How many men would stay w/o sex

[Anonymous]

My wife has been battling a very bad aggressive cancer over the past 3 years. I'm worried about her surviving not me c**g and releasing dopamine for 5 secs. I can't even believe people will entertain leaving if their spouse is not able to have sex. So ridiculous

[Anonymous]

My wife has been battling a very bad aggressive cancer over the past 3 years. I'm worried about her surviving not me c**g and releasing dopamine for 5 secs. I can't even believe people will entertain leaving if their spouse is not able to have sex. So ridiculous.

You are right. When you face a life-changing illness, you see what is important.

I pray she gets well soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My wife has been battling a very bad aggressive cancer over the past 3 years. I'm worried about her surviving not me c**g and releasing dopamine for 5 secs. I can't even believe people will entertain leaving if their spouse is not able to have sex. So ridiculous.

You are right. When you face a life-changing illness, you see what is important.

I pray she gets well soon.

As they say, a healthy man wants a thousand things. An ill man wants one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sexless marriage are quite common (about 20% of long term marriages) and lots of guys stay in them. Some of them are sexless because of the guy, but most are sexless because of the woman.

As people age I'm sure it's both. Maturity kicks in along the way and many couples realize other things take precedence over sex.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Np. Sex is a need. No its not as needed as food and water, but it is a need nonetheless. Just like companionship and social interaction. Nobody dies without companionship and social interaction, but its not feasible to live without SOME level of social interaction.

No woman dies if the husband is not doing his share of financial or at home responsibilities. Since she wont die if the husband is a couch potato, its a ‘want’ that husband should pull his weight?

NP. No it's not. It's not a need, and lying to make it seem like one makes you seem crazy and out of control.

There’s not a single lie in my statement. Debate me on what I said. According to your logic, it should not be a big deal to a woman if her husband is a loser and a couch potato since she is not going to die if he is.

DP, but you are the only one conflating "not a need" with "not a big deal". The pps you are replying to even said they would take you (and others) more seriously if you used the correct language, ie "sex is a big deal or dealbreaker in my relationship". You are more than welcome to feel like it is a big deal. Just as those women don't feel that a man bringing home the bacon is a "need", but rather an important aspect of their relationship (to them).

You are weirdly fixated on the nomenclature. I'm not the one above, but financial security is a need for everyone as well. Whether you expect your husband to fulfill that need for you or you do it yourself is a different conversation but it is a need.

Exactly. I m the pp at 1406 and the point i m making and the other pp is unable to understand is that women should not consider a need for their dh’s to contribute in a meaningful way- whether financially or otherwise, since they will not die if their dh’s are losers.

No one is misunderstanding you. You keep saying it is "necessary" it is a "need", when it's not. It is correct that you will not die without sex. You may find it very important for your relationship, but that does not make it a need.

Whether you and pp think that I, and other pps are focusing too much on the nomenclature doesn't really matter. This thread is about if a man would stay with his wife if she was no longer able to have sex with him. By saying that sex is a need and thus justifying yourself to leave or cheat, YOU are the one being disingenuous. You are just trying to cover your tracks as a morally lacking person, and calling it a "need" somehow justifies it in your mind. That's all I, and I assume previous pps, were trying to point out.

I do find it odd your insistence on comparing a woman in a catastrophic accident who can't have sex with her husband to a woman being a "couch potato". Not really an apples to apples comparison, again showing your disingenuous argument.

You keep making stuff up. It's uncanny really. It's impossible to have a conversation with someone like you because you keep making stuff up and moving the goalposts. No, not fulfilling a need will not make it ok for anyone to cheat in a marriage. Calling it a need (which it is) does not give your husband a free pass to cheat. No one said any of that or a myriad of other shit you keep claiming. Calling it a need (just like his emotional needs, his need for love, his need to be financially secure) might provide you with a fundamental understanding that you lack that people will yearn to have their needs met. An honest husband will tell you that he needs sex, will not lie to you or cheat. How you deal with that is up to you. You have chosen to belittle him and call him childish. Not surprising at all if he leaves or even cheats in that case.

No one is moving goal posts. It's not a need, as has already been explained multiple times. If you want to use the word colloquially, as a pp (or perhaps you) suggested, fine. But it's not an actual need.

An honest husband would tell me he likes, enjoys and wants sex as part of our relationship. If he called it a need, he would be dishonest. An honest wife would tell him she likes and wants to to stay home with her children. If she told him she needed to, it would not be true.

You are not the arbiter of what someone needs. As has been explained to YOU many times already it Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is a wildly accepted psychological chart of basic human needs. You choose to ignore it. You chose to put your head in the sand. That's your problem. Stating with certainty that it's not a need is just dumb at this point.

As was already explained to you, you misunderstood (misunderstand apparently still) the hierarchy. I'm not ignoring anything, you are the one that continues to argue the wrong meaning of a word.

What am I misunderstanding EXACTLY?

One thing you don’t understand is intimacy is not sex. Another thing you don’t understand is unless you fulfill the needs below intimacy you can’t fulfill intimacy.

Another thing you don’t understand is it’s a theory not a fact. No research supports the idea.

Very well said. The most important aspect of marriage is not sex. Sex is a want, not a need.

Glad to see you talking to yourself again.

