Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents

[Anonymous]

OP should explain to her son that some grown ups do not work for various reasons. Sometimes they are ill and cannot work. Sometimes they are not able to find s job. Oftentimes, grown ups in these situations do not want to talk about why they do not work, because it is a sensitive subject. OP's brother is not the only adult that does not work. It is a good lesson to teach her son not to pry about sensitive subjects.

She should then tell her parents and brother that she has used this as a learning opportunity for her son,.and that he understands now not to ask his uncle about his employment situation. If she wants. Or, she can say nothing since she doesn't seem to want a relatio ship with her brother, which is fair. Actually it is probably good so he knows not to expect her to take him in when their parents pass. Though it might be good to say this explicitly to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

Total DP and I have three kids, including 2 in that age range and can absolutely buy this happened naturally. My kids are trying to figure things out and ALWAYS notice someone who seems to be different. It's why there are stories of mortified parents talking about how their kid loudly asked why someone is fat. Kids point out differences and do not understand being polite to avoid hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP should explain to her son that some grown ups do not work for various reasons. Sometimes they are ill and cannot work. Sometimes they are not able to find s job. Oftentimes, grown ups in these situations do not want to talk about why they do not work, because it is a sensitive subject. OP's brother is not the only adult that does not work. It is a good lesson to teach her son not to pry about sensitive subjects.

She should then tell her parents and brother that she has used this as a learning opportunity for her son,.and that he understands now not to ask his uncle about his employment situation. If she wants. Or, she can say nothing since she doesn't seem to want a relatio ship with her brother, which is fair. Actually it is probably good so he knows not to expect her to take him in when their parents pass. Though it might be good to say this explicitly to him.

OP, you need to say this explicitly to all 3 of them.

And be willing to hold the line if he inherits their estate and burns through it. He could wind up on the street.

Ideally a trust would be established and a conservator (NOT OP) could dole out money. And steps would be taken NOW to increase his independence and address whatever his issues are. Perhaps he could handle a retail job or Door Dash or similar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

Total DP and I have three kids, including 2 in that age range and can absolutely buy this happened naturally. My kids are trying to figure things out and ALWAYS notice someone who seems to be different. It's why there are stories of mortified parents talking about how their kid loudly asked why someone is fat. Kids point out differences and do not understand being polite to avoid hurt feelings.

Those kids ask their parents. They don't up to fat person and say "Why are you fat?! Huh? Do you eat too much? Do you not exercise? Why are you so fat!?" OP is pretending her son carried on a cross examination of her brother and wouldn't let up for almost 2 minutes before she finally shut it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

Total DP and I have three kids, including 2 in that age range and can absolutely buy this happened naturally. My kids are trying to figure things out and ALWAYS notice someone who seems to be different. It's why there are stories of mortified parents talking about how their kid loudly asked why someone is fat. Kids point out differences and do not understand being polite to avoid hurt feelings.

Those kids ask their parents. They don't up to fat person and say "Why are you fat?! Huh? Do you eat too much? Do you not exercise? Why are you so fat!?" OP is pretending her son carried on a cross examination of her brother and wouldn't let up for almost 2 minutes before she finally shut it down.

Yeah but they very well might ask their UNCLE who is regularly at their house for overnights. I guess you just don't know many kids because 2 minutes is a short cross in the world of a curious elementary schooler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

Total DP and I have three kids, including 2 in that age range and can absolutely buy this happened naturally. My kids are trying to figure things out and ALWAYS notice someone who seems to be different. It's why there are stories of mortified parents talking about how their kid loudly asked why someone is fat. Kids point out differences and do not understand being polite to avoid hurt feelings.

Those kids ask their parents. They don't up to fat person and say "Why are you fat?! Huh? Do you eat too much? Do you not exercise? Why are you so fat!?" OP is pretending her son carried on a cross examination of her brother and wouldn't let up for almost 2 minutes before she finally shut it down.

Yeah but they very well might ask their UNCLE who is regularly at their house for overnights. I guess you just don't know many kids because 2 minutes is a short cross in the world of a curious elementary schooler

Nope. Well mannered kids don't do this. Spoiled brats who have been raised to think their opinions are the most important things in the world and talking over, interrupting and interrogating adults is appropriate. Most of us just have to deal with questions from our own kids about unfamiliar things. If our kids actually went up to people to demand answers we would shut that down and apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

Yeah, my twins are nine and I can't fathom that they would ask any follow up questions if someone told them they didn't work.

So I guess you're a troll. Either that or you're the one who pushed the issue.

You can't imagine your twins asking 'Why?'. You are either very unimaginative or your twins are very simple.

