My niece just screwed herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I've seen one response that said, I always send thank you notes or at least call or email a thank you for gifts I get, but I really don't care if anyone thanks me for gifts.

If anyone said that then I might believe that all these folks who think expecting a thank you is overreacting or selfish or whatever aren't the exact people who don't thank people.

No, we're not. I hand-wrote thank yous for 120 wedding gifts, DH sent about 80, and we also wrote notes for every baby shower gift, and every birthday gift, etc.

*However,* I would never dream of ruining a relationship over a thank you card. I didn't give the gift to get a card. I gave the gift because I wish the couple well. And in the busy run-up to a wedding or after, I can understand how some thank you cards might get missed, though DH and I certainly did not forget to send ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these aunties, moms, older SILs and MILs on DCUM freaking out about their loss of significance and power lately. It really is such a sad sight to behold.

Mic drop.

Grow up and acknowledge your relationships and gifts. That is all. Grow up.

What is grown up about an aunt ranting about her niece screwing herself? It was rude behavior, but not vendetta worthy.

[Anonymous]

You give a gift to give the gift. For the sentiment. Not to be thanked or fawned over in return.

If you don't like not being thanked or fawned over, be it deliberately, absent-mindedness, or just plain that it got lost in the shuffle of life, then stop giving. I assure you, they won't miss it as much as you think they will. Then you can move on to the next thing on your list to be viciously judgmental, not to mention completely self-absorbed, about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I've seen one response that said, I always send thank you notes or at least call or email a thank you for gifts I get, but I really don't care if anyone thanks me for gifts.

If anyone said that then I might believe that all these folks who think expecting a thank you is overreacting or selfish or whatever aren't the exact people who don't thank people.

Okay, I'll bite. I always send thanks for gifts unless it was given in person and I thanked in person (and sometimes then). My mother was strict on this.

I send wedding gifts and other gifts and then forget about them. The stress for me is in picking out the right thing or right amount, not in keeping tabs on what I've given. I really don't care.

[Anonymous]

I get where OP is coming from, and understand. I also get upset with the lack of consideration after I give a gift. My 6 yo even knows how to write a thank you note, shame on those who don't even bother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I've seen one response that said, I always send thank you notes or at least call or email a thank you for gifts I get, but I really don't care if anyone thanks me for gifts.

If anyone said that then I might believe that all these folks who think expecting a thank you is overreacting or selfish or whatever aren't the exact people who don't thank people.

No, we're not. I hand-wrote thank yous for 120 wedding gifts, DH sent about 80, and we also wrote notes for every baby shower gift, and every birthday gift, etc.

*However,* I would never dream of ruining a relationship over a thank you card. I didn't give the gift to get a card. I gave the gift because I wish the couple well. And in the busy run-up to a wedding or after, I can understand how some thank you cards might get missed, though DH and I certainly did not forget to send ours.

How do you think the OP "ruined the relationship" with her niece? Do you think her niece is reading DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You give a gift to give the gift. For the sentiment. Not to be thanked or fawned over in return.

If you don't like not being thanked or fawned over, be it deliberately, absent-mindedness, or just plain that it got lost in the shuffle of life, then stop giving. I assure you, they won't miss it as much as you think they will. Then you can move on to the next thing on your list to be viciously judgmental, not to mention completely self-absorbed, about.

Way to take a relatively innocuous vent about not getting a thank you for a $1000 wedding gift and inflate it into "viciously judgmental" and "completely self-absorbed." You are exaggerating your own agenda to prove yourself right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these aunties, moms, older SILs and MILs on DCUM freaking out about their loss of significance and power lately. It really is such a sad sight to behold.

Mic drop.

Grow up and acknowledge your relationships and gifts. That is all. Grow up.

What is grown up about an aunt ranting about her niece screwing herself? It was rude behavior, but not vendetta worthy.

Not giving the niece any more gifts is not a vendetta.

[Anonymous]

If you and also your children don't care about getting any more gifts from a relative who likes to write checks for $1000 then just don't bother to thank them, and teach your children that they don't need to worry about it either. In fact, tell them that if their generous relatives expect a thank you then they are selfish and viciously judgmental and don't deserve to have a relationship with you or be invited to any of your big days going forward.

[Anonymous]

I always write thank you notes but I don't even register if I don't get them. I'm often surprised by a ty note when I receive it, like "oh yeah, I forgot we gave them a gift and a check for their wedding, what a nice note." But I've definitely not got notes for things I gave and I truly don't care. I also twice have been thanked for the wrong gift (including once for a much cheaper gift than we gave!). Don't care.

