Typical SAHM with school aged kids day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i'll play.

For me, it is difficult to have a typical day like I had when I was a WOHM. My work is not very defined because I end up doing/assisting in whatever any of the family members need. I get up at 5:30 am most days, drink my coffee, take a shower and start the day with my daily prayers.

I have two kids in HS now. So, morning goes in making breakfast and lunch and driving them to school or bus-stop. They are in magnet schools so the commute from our house is insanely long. if they miss the bus, I will drive them to school, because the extra time it gives them allows them to eat breakfast or sleep longer or take a nap during the car-ride. Mostly, I drive them to school almost daily, because if one of my kid is late, the other also gets delayed too.

I run my errands on the way back home. Grocery, dry-cleaners, my medical appointments, car wash, car servicing, banking, picking up supplies etc. Once I get home, I make beds in the all the bedrooms, pick up dirty clothes for laundry, vacuum and dust the bedrooms, clean the bathrooms (3 males in the house).

I clean the kitchen counter, start dishes, start laundry and start cooking dinner. Whenever my boys get home, they have a full hot meal to eat, so having dinner ready works for my family. I do a second load of cooking dishes, water the indoor plants, vacuum and mop the kitchen. Fold laundry and put them away in the dressers. Do other cleaning if needed (clean windows, wash sneakers, hats). I am done with the housework and cooking by 11:30 am - noon.

If I have nothing else going on that day (which is rare)- home improvements and repairs, entertaining friends and neighbors, volunteering at school clubs, scheduling appointments for my family, social obligations, shopping, yard-work etc -- I will take a nap for an hour.

After 3:00 pm - my time is dictated by whatever my kids are doing. Pickups and drop-offs from various activities, studying, projects etc. By 6:00 pm, they usually eat dinner and either relax for some time or go to their rooms to study. This goes on till around 11 pm (on a good day. Sometimes they are studying late at night!). DH comes home around 8 pm.

I am fast asleep by 9 pm lol. DH takes out the trash twice a week.

Now, if there are other things going on during the day - then a lot of cleaning will not happen. I will not make the beds and clean the bathrooms and vacuum etc. I will then tackle the laundry at night. If I cannot get the cooking done in the morning, then I will make stuff like pasta, frozen pizza and other frozen food. Or takeouts.

I have a weekly cleaning service and they will clean the whole house and change the bed linens weekly.

So, as you can see, my day is not very structured and I end up doing things as and when needed. I have some free hours in the day-time to pursue my own interests. I used to be stressed when I was working because I did not have the flexibility to do things when it was most convenient. As a SAHM, I do not think I am less busy, but I have a whole lot of flexibility. And when I am unwell, or someone in the family is unwell- I can let things slide with no repercussions.

What I have realized is that I cannot hope for a routine because I am the person who picks up the slack at home. I think it makes things a lot easier and less stressful for the rest of the family.

Really not trying to be snarky but why are you picking up your high schoolers' dirty clothes & making their beds? Regardless of whether or not their mom (or dad or nanny or housekeeper...) is home during the day, kids need to get into the habit of picking up after themselves well before they go off to college, IMO. It makes sense that the person whose job -- paid or unpaid --is to take care of the house/keep the home running smoothly takes care of the major cleaning tasks, laundry,grocery shopping, cooking,etc while everyone else is at school/work but there are some basic tasks that all kids should do for themselves, regardless of who is or isn't home during the day.

Actually, you are being snarky. How I raise my kids is nobody's business. However, let me answer you. Since my kids are putting in hours of work studying, volunteering and doing EC work, participating in competitions and travelling during the weekends, because of being in a highly competitive magnet program, and are barely getting 5-6 hours of sleep at night, I want to make life as easy for them regarding chores that I can do. If it buys them some more leisure time, I am glad to do this.

Now, hopefully, learning how to launder their clothes will not be difficult for a student, who can write complex computer programs and has been interning during summer in the prestigious STEM field.

I know that many households where both parents are WOHPs, the laundry and cleaning gets done on the weekends only. That is also a choice. When my kids will need to launder clothes, hopefully, they too can do it on a weekend, or when they have the time, or outsource it, or find another solution. These are smart kids. They will figure it out.

Right now, I am hoping they remain focused on giving their all to their academics and other interests - so they can have a successful and fulfilling career later on in life. I am thankful that I am here to support them.

Good luck to their future college roommates.

+1

I have a friend who has absolutely coddled her son. To the point where dad was practically doing his homework for him and he is an honors student of course! Tutors and extra coaching for everything. He had a sat/act "buddy" who went to the tests with him and walked him through everything up to the test and waited for him after to counsel him. He got fast food of his choice brought to him daily even though he has a car. He has never cooked, cleaned or shopped for himself. Now all of a sudden they have decided to prep him for college and the entire family is stressed out. His grades are tanking. And he is throwing toddler like tantrums because of all the stress put on him at once. Its a sad sad trainwreck to watch.

She is hoping they can convince him to go to college close so she can help him with cleaning and laundry and dad can be there for homework and car maintenance etc. So its not like they are learning lesson here either.

Well, you are projecting your own insecurities here. Sorry to hear that people you know are the kind who are pressuring their kids to prep and do well. I am lucky that my kids are self motivated and high achievers without any help from our side. Actually, people in my circle do not seem to be the trainwrecks that your friends seem to be. My SAHM and WOHM friends are parents of highly gifted kids, and these kids are curious and brilliant without pressure from parents.

So, I am to understand from all the feedback here that the DHs of all the WOHMs on this thread are people who are doing laundry, cleaning the house, doing dishes and cooking and doing everything else? Because obviously they did not have a mother like me who coddled them? Well, then the fact that all of you WOHM successfully should not be a big deal, because your DHs are doing everything. Your household is pretty much running by itself. So, what is so great that you go to work every day? You do not do any work that SAHMs do. Your kids and husband do everything. Your life is easy.

