How do people afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? People saying you can't afford it have a spending problem. We paid for a pricey secular k8 when we were under 200k and are now paying 50k at just over 200k. we have probably a bit less in equity than you if I'm understanding you correctly that you have 800k equity and still 750k mortgage left to pay.

An expensive SFH is a CHOICE.
Nice cars are a CHOICE.
Fancy gadgets and trips are a CHOICE.
Spending on nicer clothes and nails and hair salons are a CHOICE.

You can choose cushy or you can choose education. Pretending you can't "afford" it on your salary is utter nonsense.

Exactly this. I don’t use a house cleaner - I clean myself. We rarely eat out. Our vacations are visiting and staying with family. We don’t buy expensive clothes or handbags or watches. We have an ordinary car. Etc etc. Life is about choices.

Yep. And your choices are just plain nuts.

Our choices are nuts? Lol yep, says a completely ignorant, idiot.

You will never convince and many others that it’s worth so much sacrifice for a private school education. It’s like you’re deifying your kid.

Any attentive and educated parent can see to it that their kid gets a good education in a public school. They don’t have to deprive themselves to such a great extent. They just don’t. It’s odd AF to think otherwise.

NP. For us, it’s partially selfish. Sure, we could move out of the city, but we wouldn’t like it, and our commute would suck. So we want to indulge ourselves, but we also want want our kid to get a better education than is available at our zoned public school (a greatschools 2). Hence, private.

We have prioritized our kid’s education AND our location preferences over a lot of other discretionary spending. It doesn’t feel like a “sacrifice”. It feels like spending money on what is important to us.

And like above posters, we are full pay at less than $250k HHI. It’s fine because we do not prioritize clothing, cars, expensive travel, etc. We don’t feel deprived because we don’t really care about that stuff.

And that’s great that you’ve figured out what works for you.

People who don’t “sacrifice” for private have been criticized a few times on this thread though. So I’ll say that there are all kinds of different ways to prioritize your kids and every family is different. It might be private school, but some kids benefit from the house with more space, the yard, the parent who works less and is around more, a vacation here and there, etc., etc. I’m tired of reading the problem is parents who selfishly pick fancy cars and designer clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? People saying you can't afford it have a spending problem. We paid for a pricey secular k8 when we were under 200k and are now paying 50k at just over 200k. we have probably a bit less in equity than you if I'm understanding you correctly that you have 800k equity and still 750k mortgage left to pay.

An expensive SFH is a CHOICE.
Nice cars are a CHOICE.
Fancy gadgets and trips are a CHOICE.
Spending on nicer clothes and nails and hair salons are a CHOICE.

You can choose cushy or you can choose education. Pretending you can't "afford" it on your salary is utter nonsense.

Exactly this. I don’t use a house cleaner - I clean myself. We rarely eat out. Our vacations are visiting and staying with family. We don’t buy expensive clothes or handbags or watches. We have an ordinary car. Etc etc. Life is about choices.

Yep. And your choices are just plain nuts.

Our choices are nuts? Lol yep, says a completely ignorant, idiot.

You will never convince and many others that it’s worth so much sacrifice for a private school education. It’s like you’re deifying your kid.

Any attentive and educated parent can see to it that their kid gets a good education in a public school. They don’t have to deprive themselves to such a great extent. They just don’t. It’s odd AF to think otherwise.

NP. For us, it’s partially selfish. Sure, we could move out of the city, but we wouldn’t like it, and our commute would suck. So we want to indulge ourselves, but we also want want our kid to get a better education than is available at our zoned public school (a greatschools 2). Hence, private.

We have prioritized our kid’s education AND our location preferences over a lot of other discretionary spending. It doesn’t feel like a “sacrifice”. It feels like spending money on what is important to us.

And like above posters, we are full pay at less than $250k HHI. It’s fine because we do not prioritize clothing, cars, expensive travel, etc. We don’t feel deprived because we don’t really care about that stuff.

And that’s great that you’ve figured out what works for you.

