How I thought it'd be...and how it is: the disillusionment of new motherhood
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Anonymous
| I thought I would go back to work after 3 months, I bought a fancy pump... But I became a sahm and still bf after 2 yrs.. Weird! |
Anonymous
| OP, this should be required reading...because every new parent goes through this. I was going to spend my maternity leave posting items for sale on Ebay while my infant slept in a basket at my feet. As if it were some kind of vacation and she were an inanimate object. HAHAHA! |
Anonymous
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Think of the great beach house you can buy with your Ivy League fund.
You get I am joking right? If not - you are not cured. |
Anonymous
Love this too! I think beginning with the childbirth experience and from everything going forward- you have to be open-minded (things just do NOT go according to plan, and often times for reasons beyond your control, as several PPs have mentioned.) Sometimes you just have to ride it out, hope for the best, and don't judge other people because their struggles are different from our own. |
Anonymous
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My disillusionment hit right at the start. I had planned a totally natural, drug free, beautiful birthing experience and ended up saying yes to pitocin, artificially breaking my water, epidural and finally I had an emergency c-section. I was devastated! I did everything that I swore I wouldn't. The whole process just seemed to have spiraled out of control and become a wreck. Of course, I ended up with a beautiful, healthy baby- but it took me a long time to come to grips with how little control I had over how she was born - I honestly felt like a failure and that I was already a bad mom for not bringing her into the world in an idyllic way.
I have 3 kids now. The third was an easy, schedule section. And I was OK with that 
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Anonymous
| I think the idea of holding your baby in a sling all the time is delusional! Who has the strength for that!?!? LOL |
Anonymous
you poor thing! |
Anonymous
| It's funny, my parenting went the OPPISOTE way of what you all are describing. Before my baby was born, I had decided only to "TRY" to BF for 3 months, make my baby sleep in her crib on a tight schedule, send her to daycare, cry it out, etc. I ended up EPing for 13 months, we co-sleep, I carry her all the time, don't cry it out EVER, and she has no real schedule and we have a nanny. |
Anonymous
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You are too funny! And rest assured, everyone is a hot mess at 3 months, hippie mom or no.
We have a teeny house, and I was really anti-stuff, too. I mean, how much stuff do you really need? Turns out, a LOT! I am now (at 13 months) packing up a lot of the infant stuff and realizing just how much we would up acquiring, ugh! The swing part made me laugh--I still remember one of my friends showing up on my doorstep at 10pm with her swing and a huge box of batteries (God bless her!) when I finally lost my sh*t and sent out an SOS email over my non-napping, over-tired, adorable but on-my-last-nerve-with-the-crying 10 week old. That swing saved my sanity, and possibly my marriage! Who knew. |
Anonymous
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Parenting is one long experience in learning how to give up control and let go of expectations and preconceived notions. Starting from the very beginning, when TTC, some of us experience the process much differently than it looked in our minds when we were envisioning our futures. #1 threw me for a loop. First it took me a year to get pregnant. Second, I assumed I would have all girls (why, I'm not sure, since I was always aware of biological realities), and the u/s said he was a boy, and I was like, what? The list goes on ... I swore I would never have a picky eater. Check! I thought I would babywear all the time -- ha! He wouldn't tolerate a carrier unless he was facing out. I thought we would cosleep -- he didn't like it! I thought I would be the kindest, most patient earth mother ever -- HA and HA! Turns out I'm only like that about 25% of the time (well, it was more like 75% when he was an infant and young toddler, but once he hit 3 all bets were off).
Just like anyone, I got lucky on a few things. Birth and BFing worked out pretty well for me, and all my kids are good to great sleepers. #2 and #3 have laid back personalities, which means I'm better able to handle #1's drama. You will find that there are things you got lucky on too, OP, and you will be grateful for them! The rest, you just have to roll with it and keep laughing.
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Anonymous
| I think I had pretty realistic expectations of the infant stage, in that I thought it would suck and wasn't surprised when it did. My disillusionment came with the toddler stage. I was one of those, "TV is bad, why would you let them watch TV" bitchers. My daughter loves Disney Jr. I said, "Disney crap is tacky. I will not have that tacky crap in my home. I will never go to Disneyworld." Now she's 3 and... I think she'd love Disneyworld and I want to take her one day! Also swore I'd never step foot in a Chuck E Cheese... took her to one a couple months ago. When she became a "kid" and not an infant I realized that she was her own person, and liked her own things, and making her happy and letting her have a kid-like childhood was way more important than my preconceived notions about how tacky or ugly or gross Disney is. |
Anonymous
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I agree, OP. I didn't want to fill my house with all that plastic stuff either. Around 3 months in with a colicky baby and I purchased every entertainment item available for overnight shipping on diapers.com. Worth every penny!
I felt the same way about DVD player in the car. So snippish when my friends had them. "we'll never do that..." etc. Facing a 20 hour drive to the beach with a toddler and I caved. So glad I did! |
Anonymous
| Oh, and you "I went the other way, I am so much BETTER A MOM than I even imagined I could be!" ladies can stuff it. Thanks. |
Anonymous
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OP, I think many, if not most of us, have been where you are now. MY baby was going to co-sleep and I was going to nurse laying on my side and have a lovely sleep every night. Yeah, right. My boobs were bigger than my child's head, and I was constantly afraid I would crush her by rolling over so co-sleeping and side-nursing were out immediately. I also wasn't going to do CIO-how cruel!! Fast forward to a cracked-out mom last september who was reading Ferber religiously (and thank God it worked!!). All last summer is kind of a blur of sleeplessness, tears, and some pretty heavy despair/anxiety. This summer is a dream come true, now that I've just decided to NOT have expectations, NOT freak out of stuff I can't control, and NOT feel inferior when I read threads like "if you don't eat processed food...".
Go on with your swing-buying, formula-feeding, giant-strollering self! |
Anonymous
No doubt. I like you, OP. You sound normal. The things I thought I'd do or the rules I'd follow but didn't: No TV until 2 years of age Puree my own baby food Ferberize Have sex on a regular basis Care about the appearance of the diaper bag No pacifiers past infancy Vacation (Ha! Ha! Ha!) |