Now, if there was anyway you could sleep more, you would be golden.

Oh, I hope if schools are closed on Friday because of snow, your office have generous leave policy. Good luck!

Thank God you are a SAHM! Heaven forbid your high schoolers have to fend for themselves on snow days!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i'll play.

For me, it is difficult to have a typical day like I had when I was a WOHM. My work is not very defined because I end up doing/assisting in whatever any of the family members need. I get up at 5:30 am most days, drink my coffee, take a shower and start the day with my daily prayers.

I have two kids in HS now. So, morning goes in making breakfast and lunch and driving them to school or bus-stop. They are in magnet schools so the commute from our house is insanely long. if they miss the bus, I will drive them to school, because the extra time it gives them allows them to eat breakfast or sleep longer or take a nap during the car-ride. Mostly, I drive them to school almost daily, because if one of my kid is late, the other also gets delayed too.

I run my errands on the way back home. Grocery, dry-cleaners, my medical appointments, car wash, car servicing, banking, picking up supplies etc. Once I get home, I make beds in the all the bedrooms, pick up dirty clothes for laundry, vacuum and dust the bedrooms, clean the bathrooms (3 males in the house).

I clean the kitchen counter, start dishes, start laundry and start cooking dinner. Whenever my boys get home, they have a full hot meal to eat, so having dinner ready works for my family. I do a second load of cooking dishes, water the indoor plants, vacuum and mop the kitchen. Fold laundry and put them away in the dressers. Do other cleaning if needed (clean windows, wash sneakers, hats). I am done with the housework and cooking by 11:30 am - noon.

If I have nothing else going on that day (which is rare)- home improvements and repairs, entertaining friends and neighbors, volunteering at school clubs, scheduling appointments for my family, social obligations, shopping, yard-work etc -- I will take a nap for an hour.

After 3:00 pm - my time is dictated by whatever my kids are doing. Pickups and drop-offs from various activities, studying, projects etc. By 6:00 pm, they usually eat dinner and either relax for some time or go to their rooms to study. This goes on till around 11 pm (on a good day. Sometimes they are studying late at night!). DH comes home around 8 pm.

I am fast asleep by 9 pm lol. DH takes out the trash twice a week.

Now, if there are other things going on during the day - then a lot of cleaning will not happen. I will not make the beds and clean the bathrooms and vacuum etc. I will then tackle the laundry at night. If I cannot get the cooking done in the morning, then I will make stuff like pasta, frozen pizza and other frozen food. Or takeouts.

I have a weekly cleaning service and they will clean the whole house and change the bed linens weekly.

So, as you can see, my day is not very structured and I end up doing things as and when needed. I have some free hours in the day-time to pursue my own interests. I used to be stressed when I was working because I did not have the flexibility to do things when it was most convenient. As a SAHM, I do not think I am less busy, but I have a whole lot of flexibility. And when I am unwell, or someone in the family is unwell- I can let things slide with no repercussions.

What I have realized is that I cannot hope for a routine because I am the person who picks up the slack at home. I think it makes things a lot easier and less stressful for the rest of the family.

Really not trying to be snarky but why are you picking up your high schoolers' dirty clothes & making their beds? Regardless of whether or not their mom (or dad or nanny or housekeeper...) is home during the day, kids need to get into the habit of picking up after themselves well before they go off to college, IMO. It makes sense that the person whose job -- paid or unpaid --is to take care of the house/keep the home running smoothly takes care of the major cleaning tasks, laundry,grocery shopping, cooking,etc while everyone else is at school/work but there are some basic tasks that all kids should do for themselves, regardless of who is or isn't home during the day.

Actually, you are being snarky. How I raise my kids is nobody's business. However, let me answer you. Since my kids are putting in hours of work studying, volunteering and doing EC work, participating in competitions and travelling during the weekends, because of being in a highly competitive magnet program, and are barely getting 5-6 hours of sleep at night, I want to make life as easy for them regarding chores that I can do. If it buys them some more leisure time, I am glad to do this.

Now, hopefully, learning how to launder their clothes will not be difficult for a student, who can write complex computer programs and has been interning during summer in the prestigious STEM field.

I know that many households where both parents are WOHPs, the laundry and cleaning gets done on the weekends only. That is also a choice. When my kids will need to launder clothes, hopefully, they too can do it on a weekend, or when they have the time, or outsource it, or find another solution. These are smart kids. They will figure it out.

Right now, I am hoping they remain focused on giving their all to their academics and other interests - so they can have a successful and fulfilling career later on in life. I am thankful that I am here to support them.

Good luck to their future college roommates.

+1

I have a friend who has absolutely coddled her son. To the point where dad was practically doing his homework for him and he is an honors student of course! Tutors and extra coaching for everything. He had a sat/act "buddy" who went to the tests with him and walked him through everything up to the test and waited for him after to counsel him. He got fast food of his choice brought to him daily even though he has a car. He has never cooked, cleaned or shopped for himself. Now all of a sudden they have decided to prep him for college and the entire family is stressed out. His grades are tanking. And he is throwing toddler like tantrums because of all the stress put on him at once. Its a sad sad trainwreck to watch.

She is hoping they can convince him to go to college close so she can help him with cleaning and laundry and dad can be there for homework and car maintenance etc. So its not like they are learning lesson here either.

Well, you are projecting your own insecurities here. Sorry to hear that people you know are the kind who are pressuring their kids to prep and do well. I am lucky that my kids are self motivated and high achievers without any help from our side. Actually, people in my circle do not seem to be the trainwrecks that your friends seem to be. My SAHM and WOHM friends are parents of highly gifted kids, and these kids are curious and brilliant without pressure from parents.

