Is admiring the vibe of private students a shallow motivation for sending our children to private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in college 15 years ago at an Ivy, it was fairly obvious who the private school kids were and who the public school kids were (and for the record, I was a public school kid).

And private school was not just a proxy for wealth. I am from California and went to one of the richest public schools in the country, in an area where there simply were no private schools, and I was still easily identifiable as a public school kid.

I don't know that the private school kids were necessarily "cooler". But it does affect a child's development to be in a class of 100 (like most private schools) versus a class of 500+ (most publics).

Uh, no. Average public high school size is about 1/3 of that.

Not ours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Entitlement.

I went to a fancy private school. While I don't think it's exactly "entitlement", that's the best word I can come up with. A critical component of my education was being told that I could do anything, and I belonged everywhere. The education itself was great, but the idea that I was "good enough" for anything was the most valuable thing my schooling imparted to me. I have never once wondered whether I belonged in a room or a meeting. Even when, literally, meeting the POTUS. Personally, I think everyone should be taught that they are as worthy as anyone else. I don't think private school kids or rich people are anything special. But most people are taught to "know their place". And the best gift I've ever been given was the knowledge that my "place" was anywhere I wanted it to be.

This just sounds like Millenial to me - it's amazing the attitude of this generation in the workplace. Confidence to speak up, with no filter or understanding of when it is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Was with a large group of private kids recently from three or four schools. The vibe was off the charts!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You realize a good part of it is parenting.

This. Why do you assume the differences between one set of nieces/nephews and another have anything to do with their schooling?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was with a large group of private kids recently from three or four schools. The vibe was off the charts!!

I hope this is sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband and I are from two big families. He and I attended public k-12, mix of public and private higher ed. Our children are young and we've been able to gather insights from older nieces and nephews, who attend a mix of private (Catholic prep to NE boarding) and public (average middle income to affluent zip gold medal), to watch the differences as they mature. The oldest are all pretty motivated and take school seriously, so standardized test scores, sports participation and college placements seem pretty similar. The major differentiator is the private teens are so, for lack of a better word, cool. They stand out at family gatherings (without trying to do so). I guess they're more outgoing, more assertive, they always have some interesting things going on, they're stylish, they seem more confident while also self-deprecating, they're well spoken. They have this joie de vivre "it" factor we want for our children. And no, it's not a snobby thing or a money thing, some of their public school cousins are certainly wealthier. Is this okay to want for our children? I'm not obsessed with grooming an Ivy Leaguer, I just want our kids to have this vibe. Is there a more elegant way to articulate it without sounding like the Mean Girl mom?

I can assure you having gone through privates with four kids, you are seeing a tiny fraction of what they produce. No more or less than public so don't kid yourself. They might be more savvy/confident but that does not always translate to a good thing. Just saying this to be realistic. I have found as many astute, "with it", cool, stylish kids in public.

If anything privates are guaranteed to have a much higher percentage of narcissists is that interests you at all.

This is very true, and includes the parents as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was with a large group of private kids recently from three or four schools. The vibe was off the charts!!

I hope this is sarcasm.

I don’t think it is. If you’ve ever been around a bunch of private school kids, you would also sense the vibe. It’s everywhere and literally invigorating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was with a large group of private kids recently from three or four schools. The vibe was off the charts!!

I hope this is sarcasm.

I don’t think it is. If you’ve ever been around a bunch of private school kids, you would also sense the vibe. It’s everywhere and literally invigorating.

I love this thread! I need to keep an eye on my DS for this vibe of which you all speak!

[Anonymous]

It isn't the private school vibe. It's the money vibe.
Rich public school kids have the same vibe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't the private school vibe. It's the money vibe.
Rich public school kids have the same vibe.

No. They are missing the polish.

[Anonymous]

The vibe? You mean 'entitled brat'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was with a large group of private kids recently from three or four schools. The vibe was off the charts!!

I hope this is sarcasm.

I don’t think it is. If you’ve ever been around a bunch of private school kids, you would also sense the vibe. It’s everywhere and literally invigorating.

Literally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was with a large group of private kids recently from three or four schools. The vibe was off the charts!!

I hope this is sarcasm.

I don’t think it is. If you’ve ever been around a bunch of private school kids, you would also sense the vibe. It’s everywhere and literally invigorating.

Literally?

Yeah, it kinda tingles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get what you are saying- it sounds like self confidence. You are not shallow for desiring your children to have it, it makes life smoother.

So I'm not the only person who sees this? It's not that my public school nieces and nephews are uncool, they're different. I'd just prefer our kids turn out more like their private school nieces and nephews, and it would be disingenuous to claim it's because of SAT scores or college placement.

You're not the only person who sees this. I went to private and my kids do now but my husband did not and he is constantly impressed by the difference in the private school kids we meet. It is politeness, confidence, etc. Even a local bagel place has commented on the difference between the private school and public school kids who come there before class. They said the private school kids look them in the eye, listen for when their orders are called, aren't disruptive to the other customers, clean up after themselves, etc. Sure, this may have to do with things other than where they go to school, and of course that does not mean all private school kids act one way and all public school kids act another, but I've seen enough examples to convince me that this is not a coincidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love this forum. It just keeps giving and giving!

+1

I have no words except for this... my DH went to elite private school and he is all the things OP describes. He is also extremely insecure about money and wanting to have it. And many of his classmates have similar strange relationships with wealth. For example lots of his female friends married very wealthy men with very significant problems (like drugs, cheating). It is just one example of the complexities of the effects of private school education. It has positives and negatives imo. It is not a ticket to perfect kids. So OP I think you are being very naive.

Well, we both have a sample size of roughly the same amount of people, but I also went to an elite private school and neither I nor any of my friends from there are extremely insecure about money and wanting to have it. And none of us married very wealthy men with significant problems, so.. I'm not arguing with you that there aren't complexities of the effects of private school education, but I think the same can be true of public, but in a different way (not better or worse, just different). We are currently watching our niece struggle with her public high school and the issues she's facing there and they are nothing like what I faced in high school. Not saying my kids won't struggle with other (probably different) issues when they get to high school at their private, but I just don't think you can paint with such broad strokes. Not trying to argue with you, by the way, just kind of playing devil's advocate.