Feeling sad about lack of playdates

[Anonymous]

I need advice on making friends for my DD and me. She is finishing up in preschool and heading to K in the fall. During her time in preK, the majority of her small class have all known each other because the moms worked together. They go out to dinner during weekday nights. They have playdates and sleep overs on the weekend. My DD is not invited. I know of these events because from time-to-time I read about them on Facebook. A new girl with a mom who doesnt work with the other Moms came to the school this year. However, new girl and her Mom have been invited on playdates and outings and my DD sadly is not. She does get invited to birthday parties because the whole class gets invited. Now that I see new girl invited, I am very paranoid that this is about me. I am older than all the other moms. I have a pressure filled job and a DH who works long hours so I'm not always brimming with a sunny disposition when I run into the other Moms at pick up time. Frankly, Ive never been a great multitasker. Sometimes it is all I can do to take care of my family, do my paid job and communicate with family, etc. How do I turn around this situation for K in the fall so that my DD is not isolated and left out of playdates, sleep overs, etc? I feel so sad that this is my fault. Please help with advice.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't have advice for you since I'm not yet at the playdate stage, but please try not to see this as your fault. Maybe invite some kids over to your house for playdates?

[Anonymous]

I would address it by inviting other kids over to your house for playdates on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

OP here- I have invited many of DD's clasmates over to our house for after school playdates and on weekends over time. Many of them do not reciprocate with an invite in return. A few have invited my DD to their houses but only once. We also attend as many birthday parties as we can so we dont come off as being anti-social.

[Anonymous]

Just keep trying. It should be a fresh start in kindergarten for you both.

[Anonymous]

Relax or you will be your child's worst nightmare.
Spoken by a parent of two kids, 22 and 19...............

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you're depressed. Taking personally the number of social invites that your preschooler gets is negative thinking. If she were an infant and the playdates were all about the parents, that would be different. But she's heading towards kindergarten, and most playdates are drop off at that age. And sleepovers are not very common for preschoolers, so it may be that the kids at her school are particularly close.

In any event, I would just keep doing what you're doing at the next school - invite as many kids over to your house for playdates as you can, and attend as many birthday parties as you can.

[Anonymous]

We never have any playdates by choice. I figure DD sees a lot of her pre-school friends during the week, evenings and weekends are precious time for DH and I to spend with her and her brother. Now that she is starting to see her 1.5 brother as a playmate, we have even more fun on our own.

[Anonymous]

PP, are you the person who always posts that people are depressed?

[Anonymous]

Many of them do not reciprocate with an invite in return. A few have invited my DD to their houses but only once.

Is your daughter upset or worried about this issue at all? If not, I wouldn't worry about it or give it any further thought. My son is only 3, and the kids from daycare that he is friends with and does activities with outside of school are kids that he selected as friends. I'm not necessarily friends with any of their parents. It would be convenient if I were, but basically, I am just polite and pleasent to these people for purposes of facilitating the interaction between our kids.

[Anonymous]

Taking personally the number of social invites that your preschooler gets is negative thinking.

I have no idea whether OP is depressed, but I do strongly agree with the statement above.

[Anonymous]

"PP, are you the person who always posts that people are depressed?"

No, I don't!

But I've read the book "Feeling Good," which is about have negative mindsets can cause depression, and OP's wording resonates with me. First, the taking things personally (she says she's "feeling sad," and is "paranoid this is about me," but doesn't indicate what her daughter is feeling). And second, the self-criticism - that she doesn't feel that she has a sunny disposition and isn't a great multi-tasker. It just sounds like she needs as much help with her mood as she does with her daughter's social life.

[Anonymous]

It's just a fact of life that some kids are more popular than others and it hurts when your child experiences this pain. Your daughter will find some good friends in elementary school; really she just needs one really close and reliable one. I had similar feelings about my son, who was in a three way friendship at preschool and had to watch the other two leave school for their playdates and tell him to his face that he isn't the preferred friend. I finally gave up on courting the other two. Since then, he has befriended our neighbor and it's much more spontaneous and fun...no elaborate playdate planning. Consider some prospects on your block...hang it there, OP.

[Anonymous]

11:28 get a life and stop diagnosing on an anonymous website

[Anonymous]

Hey op. I feel your pain. I do think it's hard not to take it personally. What neighborhood are you in? I wonder if you can join other groups and stuff and that may help your dd also meet other kids?