So, I am to understand from all the feedback here that the DHs of all the WOHMs on this thread are people who are doing laundry, cleaning the house, doing dishes and cooking and doing everything else? Because obviously they did not have a mother like me who coddled them? Well, then the fact that all of you WOHM successfully should not be a big deal, because your DHs are doing everything. Your household is pretty much running by itself. So, what is so great that you go to work every day? You do not do any work that SAHMs do. Your kids and husband do everything. Your life is easy.

Now, if there was anyway you could sleep more, you would be golden.

Oh, I hope if schools are closed on Friday because of snow, your office have generous leave policy. Good luck!

W.T.F. This is a very strange response to the PP. Talk about projecting insecurities ... do you need some ice for that acute knee jerk reaction you had? How about some ass cream for all the assumptions you made?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh, I hope if schools are closed on Friday because of snow, your office have generous leave policy. Good luck!

Thank God you are a SAHM! Heaven forbid your high schoolers have to fend for themselves on snow days!

The PP is the reason people hate SAHMs. As a SAHM myself this is one of the reasons I feel luckiest. I don't have to worry about sick/snow days. I can't imagine trying to juggle who can get time off, who can leave early. I can just focus on my sick child and not try to do that with dealing with work too and worrying if I'm putting my job at jeopardy. I have a lot of respect for WOHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i'll play.

For me, it is difficult to have a typical day like I had when I was a WOHM. My work is not very defined because I end up doing/assisting in whatever any of the family members need. I get up at 5:30 am most days, drink my coffee, take a shower and start the day with my daily prayers.

I have two kids in HS now. So, morning goes in making breakfast and lunch and driving them to school or bus-stop. They are in magnet schools so the commute from our house is insanely long. if they miss the bus, I will drive them to school, because the extra time it gives them allows them to eat breakfast or sleep longer or take a nap during the car-ride. Mostly, I drive them to school almost daily, because if one of my kid is late, the other also gets delayed too.

I run my errands on the way back home. Grocery, dry-cleaners, my medical appointments, car wash, car servicing, banking, picking up supplies etc. Once I get home, I make beds in the all the bedrooms, pick up dirty clothes for laundry, vacuum and dust the bedrooms, clean the bathrooms (3 males in the house).

I clean the kitchen counter, start dishes, start laundry and start cooking dinner. Whenever my boys get home, they have a full hot meal to eat, so having dinner ready works for my family. I do a second load of cooking dishes, water the indoor plants, vacuum and mop the kitchen. Fold laundry and put them away in the dressers. Do other cleaning if needed (clean windows, wash sneakers, hats). I am done with the housework and cooking by 11:30 am - noon.

If I have nothing else going on that day (which is rare)- home improvements and repairs, entertaining friends and neighbors, volunteering at school clubs, scheduling appointments for my family, social obligations, shopping, yard-work etc -- I will take a nap for an hour.

After 3:00 pm - my time is dictated by whatever my kids are doing. Pickups and drop-offs from various activities, studying, projects etc. By 6:00 pm, they usually eat dinner and either relax for some time or go to their rooms to study. This goes on till around 11 pm (on a good day. Sometimes they are studying late at night!). DH comes home around 8 pm.

I am fast asleep by 9 pm lol. DH takes out the trash twice a week.

Now, if there are other things going on during the day - then a lot of cleaning will not happen. I will not make the beds and clean the bathrooms and vacuum etc. I will then tackle the laundry at night. If I cannot get the cooking done in the morning, then I will make stuff like pasta, frozen pizza and other frozen food. Or takeouts.

I have a weekly cleaning service and they will clean the whole house and change the bed linens weekly.

So, as you can see, my day is not very structured and I end up doing things as and when needed. I have some free hours in the day-time to pursue my own interests. I used to be stressed when I was working because I did not have the flexibility to do things when it was most convenient. As a SAHM, I do not think I am less busy, but I have a whole lot of flexibility. And when I am unwell, or someone in the family is unwell- I can let things slide with no repercussions.

What I have realized is that I cannot hope for a routine because I am the person who picks up the slack at home. I think it makes things a lot easier and less stressful for the rest of the family.

WOW! A one hour nap during the day and asleep by 9pm at night. I'd kill for that amount of sleep.

Wait-her husband gets home at 8pm and she goes to sleep at 9pm (after a 1 hour nap during the day). This sounds like depression. When do they ever have sex??

LOL! Curious minds want to know...don't they? DH has been on vacay, this whole week, so we have been sleeping late and having sex before sleeping, but, usually, it is very early mornings. We have a very active and adventurous sex life and like to have sex at least 4-5 times a week.

DH is very high energy person and does not require a whole lot of sleep, but I feel that if I do not get enough sleep, my libido is not that great. So, a nap and enough sleep, keeps me physically and mentally happy, and eager for sex.

BTW, I am curious that there must be WOHM, who have similar sleep needs as me (a good 9 -10 hours), and if they are not getting enough sleep during the week, are they truly looking forward to sex?

Ahahhaaa!!!! Love DCUM, it's a shit show now!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these aren't lives.

Begone, troll

Not a troll. Think it's pathetic that women go to the gym, "do paperwork" (whatever), and get pedicures and call it a day. Hope they have more ami iron for their daughters.

I have a husband who travels frequently when not working from home. Our life would be chaos and I would be a resentful mess if I was back at my 60 hour a week career in finance which also included frequent travel. I had a tremendously successful career which I'm happy to talk to my children about. I'm also happy to teach them about being adaptable and that I could make the choice to do what was best for an entire family of people because I loved them. Our house is peaceful and their lives are better because of the choice my husband and I made. You may find that pathetic but I'm quite proud of all of the choices I've made as well as the home life we've created for our kids. Luckily your judgment doesn't affect me in any way. You may not think you are a troll but you certainly aren't the sort of woman I would hope my daughter turns out to be.