People who don’t “sacrifice” for private have been criticized a few times on this thread though. So I’ll say that there are all kinds of different ways to prioritize your kids and every family is different. It might be private school, but some kids benefit from the house with more space, the yard, the parent who works less and is around more, a vacation here and there, etc., etc. I’m tired of reading the problem is parents who selfishly pick fancy cars and designer clothes.

Sure! I was responding to the poster who said that parents who choose to make significant tradeoffs to afford private schools are in some way deifying their child and that it is “odd AF to think otherwise” (?!).

Our calculation might be entirely different if we lived in a less crappy school district, or had different commutes, or or or or. Every family has to make their own decisions and very few people don’t have to make any kind of tradeoff at all.

It’s stupid to say that no one should make tradeoffs for private schools, and equally stupid to say that everyone should make tradeoffs for private schools.

In each category, there will be people who make foolish tradeoffs - those who overextend for private school in a way that really harms their family, or those who selfishly pick fancy cars and designer clothes over a private school that would really help their child. But I would hope that most people make this decision thoughtfully, and I know for sure that it’s impossible to tell over this screen whether or not someone made that decision thoughtfully.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m not the same poster that talked about having a housekeeper. That is absolutely not us. We clean our own toilets. We rarely eat out and when we do it’s a fast casual spot. We take trips to visit family or day trips that don’t require overnights. Even with that I don’t see how the numbers work out unless we move into an apartment and don’t save for retirement, which perhaps is a choice we could make, but doesn’t seem prudent. I appreciate the replies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? People saying you can't afford it have a spending problem. We paid for a pricey secular k8 when we were under 200k and are now paying 50k at just over 200k. we have probably a bit less in equity than you if I'm understanding you correctly that you have 800k equity and still 750k mortgage left to pay.

An expensive SFH is a CHOICE.
Nice cars are a CHOICE.
Fancy gadgets and trips are a CHOICE.
Spending on nicer clothes and nails and hair salons are a CHOICE.

You can choose cushy or you can choose education. Pretending you can't "afford" it on your salary is utter nonsense.

Exactly this. I don’t use a house cleaner - I clean myself. We rarely eat out. Our vacations are visiting and staying with family. We don’t buy expensive clothes or handbags or watches. We have an ordinary car. Etc etc. Life is about choices.

Yep. And your choices are just plain nuts.

Our choices are nuts? Lol yep, says a completely ignorant, idiot.

You will never convince and many others that it’s worth so much sacrifice for a private school education. It’s like you’re deifying your kid.

Any attentive and educated parent can see to it that their kid gets a good education in a public school. They don’t have to deprive themselves to such a great extent. They just don’t. It’s odd AF to think otherwise.

NP. For us, it’s partially selfish. Sure, we could move out of the city, but we wouldn’t like it, and our commute would suck. So we want to indulge ourselves, but we also want want our kid to get a better education than is available at our zoned public school (a greatschools 2). Hence, private.

We have prioritized our kid’s education AND our location preferences over a lot of other discretionary spending. It doesn’t feel like a “sacrifice”. It feels like spending money on what is important to us.

And like above posters, we are full pay at less than $250k HHI. It’s fine because we do not prioritize clothing, cars, expensive travel, etc. We don’t feel deprived because we don’t really care about that stuff.

And that’s great that you’ve figured out what works for you.

People who don’t “sacrifice” for private have been criticized a few times on this thread though. So I’ll say that there are all kinds of different ways to prioritize your kids and every family is different. It might be private school, but some kids benefit from the house with more space, the yard, the parent who works less and is around more, a vacation here and there, etc., etc. I’m tired of reading the problem is parents who selfishly pick fancy cars and designer clothes.

So, you think a family making $300 should get to live very comfortably and get a lot of aid over a family living modestly and making less. We could benefit from a bigger house but I don’t want a big mortgage. We would love a vacation but don’t. Life is about choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not the same poster that talked about having a housekeeper. That is absolutely not us. We clean our own toilets. We rarely eat out and when we do it’s a fast casual spot. We take trips to visit family or day trips that don’t require overnights. Even with that I don’t see how the numbers work out unless we move into an apartment and don’t save for retirement, which perhaps is a choice we could make, but doesn’t seem prudent. I appreciate the replies!

