Forum Index
»
Private & Independent Schools
Is admiring the vibe of private students a shallow motivation for sending our children to private?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Husband and I are from two big families. He and I attended public k-12, mix of public and private higher ed. Our children are young and we've been able to gather insights from older nieces and nephews, who attend a mix of private (Catholic prep to NE boarding) and public (average middle income to affluent zip gold medal), to watch the differences as they mature. The oldest are all pretty motivated and take school seriously, so standardized test scores, sports participation and college placements seem pretty similar. The major differentiator is the private teens are so, for lack of a better word, cool. They stand out at family gatherings (without trying to do so). I guess they're more outgoing, more assertive, they always have some interesting things going on, they're stylish, they seem more confident while also self-deprecating, they're well spoken. They have this joie de vivre "it" factor we want for our children. And no, it's not a snobby thing or a money thing, some of their public school cousins are certainly wealthier. Is this okay to want for our children? I'm not obsessed with grooming an Ivy Leaguer, I just want our kids to have this vibe. Is there a more elegant way to articulate it without sounding like the Mean Girl mom? |
Anonymous
| They are more kewl. |
Anonymous
| I get what you are saying- it sounds like self confidence. You are not shallow for desiring your children to have it, it makes life smoother. |
Anonymous
So I'm not the only person who sees this? It's not that my public school nieces and nephews are uncool, they're different. I'd just prefer our kids turn out more like their private school nieces and nephews, and it would be disingenuous to claim it's because of SAT scores or college placement. |
Anonymous
| You realize a good part of it is parenting. |
Anonymous
| OP, you sound ridiculous and immature. |
Anonymous
| This is just the kid's personality. I assure you, there are plenty of dorks in private school. Private school is great for a lot of things, but making people cool is not one of them. Your kids will be who they will be. |
Anonymous
| I can’t believe you had the stomach to sit down and write this drivel. |
Anonymous
| I know what you are talking about and this cool factor does not affect career and personal life outcomes. |
Anonymous
+1. We should all help our kids develop self-confidence, poise and grace. What's the best school and the best toolkit for that is more art than science. But we should certainly try our best. |
Anonymous
| OP you’re obviously insecure and shallow. |
Anonymous
|
It’s real. I’ve seen it. My kids have it. I’m a DC striver and my son has a mop of tousled hair and a confident way about him. Similarly my daughter is confident and secure. They are both utterly charming and use direct eye contact.
For about 70k it’s up to you if it’s worth it. I agree I don’t think it will yield improved life outcomes. And no I’ve done nothing to create this cool vibe by my parenting. |
Anonymous
Even "dorkier" private school kids still have the admirable traits. It's really fascinating to see two cousins over a holiday weekend who look similar, same age range, both pretty clever, but the private school one just stands out. And it's really obvious, to me. |
Anonymous
Yes! You get it. So you agree it is fine to want this? How would you explain this without sounding immature, cool mom-ish, or shallow? |
Anonymous
I think it’s fine. Mine are at at popular private that goes through 8th grade. With graduates attending big three and others. Lots of public speaking and performances beginning in earliest levels. I would just say you like the confidence private school children learn. |