Actually, it's the opposite. Someone who is unimaginative or simple needs to be told why someone doesn't work. Someone with an imagination or half a brain can think of reasons why someone wouldn't work all on their own.

Not if they are seven.

People taking issue with a seven year old asking about someone's work are strange. Of course seven year old's ask about these things. And might be temporarily confused if they see a grown man who does nothing all day.

Sure. I guess this kid has never seen a man on the weekend. People saying this really don’t know 7 yr olds.

The kid knows it’s the weekend and no one works then duh. It seems there’s some useless, triggered people on here who are so useless, even a 7 year old can make them feel bad about themselves.

My kid doesn’t know that no one works on the weekend, “duh”, because many people do. You sound narrow and entitled and possibly not employed. Even people with weekday jobs sometimes find themselves having to fill in, in some capacity, on weekends.

And FWIW, “duh” is not really much of an argument or position.

Blaming people for being “triggered” is also pretty basic and not really based in anything other than Gen Z TikTok. I’m guessing it’s the other people in the house who bring more to the table for intelligence, culture, and money.

Being triggered is a real psychological phenomenon and is not based on Gen Z TikTok. You’re definitely triggered and it’s made you angry and stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

Yeah, my twins are nine and I can't fathom that they would ask any follow up questions if someone told them they didn't work.

So I guess you're a troll. Either that or you're the one who pushed the issue.

You can't imagine your twins asking 'Why?'. You are either very unimaginative or your twins are very simple.

Actually, it's the opposite. Someone who is unimaginative or simple needs to be told why someone doesn't work. Someone with an imagination or half a brain can think of reasons why someone wouldn't work all on their own.

Not if they are seven.

People taking issue with a seven year old asking about someone's work are strange. Of course seven year old's ask about these things. And might be temporarily confused if they see a grown man who does nothing all day.

Sure. I guess this kid has never seen a man on the weekend. People saying this really don’t know 7 yr olds.

The kid knows it’s the weekend and no one works then duh. It seems there’s some useless, triggered people on here who are so useless, even a 7 year old can make them feel bad about themselves.

My kid doesn’t know that no one works on the weekend, “duh”, because many people do. You sound narrow and entitled and possibly not employed. Even people with weekday jobs sometimes find themselves having to fill in, in some capacity, on weekends.

And FWIW, “duh” is not really much of an argument or position.

Blaming people for being “triggered” is also pretty basic and not really based in anything other than Gen Z TikTok. I’m guessing it’s the other people in the house who bring more to the table for intelligence, culture, and money.

Being triggered is a real psychological phenomenon and is not based on Gen Z TikTok. You’re definitely triggered and it’s made you angry and stupid.

Are you OPs bored 7 year old?

[Anonymous]

Why can't OP just say I agree he was being rude and I shut down the conversation. I'll tell him his uncle doesnt want to answer questions on that topic and ask him not to ask about his work again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a sibling that is non productive like this but I don’t find it odd that a 7 year old would know that most grown ups work - probably except for some parents that stay home to take care of their kids. Of course if a struck k the kid as confusing trying to understand what a grown adult without kids DOES for money if the answer is nothing.

+1 my son went to daycare and in K he was briefly confused by the concept of a SAHM (re why some kids didn't go to aftercare).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

Yeah, my twins are nine and I can't fathom that they would ask any follow up questions if someone told them they didn't work.

So I guess you're a troll. Either that or you're the one who pushed the issue.

You can't imagine your twins asking 'Why?'. You are either very unimaginative or your twins are very simple.

Actually, it's the opposite. Someone who is unimaginative or simple needs to be told why someone doesn't work. Someone with an imagination or half a brain can think of reasons why someone wouldn't work all on their own.

Not if they are seven.

People taking issue with a seven year old asking about someone's work are strange. Of course seven year old's ask about these things. And might be temporarily confused if they see a grown man who does nothing all day.

Sure. I guess this kid has never seen a man on the weekend. People saying this really don’t know 7 yr olds.

The kid knows it’s the weekend and no one works then duh. It seems there’s some useless, triggered people on here who are so useless, even a 7 year old can make them feel bad about themselves.

My kid doesn’t know that no one works on the weekend, “duh”, because many people do. You sound narrow and entitled and possibly not employed. Even people with weekday jobs sometimes find themselves having to fill in, in some capacity, on weekends.

And FWIW, “duh” is not really much of an argument or position.

Blaming people for being “triggered” is also pretty basic and not really based in anything other than Gen Z TikTok. I’m guessing it’s the other people in the house who bring more to the table for intelligence, culture, and money.

Being triggered is a real psychological phenomenon and is not based on Gen Z TikTok. You’re definitely triggered and it’s made you angry and stupid.

Are you OPs bored 7 year old?

