Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a sibling that is non productive like this but I don’t find it odd that a 7 year old would know that most grown ups work - probably except for some parents that stay home to take care of their kids. Of course if a struck k the kid as confusing trying to understand what a grown adult without kids DOES for money if the answer is nothing.

Right. My guess is that OP obsessed about these topics at home, and loudly. Seven year olds DO listen and pick up everything, even when you think they don’t. Shame on you OP. You’re letting your family issues spill over to your children. Do better!

Most kids I know ask the uncomfortable questions no one wants to talk about. I get that you're triggered over this situation, for some reason, but your premise is wrong.

[Anonymous]

That really sounds like ds picked up on *something* you said. You don't want to admit it and I can feel your frustration and bitterness but it's healthier to make peace with this and judge less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give the apology.

However, also say that you hope he understands that you expect your son to be fully employed and are raising him that way. While he's at your home you expect him to instill those same values and not give your son the impression that not having a job and living with parents at 42 is acceptable.

So wither own up to his mistakes, don't bring it up again, or don't come over. His choice.

OP has nothing to apologize for. Children have the right to ask questions, and OP cut off her kid pretty quickly. If the brother has a problem with OP, he should approach OP directly. The parents are entirely out of line and OP owes them no apology. If the brother wants to contact OP directly, maybe she can apologize to her brother directly.

OP should reach out and apologize proactively. And teach her son a little respect for adults and guests in their home.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes kids comment on sensitive things like why a woman around their mom's age isn't married or has children, or a person's weight... the parent should gently redirect the child in a way that doesn't offend or shame the adult. OP says she tried to do that, but I'm wondering what the kid could have said within the space of 90 seconds that offended the brother so much. I can picture a 7 year old asking an adult what they do for their job, but not really grilling them or not accepting a pat answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a sibling that is non productive like this but I don’t find it odd that a 7 year old would know that most grown ups work - probably except for some parents that stay home to take care of their kids. Of course if a struck k the kid as confusing trying to understand what a grown adult without kids DOES for money if the answer is nothing.

Right. My guess is that OP obsessed about these topics at home, and loudly. Seven year olds DO listen and pick up everything, even when you think they don’t. Shame on you OP. You’re letting your family issues spill over to your children. Do better!

Most kids I know ask the uncomfortable questions no one wants to talk about. I get that you're triggered over this situation, for some reason, but your premise is wrong.

Not triggered at all. Sure, kids ask questions, but seven year old boys don’t grill adults like angry middle aged housewives without prompting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes kids comment on sensitive things like why a woman around their mom's age isn't married or has children, or a person's weight... the parent should gently redirect the child in a way that doesn't offend or shame the adult. OP says she tried to do that, but I'm wondering what the kid could have said within the space of 90 seconds that offended the brother so much. I can picture a 7 year old asking an adult what they do for their job, but not really grilling them or not accepting a pat answer.

Bingo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a sibling that is non productive like this but I don’t find it odd that a 7 year old would know that most grown ups work - probably except for some parents that stay home to take care of their kids. Of course if a struck k the kid as confusing trying to understand what a grown adult without kids DOES for money if the answer is nothing.

This might be true, there are plenty of adults who ate completely mindboggled that others don't do things or view the world the way they do and this applies to everything from Healthcare, diet, living space...anything lifestyle related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a sibling that is non productive like this but I don’t find it odd that a 7 year old would know that most grown ups work - probably except for some parents that stay home to take care of their kids. Of course if a struck k the kid as confusing trying to understand what a grown adult without kids DOES for money if the answer is nothing.

This might be true, there are plenty of adults who ate completely mindboggled that others don't do things or view the world the way they do and this applies to everything from Healthcare, diet, living space...anything lifestyle related.

Uncle should have said that grandparents provide for his financial needs and that some parents love their first born sons more than their later born daughters. Uncomfortable questions deserve uncomfortable answers, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a sibling that is non productive like this but I don’t find it odd that a 7 year old would know that most grown ups work - probably except for some parents that stay home to take care of their kids. Of course if a struck k the kid as confusing trying to understand what a grown adult without kids DOES for money if the answer is nothing.

