Dating a Red Piller

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a year I was paying attention to red pill / MGTOW videos. A thing to keep in mind is that a lot of the videos actually give some advice to men about relationship traps to avoid. Things like narcissisms, daddy issues, dating women with children, dealing with "CHADs". A lot of it not anti-women per se, it is more about identifying and avoiding poor relationships. Yes, the next step is become a womanizer or relationship vampire who sucks women's most valuable years away. So, be careful about that. But it doesn't mean he is there yet.

Sounds a lot like the highly-criticized dating book for women “The Rules,” except for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most of these responses reflect the liberal mindset of the DC area and people who frequent this site. I have a very close friend who is a truly wonderful man who joined MGOTW after a horrific divorce/custody battle in which he lost his kids to his drug addicted wife. I know the wife so can confirm he is not making this up. She is now in jail and he has his kids back, but I think that experience traumatized him beyond belief and he saw how at least in some areas of the country outside of the big metropolitan areas, men are often given the shaft. So I think you have to consider the back story of why these men (or the man you dated) are on these sites. I'm surprised how much people are judged in this area for their thoughts rather than their deeds and with absolutely no consideration that their individual life experiences inform those thoughts and do not necessarily make them terrible people.
Would you date a Black man who was a Black panther? White men are now viewed as the devil personified. It's sad actually and makes me understand why some men gravitate towards these "extreme" groups.

Interesting.

For analysis, I tried to view OP s situation in reverse:

- imagine a man posts he has been dating a woman, but suddenly discovers she posted feminist things on her FaceBook page, that she laments living in our patriarchal, male-dominated, phalo-centric society, and she struggles under the constant daily oppression of every cis-gender male around her?

What if he found out she owned a copy of the book The Rules - and he was being played, according to that anti-male screed?

What should he do in his dating situation? Run away, fast?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of these responses reflect the liberal mindset of the DC area and people who frequent this site. I have a very close friend who is a truly wonderful man who joined MGOTW after a horrific divorce/custody battle in which he lost his kids to his drug addicted wife. I know the wife so can confirm he is not making this up. She is now in jail and he has his kids back, but I think that experience traumatized him beyond belief and he saw how at least in some areas of the country outside of the big metropolitan areas, men are often given the shaft. So I think you have to consider the back story of why these men (or the man you dated) are on these sites. I'm surprised how much people are judged in this area for their thoughts rather than their deeds and with absolutely no consideration that their individual life experiences inform those thoughts and do not necessarily make them terrible people.
Would you date a Black man who was a Black panther? White men are now viewed as the devil personified. It's sad actually and makes me understand why some men gravitate towards these "extreme" groups.

Interesting.

For analysis, I tried to view OP s situation in reverse:

- imagine a man posts he has been dating a woman, but suddenly discovers she posted feminist things on her FaceBook page, that she laments living in our patriarchal, male-dominated, phalo-centric society, and she struggles under the constant daily oppression of every cis-gender male around her?

What if he found out she owned a copy of the book The Rules - and he was being played, according to that anti-male screed?

What should he do in his dating situation? Run away, fast?

i have no idea what The Rules is so I can't opine on that. But being a feminist and fight for equal treatment does not mean to be a man-hater. is like saying that MLK was the same as David Duke

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of these responses reflect the liberal mindset of the DC area and people who frequent this site. I have a very close friend who is a truly wonderful man who joined MGOTW after a horrific divorce/custody battle in which he lost his kids to his drug addicted wife. I know the wife so can confirm he is not making this up. She is now in jail and he has his kids back, but I think that experience traumatized him beyond belief and he saw how at least in some areas of the country outside of the big metropolitan areas, men are often given the shaft. So I think you have to consider the back story of why these men (or the man you dated) are on these sites. I'm surprised how much people are judged in this area for their thoughts rather than their deeds and with absolutely no consideration that their individual life experiences inform those thoughts and do not necessarily make them terrible people.
Would you date a Black man who was a Black panther? White men are now viewed as the devil personified. It's sad actually and makes me understand why some men gravitate towards these "extreme" groups.

Interesting.

For analysis, I tried to view OP s situation in reverse:

- imagine a man posts he has been dating a woman, but suddenly discovers she posted feminist things on her FaceBook page, that she laments living in our patriarchal, male-dominated, phalo-centric society, and she struggles under the constant daily oppression of every cis-gender male around her?

What if he found out she owned a copy of the book The Rules - and he was being played, according to that anti-male screed?

What should he do in his dating situation? Run away, fast?