I'm not paying for college to see my daughter stay home.

I don't think most SAHMs graduate from college and immediately stay home. Many have jobs and careers for years before they SAHM.

I work out of the home myself.

However - why is it that so many people on this site think it is ok for daycare providers, nannies, housecleaners, and other household employees to do the very real work of watching the kids, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, but it is somehow demeaning for the mother of the children to do so? Legit question. Please answer.

PP, I've asked this question before and the answers (if you get any at all) will be: "Because those people (nannies, daycare providers, etc.) are getting paid, of course! So they're doing a "real" job, whereas a SAHM isn't bringing in any income, so we don't respect her!" It's so predictable as to be almost funny. Almost. Except when you consider that these people don't consider taking care of their own children to be worthy in and of itself. Then it's just very sad.

I agree with most of what you say until your last two sentences. Of course, taking care of own's children is worthy in and of itself. However, counting on one spouse's income is a risky proposition in the long run, and that's something rarely acknowledged by SAHMs in these threads. What we hear from the SAHMs is how it's a joint decision, husband supports it, and how valuable it is for them to have a relaxed life of volunteering and cleaning the house (especially once the kids are in school), but no acceptance that this may be the situation now, but won't necessarily be the situation in the future. Spouses die, become disabled, and leave. Given the divorce rate in this country, spouse leaving is a very real possibility sometime in the marriage. What then? Threads about SAHMs who have to reenter the workforce and surprised that they either can't find a high paying job without current skills.

So basically, this is why I respect daycare providers, nannies, and housecleaners more than I respect SAHMs who stay at home once their kids are in school all day and they describe their days as hours of the day at the gym, perfecting hobbies, or keeping a spotless home.

What does that have to do with me personally? Not much, which is why I don't say anything to the SAHMs I know. But to come here and suggest that WOHMs don't think taking care of their own children as being worthy is insulting to those of us who work hard because we plan carefully and believe that it is the responsibility of every adult to be able to provide for themselves and their families. Of course, if you're independently wealthy or have a rock solid prenup that provides for the rest of your life, this doesn't apply to you. However, that is not the situation for most women, even the SAHMs on DCUM.

I don't have an issue with people who choose to SAH while their children are small, or who work P/T, or even those who network or structure their volunteering to dovetail into a future job, should they need one.

But most of SAHMs on these threads don't stress that. They stress how relaxed they are, how personally fulfilled they are, and how sad they are for WOHMs because they don't value taking care of their families.

That's the sad truth and part of the reason the mommy wars get so heated here.

No. The reason the mommy wars never stop, at least here on DCUM, is because any time a SAHM answers the (ridiculous) question, "What do you do all day," the people who have a problem with the answer heap on their scorn and moronic comments. My question is, if you have a problem with SAHMs, why even bother clicking on a thread that is obviously about them? It seems like any time SAHMs start talking about their lives, there are always harpies ready to pounce and tell them how lazy and stupid they are for not getting a job. Of course spouses can die, or leave. That certainly goes for ALL marriages. Why do you and others feel the need to concern yourselves with the marriages of people you've never met?

Obviously, the takeway from many of these nasty posts is that many WOHMs do not value taking care of their own children. I mean, come on! We've all read those posts from the morons who flat-out say that they respect their childcare providers more than a SAHM - purely because the childcare provider is an employee and earning a paycheck for taking care of someone else's children. How transparent. What they're actually saying is, "I don't like SAHMs because they are able to stay home with their own children and I'm not."

We've all read the threads that pop up constantly about WOHMs who are desperate for a break, or help from their husbands, or more time with their kids, or more sleep, or all of the above. Their harried lifestyles sound miserable and I always feel depressed after reading them. Yet I would never consider giving my opinion of their lives, and what they could do to make them less stressful. I read those threads sometimes, but don't feel the need to chime in - why would I? I don't need to tear down someone else's choices to validate my own. And that's exactly what we see on threads like these, when certain, unhappy, dissatisfied, and insecure women decide they need to tear down other women in order to feel better about their own choices.

Did you seriously just say, in the same post no less, that the takeaway is that working moms don't value their children? And then say but I don't judge or comment?

Because you're having trouble with your reading comprehension, here's the entire quote, with bolding added:

"Except when you consider that these people don't consider taking care of their own children to be worthy in and of itself."

Meaning you and others like you seem to feel that "just" taking care of one's own children isn't a worthy enough goal and that there has to be more - employment and a paycheck of some kind, for example - for it to be considered "enough." To which I and many others say B.S. You do you, but don't you dare expect everyone else to follow your example just because you "have an issue" with how we choose to live our lives. That's your issue, not ours.

Don't assume you're talking to a single poster, PP. I'm the poster you first responded to, but I did not ask the follow up questions. I did not respond to you because you missed my point entirely and have shown yourself to be both insulting and full of wrong assumptions. It's not worth my time to engage with you so this nasty response you have makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

We've lived in the area for over 20 yrs. About 7 miles from the Beltway.

25 years. 10k mortgage. DH makes around 2 million- but we are a low key family. I did very well on an investment in my late 20s so money is not a foremost concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i'll play.

For me, it is difficult to have a typical day like I had when I was a WOHM. My work is not very defined because I end up doing/assisting in whatever any of the family members need. I get up at 5:30 am most days, drink my coffee, take a shower and start the day with my daily prayers.

