What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That DH's high school friend/ex short term gf is nice and all but that I think her twice yearly 'pleasant emails' are, in part, to keep her foot in the door in case I screw up or die or whatever and it's just kind of obvious. That I remember him telling me that her husband sucks in bed and has a lot of hang ups and, well, he doesn't so it's like she's a vulture circling...

Wow. That's exactly what she's doing. Not being sarcastic.

Seriously. The fact that he knows too-intimate details like the husband's performance in bed is not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That DH's high school friend/ex short term gf is nice and all but that I think her twice yearly 'pleasant emails' are, in part, to keep her foot in the door in case I screw up or die or whatever and it's just kind of obvious. That I remember him telling me that her husband sucks in bed and has a lot of hang ups and, well, he doesn't so it's like she's a vulture circling...

Wow. That's exactly what she's doing. Not being sarcastic.

Seriously. The fact that he knows too-intimate details like the husband's performance in bed is not good

If she is actually a threat to your marriage maybe you should address this. With her! can you politely and discretely intimidate the hell out of her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've had a rough few years. Two children. PPD. Unemployment (yours). Being promoted and forced to move everyone to Paris for 6 months during a winter the sun never came out (me). A stroke (yours). Gaining 20 pounds from stress eating (me). An awful sex dry period (both of us).

I sometimes feel like you don't love me, but respect my commitment to the cause (our marriage).

But then you baked me my favorite bread. And brought me coffee. And woke me up at 5 am so we could snack and cuddle in bed.

And all is right in the world. We'll be fine.

Sounds amazing to me (even w/out the sun.)

[Anonymous]

I really hope that they ,husband or wives. Took off the key logger from the computer ,when they thought you were having an affair(gulp)but hey at least it's
All out in the open now ,right

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That DH's high school friend/ex short term gf is nice and all but that I think her twice yearly 'pleasant emails' are, in part, to keep her foot in the door in case I screw up or die or whatever and it's just kind of obvious. That I remember him telling me that her husband sucks in bed and has a lot of hang ups and, well, he doesn't so it's like she's a vulture circling...

Wow. That's exactly what she's doing. Not being sarcastic.

Seriously. The fact that he knows too-intimate details like the husband's performance in bed is not good

If she is actually a threat to your marriage maybe you should address this. With her! can you politely and discretely intimidate the hell out of her?

Luckily she lives two states away at least. If she was around here there would some trouble and snarkiness.
Also she's deeply religious and if I said anything to her about not coveting someone else's husband she would pretty much self combust so it will be okay.
Unless I die and the husband she is grossly bored with flees - then she'll be set.

Last time we went to one of hubbys events and she was there she was just ultra quiet near me and acted all mysterious (giant eye roll).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had a rough few years. Two children. PPD. Unemployment (yours). Being promoted and forced to move everyone to Paris for 6 months during a winter the sun never came out (me). A stroke (yours). Gaining 20 pounds from stress eating (me). An awful sex dry period (both of us).

I sometimes feel like you don't love me, but respect my commitment to the cause (our marriage).

But then you baked me my favorite bread. And brought me coffee. And woke me up at 5 am so we could snack and cuddle in bed.

And all is right in the world. We'll be fine.

Sounds amazing to me (even w/out the sun.)

In a completely different context, yes, it would have been amazing. But to take your family and make them move into a corporate flat for six months in a completely different country when your spouse has PPD and PPA, it was sort of the best worst decision. We needed me working and my income (and health insurance), but leaving DC in the midst of a health crisis with small children was the absolute worst. We actually moved our mother in law in with us to help manage. And hired a full time nanny. In a small three bedroom "European" apartment. It was horrible and I was thrilled the second I was allowed back to the states.

I still go to Paris once every few months for a week or so alone. It's lovely. But the conditions we were under were horrible. Just horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not something to be hurtful, but would like to get off your chest but won't say out of fear of scorn or ridicule or rejection. Or maybe because after saying it things would never be the same.

. I would like to tell my husband to get a penile implant; his penis looks like a little boy, cannot get/keep erection and there has been no sex at my house since June 2007, at least, I haven't had any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to 15:40 - you have no idea what you're talking about. This is a quick little DCUM thread that can't begin to get to the bottom of the issues.

