Rude things your MIL has said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been married 46 years and still get my feelings hurt when I think of things my DH's grandmother, and MIL
(who is still alive) have done or said to me. when my husband told his grandmother we were getting married she said "A knife is turning in my heart" and "this marriage won't last a year." When we were young, the grandparents came to our home. Took my DH in a bedroom, shut the door and told him to write up his will and not leave anything to me, (we had our first child at that time) and instead to by a small life insurance policy with me as the beneficiary). I am not Jewish and my DH is. At a dinner with his Aunts, Uncle, etc. they all started talking about Hitler killing Jews and then all stared at me. I was too upset to point out to them that my father volunteered for WWI and was wounded twice fighting the Germans. In all these years the have never sincerely congratulated or thanked me for anything I have done or accomplished. When my MIL learned that I received straight As in college she told me I should teach her younger daughter "my tricks" so she wouldn't haver to study so much. Obviously, after so many years, I learned to keep my distance and not to expect anything positive. But I am writing this now because I wish I had spoken out and called them on their insults. So those of you out there who have MIL who are being rude and mean, please stand up for yourself. Don't rely of your DH... they mainly did these things when he wasn't around or my DH acted like he didn't get why I was upset. The good thing is that i now have 2 SIL I love very much and have great relationships with my grown daughters and grand kids. So we are not passing down this type of behavior.

I can "hear" your pain in this. I'm so sorry. Good for you that you've found a way to rise above it. I think you are giving good advice not to put up with this, and not to pass it down.

[Anonymous]

My MIL isn't so bad, it is actually my FIL who is the problem.
DH is from another country, I do not speak his native language fluently but well enough, and our children our fluent. My FIL has never ever liked me, I usually bit my tongue and be the bigger person, especially since we don't see them very often as they live so far away, but now that we have children I can get all mamma bear if I think he is out of line with my kids. He is not a very good father, 2 of his 4 kids HATE him, 2 moved to America to be away from him, and the other 2 are just so young (from his second wife) that I suspect once they are graduated and have jobs will follow and move too.

He has said, to my face, in front of all my inlaws, that I am a terrible mother, that Americans suck, that Americans have no manners or breeding, that America is a terrible country, that my children have no manners, that my husband could have done much better, etc. My SILs have always stood up for me, and usually my FILs wife has too.

He has said behind my bad, but in front of my children who understand his language and reported back to me (DD is in a bit of a tattletale phase, I do not ask her to report back):that I am a bitch, that I am a horrible person, that I have the worse parenting methods he has ever seen, that I should spank and hit my kids to get them to behave, that I am fat, that I am not pretty like the women in his native country, etc

Sometimes he will completely ignore me when greeting people. Once we were celebrating with friends of his and there brought a bottle of champagne, he got on,y enough glasses out and poured some for everyone but me (despite having enough flutes). It was very uncomfortable, as the other people noticed and asked where was another glass. He said I wasn't worthy and didn't deserve to toast with them. The husband of one of the friends quickly gave me his and said to stop being ridiculous to him, but those admonishments have no effect on his behavior,

I don't know why he hates me so much. I have been with his son for 20 years. I have given him his only grandchildren. His daughter met her own husband (who is absolutely wonderful to me) through ME, he was one of my BFFs, and my FIL just adores him. His own parents when they were alive really liked me and I liked them and we had a great relationship. But my FIL just has never, ever liked me, and is so incredibly rude to me all the time. So it isn't just MILs.

[Anonymous]

PP here, meant to write my friend who married my SIL is absolutely wonderful to my SIL (his wife) and all my ILs always comment how lucky my SIL is to be married to such a great guy, which my SIL met because he was my good friend for years and when he broke,up with his prior gf I thought he might be a good match with my SIL and I kind of nudged them together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL isn't so bad, it is actually my FIL who is the problem.
DH is from another country, I do not speak his native language fluently but well enough, and our children our fluent. My FIL has never ever liked me, I usually bit my tongue and be the bigger person, especially since we don't see them very often as they live so far away, but now that we have children I can get all mamma bear if I think he is out of line with my kids. He is not a very good father, 2 of his 4 kids HATE him, 2 moved to America to be away from him, and the other 2 are just so young (from his second wife) that I suspect once they are graduated and have jobs will follow and move too.

