FTM here, how to get my mother to understand Facebook privacy re: the baby?

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm not going to comment on you vs your mom. However, I will point out that facebook may not be as private as you think for your page. I can see pictures that my friends comment on and I'm not friends with the person who posted the pic. I.E. Sally may post on a pic of your baby about how cute he is. Sally's friend may be able to see the picture simply because Sally commented on it but has never met you IRL. I don't know much about security settings so perhaps you can make sure this doesn't happen, but if you are very against strangers seeing pictures of your children, I would create a private website that can only be accessed by invitation which you can send out to your friends. My coworker has a site for her new baby, and I had to register after she sent me an invitation so that she could keep track of who was looking at the website.

[Anonymous]

Op you are a control freak FTM. We would never be friends. Read what the PP said. What will you do when DS/DD is at a bday party and a photo includes them in it on fb. Are you going to send some absurd email to them about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you are a control freak FTM. We would never be friends. Read what the PP said. What will you do when DS/DD is at a bday party and a photo includes them in it on fb. Are you going to send some absurd email to them about it?

I doubt OP was trying to make friends on here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you are a control freak FTM. We would never be friends. Read what the PP said. What will you do when DS/DD is at a bday party and a photo includes them in it on fb. Are you going to send some absurd email to them about it?

OP here. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm asking for advice on what other people do because I am -- as I've admitted -- a FTM who needs help thinking through these things and understanding how to communicate about them.

[Anonymous]

your mom is infuriating. Bottom line is figure out where you stand and stick to it, don't waver at all and set specific consequences. in this case, perhaps you need to defriend mom on facebook.

[Anonymous]

OP again. To the extent it matters, the current pic in question that started this was a photo of me dressed up for an event over the weekend, in which my very pregnant figure was obvious. (Not some sort of naked-belly-glamor-pic.) It wasn't exciting or private, which is why I said I was okay with her sharing it. It just reminded me that she is the type to share photos without asking and made me want to discuss a good way to handle pics of kids. Because her FB is NOT "friends only" access, and I don't like the idea of pics of my kid being shared widely across the internet. I was pretty sure, prior to this chat, that my position was going to be "change your privacy settings and only friend people you actually know, and posting is cool." But her reaction has

[Anonymous]

(oops premature submit)

... her reaction has completely pissed me off and made me not trust her or want to share at all.

I wish I could better understand WHY I'm uncomfortable with pics of my kids on the internet. That would certainly help. I just am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so she doesn't repost another pic of you or the baby ever.

that's perfect!

yep. She sounds pretty unreasonable (gee, just like my ma), so if she doesn't post anything, consider it a victory and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

My mother is pretty bad with technology. She has a Facebook account and will post pics now and then but not a ton. I have her password and go into her account to change her security/privacy settings as needed. Mostly to protect my page from her friends, and friends of her friends etc. You should try doing this

[Anonymous]

cannot believe so many are defending the nutty OP. her mom can post pics of her grandkids! wtf is wrong with you people ....

[Anonymous]

Haven't read the whole thread but I think the biggest problem is that this conversation shouldn't have been done over a text or even over email. People misread the tone of texts and emails very easily. They come off much dryer then you usually intend. You should have addressed this over the phone or in person.

[Anonymous]

OP - had you made it clear to her before that she was NEVER EVER to post a picture of you on Facebook? that was what you reacted to and called her out on - a picture of you. Your baby isn't even born yet.

If your issue was about the baby you should have had that at a different time rather than by chat in the heat of the moment after you have just made her feel bad for posting a pic she thought was okay to post. The tone of your text was definitely scolding her yet you say you were fine with her posting that pic. If you really were fine, then why scold her?

By the second part of your email exchange I couldn't tell who was mom and who was you - you sounded the same.

Neither you or your mom seem to communicate very well. It is a pretty immature exchange on both sides.

[Anonymous]

OP - what specifically is your concern with your mother sharing pictures of your baby? I honestly don't get what your concern is. It seems that you are picking a fight with her because you have issues with her.

[Anonymous]

22:20, after reading op's last response, I think you are the most spot on poster yet. Op, I definitely think you guys have a communication issue and your mom is a bit of a martyr (then again most moms play that card at some point ), but I do think you overreacted considering this was all over a picture of you and nothing to do with a picture of your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so she doesn't repost another pic of you or the baby ever.

that's perfect!

I was just about to post this same response. Isn't that what you wanted OP?