Black and Jewish

[Anonymous]

My LO is Jewish as well as half black. We're trying to decide on who to name as guardian in our will. If she went with an option from dad's family, who is AA, they live in the south and are really very different to us and what she's used to.

An option from mom's family, who is Jewish, they live in another country which would of course be a big change but we have the most similar lifestyles. So even though environment would be very, very new and different, in the home/family life would be most similar. But, there will be no other AA people around - none.

Both families would love and care for her. It's a difficult decision and I feel like we have to essentially decide which part of her "trumps" the other.
WDYT?

[Anonymous]

I face a very similar issue. We are Jewish and I am Asian. Do we go with my family (Asian, not Jewish, with some who are evangelical christian)? Or his family (Jewish, not Asian, living in middle America).

Have no answers...which is why we haven't done a will yet.

[Anonymous]

That's tough, OP. I don't have the black/Jewish combination but the two sides of the family are very different and different from us.

For us, our choice will change as the children get older. You might want to consider that. At 12, say, moving to another country might be even harder than moving south.

[Anonymous]

Is it hard for a Black family to participate at a Jewish place of worship? If so, it may be hard for her dad's family to find her an accepting place of worship.

With your Jewish family member, how diverse is the country racially? Will she face discrimination as a biracial child there?

[Anonymous]

We face the same thing. Only that our nuclear family is liberal and Muslim. My side of the family is Christian and conservative and doesn't share very many similar values. My husband's family is awesome, but live in another country. Our kids are growing up pretty "American," so in the end, I think it would be easier for them to stay here in the US, if something happened to both DH and me.

[Anonymous]

Wow...that's a tough decision for sure.

One thing I'd also consider; which ever family your child went to, would it be easy to facilitate visits with the other side of the family? I mean, would your out of country Jewish family be able to visit the south frequently if your child went to the south to live? Would the southern relatives be able able to travel out of the country if your child went to live there?

[Anonymous]

There are many Jewish and Black people - all the Etheopian Jews, for example. So its not unheard of in Jewish circles to be Black and Jewish. They're around.

[Anonymous]

Glad I have friends. My kids would be screwed if I had to rely on family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it hard for a Black family to participate at a Jewish place of worship? If so, it may be hard for her dad's family to find her an accepting place of worship.

With your Jewish family member, how diverse is the country racially? Will she face discrimination as a biracial child there?

Part of the problem is that DH's family is southern baptist (he obviously is not) and they know very little about Judaism and there are no synagogues within an hour drive.

The county has some diversity but nothing like the states. In terms of being discriminated against, I don't know. I would probably be more worried about the discrimination she could face living in the south. It would be more about her feeling different than actually being treated differently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us, our choice will change as the children get older. You might want to consider that. At 12, say, moving to another country might be even harder than moving south.

I'd have to agree with this, especially if learning a new language is involved. An hour's drive for a synagogue isn't that bad, and your child may go some where completely different for college.

More than likely you won't need this plan, but good for you for making the tough decisions and having a plan.

[Anonymous]

Must you chose a family member as guardian? We have friends who have named another set of friends as guardians for exactly the reasons you point to - they want someone who will give their child a somewhat similar life to the one they would have had.

[Anonymous]

We did not have as deep a dilema, but we were not happy with our options either. In the end, my mother-in-law (they occasionally deserve credit!) said who would the child feel most comfortable with. That is who we picked to be the guardian. Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

I'd go with the in-country guardians.

[Anonymous]

Several things to think about:

1. Do your "out of country" family speak a different language? Is this a language your child is currently learning? i.e., is it Israel and is your child learning Hebrew?

2. Have you lived in this country or is this a country your family recently moved to (i.e., there are some cultural issues in each country which your child may have issues with).

3. To be blunt - is your child light or dark skinned? He/she may have an easier time fitting in as a light skinned child in a country with no AA kids then a dark skinned child. Is this a country with other minority populations or is mostly one specific type (i.e., Iceland?)

4. Are your Southern family deeply religous (born again?) Would they not raise your child within the Jewish religion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd go with the in-country guardians.

'Cause they be American. YE-HAW!