I have two kids in HS now. So, morning goes in making breakfast and lunch and driving them to school or bus-stop. They are in magnet schools so the commute from our house is insanely long. if they miss the bus, I will drive them to school, because the extra time it gives them allows them to eat breakfast or sleep longer or take a nap during the car-ride. Mostly, I drive them to school almost daily, because if one of my kid is late, the other also gets delayed too.

I run my errands on the way back home. Grocery, dry-cleaners, my medical appointments, car wash, car servicing, banking, picking up supplies etc. Once I get home, I make beds in the all the bedrooms, pick up dirty clothes for laundry, vacuum and dust the bedrooms, clean the bathrooms (3 males in the house).

I clean the kitchen counter, start dishes, start laundry and start cooking dinner. Whenever my boys get home, they have a full hot meal to eat, so having dinner ready works for my family. I do a second load of cooking dishes, water the indoor plants, vacuum and mop the kitchen. Fold laundry and put them away in the dressers. Do other cleaning if needed (clean windows, wash sneakers, hats). I am done with the housework and cooking by 11:30 am - noon.

If I have nothing else going on that day (which is rare)- home improvements and repairs, entertaining friends and neighbors, volunteering at school clubs, scheduling appointments for my family, social obligations, shopping, yard-work etc -- I will take a nap for an hour.

After 3:00 pm - my time is dictated by whatever my kids are doing. Pickups and drop-offs from various activities, studying, projects etc. By 6:00 pm, they usually eat dinner and either relax for some time or go to their rooms to study. This goes on till around 11 pm (on a good day. Sometimes they are studying late at night!). DH comes home around 8 pm.

I am fast asleep by 9 pm lol. DH takes out the trash twice a week.

Now, if there are other things going on during the day - then a lot of cleaning will not happen. I will not make the beds and clean the bathrooms and vacuum etc. I will then tackle the laundry at night. If I cannot get the cooking done in the morning, then I will make stuff like pasta, frozen pizza and other frozen food. Or takeouts.

I have a weekly cleaning service and they will clean the whole house and change the bed linens weekly.

So, as you can see, my day is not very structured and I end up doing things as and when needed. I have some free hours in the day-time to pursue my own interests. I used to be stressed when I was working because I did not have the flexibility to do things when it was most convenient. As a SAHM, I do not think I am less busy, but I have a whole lot of flexibility. And when I am unwell, or someone in the family is unwell- I can let things slide with no repercussions.

What I have realized is that I cannot hope for a routine because I am the person who picks up the slack at home. I think it makes things a lot easier and less stressful for the rest of the family.

Really not trying to be snarky but why are you picking up your high schoolers' dirty clothes & making their beds? Regardless of whether or not their mom (or dad or nanny or housekeeper...) is home during the day, kids need to get into the habit of picking up after themselves well before they go off to college, IMO. It makes sense that the person whose job -- paid or unpaid --is to take care of the house/keep the home running smoothly takes care of the major cleaning tasks, laundry,grocery shopping, cooking,etc while everyone else is at school/work but there are some basic tasks that all kids should do for themselves, regardless of who is or isn't home during the day.

I'm a SAHM, but I don't really understand this either. My kids are 7 and 4, and they both are responsible for putting their own dirty clothes into the hamper and for making their own beds. Most days I don't even have to remind them.

Wow, its so amazing that you and I are so different, even though we both are SAHMs. Also, its amazing that we are at different stages of parenting. Your kids are in ES and mine is in HS, so maybe our circumstances are different? And maybe because of the things my children are doing outside of school is time consuming enough that they have different priorities that the average HS students? It surely boggles the mind.

Picking up their dirty clothes and making their beds takes my kids less than five minutes in the morning. Barring physical disabilities, I'm guessing your high-achieving high schoolers could make a bed faster than my four-year-old, who has to get on top of the bed and crawl all around it to get the sheet/comforter pulled up because she can't reach across the bed yet. If your kids cannot figure out how to work less than five minutes of chores into their morning routine without compromising their academic achievements, there are bigger problems here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a day care worker, a chef, a housekeeper, a tutor, a chauffeur etc. I would be worthy. SAHM? Useless.

Thank you. Now we can just refer to your post when people deny that idiots like you actually exist. Have a great night!

You make no sense. Have a great night too.

Seriously? Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a day care worker, a chef, a housekeeper, a tutor, a chauffeur etc. I would be worthy. SAHM? Useless.

Thank you. Now we can just refer to your post when people deny that idiots like you actually exist. Have a great night!

You make no sense. Have a great night too.

Seriously? Get a clue.

What exactly is your argument? This thread has proven time and time again what the PP stated is true. If a sahm got a paycheck for any of the things she did during the day she would be "acceptable" "valid" and "fulfilled". No paycheck? Wasting her degree and her life.

[Anonymous]

Actually, you are being snarky. How I raise my kids is nobody's business. However, let me answer you. Since my kids are putting in hours of work studying, volunteering and doing EC work, participating in competitions and travelling during the weekends, because of being in a highly competitive magnet program, and are barely getting 5-6 hours of sleep at night, I want to make life as easy for them regarding chores that I can do. If it buys them some more leisure time, I am glad to do this.

Now, hopefully, learning how to launder their clothes will not be difficult for a student, who can write complex computer programs and has been interning during summer in the prestigious STEM field.

Gross. So they're too smart to do their own wash? I'm a TJ grad now in a STEM field and managed to do my own wash, clean up after myself, and even have a part time job while in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i'll play.

For me, it is difficult to have a typical day like I had when I was a WOHM. My work is not very defined because I end up doing/assisting in whatever any of the family members need. I get up at 5:30 am most days, drink my coffee, take a shower and start the day with my daily prayers.