What a stupid way to approach life and marriage. Sure, call it whatever you want. Be angry at your husband for having a totally normal physical desire. If you love your partners you want them to be happy and fulfilled. You are a petulant child and at this point you can call it whatever you want. It simply doesn't matter because you are completely unwilling to consider anyone but yourself. That's no marriage.

I'ts being realistic that the other parts of the marriage need to be working. Sex will not carry it alone. You seem to be taking my post personally for some reason.

If nothing is working, divorce. I'm taking it as personally as you are.

I agree. Cheating should never be an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife has been battling a very bad aggressive cancer over the past 3 years. I'm worried about her surviving not me c**g and releasing dopamine for 5 secs. I can't even believe people will entertain leaving if their spouse is not able to have sex. So ridiculous

Your wife is lucky to have you <3 Sending well wishes to her.

[Anonymous]

There is a core group of men and women on this forum whose entire existence is around sex. I really hate then. Everything about them is sex sex sex. I don't know if they are this way because they are in a sexless marriage, or they are sex addict, or just mentally ill. Sex isn't everything in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a core group of men and women on this forum whose entire existence is around sex. I really hate then. Everything about them is sex sex sex. I don't know if they are this way because they are in a sexless marriage, or they are sex addict, or just mentally ill. Sex isn't everything in a relationship.

Nobody on here ever claimed or believe their entire existence is around sex. You are the one claiming that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a core group of men and women on this forum whose entire existence is around sex. I really hate then. Everything about them is sex sex sex. I don't know if they are this way because they are in a sexless marriage, or they are sex addict, or just mentally ill. Sex isn't everything in a relationship.

+1 gives me the creeps

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman in her 50s and I wouldn't stay married without regular sex. Kids are grown, we have plenty of money. Why stay exclusive sexually without the sex? A lower drive woman in a marriage without much money might make a different choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the one with no interest in it. Haven’t done it in many years. I didn’t leave because pretty much everything else is perfect. If it weren’t, I would have left.

Meaning you don't cheat on him either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a core group of men and women on this forum whose entire existence is around sex. I really hate then. Everything about them is sex sex sex. I don't know if they are this way because they are in a sexless marriage, or they are sex addict, or just mentally ill. Sex isn't everything in a relationship.

Nobody on here ever claimed or believe their entire existence is around sex. You are the one claiming that.

They do act like it is though and you know it. Are you triggered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman in her 50s and I wouldn't stay married without regular sex. Kids are grown, we have plenty of money. Why stay exclusive sexually without the sex? A lower drive woman in a marriage without much money might make a different choice.

If you were a low sex drive woman and your husband leave you because of it, how would you feel?

[Anonymous]

There are lots of men who stay with their wives and care for them when they get a chronic illness. Many of them have to give up sex with their wives as a result of the illness, not because the wife doesn't want to have sex. Obviously she is also giving up sex, probably for the rest of her life in many cases. Many men in this situation rightly prioritize themselves and their wants and desires and even needs below those of the chronically ill wife. It's also true that the majority of such men have little to no help at all in caring for their wives. Some men resist accepting help and others don't have anyone to help them. They are accepting a heavy responsibility and burden.

If you are in this situation, whether you are a man or a woman, there is a great podcast designed to help and support you, it's called In Sickness and is available on most podcast platforms. It's two people who are in this situation, are in their 40s, and who want to help others. It's not uncommon for this to happen to older people but for it to happen to younger couples is quite the unexpected tragedy.

As far as sex goes, it's clearly a tough decision to stay out of love and commitment and care for a chronically ill spouse and accept that your own sexual desires will likely not be satisfied. Different people handle that situation differently depending on their morals and beliefs and probably how much they love the ill person. Some may step out of the marriage, some others resolve to satisfy themselves. Whether you think stepping out is cheating can be a debatable topic when the lack of sex has nothing to do with whether either partner wants it or not. It's very much and individual dilemma and decision. It's tough on both partners and often mental and emotional health take a big hit in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of men who stay with their wives and care for them when they get a chronic illness. Many of them have to give up sex with their wives as a result of the illness, not because the wife doesn't want to have sex. Obviously she is also giving up sex, probably for the rest of her life in many cases. Many men in this situation rightly prioritize themselves and their wants and desires and even needs below those of the chronically ill wife. It's also true that the majority of such men have little to no help at all in caring for their wives. Some men resist accepting help and others don't have anyone to help them. They are accepting a heavy responsibility and burden.

If you are in this situation, whether you are a man or a woman, there is a great podcast designed to help and support you, it's called In Sickness and is available on most podcast platforms. It's two people who are in this situation, are in their 40s, and who want to help others. It's not uncommon for this to happen to older people but for it to happen to younger couples is quite the unexpected tragedy.

As far as sex goes, it's clearly a tough decision to stay out of love and commitment and care for a chronically ill spouse and accept that your own sexual desires will likely not be satisfied. Different people handle that situation differently depending on their morals and beliefs and probably how much they love the ill person. Some may step out of the marriage, some others resolve to satisfy themselves. Whether you think stepping out is cheating can be a debatable topic when the lack of sex has nothing to do with whether either partner wants it or not. It's very much and individual dilemma and decision. It's tough on both partners and often mental and emotional health take a big hit in the process.

Nope. Haven't had sex in 2 years. My DW can't due to health issues. Its not the end of the world. I have no desire to look for it elsewhere. Some of you on this forum are so selfish it's insane. Sex is not everything in a relationship for God sake.