FTM here, how to get my mother to understand Facebook privacy re: the baby?

[Anonymous]

This weekend, my mom shared on her Facebook page a "belly pic" I posted on my (well-controlled) Facebook page. When I used this opportunity to engage her in conversation about how we should deal with the new baby's photos and Facebook sharing, it devolved into the below ... her accusing me of overreaction and insisting that she would never again post a picture of me or my baby EVER-EVER. Please help me understand (a) what is a reasonable approach to sharing photos of the baby on the internet, including family Facebook pages, and (b) how to make a share-y relative understand and respect these concerns. I want so much to be reasonable, but it's hard when conversations progress this way. I'm posting the text of our convo below for those who are interested; I hope it shows that I'm reasonable so far, but happy to take criticism on my approach as well. (Like that even needs to be said on these boards, sigh.)

[Anonymous]

Mom, I thought you said you weren't going to share my photos on facebook. This one you've just shared is fine, but I don't know how I generally feel about these things yet, so we should discuss at some point before there are baby pictures.

I thought since you'd posted them, permission was implicit.

no, not necessarily. i have shared them with my 100 closest friends and family, not with all of facebook

i don't think my friends constitute "all of facebook" but I will delete them, because I'd hate to be considered proud of my daughter

i said this one was fine and that we should discuss in person
don't overreact

u did

i did what?

overreact

i said "I thought you said you weren't going to share my photos on facebook. This one's fine, but I don't know how I generally feel about these things yet, so we should discuss at some point before there are baby pictures."
how is saying we should discuss photo sharing an overreaction?

I said I thought since you shared them, I could to
how is sharing a photo that's already been shared worth discussing,
like I'd committed some major faux pas

here's why: I carefully control my facebook page, as you know. i have ~20 friends and then my/[DH]'s family with access to my page. when i share a photo, i am sharing it with 20 of my closest friends and with my family.
when you share it, you are sharing it with at least 396 people, many of whom i don't know
and depending on your privacy settings, which i don't know, perhaps many more people than that
so, i don't believe it to be the same thing
i didn't say i necessarily think it's wrong -- in fact, i said this pic was fine -- what i did say is i want to think about this and talk to you about it before something does become an issue

and my friends will do what with this photo?
smile and say "how pretty?"
don't worry, I deleted it and all your photos on my website, so you don't have to worry

STOP OVERREACTING
i am trying to have a reasonable conversation with you

I think having to discuss it at all is overreacting

if you want to take that position, then you can
but if we don't discuss it, you won't have access to my photos
or, you can accept that i have a higher level of privacy concerns than you and respect that and try to understand that
i am trying to understand your desire to share my news and photos and to accommodate that
so you let me know if you'd like to discuss

I said I will not post any more pictures of you any where
if that's not enough you'll have to remove me from your friends list

ok, if that's what you want, then you are choosing it
i am not forcing that upon you
i want to be clear that you are making this choice

ha

and no photos of my child until we discuss either
i'm not trying to be mean, i'm trying to be reasonable
happy to discuss when you are ready

I will make it a point not to take pictures of your baby, but it will hurt me more than now

if you want to "make that point" and hurt yourself, then do so
i'm not making that point nor am i hurting you
i'm happy to discuss when you are ready
now i'm going to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Argh, I hate people like that. Most of them are probably on DCUM just to warn you. And by "people like that" I mean the ones who seem oblivious to why someone else doesn't want the FB world in their business. Then they have the nerve to get mad about it.

I would share a link like this, but really it probably wouldn't even matter. They are going to feel how they feel and blame it on you somehow.

http://www.technolog.msnbc.msn.com/technology/technolog/consumer-reports-facebook-privacy-problems-are-rise-749990

[Anonymous]

1. it's weird that you guys communicate this much by email, especially about a touchy subject. maybe try doing it in person or on the phone next time.

2. your mom sounds pretty immature.

[Anonymous]

We have a no sharing pictures on FB with our family. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Let me get this straight...you are complaining bc your mom shared a picture of your baby...but you have no problem posting an entire email thread/message that occurred between you two which more than likely your mother never meant to be shared and posted it to an Internet forum word for word?

[Anonymous]

I thought the first part was fine but then you kept just trying to get the last word and upping the ante and she kept reacting. No need to tell her the same thing over and over when you know you will just annoy her more.

[Anonymous]

Is your mom always such a martyr? Trying to reason with a person like this is completely pointless, as I'm sure you've experienced, OP. Just tell her how it's going to be. She will cry a river about it, but oh well. She'll eventually get over it and find something new to get all butthurt about. Explaining your reasoning gives her more ammunition. Just stop.

Signed,
Been There

[Anonymous]

so she doesn't repost another pic of you or the baby ever.

that's perfect!

[Anonymous]

yeah, your mom is not planning to listen, so no sense talking...
is there anyone in the family who she would actually listen to?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP - my mom has reacted similarly when I've asked her to not post pictures of my children on FB without asking first. I no longer send her pictures via email after she posted several I sent to her when she said she wanted them to order prints - she sees pictures on their Shutterfly page and I send her prints.

[Anonymous]

My mom doesn't do "the Facebook." She barely does "the Google." So at least this issue is not a problem in our family. On the other hand, she wants real, old school printed out snapshots in snail mail and gets resentful when they don't appear. Not gonna happen, Mom.

[Anonymous]

I have a no sharing pictures of me or my children on the internet rule. I may be a luddite, but there are creeps and crazies out there.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry to be so negative but if your Mom reacts like that, you're about to have many more issues with her on your hands when your baby is born. I'm projecting a bit because reading your Mom's responses to you remind me of my (irrational and difficult) Mom. Perhaps it's drastic but one option for you is not to post baby pictures on FB at all.

[Anonymous]

I'm on the mom's side. what is the point of facebook if not to share baby photos with friends and family? OP sounds like a complete nutcase.