True, I have no idea what the finer details are, but the basic premise that if you don't tell your partner what you need you can't expect them to give it to you is indisputable. Now, if the reason a woman doesn't tell her husband he doesn't make her cum is because he'll respond by beating the crap out of her, for example, then complaining about the lack of O is like complaining about the food when you're on death row.

One of the PPs here. We've definitely talked about our sex life and how it things aren't all that much fun for me. Thing is, he's just really bad in the sack and has a small penis. His efforts wind up with me being pawed about, with not much sensitivity. I love him to pieces - this is the one glaring hole in our marriage, so I live with it.

My DH is like that too. Small penis, lack of stamina, overweight, low libido. But he is a great guy and I also am deeply in love with him. Thankfully, he has started to bring me to orgasm by oral and toys/ after many years of unhappiness. I am happy with that. I also masturbate a lot, so that I am satisfied. I sometimes feel that no real person could bring me to orgasm through coitus, and that the only way I can reach it is by my toys or oral.

[Anonymous]

That your general passivity in life and your inability to initiate any meaningful conversation, or sex, for the last 8 years of our marriage has had the effect of me falling out of love with you, and if it weren't for our awesome young kids and generally fun family life, I would have bailed a long time ago. Even though I am sure you are not having an affair, I wouldn't even be that upset if you were because it would mean that you still have those feelings, even if they weren't directed at me. The thought of you not having any feelings like that at all is more devastating to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not something to be hurtful, but would like to get off your chest but won't say out of fear of scorn or ridicule or rejection. Or maybe because after saying it things would never be the same.

. I would like to tell my husband to get a penile implant; his penis looks like a little boy, cannot get/keep erection and there has been no sex at my house since June 2007, at least, I haven't had any.

Husband here. I suppose my wife would like the same thing. My medication prevents me from attaining an erection and my flaccid penis is very small.
I'm curious PP, what exactly size is your husband's ? the size of your pinky ? or smaller ? Truthfully I'm hoping it's smaller than mine so that maybe my wife isn't wishing the same !!! In any case, sorry for your predicament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish she could see how mean she is to me and our son sometimes. Her personality is just like her mom's who she deeply resented for the exact same type of meaness. Even worse is that she can't see that she's building up the same type of resentment in our son that she had for her mom.

Why would you not talk to her about this? Stand up for your son at a bare minimum.

This. If you point this out gently and lovingly, she can begin to change the pattern. My DH had to remind me before not to act like my father. It hurt but I needed to hear it. It's important not to let the meanness continue.

[Anonymous]

That I'm sorry your great aunt died, but thrilled that you'll be out of town for 48 hours. You never go anywhere overnight, for work or fun, and I'm so sick of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That your general passivity in life and your inability to initiate any meaningful conversation, or sex, for the last 8 years of our marriage has had the effect of me falling out of love with you, and if it weren't for our awesome young kids and generally fun family life, I would have bailed a long time ago. Even though I am sure you are not having an affair, I wouldn't even be that upset if you were because it would mean that you still have those feelings, even if they weren't directed at me. The thought of you not having any feelings like that at all is more devastating to me.

Ditto, exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That we are $15,000 in credit debt and living paycheck to paycheck...but since he wants nothing to do with the finances and leaves me to figure things out...when he spends and spends...it is on me...and I can't do it. We BOTH have to participate, and be aware of the finances. Don't call me cheap when I don't want to go out to dinner because I am aware of the finances.

This is the worst.

This, 100% more than an affair is what would prompt me to divorce. Fall in someone else all you want, but don't you f*ck with my money.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I have given up nagging him about brushing his teeth, but it doesn't mean his breath has improved. It just means I can't stand talking about it anymore. Sigh. Why can't a grown man brush his teeth?

UGH. There are two men like this? My husband is the same. Unbelievably disgusting and annoying.

Oh no ... so you mean my boys may never 'grow out' of not brushing their teeth? Every single day I have to nag and remind them. Dang, I feel sorry for their future spouses.