Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

NP and you are obnoxious.

To me, it’s clear that at worst, OP is guilty of not being sympathetic to the fact that her brother might have some kind of unseen mental health disorder. But that is not entirely her fault if her family chose not to share this with her and just allowed her to think he’s just lazy and entitled all these years.
What else is OP supposed to think?
And her DS didn’t belittle or mock him. OP said he simply asked questions about why he didn’t have a job—questions that the uncle didn’t know how to answer and that made him uncomfortable.
Oh well.
Maybe if the family had included OP on what was going on with him, she could offer an explanation that made more sense.

Yes OP comes off sounding bitter and hurt. But being the sibling in her position watching how the parents favor her brother with no explanation can leave a lot of hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

You're speculating about a motive here - that OP's son must be "obsessed with adult jobs" - that is completely unnecessary. Seven year olds ask a lot of questions, about everything. Especially when they don't understand the answers they are getting. It's entirely believable that OP's son asked question after question after question.

Have you ever actually met a seven year old?

LOL, NP, but my 7 year old knows that people are all different, in so many ways. I don’t think she’d blink if someone didn’t have a job, because she knows SAH people, retired people. Self employed people, job seeking people, just.. people. Just lie, she wouldn’t be concerned with families with separated parents or same sex parent, or being raised by grandparents.. she gets that everyone is different. Th3 lack of a defined career is such a strange thing for a 7yo to be (apparently) bothered by, if your child has been exposed to anything at all. My guess is they haven’t been, given the tidbit earlier that he hasn’t been exposed to *men* (specifically) without jobs. My kid knows many parents with seasonal jobs and could literally not GAF more.

Many people who aren't immigrants don't know people with seasonal jobs or adults without jobs or things to do during the day. Being a mom is a job. They haven't been in the world that long and just know the people they've met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

You're speculating about a motive here - that OP's son must be "obsessed with adult jobs" - that is completely unnecessary. Seven year olds ask a lot of questions, about everything. Especially when they don't understand the answers they are getting. It's entirely believable that OP's son asked question after question after question.

Have you ever actually met a seven year old?

LOL, NP, but my 7 year old knows that people are all different, in so many ways. I don’t think she’d blink if someone didn’t have a job, because she knows SAH people, retired people. Self employed people, job seeking people, just.. people. Just lie, she wouldn’t be concerned with families with separated parents or same sex parent, or being raised by grandparents.. she gets that everyone is different. Th3 lack of a defined career is such a strange thing for a 7yo to be (apparently) bothered by, if your child has been exposed to anything at all. My guess is they haven’t been, given the tidbit earlier that he hasn’t been exposed to *men* (specifically) without jobs. My kid knows many parents with seasonal jobs and could literally not GAF more.

Many people who aren't immigrants don't know people with seasonal jobs or adults without jobs or things to do during the day. Being a mom is a job. They haven't been in the world that long and just know the people they've met.

Only 3-5 % of the US population is gay and there is no way my second grader will griill the only lesbian couple she knows how come they don’t like guys.

Btw 24% of prime age adults don’t have a job. It’s pretty common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

You're speculating about a motive here - that OP's son must be "obsessed with adult jobs" - that is completely unnecessary. Seven year olds ask a lot of questions, about everything. Especially when they don't understand the answers they are getting. It's entirely believable that OP's son asked question after question after question.

Have you ever actually met a seven year old?

LOL, NP, but my 7 year old knows that people are all different, in so many ways. I don’t think she’d blink if someone didn’t have a job, because she knows SAH people, retired people. Self employed people, job seeking people, just.. people. Just lie, she wouldn’t be concerned with families with separated parents or same sex parent, or being raised by grandparents.. she gets that everyone is different. Th3 lack of a defined career is such a strange thing for a 7yo to be (apparently) bothered by, if your child has been exposed to anything at all. My guess is they haven’t been, given the tidbit earlier that he hasn’t been exposed to *men* (specifically) without jobs. My kid knows many parents with seasonal jobs and could literally not GAF more.

Many people who aren't immigrants don't know people with seasonal jobs or adults without jobs or things to do during the day. Being a mom is a job. They haven't been in the world that long and just know the people they've met.