I have two kids in HS now. So, morning goes in making breakfast and lunch and driving them to school or bus-stop. They are in magnet schools so the commute from our house is insanely long. if they miss the bus, I will drive them to school, because the extra time it gives them allows them to eat breakfast or sleep longer or take a nap during the car-ride. Mostly, I drive them to school almost daily, because if one of my kid is late, the other also gets delayed too.

I run my errands on the way back home. Grocery, dry-cleaners, my medical appointments, car wash, car servicing, banking, picking up supplies etc. Once I get home, I make beds in the all the bedrooms, pick up dirty clothes for laundry, vacuum and dust the bedrooms, clean the bathrooms (3 males in the house).

I clean the kitchen counter, start dishes, start laundry and start cooking dinner. Whenever my boys get home, they have a full hot meal to eat, so having dinner ready works for my family. I do a second load of cooking dishes, water the indoor plants, vacuum and mop the kitchen. Fold laundry and put them away in the dressers. Do other cleaning if needed (clean windows, wash sneakers, hats). I am done with the housework and cooking by 11:30 am - noon.

If I have nothing else going on that day (which is rare)- home improvements and repairs, entertaining friends and neighbors, volunteering at school clubs, scheduling appointments for my family, social obligations, shopping, yard-work etc -- I will take a nap for an hour.

After 3:00 pm - my time is dictated by whatever my kids are doing. Pickups and drop-offs from various activities, studying, projects etc. By 6:00 pm, they usually eat dinner and either relax for some time or go to their rooms to study. This goes on till around 11 pm (on a good day. Sometimes they are studying late at night!). DH comes home around 8 pm.

I am fast asleep by 9 pm lol. DH takes out the trash twice a week.

Now, if there are other things going on during the day - then a lot of cleaning will not happen. I will not make the beds and clean the bathrooms and vacuum etc. I will then tackle the laundry at night. If I cannot get the cooking done in the morning, then I will make stuff like pasta, frozen pizza and other frozen food. Or takeouts.

I have a weekly cleaning service and they will clean the whole house and change the bed linens weekly.

So, as you can see, my day is not very structured and I end up doing things as and when needed. I have some free hours in the day-time to pursue my own interests. I used to be stressed when I was working because I did not have the flexibility to do things when it was most convenient. As a SAHM, I do not think I am less busy, but I have a whole lot of flexibility. And when I am unwell, or someone in the family is unwell- I can let things slide with no repercussions.

What I have realized is that I cannot hope for a routine because I am the person who picks up the slack at home. I think it makes things a lot easier and less stressful for the rest of the family.

Really not trying to be snarky but why are you picking up your high schoolers' dirty clothes & making their beds? Regardless of whether or not their mom (or dad or nanny or housekeeper...) is home during the day, kids need to get into the habit of picking up after themselves well before they go off to college, IMO. It makes sense that the person whose job -- paid or unpaid --is to take care of the house/keep the home running smoothly takes care of the major cleaning tasks, laundry,grocery shopping, cooking,etc while everyone else is at school/work but there are some basic tasks that all kids should do for themselves, regardless of who is or isn't home during the day.

Actually, you are being snarky. How I raise my kids is nobody's business. However, let me answer you. Since my kids are putting in hours of work studying, volunteering and doing EC work, participating in competitions and travelling during the weekends, because of being in a highly competitive magnet program, and are barely getting 5-6 hours of sleep at night, I want to make life as easy for them regarding chores that I can do. If it buys them some more leisure time, I am glad to do this.

Now, hopefully, learning how to launder their clothes will not be difficult for a student, who can write complex computer programs and has been interning during summer in the prestigious STEM field.

I know that many households where both parents are WOHPs, the laundry and cleaning gets done on the weekends only. That is also a choice. When my kids will need to launder clothes, hopefully, they too can do it on a weekend, or when they have the time, or outsource it, or find another solution. These are smart kids. They will figure it out.

Right now, I am hoping they remain focused on giving their all to their academics and other interests - so they can have a successful and fulfilling career later on in life. I am thankful that I am here to support them.

Good luck to their future college roommates.

+1

I have a friend who has absolutely coddled her son. To the point where dad was practically doing his homework for him and he is an honors student of course! Tutors and extra coaching for everything. He had a sat/act "buddy" who went to the tests with him and walked him through everything up to the test and waited for him after to counsel him. He got fast food of his choice brought to him daily even though he has a car. He has never cooked, cleaned or shopped for himself. Now all of a sudden they have decided to prep him for college and the entire family is stressed out. His grades are tanking. And he is throwing toddler like tantrums because of all the stress put on him at once. Its a sad sad trainwreck to watch.

She is hoping they can convince him to go to college close so she can help him with cleaning and laundry and dad can be there for homework and car maintenance etc. So its not like they are learning lesson here either.

Well, you are projecting your own insecurities here. Sorry to hear that people you know are the kind who are pressuring their kids to prep and do well. I am lucky that my kids are self motivated and high achievers without any help from our side. Actually, people in my circle do not seem to be the trainwrecks that your friends seem to be. My SAHM and WOHM friends are parents of highly gifted kids, and these kids are curious and brilliant without pressure from parents.

So, I am to understand from all the feedback here that the DHs of all the WOHMs on this thread are people who are doing laundry, cleaning the house, doing dishes and cooking and doing everything else? Because obviously they did not have a mother like me who coddled them? Well, then the fact that all of you WOHM successfully should not be a big deal, because your DHs are doing everything. Your household is pretty much running by itself. So, what is so great that you go to work every day? You do not do any work that SAHMs do. Your kids and husband do everything. Your life is easy.

Now, if there was anyway you could sleep more, you would be golden.

Oh, I hope if schools are closed on Friday because of snow, your office have generous leave policy. Good luck!

Nobody said anything about husbands & kids doing everything around the house, just cleaning up after themselves.