Are you OP’s useless brother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

Yeah, my twins are nine and I can't fathom that they would ask any follow up questions if someone told them they didn't work.

So I guess you're a troll. Either that or you're the one who pushed the issue.

You can't imagine your twins asking 'Why?'. You are either very unimaginative or your twins are very simple.

Actually, it's the opposite. Someone who is unimaginative or simple needs to be told why someone doesn't work. Someone with an imagination or half a brain can think of reasons why someone wouldn't work all on their own.

Not if they are seven.

People taking issue with a seven year old asking about someone's work are strange. Of course seven year old's ask about these things. And might be temporarily confused if they see a grown man who does nothing all day.

Sure. I guess this kid has never seen a man on the weekend. People saying this really don’t know 7 yr olds.

The kid knows it’s the weekend and no one works then duh. It seems there’s some useless, triggered people on here who are so useless, even a 7 year old can make them feel bad about themselves.

My kid doesn’t know that no one works on the weekend, “duh”, because many people do. You sound narrow and entitled and possibly not employed. Even people with weekday jobs sometimes find themselves having to fill in, in some capacity, on weekends.

And FWIW, “duh” is not really much of an argument or position.

Blaming people for being “triggered” is also pretty basic and not really based in anything other than Gen Z TikTok. I’m guessing it’s the other people in the house who bring more to the table for intelligence, culture, and money.

Being triggered is a real psychological phenomenon and is not based on Gen Z TikTok. You’re definitely triggered and it’s made you angry and stupid.

You pick on the new idea of “triggered”, but don’t think the argument “duh” is meant to be minimizing and gaslighting, and designed to make the other person feel stupid and shut down?

It wasn’t even directed at me, and I can pick out that it’s meant to be ignorant.

It’s so clear how ableist this board is, it’s towards mental
Illness and physical illness.

No one wants to point out that OP has her own issues, and her parents are not likely as wonderful as she thinks.

Also read manyof the answers. It’s all about inheritance and what OP should domto make sure she gets her dues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

Yeah, my twins are nine and I can't fathom that they would ask any follow up questions if someone told them they didn't work.

So I guess you're a troll. Either that or you're the one who pushed the issue.

You can't imagine your twins asking 'Why?'. You are either very unimaginative or your twins are very simple.

Actually, it's the opposite. Someone who is unimaginative or simple needs to be told why someone doesn't work. Someone with an imagination or half a brain can think of reasons why someone wouldn't work all on their own.

Not if they are seven.

People taking issue with a seven year old asking about someone's work are strange. Of course seven year old's ask about these things. And might be temporarily confused if they see a grown man who does nothing all day.

Sure. I guess this kid has never seen a man on the weekend. People saying this really don’t know 7 yr olds.

The kid knows it’s the weekend and no one works then duh. It seems there’s some useless, triggered people on here who are so useless, even a 7 year old can make them feel bad about themselves.

My kid doesn’t know that no one works on the weekend, “duh”, because many people do. You sound narrow and entitled and possibly not employed. Even people with weekday jobs sometimes find themselves having to fill in, in some capacity, on weekends.

And FWIW, “duh” is not really much of an argument or position.

Blaming people for being “triggered” is also pretty basic and not really based in anything other than Gen Z TikTok. I’m guessing it’s the other people in the house who bring more to the table for intelligence, culture, and money.

Being triggered is a real psychological phenomenon and is not based on Gen Z TikTok. You’re definitely triggered and it’s made you angry and stupid.

You pick on the new idea of “triggered”, but don’t think the argument “duh” is meant to be minimizing and gaslighting, and designed to make the other person feel stupid and shut down?

It wasn’t even directed at me, and I can pick out that it’s meant to be ignorant.

It’s so clear how ableist this board is, it’s towards mental
Illness and physical illness.

No one wants to point out that OP has her own issues, and her parents are not likely as wonderful as she thinks.

Also read manyof the answers. It’s all about inheritance and what OP should domto make sure she gets her dues.

Totally agree. People talking about that are spot on as to what's really driving the issue. I have a never do well brother but my DH and I have more money than my parents so we're not worried about his life and my kids don't ask him any questions in "confusion", it's just the way Uncle is. I think that's the difference as to why some are unbothered by this and others aren't. We aren't relying on any inheritance or counting any chickens before they are hatched. If my parents want to spend down their money taking care of him, that's their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old got frustrated with not understanding why your brother doesn't work? LOL

Look clearly you are entitled to your opinion but you are in the wrong here. Don't be a jerk and don't project things on to your kids.

This. Has your 7 year old never met someone without a job? I agree this is him parroting you. Your brother clearly has mental health issues. Be lucky you live the life you live and not the life he lives.