He has said, to my face, in front of all my inlaws, that I am a terrible mother, that Americans suck, that Americans have no manners or breeding, that America is a terrible country, that my children have no manners, that my husband could have done much better, etc. My SILs have always stood up for me, and usually my FILs wife has too.

He has said behind my bad, but in front of my children who understand his language and reported back to me (DD is in a bit of a tattletale phase, I do not ask her to report back):that I am a bitch, that I am a horrible person, that I have the worse parenting methods he has ever seen, that I should spank and hit my kids to get them to behave, that I am fat, that I am not pretty like the women in his native country, etc

Sometimes he will completely ignore me when greeting people. Once we were celebrating with friends of his and there brought a bottle of champagne, he got on,y enough glasses out and poured some for everyone but me (despite having enough flutes). It was very uncomfortable, as the other people noticed and asked where was another glass. He said I wasn't worthy and didn't deserve to toast with them. The husband of one of the friends quickly gave me his and said to stop being ridiculous to him, but those admonishments have no effect on his behavior,

I don't know why he hates me so much. I have been with his son for 20 years. I have given him his only grandchildren. His daughter met her own husband (who is absolutely wonderful to me) through ME, he was one of my BFFs, and my FIL just adores him. His own parents when they were alive really liked me and I liked them and we had a great relationship. But my FIL just has never, ever liked me, and is so incredibly rude to me all the time. So it isn't just MILs.

And what does your DH do? You specify that your SILs stick up for you and your FIL's wife, but don't mention your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.

OMG my MIL said this EXACT same thing to ME when we told her I was pregnant with our first child. But the sentence started "I hope you have a girl because..."

I BEYOND detest my MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My MIL has been my savior. I love her more than life itself. She is my best friend.

+1
My MIL has passed away, but when she was alive, we had a wonderful relationship. She was so kind and considerate and helped tremendously when my children were born.
My parents taught me early on (through their examples and with their words) that when one marries, they are not just marrying their spouse - they are marrying into their spouse’s family. While it is important to be in love, it is also important to feel love for the family of your significant other.
I have to say that I chose well.

I'm glad you lucked out and had a wonderful relationship with your mil but the rest of your post is absolutely absurd. It's hard enough to find a good man, now you've only "chosen well" if you love the extended family as well?? My mil is a nightmare but the man I married is an amazing husband and a wonderful father to our children. He puts our family first and always supports me when issues arise with mil. I'd say I chose well, despite getting shafted in the in-law department. I'm glad I didn't run when I met his family bc I would've missed out on the greatest joy of my life, the family we created together.

^ I could have written this!!!

[Anonymous]

The very first time I met my MIL she and I were talking by ourselves and she said "I never wanted children. DH's forced me to quit my job teaching and have them. " I literally knew her maybe an hour. DH had warmed me she was a cold, unloving woman but WOW.
Fast forward 15 years, our kids are/will be their only grandchildren and they have met them twice. My kids are in elementary school. And yet she is bitter that DH is very close to my family and has been treated like a son from minute one. I really really hate my MIL

[Anonymous]

Should say " DH father forced me to quit"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL isn't so bad, it is actually my FIL who is the problem.
DH is from another country, I do not speak his native language fluently but well enough, and our children our fluent. My FIL has never ever liked me, I usually bit my tongue and be the bigger person, especially since we don't see them very often as they live so far away, but now that we have children I can get all mamma bear if I think he is out of line with my kids. He is not a very good father, 2 of his 4 kids HATE him, 2 moved to America to be away from him, and the other 2 are just so young (from his second wife) that I suspect once they are graduated and have jobs will follow and move too.

He has said, to my face, in front of all my inlaws, that I am a terrible mother, that Americans suck, that Americans have no manners or breeding, that America is a terrible country, that my children have no manners, that my husband could have done much better, etc. My SILs have always stood up for me, and usually my FILs wife has too.

