Uncomfortable religious situations you were forced into

[Anonymous]

My jewish nephew moved to Wisconsin at the age of 7 or 8 and no one at school including the teacher believed him when he said he was jewish and celebrated Hanukkah.

[Anonymous]

Not having had any really uncomfortable experiences, I’d guess the worst would be those long, rambling, intense, eyes squeezed shut, head bowed, stream of consciousness prayers that some folks (even in denominations where formal prayers are the norm) seem to take joy in “sharing” with others.

When I was little and we visited a relative, I used to end up at the local (I think Methodist) church where they had a kids’ program. There was an aeronautical theme, and the adults had the genuinely brilliant idea of putting little manilla paper “seatbelts” on each chair for the kids to “buckle up for takeoff,” creating a great disincentive to room-wandering. I recall liking it even though it was from a different faith tradition than ours.

By contrast, when I was at a sing along with some Bible folks, and the song was “Gimme That Old Time Religion,” somebody leaned in and asked if I really wanted it. Being well trained in my own faith I thought it was the most ridiculous question I’d ever been asked.

As to the OP’s situation, I think there’s a difference between “old enough to stay home alone,” and “old enough to stay home alone in somebody else’s house while in the care and custody of non-parents who might feel a real sense of protective duty.” If a kid came to stay with us, they’d probably get dragged to Church so we could keep an eye on them, but I wouldn’t expect enthusiastic participation in our complex-to-others rituals. I might explain things before, during or after, but only to put things in context. I agree with the posters who say that a kid in that position needs to be reasonable cooperative; at the same time people shouldn’t be seizing on the chance to “save” kids they’ve merely agreed to watch temporarily, particularly without parent participation. It may also have been the case that the hyper religious family might have been the best option OP’s mom had at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lately I have been thinking about a situation that happened when I was around 14-15 years old. My mom had to go out of town for some reason or another and since she was a single parent she found a family from my soccer team that was willing to have me stay with them from Sunday-Wednesday. I remember every single detail of this time because it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life.
I knew this family was extremely religious but honestly I had no idea the extent. That Sunday they brought me to church with them. I came from a non-religious family but we were technically Lutheran and would attend church services from time to time. I don't remember what kind of church the family attended. The service was about 1 hour but then they also had me to go to the teens bible study with their daughter afterward. Everything that was talked about was very against what I believed and I felt extremely uncomfortable the entire time. But the thing that made me most uncomfortable was the fact that this family didn't even ask me if I was comfortable going with them. I was an older teenager and it would have been perfectly fine to just leave me home while they went. In my opinion religion is very personal and although I'm all for new experiences and experiencing different beliefs I do not feel someone should have to do it against their will. I told this family I was uncomfortable after we had come home because they were asking me what I learned in the bible study. Then guess what? They also go to church on Tuesday nights and made me go with them again. When my mom returned home I told her about it and said I didn't want to stay with them again.

I thought about this because I have my own children now and can't imagine forcing one of their friends to attend a religious service with us. Some other non-church attending family would have stepped up.

thoughts? Do you think its ok to force someone to attend a religious function?

As the hosting adult, I would have left you at home alone while my family went to church. For a much younger child, I just would have had to decline to host you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First Holy Communion. Early 1980s. Forced to wear thick, uncomfortable rollers in my hair the night before so my hair would have more "body" and I would like just the way my mother wanted me to for professional photos in the morning. Those rollers may have been a crown of thorns they hurt so much. And then the little wedding dress. Yikes. Felt like one of those little Irish Traveler brides.

You knew what an Irish Traveler bride was when you were 7? Are you Irish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents weren't regular church goers when I was growing up, so a lot of my friend's parents would invite me over on Saturday night, and remind me to bring a nice outfit because "maybe we'll go out for pancakes in the morning!" or some garbage like that. Never got the pancakes, always got taken to various churches where I didn't know the traditions and had no idea what to do. But over time I got better at faking it, so I do think it helped me to be very aware of social cues. In high school, even kids who didn't like me would invite me to their "youth festivals" or whatever their new member recruitment event was. Baptists were the most aggressive; Jewish kids mercifully didn't pull these stunts.

I'm an atheist now, but I still like pancakes.

This is hilarious. At least the story telling of it. Did you grow up in the south? My sister moved to a southern state and her daughter has had classmates tell her she’s going to hell because she doesn’t go to church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First Holy Communion. Early 1980s. Forced to wear thick, uncomfortable rollers in my hair the night before so my hair would have more "body" and I would like just the way my mother wanted me to for professional photos in the morning. Those rollers may have been a crown of thorns they hurt so much. And then the little wedding dress. Yikes. Felt like one of those little Irish Traveler brides.

You knew what an Irish Traveler bride was when you were 7? Are you Irish?

None of those things are actually the religious experience itself. You might as well say that you were uncomfortable being dolled up for a bat mitzvah and it would have nothing to do with Judaism. A student chopped off her long hair the night before her bat mitzvah to spite her mother for months of forced dieting and a visit to a tanning salon. Your complaint is about fashion, not doctrine.

[Anonymous]

It seems like a lot of the stories in these threads seem to involve people with neglectful parents getting constantly pawned off on other people on weekends and then getting offended that other people aren't exactly like them. The funny thing is that these types os posters have absolutely no problem proselytizing for their own beliefs and judging and mocking people that don't follow them. But they are too self-absorbed to realize how their behavior actually parallels what they claim they don't like.