This might be true, there are plenty of adults who ate completely mindboggled that others don't do things or view the world the way they do and this applies to everything from Healthcare, diet, living space...anything lifestyle related.

Uncle should have said that grandparents provide for his financial needs and that some parents love their first born sons more than their later born daughters. Uncomfortable questions deserve uncomfortable answers, lol.

What a heaping pile of bitter steaming assumptions you're making!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a sibling that is non productive like this but I don’t find it odd that a 7 year old would know that most grown ups work - probably except for some parents that stay home to take care of their kids. Of course if a struck k the kid as confusing trying to understand what a grown adult without kids DOES for money if the answer is nothing.

This might be true, there are plenty of adults who ate completely mindboggled that others don't do things or view the world the way they do and this applies to everything from Healthcare, diet, living space...anything lifestyle related.

Uncle should have said that grandparents provide for his financial needs and that some parents love their first born sons more than their later born daughters. Uncomfortable questions deserve uncomfortable answers, lol.

What a heaping pile of bitter steaming assumptions you're making!

I’m not saying it’s true. I’m just saying that Uncle should have said it, and then chuckled about it to himself rather than running home to tattle to Mommy and Daddy.

[Anonymous]

The uncle sounds like he has untreated mental illness and yes, you should apologize, and not disparage him around your kid.

The facts that he was partying hard in college, didn't finish college, isn't self supporting, and was horribly offended by your son's questions all point, to me, to untreated mental illness.

Time for lessons in compassion. You weren't necessarily wrong, but you were judgemental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a sibling that is non productive like this but I don’t find it odd that a 7 year old would know that most grown ups work - probably except for some parents that stay home to take care of their kids. Of course if a struck k the kid as confusing trying to understand what a grown adult without kids DOES for money if the answer is nothing.

Right. My guess is that OP obsessed about these topics at home, and loudly. Seven year olds DO listen and pick up everything, even when you think they don’t. Shame on you OP. You’re letting your family issues spill over to your children. Do better!

Most kids I know ask the uncomfortable questions no one wants to talk about. I get that you're triggered over this situation, for some reason, but your premise is wrong.

Not triggered at all. Sure, kids ask questions, but seven year old boys don’t grill adults like angry middle aged housewives without prompting!

I've seen them at it, PP. I'm 44. The parents always redirect, which OP did. I'm not surprised and I don't think OP needed to trash-talk her brother in any particular way for this to happen. OP's kid probably only knows adults who work. If they don't have white hair, they have to work, essentially

There is no apology to be made. Her brother and parents are old enough to have grown a thicker skin about this. They're not being reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

“Oh I’m sorry, now’s not a convenient time for brother to stop by”

Repeat as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a sibling that is non productive like this but I don’t find it odd that a 7 year old would know that most grown ups work - probably except for some parents that stay home to take care of their kids. Of course if a struck k the kid as confusing trying to understand what a grown adult without kids DOES for money if the answer is nothing.

Right. My guess is that OP obsessed about these topics at home, and loudly. Seven year olds DO listen and pick up everything, even when you think they don’t. Shame on you OP. You’re letting your family issues spill over to your children. Do better!

Most kids I know ask the uncomfortable questions no one wants to talk about. I get that you're triggered over this situation, for some reason, but your premise is wrong.

Not triggered at all. Sure, kids ask questions, but seven year old boys don’t grill adults like angry middle aged housewives without prompting!

I've seen them at it, PP. I'm 44. The parents always redirect, which OP did. I'm not surprised and I don't think OP needed to trash-talk her brother in any particular way for this to happen. OP's kid probably only knows adults who work. If they don't have white hair, they have to work, essentially

There is no apology to be made. Her brother and parents are old enough to have grown a thicker skin about this. They're not being reasonable.

Suppose so. Brother should have just gone back home and they all could have trash talked OP like they probably do most nights anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

OP ignore this utter garbage take.

This was a 42 year old talking to a 7 year old. The 42 year old ran home to mommy and daddy and complained about a 7 year old that did absolutely nothing wrong.

Team 7 year old.