If her side hobby is posting in a community where she writes things about how terrible men are and about how you should lie to them to get what you want then, yes, run away. Obviously. If she "owns a copy of the Rules", I'd put that in the same category as owning The Game (which I own, btw, and I'm a woman. Or I did until my husband made me get rid of it.) It's 'have a conversation about it', but not 'run away'. If she has kind of standard-issue, not super thoughtful politics in which she likes actual men but says "down with patriarchy!", your issue is not that she has contempt for you and your gender, your issue is that you think her politics are kind of dumb, which you can decide how to weigh.

[Anonymous]

lol at all these dudes who simultaneously think they have a right to be woman-haters AND to get girlfriends. Sorry guys, does not work that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are all these nice guys who can’t get a girl to look at them?

Off of the top of my head, I can think of five single, attractive women in their late twenties who are smart, funny, and have good jobs. But I can’t think of anyone to set them up with.

This comes up more often in the teen and early 20s. How the red pill folks describe it, this is when women have the most options, are acting on attraction (rather than other motives), and are most interested in sex. The guys they pick at this period in their lives reflect what they truly find attractive in men.

So, if a woman in her late twenties is interested in you, but you don’t think she would have been 5-10 years earlier when she had more options (based on YOUR idea of what 22 year old girls are interested in), then you conclude that she doesn’t *really* find you attractive?

This all sounds to me like you are trying to use women to prove something to yourself about what kind of man you are. Like, “if a woman with a lot of options chooses me, then I must be good enough.*”


*(...and my mom was wrong.)

I think this captures it. A lot of the dysfunction of Red Pill adherents is rooted in insecurity and trying to measure self-worth by the perceived attractiveness and number of women they can have sex with. And it's not the approval of these women they're seeking, particularly, to measure their self-worth. Rather, it's how impressed they think other guys will be by these sexual conquests.

And yet it moves.

I mean, there's that too -- whatever these guy's motivations for wanting to have sex with hot 20 somethings, the fact remains that trying to act and look more like Chad Thundercock makes it more likely (than whatever they were doing before they found the Red Pill) that they'll end up having sex with these young women.

The problem is still the same though.
If you believe this stuff, then any woman who loves you as you are now is by definition not good enough and limited in her options. And at the same time, any woman who loves you only after you have become more like Mr. Thundercock is by definition shallow and not interested in whoever you were before.

So now you are married to a woman that you perceive as either a) not good enough, or b) shallow and somewhat contemptuous of the “real” you. And yet somehow you think that the sex stops because *she* loses attraction and interest in the relationship.

The sex stops because *you* lose interest in the relationship. Whether she is a) lacking in options or b) shallow, you stop seeing her as someone worth pursuing. Yes, you would still have sex with her, but you stop doing all of the other things that make her feel loved and desired...because she isn’t.

The problem with this line of thinking is that it isn’t just the dating advice that your mom would give you: Clean your car, tuck in your shirt, shower before you leave the house, ask her out if you like her, etc. Its this whole philosophy that only certain men get girls, and you aren’t (really) one of them, but you can fake it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol at all these dudes who simultaneously think they have a right to be woman-haters AND to get girlfriends. Sorry guys, does not work that way.

RedPill is not about hating women! That would be MGTOW.
RP is for men who LIKE women... but want to learn the truth about how to attract actual women (and unlearn all the lies they have been told).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a year I was paying attention to red pill / MGTOW videos. A thing to keep in mind is that a lot of the videos actually give some advice to men about relationship traps to avoid. Things like narcissisms, daddy issues, dating women with children, dealing with "CHADs". A lot of it not anti-women per se, it is more about identifying and avoiding poor relationships. Yes, the next step is become a womanizer or relationship vampire who sucks women's most valuable years away. So, be careful about that. But it doesn't mean he is there yet.

Sounds a lot like the highly-criticized dating book for women “The Rules,” except for men.

I owned a copy of “The Rules.” I liked it. I didn’t find it anti-men. The premise was that every woman can find a man, and you only need one.

It gives good advice like, dress neatly, be nice, pick up some co-Ed hobbies, tell your friends you are looking for someone, don’t move in together if what you really want is to get married, don’t keep nagging him to ask what he is thinking, etc.

And the basic premise is that there is a lid for every pot. Every woman can find a mate if she puts herself out there, and you only need one.

The Red Pill seems to be that only some men can find a mate, and those men have their pick of all of the women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at all these dudes who simultaneously think they have a right to be woman-haters AND to get girlfriends. Sorry guys, does not work that way.

RedPill is not about hating women! That would be MGTOW.
RP is for men who LIKE women... but want to learn the truth about how to attract actual women (and unlearn all the lies they have been told).

Ok ... you need to accept that many women find the notion of "red pill" and that there is a secret cabal of lies told about how to "attract actual women" and the need to act in a certain fake way to "get" women, is extremely offensive, and they will not want to date you. your choice.