This is really a failure of communication between the parents. If I am watching a kid for the weekend, we are going to mass and that kid is not sitting around unsupervised at my house for a whole morning. If they have their own services (synagogue, for example) we can arranged to take them to that as well (or instead if schedules align). Anyone who has a problem with that is welcome to find alternative lodging. Anyone who would mock my family for our beliefs would not be our friend anyways, which raises the question of why these weird situations even arose to begin with. Who leaves a kid with someone they barely know for almost a week anyways?

[Anonymous]

If I leave my kids with a church going family..I am fine with them including my kids in their observance and mine would be under strict instructions to be respectful and quiet if attending any religious service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First Holy Communion. Early 1980s. Forced to wear thick, uncomfortable rollers in my hair the night before so my hair would have more "body" and I would like just the way my mother wanted me to for professional photos in the morning. Those rollers may have been a crown of thorns they hurt so much. And then the little wedding dress. Yikes. Felt like one of those little Irish Traveler brides.

You knew what an Irish Traveler bride was when you were 7? Are you Irish?

None of those things are actually the religious experience itself. You might as well say that you were uncomfortable being dolled up for a bat mitzvah and it would have nothing to do with Judaism. A student chopped off her long hair the night before her bat mitzvah to spite her mother for months of forced dieting and a visit to a tanning salon. Your complaint is about fashion, not doctrine.

Yes and notice her not so subtle insult of a marginalized community in there. All because her mom wanted her to look nice one day for an important family event. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like a lot of the stories in these threads seem to involve people with neglectful parents getting constantly pawned off on other people on weekends and then getting offended that other people aren't exactly like them. The funny thing is that these types os posters have absolutely no problem proselytizing for their own beliefs and judging and mocking people that don't follow them. But they are too self-absorbed to realize how their behavior actually parallels what they claim they don't like.

This is really a failure of communication between the parents. If I am watching a kid for the weekend, we are going to mass and that kid is not sitting around unsupervised at my house for a whole morning. If they have their own services (synagogue, for example) we can arranged to take them to that as well (or instead if schedules align). Anyone who has a problem with that is welcome to find alternative lodging. Anyone who would mock my family for our beliefs would not be our friend anyways, which raises the question of why these weird situations even arose to begin with. Who leaves a kid with someone they barely know for almost a week anyways?

The mom should have just taken the teen with her. It was just three days of school.

[Anonymous]

Mine was when I was 14. We were also Lutherans and friends of my parents had changed to Assembly of God, which was a small church in our community at that time. The wife, eldest daughter and her husband, and 2 younger sons had formed a gospel group which performed regularly at their services. I was friends with one of the boys from school--choir and band friends--and I enjoyed their company. I got volunteered by my parents to be their pianist (although I never caught on the the gospel piano thumping they were hoping for, I was totally a read the music and play the notes piano player).

Services were bizarre to a lifelong Lutheran. Endless. No program/liturgy like my own church had so you could never tell where you were in the countdown until it was all over. A lot of visual aids--film strips and banners, very garish. Speaking in tongues which really frightened me, I was afraid whatever it was would grab me and I'd be doing it do. Altar call, the older boy would spend a long time praying at the altar after service and I could see he was weeping. The eldest daughter often being "possessed by the spirit"--i.e. falling apparently unconscious in the center aisle at the end of the service so people would be stepping over her. So even when the service was done, it wasn't done.

I could mostly tolerate it (aside from the lurking fear over speaking in tongues) but one night the minister's wife trapped me at the end of a pew (next to the wall) and did a huge push to get me saved, born again, etc. She said it was ok if I had always been Lutheran (a lot of former Lutherans and Catholics in the congregation) and made me pray with her, etc. That was the worst.

I never rebelled--I was friends with the one boy and the parents and my parents were friends--the dad worked with my dad. Actually, my own dad was a church-going atheist, for him it was a social thing, participation in the community. I think they found a piano-thumper after awhile.

[Anonymous]

This one is more funny than uncomfortable religious situation:

I was 4 and still remember it. We were visiting people in Michigan who attended a Finnish Lutheran church and went to church with them.

It was all in Finnish. All of it. It was very long, I think later when my parents reminisced about that trip they said it was a couple of hours. Halfway through people brought out brown paper lunch bags and ate lunch in the pews. There was a lot of chatting among people through the entire service. I do have visual memories of the service including the lunch bags.

[Anonymous]

When I was in first grade, I would walk home from school by myself, because it was a long time ago and everyone did it.

I went a block out of my way so that I could see a beautiful collie who lived in a fenced yard. One day, the old lady who owned the collie came out and invited me in for milk and cookies. I told her that I wasn't allowed, but she insisted.

She proceeded to tell me all about how I was going to Hell, in graphic detail.

When I got home and told my mom, she was furious and I was barred from ever walking past that house again.

We were vaguely Lutheran, and, later, Unitarian. I had a godmother who taught me about Jesus, loving kindness, and acceptance, but this was the first I'd heard about everlasting torture.

[Anonymous]

I was raised in the southern baptist cult. It truly damaged me. My polling place is inside a southern baptist church. I feel panicky and sick every time I walk in the door. It’s like all those awful memories flood my brain. Yes, I’ve done therapy. It helped. But I still feel really sick any time I’m in an evangelical church. Religious trauma is very real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in the southern baptist cult. It truly damaged me. My polling place is inside a southern baptist church. I feel panicky and sick every time I walk in the door. It’s like all those awful memories flood my brain. Yes, I’ve done therapy. It helped. But I still feel really sick any time I’m in an evangelical church. Religious trauma is very real.

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