He has said behind my bad, but in front of my children who understand his language and reported back to me (DD is in a bit of a tattletale phase, I do not ask her to report back):that I am a bitch, that I am a horrible person, that I have the worse parenting methods he has ever seen, that I should spank and hit my kids to get them to behave, that I am fat, that I am not pretty like the women in his native country, etc

Sometimes he will completely ignore me when greeting people. Once we were celebrating with friends of his and there brought a bottle of champagne, he got on,y enough glasses out and poured some for everyone but me (despite having enough flutes). It was very uncomfortable, as the other people noticed and asked where was another glass. He said I wasn't worthy and didn't deserve to toast with them. The husband of one of the friends quickly gave me his and said to stop being ridiculous to him, but those admonishments have no effect on his behavior,

I don't know why he hates me so much. I have been with his son for 20 years. I have given him his only grandchildren. His daughter met her own husband (who is absolutely wonderful to me) through ME, he was one of my BFFs, and my FIL just adores him. His own parents when they were alive really liked me and I liked them and we had a great relationship. But my FIL just has never, ever liked me, and is so incredibly rude to me all the time. So it isn't just MILs.

And what does your DH do? You specify that your SILs stick up for you and your FIL's wife, but don't mention your DH.

I agree. You barely mention your duh in this post and clearly he expects you to take this. Neither my childen nor myself would be around this man.

[Anonymous]

PP here with mean FIL. Most of the time my DH removes my FIL from the situation or tells him to be quiet. It has gotten so bad I put my foot down that I no longer want to spend time around FIL so our trips to see them are very limited. I do think my DH has my back, but sometimes I wish he was more vocal about it in the heat of the moment. I know my DH is very scarred from his parents' divorce even though it was 30 years ago, and he desperately wants both of his parents to be proud of him. I put my foot down more now though. I don't try to stir the pot around FIL, but I don't engage either. He's a real asshole and I have no idea why he is the way he is or the way he is with me. One of my SILs just graduated college and has had a very serious boyfriend for the last few years, really nice guy, and I suspect they will be engaged soon. Unfortunately my FIL has now started the attacks on him, behind his back and often to his face (about his short height, about his job, etc). He actually purposely calls him the wrong name. I predict as soon as this SIL can get a steady job, she will get married and move far far away. I don't understand why my FIL does this. My MIL is annoying in some respects, but she's pretty nice and I can totally understand why she left FIL.

[Anonymous]

PP, can't you privately tell your FIL to f--- off?

PP with MIL who never wanted kids, she sounds so tragically screwed up, like her life was just not what she wanted at all. Even if she doesn't take responsibility for her choices. Sad. And sad for your DH and the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

My in laws are mostly great, but this year something happened that makes me scratch my head.

My mother died several months ago. The in laws knew that I was close to my mother. I didn't think too much about it when they didn't contact me at the time of her death or consider coming to her funeral (they don't live close by; I would have been surprised if they came). But I have seen them twice since she died and they have not said a word about her death, even after my mother came up in passing in conversation.

I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are mostly great, but this year something happened that makes me scratch my head.

My mother died several months ago. The in laws knew that I was close to my mother. I didn't think too much about it when they didn't contact me at the time of her death or consider coming to her funeral (they don't live close by; I would have been surprised if they came). But I have seen them twice since she died and they have not said a word about her death, even after my mother came up in passing in conversation.

I don't get it.

That is horrible. They no longer deserve to called "mostly great." What does your husband say about this?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are mostly great, but this year something happened that makes me scratch my head.

My mother died several months ago. The in laws knew that I was close to my mother. I didn't think too much about it when they didn't contact me at the time of her death or consider coming to her funeral (they don't live close by; I would have been surprised if they came). But I have seen them twice since she died and they have not said a word about her death, even after my mother came up in passing in conversation.

I don't get it.

That is horrible. They no longer deserve to called "mostly great." What does your husband say about this?!

My MIL did something similar many years ago, and it is something I still look back on and resent. My mom was already deceased when I met my now-DH, and then my dad passed away about four years into our relationship (we'd only been married for two years, but i had known his family for four years at that point). My dad died in early december, and DH and I had been planning to spend christmas with him that year. My MIL never expressed any condolences, and actually said something about how at least now we could spend the holidays with her. We did spend that christmas with her, and it was horrible - I was still sad and a bit in shock over my fathers sudden death, she complained about my lack of holiday spirit, and I haven't been back at her home for the holidays in eight years.

[Anonymous]

"Oh lordy, will you please get your shoes off the table!"

Relax for once!