-another SAHM

+1
The smug PP is clearly an outlier or a troll.

-yet another SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i'll play.

For me, it is difficult to have a typical day like I had when I was a WOHM. My work is not very defined because I end up doing/assisting in whatever any of the family members need. I get up at 5:30 am most days, drink my coffee, take a shower and start the day with my daily prayers.

I have two kids in HS now. So, morning goes in making breakfast and lunch and driving them to school or bus-stop. They are in magnet schools so the commute from our house is insanely long. if they miss the bus, I will drive them to school, because the extra time it gives them allows them to eat breakfast or sleep longer or take a nap during the car-ride. Mostly, I drive them to school almost daily, because if one of my kid is late, the other also gets delayed too.

I run my errands on the way back home. Grocery, dry-cleaners, my medical appointments, car wash, car servicing, banking, picking up supplies etc. Once I get home, I make beds in the all the bedrooms, pick up dirty clothes for laundry, vacuum and dust the bedrooms, clean the bathrooms (3 males in the house).

I clean the kitchen counter, start dishes, start laundry and start cooking dinner. Whenever my boys get home, they have a full hot meal to eat, so having dinner ready works for my family. I do a second load of cooking dishes, water the indoor plants, vacuum and mop the kitchen. Fold laundry and put them away in the dressers. Do other cleaning if needed (clean windows, wash sneakers, hats). I am done with the housework and cooking by 11:30 am - noon.

If I have nothing else going on that day (which is rare)- home improvements and repairs, entertaining friends and neighbors, volunteering at school clubs, scheduling appointments for my family, social obligations, shopping, yard-work etc -- I will take a nap for an hour.

After 3:00 pm - my time is dictated by whatever my kids are doing. Pickups and drop-offs from various activities, studying, projects etc. By 6:00 pm, they usually eat dinner and either relax for some time or go to their rooms to study. This goes on till around 11 pm (on a good day. Sometimes they are studying late at night!). DH comes home around 8 pm.

I am fast asleep by 9 pm lol. DH takes out the trash twice a week.

Now, if there are other things going on during the day - then a lot of cleaning will not happen. I will not make the beds and clean the bathrooms and vacuum etc. I will then tackle the laundry at night. If I cannot get the cooking done in the morning, then I will make stuff like pasta, frozen pizza and other frozen food. Or takeouts.

I have a weekly cleaning service and they will clean the whole house and change the bed linens weekly.

So, as you can see, my day is not very structured and I end up doing things as and when needed. I have some free hours in the day-time to pursue my own interests. I used to be stressed when I was working because I did not have the flexibility to do things when it was most convenient. As a SAHM, I do not think I am less busy, but I have a whole lot of flexibility. And when I am unwell, or someone in the family is unwell- I can let things slide with no repercussions.

What I have realized is that I cannot hope for a routine because I am the person who picks up the slack at home. I think it makes things a lot easier and less stressful for the rest of the family.

WOW! A one hour nap during the day and asleep by 9pm at night. I'd kill for that amount of sleep.

Wait-her husband gets home at 8pm and she goes to sleep at 9pm (after a 1 hour nap during the day). This sounds like depression. When do they ever have sex??

LOL! Curious minds want to know...don't they? DH has been on vacay, this whole week, so we have been sleeping late and having sex before sleeping, but, usually, it is very early mornings. We have a very active and adventurous sex life and like to have sex at least 4-5 times a week.

DH is very high energy person and does not require a whole lot of sleep, but I feel that if I do not get enough sleep, my libido is not that great. So, a nap and enough sleep, keeps me physically and mentally happy, and eager for sex.

BTW, I am curious that there must be WOHM, who have similar sleep needs as me (a good 9 -10 hours), and if they are not getting enough sleep during the week, are they truly looking forward to sex?

Ahahhaaa!!!! Love DCUM, it's a shit show now!!!!

The more I read, the more convinced I am that the PP is a troll. Or else from a very conservative culture and English isn't her first language. Either way, not representative of the SAHMs I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these aren't lives.

Begone, troll

Not a troll. Think it's pathetic that women go to the gym, "do paperwork" (whatever), and get pedicures and call it a day. Hope they have more ami iron for their daughters.

I have a husband who travels frequently when not working from home. Our life would be chaos and I would be a resentful mess if I was back at my 60 hour a week career in finance which also included frequent travel. I had a tremendously successful career which I'm happy to talk to my children about. I'm also happy to teach them about being adaptable and that I could make the choice to do what was best for an entire family of people because I loved them. Our house is peaceful and their lives are better because of the choice my husband and I made. You may find that pathetic but I'm quite proud of all of the choices I've made as well as the home life we've created for our kids. Luckily your judgment doesn't affect me in any way. You may not think you are a troll but you certainly aren't the sort of woman I would hope my daughter turns out to be.

I'm not paying for college to see my daughter stay home.

I don't think most SAHMs graduate from college and immediately stay home. Many have jobs and careers for years before they SAHM.

I work out of the home myself.

However - why is it that so many people on this site think it is ok for daycare providers, nannies, housecleaners, and other household employees to do the very real work of watching the kids, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, but it is somehow demeaning for the mother of the children to do so? Legit question. Please answer.

PP, I've asked this question before and the answers (if you get any at all) will be: "Because those people (nannies, daycare providers, etc.) are getting paid, of course! So they're doing a "real" job, whereas a SAHM isn't bringing in any income, so we don't respect her!" It's so predictable as to be almost funny. Almost. Except when you consider that these people don't consider taking care of their own children to be worthy in and of itself. Then it's just very sad.