If Kid Goes to school every day, how does he know that uncle doesn’t go anywhere? Especially as uncle only visits a few times a year, so could easily be on vacation time.

He knows and persisted with his line of questioning because he’s heard mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not apologize. I would be pissed if I had a sibling like him and my parents called to demand an apology. Also why do you let your mother call and inform you he is being dropped off as if you are a daycare? Put a stop to that now.

A few reasons - one is because it's only 4-6 times a year so not a HUGE deal. Another is my brother will tell me the truth about my parents (they'll claim a sprain when it's really a fracture, they'll claim a cold when it's bronchitis, etc.). He was the one who told me that my dad was saying he's going to clean the gutters himself next month. I don't want my dad on a high ladder at his age doing physical labor on his day off. Now that we know, we can find a good company to do it for them. And the third is to give my parents a break from him.

So let's get this straight, your brother is an involved uncle who visits multiple times a year, is not a rude or ill mannered guest, is not dependent or a burden to you, in fact is quite useful to you. Your parents have asked you for no help or indicated that he is a burden to them. What exactly justifies you or your 7 year old treating him with such contempt?

He's not involved. He won't play with the kids, or watch them play sports, or attend recitals, plays or games. He only comes here when my parents send him over. He lays on the couch and gets up to eat meals. When my DD last asked him to quiz her for a spelling test he told her to ask DH or me because he was busy. He was watching a rerun of Big Bang. My brother is not trying to be helpful to tell me about my parents - he's gossiping and complaining (Mom is on crutches so she's making really easy dinners instead of the good ones I like). I do not treat him with contempt. I shared my feelings here, anonymously, with strangers. I smile, I freshen up the guest room, make the foods he likes, invite him to do all sorts of different things trying to hit upon something he'd enjoy or at least put up with. He sleeps late, complains about the kids making noise (after like, 9am!), eats, lays on the couch, sleeps, and then leaves. I sit with him while he's watching tv and chat with him about what we're watching, news, friends we both used to know who I've kept in touch with, our plans each day, etc. My son asked what my brother does. He didn't understand the vague answer he got and kept trying to understand. I stopped him.

Don’t be a revisionist. Your prior posts drip of resentment and contempt. Including for your mother and her child rearing skills.

20% of adults in this country can’t be functioning members of society, they have various mental health and other disabilities and need varying levels of support. At best your brother appears to be clinically depressed, though likely a whole other number of issues as well.

Imagine defending a "mother" who enables and encourages her own child to stay sick and nonfunctional. If he has a mental health condition that's severe enough to prevent him from living independently, why hasn't she paid for treatment instead of funding a limited life for him? She would rather risk him becoming homeless when she dies than help him establish himself. Why is this such a passionate topic for you? Are you enabling your own kids to not live their own lives away from their smothering, delusional mother?

This is a terrible post. Not only are you blaming a woman for an adult man’s behavior (and ignoring the dad altogether), but you are blaming a woman in a situation none of us including OP know anything about. And it’s very apparent that you have no real world experience trying to help a mentally ill adult child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

You're speculating about a motive here - that OP's son must be "obsessed with adult jobs" - that is completely unnecessary. Seven year olds ask a lot of questions, about everything. Especially when they don't understand the answers they are getting. It's entirely believable that OP's son asked question after question after question.

Have you ever actually met a seven year old?

LOL, NP, but my 7 year old knows that people are all different, in so many ways. I don’t think she’d blink if someone didn’t have a job, because she knows SAH people, retired people. Self employed people, job seeking people, just.. people. Just lie, she wouldn’t be concerned with families with separated parents or same sex parent, or being raised by grandparents.. she gets that everyone is different. Th3 lack of a defined career is such a strange thing for a 7yo to be (apparently) bothered by, if your child has been exposed to anything at all. My guess is they haven’t been, given the tidbit earlier that he hasn’t been exposed to *men* (specifically) without jobs. My kid knows many parents with seasonal jobs and could literally not GAF more.

