DW doesn’t want my mother to move in with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As much as I love my mother, I love my wife more. But I also don’t think it’s a good idea for my mother to be living alone anymore.

It doesn’t sound like your wife loves you as much as you love her if she can’t respect your family.

Sounds like his wife has healthy boundaries and knows her limits. My mother allowed her senile MIL to move in with us (four young kids, husband and a dog) when we were overseas and it almost killed her and she had to give him an ultimatum that either his mother went or she did. He moved his mom back to the states and put her in a nursing home. My mom resented him until the day she died for putting her through it.

I hope the OP is reading this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As much as I love my mother, I love my wife more. But I also don’t think it’s a good idea for my mother to be living alone anymore.

It doesn’t sound like your wife loves you as much as you love her if she can’t respect your family.

It’s entirely possible to love someone without loving their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to provide some financial realities. My father had 24/7 in home help managed by an elder care manager and paid $24K a month.

My MIL lived in a very expensive assisted living facility selected by my BIL. We questioned that decision. He said he would pay for it if/when my MIL ran out of funds. After 10 years he asked us to chip in. He told us that if we could not share the cost, he would move my MIL to a less expensive facility which seemed cruel to do to a 90 year old women. So we chipped in and over the next 6-7 years we ended up contributing over $250K. Stupid BIL should have listened to us when we questioned his choice originally.

Should have put her in the dumpy place! You tell ‘em pp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to provide some financial realities. My father had 24/7 in home help managed by an elder care manager and paid $24K a month.

My MIL lived in a very expensive assisted living facility selected by my BIL. We questioned that decision. He said he would pay for it if/when my MIL ran out of funds. After 10 years he asked us to chip in. He told us that if we could not share the cost, he would move my MIL to a less expensive facility which seemed cruel to do to a 90 year old women. So we chipped in and over the next 6-7 years we ended up contributing over $250K. Stupid BIL should have listened to us when we questioned his choice originally.

Should have put her in the dumpy place! You tell ‘em pp!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What were your mother’s plans for elder/long term care?

It was him or no plans at all which also = him. Doesn’t care about the pesky dil. lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be extremely honest, would the caregiving functions be falling significantly in your wife. Because that's actually what's involved with moving in. Caring for someone in that manner is both mentally and physically draining.

Yes, this needs to be pointed out to OP. Would YOU want to be the main caregiver for your in-law? Cook, feed, bathe, clothe someone, every single day? Deal with tantrums and whining and confusion? Watch someone decline day by day? Do the ER run every once in while, always in the dead of night?

It's exhausting.

OMG. Wait until you are old and ill and your children won't help to care for you Yuck.

You had kids to wipe your butt when you got old?

I didn't have kids. Made plans.

Genuinely curious. How will you be protected if you get dementia?

No one is protected if you get dementia. Keep believing your fantasy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As much as I love my mother, I love my wife more. But I also don’t think it’s a good idea for my mother to be living alone anymore.

It doesn’t sound like your wife loves you as much as you love her if she can’t respect your family.

Respect is a two way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As much as I love my mother, I love my wife more. But I also don’t think it’s a good idea for my mother to be living alone anymore.

It doesn’t sound like your wife loves you as much as you love her if she can’t respect your family.

Respect is a two way street.

How do you know the OP doesn’t respect his wife’s family?