One thing I will note is that writing and receiving thank you notes for cash gifts suck. I've done it, of course, because do many people give money for graduation and weddings. I do okay (I usually state what the money will get towards, since I was taught to be specific in ty notes) but I find them harder to write than other notes. If I noticed I hadn't received a note for a cash gift, it would not bother me because I find that exchange kind of weird. I'd honestly rather give the money anonymously but my mom claimed this will cause more problems for people so I don't.

Anyway, getting upset over this seems like a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always write thank you notes but I don't even register if I don't get them. I'm often surprised by a ty note when I receive it, like "oh yeah, I forgot we gave them a gift and a check for their wedding, what a nice note." But I've definitely not got notes for things I gave and I truly don't care. I also twice have been thanked for the wrong gift (including once for a much cheaper gift than we gave!). Don't care.

One thing I will note is that writing and receiving thank you notes for cash gifts suck. I've done it, of course, because do many people give money for graduation and weddings. I do okay (I usually state what the money will get towards, since I was taught to be specific in ty notes) but I find them harder to write than other notes. If I noticed I hadn't received a note for a cash gift, it would not bother me because I find that exchange kind of weird. I'd honestly rather give the money anonymously but my mom claimed this will cause more problems for people so I don't.

Anyway, getting upset over this seems like a waste of time.

"Dear Aunt Munificent,
Thank you so much for the generous wedding gift! Troy and I have several ideas for ways to put it to good use. It was great seeing you at the wedding, we're so glad you could share our special day with us."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I've seen one response that said, I always send thank you notes or at least call or email a thank you for gifts I get, but I really don't care if anyone thanks me for gifts.

If anyone said that then I might believe that all these folks who think expecting a thank you is overreacting or selfish or whatever aren't the exact people who don't thank people.

No, we're not. I hand-wrote thank yous for 120 wedding gifts, DH sent about 80, and we also wrote notes for every baby shower gift, and every birthday gift, etc.

*However,* I would never dream of ruining a relationship over a thank you card. I didn't give the gift to get a card. I gave the gift because I wish the couple well. And in the busy run-up to a wedding or after, I can understand how some thank you cards might get missed, though DH and I certainly did not forget to send ours.

How do you think the OP "ruined the relationship" with her niece? Do you think her niece is reading DCUM?

OP said “I’m done” and is using foul language to gossip about her niece on the Internet. Sounds super healthy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I've seen one response that said, I always send thank you notes or at least call or email a thank you for gifts I get, but I really don't care if anyone thanks me for gifts.

If anyone said that then I might believe that all these folks who think expecting a thank you is overreacting or selfish or whatever aren't the exact people who don't thank people.

No, we're not. I hand-wrote thank yous for 120 wedding gifts, DH sent about 80, and we also wrote notes for every baby shower gift, and every birthday gift, etc.

*However,* I would never dream of ruining a relationship over a thank you card. I didn't give the gift to get a card. I gave the gift because I wish the couple well. And in the busy run-up to a wedding or after, I can understand how some thank you cards might get missed, though DH and I certainly did not forget to send ours.

How do you think the OP "ruined the relationship" with her niece? Do you think her niece is reading DCUM?

OP said “I’m done” and is using foul language to gossip about her niece on the Internet. Sounds super healthy!

She's done giving her presents. What foul language? Screwed? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You give a gift to give the gift. For the sentiment. Not to be thanked or fawned over in return.

If you don't like not being thanked or fawned over, be it deliberately, absent-mindedness, or just plain that it got lost in the shuffle of life, then stop giving. I assure you, they won't miss it as much as you think they will. Then you can move on to the next thing on your list to be viciously judgmental, not to mention completely self-absorbed, about.

I dunno. I’d miss not getting $1000. But maybe that’s just peanuts to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I've seen one response that said, I always send thank you notes or at least call or email a thank you for gifts I get, but I really don't care if anyone thanks me for gifts.

If anyone said that then I might believe that all these folks who think expecting a thank you is overreacting or selfish or whatever aren't the exact people who don't thank people.

No, we're not. I hand-wrote thank yous for 120 wedding gifts, DH sent about 80, and we also wrote notes for every baby shower gift, and every birthday gift, etc.

*However,* I would never dream of ruining a relationship over a thank you card. I didn't give the gift to get a card. I gave the gift because I wish the couple well. And in the busy run-up to a wedding or after, I can understand how some thank you cards might get missed, though DH and I certainly did not forget to send ours.

How do you think the OP "ruined the relationship" with her niece? Do you think her niece is reading DCUM?

OP said “I’m done” and is using foul language to gossip about her niece on the Internet. Sounds super healthy!

It’s an anonymous forum made for venting. Lord you are a pearl clutcher.