Rude things your MIL has said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are mostly great, but this year something happened that makes me scratch my head.

My mother died several months ago. The in laws knew that I was close to my mother. I didn't think too much about it when they didn't contact me at the time of her death or consider coming to her funeral (they don't live close by; I would have been surprised if they came). But I have seen them twice since she died and they have not said a word about her death, even after my mother came up in passing in conversation.

I don't get it.

That is horrible. They no longer deserve to called "mostly great." What does your husband say about this?!

My MIL did something similar many years ago, and it is something I still look back on and resent. My mom was already deceased when I met my now-DH, and then my dad passed away about four years into our relationship (we'd only been married for two years, but i had known his family for four years at that point). My dad died in early december, and DH and I had been planning to spend christmas with him that year. My MIL never expressed any condolences, and actually said something about how at least now we could spend the holidays with her. We did spend that christmas with her, and it was horrible - I was still sad and a bit in shock over my fathers sudden death, she complained about my lack of holiday spirit, and I haven't been back at her home for the holidays in eight years.

Again, this is horrible. What a nightmare. I am so sorry! How did you not lash out?! I almost think a lot of DIL's write their MIL's permission slips for bad behavior...though good for you for avoiding going back to her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are mostly great, but this year something happened that makes me scratch my head.

My mother died several months ago. The in laws knew that I was close to my mother. I didn't think too much about it when they didn't contact me at the time of her death or consider coming to her funeral (they don't live close by; I would have been surprised if they came). But I have seen them twice since she died and they have not said a word about her death, even after my mother came up in passing in conversation.

I don't get it.

That is horrible. They no longer deserve to called "mostly great." What does your husband say about this?!

He didn't notice and I haven't brought it up. I'm reluctant to let the relationship sour. It seems cloddish behavior to me, and I do resent it, but I don't know that saying anything would be to anyone's benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL isn't so bad, it is actually my FIL who is the problem.
DH is from another country, I do not speak his native language fluently but well enough, and our children our fluent. My FIL has never ever liked me, I usually bit my tongue and be the bigger person, especially since we don't see them very often as they live so far away, but now that we have children I can get all mamma bear if I think he is out of line with my kids. He is not a very good father, 2 of his 4 kids HATE him, 2 moved to America to be away from him, and the other 2 are just so young (from his second wife) that I suspect once they are graduated and have jobs will follow and move too.

He has said, to my face, in front of all my inlaws, that I am a terrible mother, that Americans suck, that Americans have no manners or breeding, that America is a terrible country, that my children have no manners, that my husband could have done much better, etc. My SILs have always stood up for me, and usually my FILs wife has too.

He has said behind my bad, but in front of my children who understand his language and reported back to me (DD is in a bit of a tattletale phase, I do not ask her to report back):that I am a bitch, that I am a horrible person, that I have the worse parenting methods he has ever seen, that I should spank and hit my kids to get them to behave, that I am fat, that I am not pretty like the women in his native country, etc

Sometimes he will completely ignore me when greeting people. Once we were celebrating with friends of his and there brought a bottle of champagne, he got on,y enough glasses out and poured some for everyone but me (despite having enough flutes). It was very uncomfortable, as the other people noticed and asked where was another glass. He said I wasn't worthy and didn't deserve to toast with them. The husband of one of the friends quickly gave me his and said to stop being ridiculous to him, but those admonishments have no effect on his behavior,

I don't know why he hates me so much. I have been with his son for 20 years. I have given him his only grandchildren. His daughter met her own husband (who is absolutely wonderful to me) through ME, he was one of my BFFs, and my FIL just adores him. His own parents when they were alive really liked me and I liked them and we had a great relationship. But my FIL just has never, ever liked me, and is so incredibly rude to me all the time. So it isn't just MILs.

Why do you see this man? He would be on permanent time out in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are mostly great, but this year something happened that makes me scratch my head.

My mother died several months ago. The in laws knew that I was close to my mother. I didn't think too much about it when they didn't contact me at the time of her death or consider coming to her funeral (they don't live close by; I would have been surprised if they came). But I have seen them twice since she died and they have not said a word about her death, even after my mother came up in passing in conversation.

I don't get it.

That is horrible. They no longer deserve to called "mostly great." What does your husband say about this?!

He didn't notice and I haven't brought it up. I'm reluctant to let the relationship sour. It seems cloddish behavior to me, and I do resent it, but I don't know that saying anything would be to anyone's benefit.

I think you can let them know it hurt you without risking souring the relationship. Their behavior seems really bizarre to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are mostly great, but this year something happened that makes me scratch my head.

My mother died several months ago. The in laws knew that I was close to my mother. I didn't think too much about it when they didn't contact me at the time of her death or consider coming to her funeral (they don't live close by; I would have been surprised if they came). But I have seen them twice since she died and they have not said a word about her death, even after my mother came up in passing in conversation.