Where is all your money going then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not the same poster that talked about having a housekeeper. That is absolutely not us. We clean our own toilets. We rarely eat out and when we do it’s a fast casual spot. We take trips to visit family or day trips that don’t require overnights. Even with that I don’t see how the numbers work out unless we move into an apartment and don’t save for retirement, which perhaps is a choice we could make, but doesn’t seem prudent. I appreciate the replies!

Where is all your money going then?

Our mortgage is the biggest expense. We’re paying about 4400 a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not the same poster that talked about having a housekeeper. That is absolutely not us. We clean our own toilets. We rarely eat out and when we do it’s a fast casual spot. We take trips to visit family or day trips that don’t require overnights. Even with that I don’t see how the numbers work out unless we move into an apartment and don’t save for retirement, which perhaps is a choice we could make, but doesn’t seem prudent. I appreciate the replies!

Where is all your money going then?

Our mortgage is the biggest expense. We’re paying about 4400 a month.

On your income that is high but you still have plenty. You should have spent less on a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? People saying you can't afford it have a spending problem. We paid for a pricey secular k8 when we were under 200k and are now paying 50k at just over 200k. we have probably a bit less in equity than you if I'm understanding you correctly that you have 800k equity and still 750k mortgage left to pay.

An expensive SFH is a CHOICE.
Nice cars are a CHOICE.
Fancy gadgets and trips are a CHOICE.
Spending on nicer clothes and nails and hair salons are a CHOICE.

You can choose cushy or you can choose education. Pretending you can't "afford" it on your salary is utter nonsense.

Exactly this. I don’t use a house cleaner - I clean myself. We rarely eat out. Our vacations are visiting and staying with family. We don’t buy expensive clothes or handbags or watches. We have an ordinary car. Etc etc. Life is about choices.

Yep. And your choices are just plain nuts.

Our choices are nuts? Lol yep, says a completely ignorant, idiot.

You will never convince and many others that it’s worth so much sacrifice for a private school education. It’s like you’re deifying your kid.

Any attentive and educated parent can see to it that their kid gets a good education in a public school. They don’t have to deprive themselves to such a great extent. They just don’t. It’s odd AF to think otherwise.

NP. For us, it’s partially selfish. Sure, we could move out of the city, but we wouldn’t like it, and our commute would suck. So we want to indulge ourselves, but we also want want our kid to get a better education than is available at our zoned public school (a greatschools 2). Hence, private.

We have prioritized our kid’s education AND our location preferences over a lot of other discretionary spending. It doesn’t feel like a “sacrifice”. It feels like spending money on what is important to us.

And like above posters, we are full pay at less than $250k HHI. It’s fine because we do not prioritize clothing, cars, expensive travel, etc. We don’t feel deprived because we don’t really care about that stuff.

And that’s great that you’ve figured out what works for you.

People who don’t “sacrifice” for private have been criticized a few times on this thread though. So I’ll say that there are all kinds of different ways to prioritize your kids and every family is different. It might be private school, but some kids benefit from the house with more space, the yard, the parent who works less and is around more, a vacation here and there, etc., etc. I’m tired of reading the problem is parents who selfishly pick fancy cars and designer clothes.

So, you think a family making $300 should get to live very comfortably and get a lot of aid over a family living modestly and making less. We could benefit from a bigger house but I don’t want a big mortgage. We would love a vacation but don’t. Life is about choices.

No! Don’t think they should get aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not the same poster that talked about having a housekeeper. That is absolutely not us. We clean our own toilets. We rarely eat out and when we do it’s a fast casual spot. We take trips to visit family or day trips that don’t require overnights. Even with that I don’t see how the numbers work out unless we move into an apartment and don’t save for retirement, which perhaps is a choice we could make, but doesn’t seem prudent. I appreciate the replies!