Many people who aren't immigrants don't know people with seasonal jobs or adults without jobs or things to do during the day. Being a mom is a job. They haven't been in the world that long and just know the people they've met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

You're speculating about a motive here - that OP's son must be "obsessed with adult jobs" - that is completely unnecessary. Seven year olds ask a lot of questions, about everything. Especially when they don't understand the answers they are getting. It's entirely believable that OP's son asked question after question after question.

Have you ever actually met a seven year old?

LOL, NP, but my 7 year old knows that people are all different, in so many ways. I don’t think she’d blink if someone didn’t have a job, because she knows SAH people, retired people. Self employed people, job seeking people, just.. people. Just lie, she wouldn’t be concerned with families with separated parents or same sex parent, or being raised by grandparents.. she gets that everyone is different. Th3 lack of a defined career is such a strange thing for a 7yo to be (apparently) bothered by, if your child has been exposed to anything at all. My guess is they haven’t been, given the tidbit earlier that he hasn’t been exposed to *men* (specifically) without jobs. My kid knows many parents with seasonal jobs and could literally not GAF more.

Many people who aren't immigrants don't know people with seasonal jobs or adults without jobs or things to do during the day. Being a mom is a job. They haven't been in the world that long and just know the people they've met.

If Kid Goes to school every day, how does he know that uncle doesn’t go anywhere? Especially as uncle only visits a few times a year, so could easily be on vacation time.

He knows and persisted with his line of questioning because he’s heard mom.

Kid questioned why uncle was "exhausted" and learned that uncle had no job or other responsibilities that would tire him. It's confounding, which is why he asked for further information. Any able bodied man at uncle's age should be self-supporting. Even the ones with light mental illness issues.

I'm Team OP. In her house, it's OK to question why a man would be exhausted by a do-nothing life. I wouldn't want this adult male role model near my sons anyway. Good riddance until he can figure his sh*t out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

NP and you are obnoxious.

To me, it’s clear that at worst, OP is guilty of not being sympathetic to the fact that her brother might have some kind of unseen mental health disorder. But that is not entirely her fault if her family chose not to share this with her and just allowed her to think he’s just lazy and entitled all these years.
What else is OP supposed to think?
And her DS didn’t belittle or mock him. OP said he simply asked questions about why he didn’t have a job—questions that the uncle didn’t know how to answer and that made him uncomfortable.
Oh well.
Maybe if the family had included OP on what was going on with him, she could offer an explanation that made more sense.

Yes OP comes off sounding bitter and hurt. But being the sibling in her position watching how the parents favor her brother with no explanation can leave a lot of hurt.

OP seemingly has it all together. Kids, career, spouse, etc. Her brother does not. WTF does she have to be bitter and hurt about? Her brother quite clearly doesn't have it all together. Only an extremely insecure person would be hung about this or the fact that her 7 yr old got called out for being rude and nosy. She's already winning in life, what more does she need? If she can't be empathetic then she needs to just cut him out of her life because he's not good enough for her or living his life in a way she finds acceptable. A rational person would see that he's not firing on all cylinders and no think "well, nobody has explicitly told me there's a problem" It's clear as day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

You're speculating about a motive here - that OP's son must be "obsessed with adult jobs" - that is completely unnecessary. Seven year olds ask a lot of questions, about everything. Especially when they don't understand the answers they are getting. It's entirely believable that OP's son asked question after question after question.

Have you ever actually met a seven year old?

LOL, NP, but my 7 year old knows that people are all different, in so many ways. I don’t think she’d blink if someone didn’t have a job, because she knows SAH people, retired people. Self employed people, job seeking people, just.. people. Just lie, she wouldn’t be concerned with families with separated parents or same sex parent, or being raised by grandparents.. she gets that everyone is different. Th3 lack of a defined career is such a strange thing for a 7yo to be (apparently) bothered by, if your child has been exposed to anything at all. My guess is they haven’t been, given the tidbit earlier that he hasn’t been exposed to *men* (specifically) without jobs. My kid knows many parents with seasonal jobs and could literally not GAF more.

Many people who aren't immigrants don't know people with seasonal jobs or adults without jobs or things to do during the day. Being a mom is a job. They haven't been in the world that long and just know the people they've met.