I don't get it.

That is horrible. They no longer deserve to called "mostly great." What does your husband say about this?!

He didn't notice and I haven't brought it up. I'm reluctant to let the relationship sour. It seems cloddish behavior to me, and I do resent it, but I don't know that saying anything would be to anyone's benefit.

I think you can let them know it hurt you without risking souring the relationship. Their behavior seems really bizarre to me.

I think the next time it comes up naturally...her birthday, the holidays, Mother's Day, the anniversary of her death, make a toast to her or mention it. If they say nothing, say, "I want you to know that my mother is very important to me, and I need support in my grieving process." Then, if they continue to ignore, build up some emotional boundaries against those insensitive people.

[Anonymous]

MIL while I was painting my toenails pink: "I always associate that color with prostitutes."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL while I was painting my toenails pink: "I always associate that color with prostitutes."

"So it brings back memories!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL while I was painting my toenails pink: "I always associate that color with prostitutes."

"So it brings back memories!"

Yasssss!!!

[Anonymous]

To the PP whose Mom died: they probably don't want to bring it up and risk making you cry (which is what I would do, maybe you wouldn't). People are weird about bereavement, emotions, etc. However, you should feel free to talk about your Mom to them whenever you like, even if tears fall.

My Dad died a few months ago and MIL sent me one text that basically said she's sorry and that her Dad died when she was 26. Always has to be about her. No other communication at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the PP whose Mom died: they probably don't want to bring it up and risk making you cry (which is what I would do, maybe you wouldn't). People are weird about bereavement, emotions, etc. However, you should feel free to talk about your Mom to them whenever you like, even if tears fall.

My Dad died a few months ago and MIL sent me one text that basically said she's sorry and that her Dad died when she was 26. Always has to be about her. No other communication at all.

I'm sorry about the PP and about this for you! That's awful, too. What is it about MIL that they have to tie literally everything back to themselves? I'm sure you would have appreciated a brief phone call or a card, not a text like that.

[Anonymous]

Along the "me-me-me" lines...

"Did you use butter in these cookies? *i* always use Crisco."

"Why are you breastfeeding? I bottle fed and it let me get out of the house whenever I wanted."

"That's how WE do things." (Translation...you will never really be part of WE.)

Sigh. OK...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are mostly great, but this year something happened that makes me scratch my head.

My mother died several months ago. The in laws knew that I was close to my mother. I didn't think too much about it when they didn't contact me at the time of her death or consider coming to her funeral (they don't live close by; I would have been surprised if they came). But I have seen them twice since she died and they have not said a word about her death, even after my mother came up in passing in conversation.

I don't get it.

That is horrible. They no longer deserve to called "mostly great." What does your husband say about this?!

My MIL did something similar many years ago, and it is something I still look back on and resent. My mom was already deceased when I met my now-DH, and then my dad passed away about four years into our relationship (we'd only been married for two years, but i had known his family for four years at that point). My dad died in early december, and DH and I had been planning to spend christmas with him that year. My MIL never expressed any condolences, and actually said something about how at least now we could spend the holidays with her. We did spend that christmas with her, and it was horrible - I was still sad and a bit in shock over my fathers sudden death, she complained about my lack of holiday spirit, and I haven't been back at her home for the holidays in eight years.

Again, this is horrible. What a nightmare. I am so sorry! How did you not lash out?! I almost think a lot of DIL's write their MIL's permission slips for bad behavior...though good for you for avoiding going back to her house.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are mostly great, but this year something happened that makes me scratch my head.

My mother died several months ago. The in laws knew that I was close to my mother. I didn't think too much about it when they didn't contact me at the time of her death or consider coming to her funeral (they don't live close by; I would have been surprised if they came). But I have seen them twice since she died and they have not said a word about her death, even after my mother came up in passing in conversation.

I don't get it.

That is horrible. They no longer deserve to called "mostly great." What does your husband say about this?!

He didn't notice and I haven't brought it up. I'm reluctant to let the relationship sour. It seems cloddish behavior to me, and I do resent it, but I don't know that saying anything would be to anyone's benefit.

I think you can let them know it hurt you without risking souring the relationship. Their behavior seems really bizarre to me.

I think the next time it comes up naturally...her birthday, the holidays, Mother's Day, the anniversary of her death, make a toast to her or mention it. If they say nothing, say, "I want you to know that my mother is very important to me, and I need support in my grieving process." Then, if they continue to ignore, build up some emotional boundaries against those insensitive people.

+1

Cold, like my MIL and the ILs. Awful - I empathize with you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL while I was painting my toenails pink: "I always associate that color with prostitutes."

"So it brings back memories!"

[Anonymous]

"It's so sad you feel you have to hold down a job."