. That baby did not sleep for more than 15 minutes for the first 8 weeks. I thought we'd ruined our lives and our marriage and that DS was totally defective. By 3 months, we owned more gear than I ever though humanly possible. At 4 months, I went back to work and felt like I'd left my dominant hand -- and heart -- behind.

Fast forward 6.5 years. #1 is an angel who sleeps like the dead. #2 is our pistol and the only girl. #3 is a joy, even tho his diaper broke open and he ground poop into my carpet tonight.

Do what you can, cope how you can, make your decisions and move on. Your little one will love you because you're you and they won't remember anything until 3ish or so anyway! Plus, #2 will need that bouncy seat so #1 doesn't run over him and she careens across the room with her toys.