If Kid Goes to school every day, how does he know that uncle doesn’t go anywhere? Especially as uncle only visits a few times a year, so could easily be on vacation time.

He knows and persisted with his line of questioning because he’s heard mom.

Kid questioned why uncle was "exhausted" and learned that uncle had no job or other responsibilities that would tire him. It's confounding, which is why he asked for further information. Any able bodied man at uncle's age should be self-supporting. Even the ones with light mental illness issues.

I'm Team OP. In her house, it's OK to question why a man would be exhausted by a do-nothing life. I wouldn't want this adult male role model near my sons anyway. Good riddance until he can figure his sh*t out.

7 yr olds have no business demanding answers from a grown man. Luckily uncle didn't demand answers of the kid or correct him on the spot. Whatever else is wrong with him, he has manners that OP and her son don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

NP and you are obnoxious.

To me, it’s clear that at worst, OP is guilty of not being sympathetic to the fact that her brother might have some kind of unseen mental health disorder. But that is not entirely her fault if her family chose not to share this with her and just allowed her to think he’s just lazy and entitled all these years.
What else is OP supposed to think?
And her DS didn’t belittle or mock him. OP said he simply asked questions about why he didn’t have a job—questions that the uncle didn’t know how to answer and that made him uncomfortable.
Oh well.
Maybe if the family had included OP on what was going on with him, she could offer an explanation that made more sense.

Yes OP comes off sounding bitter and hurt. But being the sibling in her position watching how the parents favor her brother with no explanation can leave a lot of hurt.

OP seemingly has it all together. Kids, career, spouse, etc. Her brother does not. WTF does she have to be bitter and hurt about? Her brother quite clearly doesn't have it all together. Only an extremely insecure person would be hung about this or the fact that her 7 yr old got called out for being rude and nosy. She's already winning in life, what more does she need? If she can't be empathetic then she needs to just cut him out of her life because he's not good enough for her or living his life in a way she finds acceptable. A rational person would see that he's not firing on all cylinders and no think "well, nobody has explicitly told me there's a problem" It's clear as day.

It is pretty ironic that OP judges her mother's parenting skills and "coddling" of her brother yet is extremely defensive and coddling of her own son's rude behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

NP and you are obnoxious.

To me, it’s clear that at worst, OP is guilty of not being sympathetic to the fact that her brother might have some kind of unseen mental health disorder. But that is not entirely her fault if her family chose not to share this with her and just allowed her to think he’s just lazy and entitled all these years.
What else is OP supposed to think?
And her DS didn’t belittle or mock him. OP said he simply asked questions about why he didn’t have a job—questions that the uncle didn’t know how to answer and that made him uncomfortable.
Oh well.
Maybe if the family had included OP on what was going on with him, she could offer an explanation that made more sense.

Yes OP comes off sounding bitter and hurt. But being the sibling in her position watching how the parents favor her brother with no explanation can leave a lot of hurt.

Exactly this. I've been told point blank by my mom "i don't need to worry about you because i know you'll figure it out. I just only need to worry about your sister" and "I don't remember your wedding anniversary but I remember your sister's because her marriage is worse than yours".

Newsflash parents: you need to wrry about ALL of your kids. Not just treat them as sink or swim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

NP and you are obnoxious.

To me, it’s clear that at worst, OP is guilty of not being sympathetic to the fact that her brother might have some kind of unseen mental health disorder. But that is not entirely her fault if her family chose not to share this with her and just allowed her to think he’s just lazy and entitled all these years.
What else is OP supposed to think?
And her DS didn’t belittle or mock him. OP said he simply asked questions about why he didn’t have a job—questions that the uncle didn’t know how to answer and that made him uncomfortable.
Oh well.
Maybe if the family had included OP on what was going on with him, she could offer an explanation that made more sense.

Yes OP comes off sounding bitter and hurt. But being the sibling in her position watching how the parents favor her brother with no explanation can leave a lot of hurt.