So it seems like you know your answer. And you probably have known it all along—you can’t make the numbers work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not the same poster that talked about having a housekeeper. That is absolutely not us. We clean our own toilets. We rarely eat out and when we do it’s a fast casual spot. We take trips to visit family or day trips that don’t require overnights. Even with that I don’t see how the numbers work out unless we move into an apartment and don’t save for retirement, which perhaps is a choice we could make, but doesn’t seem prudent. I appreciate the replies!

So it seems like you know your answer. And you probably have known it all along—you can’t make the numbers work.

Agree. Not sure how you make it work for two kids with that mortgage payment.
One strategy might be to consider a career pivot for either/both you and DH to yield higher salaries.
I left non profit sector for private a few years after having my first kid. Kicking myself I didn’t do it sooner. The salary/bonuses etc are worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not the same poster that talked about having a housekeeper. That is absolutely not us. We clean our own toilets. We rarely eat out and when we do it’s a fast casual spot. We take trips to visit family or day trips that don’t require overnights. Even with that I don’t see how the numbers work out unless we move into an apartment and don’t save for retirement, which perhaps is a choice we could make, but doesn’t seem prudent. I appreciate the replies!

So it seems like you know your answer. And you probably have known it all along—you can’t make the numbers work.

Agree. Not sure how you make it work for two kids with that mortgage payment.
One strategy might be to consider a career pivot for either/both you and DH to yield higher salaries.
I left non profit sector for private a few years after having my first kid. Kicking myself I didn’t do it sooner. The salary/bonuses etc are worth it.

We're facing this challenge now. $350k HHI, $3200 monthly mortgage. Old cars, paid off. 2 kids currently in public, looking at private, but really reluctant to "sacrifice" jobs we adore -- true unicorn gigs perfectly suited to our personalities, family obligations, and professional aspirations -- for more $$ in private sector gigs guaranteed to be a poorer fit. If the school upgrade is truly worth it, I'd rather dip into home equity or retirement savings to fund it. But I'm not yet convinced it's truly worth it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not the same poster that talked about having a housekeeper. That is absolutely not us. We clean our own toilets. We rarely eat out and when we do it’s a fast casual spot. We take trips to visit family or day trips that don’t require overnights. Even with that I don’t see how the numbers work out unless we move into an apartment and don’t save for retirement, which perhaps is a choice we could make, but doesn’t seem prudent. I appreciate the replies!

So it seems like you know your answer. And you probably have known it all along—you can’t make the numbers work.

Agree. Not sure how you make it work for two kids with that mortgage payment.
One strategy might be to consider a career pivot for either/both you and DH to yield higher salaries.
I left non profit sector for private a few years after having my first kid. Kicking myself I didn’t do it sooner. The salary/bonuses etc are worth it.

We're facing this challenge now. $350k HHI, $3200 monthly mortgage. Old cars, paid off. 2 kids currently in public, looking at private, but really reluctant to "sacrifice" jobs we adore -- true unicorn gigs perfectly suited to our personalities, family obligations, and professional aspirations -- for more $$ in private sector gigs guaranteed to be a poorer fit. If the school upgrade is truly worth it, I'd rather dip into home equity or retirement savings to fund it. But I'm not yet convinced it's truly worth it

What grades are the kids in? Do they seem happy? I feel like private school is paying for bottled water if you have good tap water available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar stats to you, but we have one kid and we get financial aid. Money is tight and DH thinks we should pull the kid back to public.

How is money tight on that income? That's appalling you get financial aid making over $300K.

Well, I'm not the OP, but on a $300k income, half goes to taxes. That would take it down to roughly $12,000 a month of net income. And, last I checked, private school is at least $5,000/month or $60k a year. If you have two kids in private, that would leave $2000 a month for mortgage, food, taxes, car insurance, etc. Not feasible.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people who are not law firm partners have grandparents who pay for private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like private school is paying for bottled water if you have good tap water available.

The better analogy IMO is taking a cross-country trip by private jet vs. car (good public) or bus (bad public).