[Anonymous]

He's a total loser. Probably with severe social issues, because men who are doing well with women dont turn to sites like that.

Dump and move on ASAP. Do NOT throw your lot in with this sad little freak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at all these dudes who simultaneously think they have a right to be woman-haters AND to get girlfriends. Sorry guys, does not work that way.

RedPill is not about hating women! That would be MGTOW.
RP is for men who LIKE women... but want to learn the truth about how to attract actual women (and unlearn all the lies they have been told).

Models, by Mark Manson. Dr. Nerdlove. "She Comes First", for sex advice. There's plenty of stuff out there with the good parts and not the scary, toxic parts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a year I was paying attention to red pill / MGTOW videos. A thing to keep in mind is that a lot of the videos actually give some advice to men about relationship traps to avoid. Things like narcissisms, daddy issues, dating women with children, dealing with "CHADs". A lot of it not anti-women per se, it is more about identifying and avoiding poor relationships. Yes, the next step is become a womanizer or relationship vampire who sucks women's most valuable years away. So, be careful about that. But it doesn't mean he is there yet.

Sounds a lot like the highly-criticized dating book for women “The Rules,” except for men.

I owned a copy of “The Rules.” I liked it. I didn’t find it anti-men. The premise was that every woman can find a man, and you only need one.

It gives good advice like, dress neatly, be nice, pick up some co-Ed hobbies, tell your friends you are looking for someone, don’t move in together if what you really want is to get married, don’t keep nagging him to ask what he is thinking, etc.

And the basic premise is that there is a lid for every pot. Every woman can find a mate if she puts herself out there, and you only need one.

The Red Pill seems to be that only some men can find a mate, and those men have their pick of all of the women.

They're both rigid "rules" based on gender dynamics, so to that extent, they are similar. But The Rules does not have the same undertone of animus towards the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at all these dudes who simultaneously think they have a right to be woman-haters AND to get girlfriends. Sorry guys, does not work that way.

RedPill is not about hating women! That would be MGTOW.
RP is for men who LIKE women... but want to learn the truth about how to attract actual women (and unlearn all the lies they have been told).

Ok ... you need to accept that many women find the notion of "red pill" and that there is a secret cabal of lies told about how to "attract actual women" and the need to act in a certain fake way to "get" women, is extremely offensive, and they will not want to date you. your choice.

I "get" that women don't like having their own lies exposed, so it makes sense for women to be offended by RedPill approach.
The guiding principle of RedPill is to trust women's actions, not their words. End the gap between these and RedPill goes extinct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a year I was paying attention to red pill / MGTOW videos. A thing to keep in mind is that a lot of the videos actually give some advice to men about relationship traps to avoid. Things like narcissisms, daddy issues, dating women with children, dealing with "CHADs". A lot of it not anti-women per se, it is more about identifying and avoiding poor relationships. Yes, the next step is become a womanizer or relationship vampire who sucks women's most valuable years away. So, be careful about that. But it doesn't mean he is there yet.

Sounds a lot like the highly-criticized dating book for women “The Rules,” except for men.

I owned a copy of “The Rules.” I liked it. I didn’t find it anti-men. The premise was that every woman can find a man, and you only need one.

It gives good advice like, dress neatly, be nice, pick up some co-Ed hobbies, tell your friends you are looking for someone, don’t move in together if what you really want is to get married, don’t keep nagging him to ask what he is thinking, etc.

And the basic premise is that there is a lid for every pot. Every woman can find a mate if she puts herself out there, and you only need one.

The Red Pill seems to be that only some men can find a mate, and those men have their pick of all of the women.

They're both rigid "rules" based on gender dynamics, so to that extent, they are similar. But The Rules does not have the same undertone of animus towards the opposite sex.

It is that universal/ true for every male who follows Red Pill / MGTOW? Or are those ideas more of a spectrum - from mild to extreme?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at all these dudes who simultaneously think they have a right to be woman-haters AND to get girlfriends. Sorry guys, does not work that way.

RedPill is not about hating women! That would be MGTOW.
RP is for men who LIKE women... but want to learn the truth about how to attract actual women (and unlearn all the lies they have been told).

Ok ... you need to accept that many women find the notion of "red pill" and that there is a secret cabal of lies told about how to "attract actual women" and the need to act in a certain fake way to "get" women, is extremely offensive, and they will not want to date you. your choice.

I "get" that women don't like having their own lies exposed, so it makes sense for women to be offended by RedPill approach.
The guiding principle of RedPill is to trust women's actions, not their words. End the gap between these and RedPill goes extinct.

Says the guy who has to lie to women about what he believes in order to get them to date him.