I agree with most of what you say until your last two sentences. Of course, taking care of own's children is worthy in and of itself. However, counting on one spouse's income is a risky proposition in the long run, and that's something rarely acknowledged by SAHMs in these threads. What we hear from the SAHMs is how it's a joint decision, husband supports it, and how valuable it is for them to have a relaxed life of volunteering and cleaning the house (especially once the kids are in school), but no acceptance that this may be the situation now, but won't necessarily be the situation in the future. Spouses die, become disabled, and leave. Given the divorce rate in this country, spouse leaving is a very real possibility sometime in the marriage. What then? Threads about SAHMs who have to reenter the workforce and surprised that they either can't find a high paying job without current skills.

So basically, this is why I respect daycare providers, nannies, and housecleaners more than I respect SAHMs who stay at home once their kids are in school all day and they describe their days as hours of the day at the gym, perfecting hobbies, or keeping a spotless home.

What does that have to do with me personally? Not much, which is why I don't say anything to the SAHMs I know. But to come here and suggest that WOHMs don't think taking care of their own children as being worthy is insulting to those of us who work hard because we plan carefully and believe that it is the responsibility of every adult to be able to provide for themselves and their families. Of course, if you're independently wealthy or have a rock solid prenup that provides for the rest of your life, this doesn't apply to you. However, that is not the situation for most women, even the SAHMs on DCUM.

I don't have an issue with people who choose to SAH while their children are small, or who work P/T, or even those who network or structure their volunteering to dovetail into a future job, should they need one.

But most of SAHMs on these threads don't stress that. They stress how relaxed they are, how personally fulfilled they are, and how sad they are for WOHMs because they don't value taking care of their families.

That's the sad truth and part of the reason the mommy wars get so heated here.

No. The reason the mommy wars never stop, at least here on DCUM, is because any time a SAHM answers the (ridiculous) question, "What do you do all day," the people who have a problem with the answer heap on their scorn and moronic comments. My question is, if you have a problem with SAHMs, why even bother clicking on a thread that is obviously about them? It seems like any time SAHMs start talking about their lives, there are always harpies ready to pounce and tell them how lazy and stupid they are for not getting a job. Of course spouses can die, or leave. That certainly goes for ALL marriages. Why do you and others feel the need to concern yourselves with the marriages of people you've never met?

Obviously, the takeway from many of these nasty posts is that many WOHMs do not value taking care of their own children. I mean, come on! We've all read those posts from the morons who flat-out say that they respect their childcare providers more than a SAHM - purely because the childcare provider is an employee and earning a paycheck for taking care of someone else's children. How transparent. What they're actually saying is, "I don't like SAHMs because they are able to stay home with their own children and I'm not."

We've all read the threads that pop up constantly about WOHMs who are desperate for a break, or help from their husbands, or more time with their kids, or more sleep, or all of the above. Their harried lifestyles sound miserable and I always feel depressed after reading them. Yet I would never consider giving my opinion of their lives, and what they could do to make them less stressful. I read those threads sometimes, but don't feel the need to chime in - why would I? I don't need to tear down someone else's choices to validate my own. And that's exactly what we see on threads like these, when certain, unhappy, dissatisfied, and insecure women decide they need to tear down other women in order to feel better about their own choices.

Did you seriously just say, in the same post no less, that the takeaway is that working moms don't value their children? And then say but I don't judge or comment?

Because you're having trouble with your reading comprehension, here's the entire quote, with bolding added:

"Except when you consider that these people don't consider taking care of their own children to be worthy in and of itself."

Meaning you and others like you seem to feel that "just" taking care of one's own children isn't a worthy enough goal and that there has to be more - employment and a paycheck of some kind, for example - for it to be considered "enough." To which I and many others say B.S. You do you, but don't you dare expect everyone else to follow your example just because you "have an issue" with how we choose to live our lives. That's your issue, not ours.

Don't assume you're talking to a single poster, PP. I'm the poster you first responded to, but I did not ask the follow up questions. I did not respond to you because you missed my point entirely and have shown yourself to be both insulting and full of wrong assumptions. It's not worth my time to engage with you so this nasty response you have makes no sense.

Don't kid yourself - my response was certainly no nastier than yours. And you have engaged - several times now. My response makes perfect sense, but you clearly don't have anything coherent to say for yourself, so it's just as well we're done with our "exchange".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a day care worker, a chef, a housekeeper, a tutor, a chauffeur etc. I would be worthy. SAHM? Useless.

Thank you. Now we can just refer to your post when people deny that idiots like you actually exist. Have a great night!

You make no sense. Have a great night too.

Seriously? Get a clue.

What exactly is your argument? This thread has proven time and time again what the PP stated is true. If a sahm got a paycheck for any of the things she did during the day she would be "acceptable" "valid" and "fulfilled". No paycheck? Wasting her degree and her life.

Are you the first poster and if so, were you being facetious? Because it certainly came off as being entirely sincere; that is, that you believe SAHMs are worthless. I'll be honest: I can't tell if you're kidding or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh, I hope if schools are closed on Friday because of snow, your office have generous leave policy. Good luck!

Thank God you are a SAHM! Heaven forbid your high schoolers have to fend for themselves on snow days!

The PP is the reason people hate SAHMs. As a SAHM myself this is one of the reasons I feel luckiest. I don't have to worry about sick/snow days. I can't imagine trying to juggle who can get time off, who can leave early. I can just focus on my sick child and not try to do that with dealing with work too and worrying if I'm putting my job at jeopardy. I have a lot of respect for WOHMs.

^ Thank you. You sound genuinely nice (somewhat of a rarity for these threads!).

For the record, I have absolutely no issue with women (or men) who SAH when their kids are older (or younger, for that matter). I do, however, have a problem with arrogant asswipes -- regardless of whether they are SAH asswipes, WAH asswipes, or WOH asswipes.