OP seemingly has it all together. Kids, career, spouse, etc. Her brother does not. WTF does she have to be bitter and hurt about? Her brother quite clearly doesn't have it all together. Only an extremely insecure person would be hung about this or the fact that her 7 yr old got called out for being rude and nosy. She's already winning in life, what more does she need? If she can't be empathetic then she needs to just cut him out of her life because he's not good enough for her or living his life in a way she finds acceptable. A rational person would see that he's not firing on all cylinders and no think "well, nobody has explicitly told me there's a problem" It's clear as day.

It is pretty ironic that OP judges her mother's parenting skills and "coddling" of her brother yet is extremely defensive and coddling of her own son's rude behavior.

Does her 7 yr old sit around all day? And would her 7 year old be up in arms, if say, a one year old hurt his feelings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

NP and you are obnoxious.

To me, it’s clear that at worst, OP is guilty of not being sympathetic to the fact that her brother might have some kind of unseen mental health disorder. But that is not entirely her fault if her family chose not to share this with her and just allowed her to think he’s just lazy and entitled all these years.
What else is OP supposed to think?
And her DS didn’t belittle or mock him. OP said he simply asked questions about why he didn’t have a job—questions that the uncle didn’t know how to answer and that made him uncomfortable.
Oh well.
Maybe if the family had included OP on what was going on with him, she could offer an explanation that made more sense.

Yes OP comes off sounding bitter and hurt. But being the sibling in her position watching how the parents favor her brother with no explanation can leave a lot of hurt.

OP seemingly has it all together. Kids, career, spouse, etc. Her brother does not. WTF does she have to be bitter and hurt about? Her brother quite clearly doesn't have it all together. Only an extremely insecure person would be hung about this or the fact that her 7 yr old got called out for being rude and nosy. She's already winning in life, what more does she need? If she can't be empathetic then she needs to just cut him out of her life because he's not good enough for her or living his life in a way she finds acceptable. A rational person would see that he's not firing on all cylinders and no think "well, nobody has explicitly told me there's a problem" It's clear as day.

It is pretty ironic that OP judges her mother's parenting skills and "coddling" of her brother yet is extremely defensive and coddling of her own son's rude behavior.

Does her 7 yr old sit around all day? And would her 7 year old be up in arms, if say, a one year old hurt his feelings?

Why is OP so mad that her family hurt her feelings? What's the difference?

[Anonymous]

OP, what is the plan for when your parents pass away?

The unspoken intention seems to be to make you Mommy 2.0. You and DH need to have a plan about that and to communicate it clearly and unmistakably to your parents and brother.

Comments by a 7 year old are a red herring here. OP is dodging the real issue and following the family pattern there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

NP and you are obnoxious.

To me, it’s clear that at worst, OP is guilty of not being sympathetic to the fact that her brother might have some kind of unseen mental health disorder. But that is not entirely her fault if her family chose not to share this with her and just allowed her to think he’s just lazy and entitled all these years.
What else is OP supposed to think?
And her DS didn’t belittle or mock him. OP said he simply asked questions about why he didn’t have a job—questions that the uncle didn’t know how to answer and that made him uncomfortable.
Oh well.
Maybe if the family had included OP on what was going on with him, she could offer an explanation that made more sense.

Yes OP comes off sounding bitter and hurt. But being the sibling in her position watching how the parents favor her brother with no explanation can leave a lot of hurt.

OP seemingly has it all together. Kids, career, spouse, etc. Her brother does not. WTF does she have to be bitter and hurt about? Her brother quite clearly doesn't have it all together. Only an extremely insecure person would be hung about this or the fact that her 7 yr old got called out for being rude and nosy. She's already winning in life, what more does she need? If she can't be empathetic then she needs to just cut him out of her life because he's not good enough for her or living his life in a way she finds acceptable. A rational person would see that he's not firing on all cylinders and no think "well, nobody has explicitly told me there's a problem" It's clear as day.

It is pretty ironic that OP judges her mother's parenting skills and "coddling" of her brother yet is extremely defensive and coddling of her own son's rude behavior.

Does her 7 yr old sit around all day? And would her 7 year old be up in arms, if say, a one year old hurt his feelings?

Why is OP so mad that her family hurt her feelings? What's the difference?

She's not. They are