Speechless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm naive, but it's hard to beeline these girls were bullying her. Kids joke around, maybe stupidly, but still... Have your daughter talk to them, tell them she didn't like it and get rid of them if she thinks they were being mean.

Not naive - just rational, but now you will make all Op's supporters mad again.

[Anonymous]

[quote]^While it's true that different people take things differently (maybe the girls thought that their friend would laugh and think it was funny), when the girls realized that they had upset their friend, they should have apologized.

Of course, the Op stepped in and handled the whole incident, gave the girls a good talking to, reported it to the girls' parents...

Hopefully, the girls will make up and remain friends.



Why would they remain friends? Who would want the friendship after this all went down? How would it be healthy in any way for any of them?[/quote]

IDK, when I was in 8th grade, one of my friends went through a jerky period where she talked constantly about how many guys liked her, and suggested that if I didn't wear braces and glasses, maybe guys would like me too. A third friend and I rubbed cookies into her hair while she was sleeping at a slumber party. In the end, we had it out, both wound up apologizing, and were friends for several years more until she moved away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle schoolers do goof around and prank each other sometimes. And every now and then good natured pranks among friends get a little out of hand, feelings get hurt...it happens.

Hopefully the girls apologized to the Op's daughter and the girls can all work this out and remain friends.

Not a chance. In middle school world, those girls went back to school and told everyone about it and her and her helicopter mommy's reaction. Whether they were or were not good friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^While it's true that different people take things differently (maybe the girls thought that their friend would laugh and think it was funny), when the girls realized that they had upset their friend, they should have apologized.

Of course, the Op stepped in and handled the whole incident, gave the girls a good talking to, reported it to the girls' parents...

Hopefully, the girls will make up and remain friends.

Why would they remain friends? Who would want the friendship after this all went down? How would it be healthy in any way for any of them?

Yes, it would be way healthier for them to see each others' points of view, apologize and make up than it would be for them to avoid/not speak to/shun each other over this stupid prank. I think that if they can do that, they can still be friends.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote]^While it's true that different people take things differently (maybe the girls thought that their friend would laugh and think it was funny), when the girls realized that they had upset their friend, they should have apologized.

Of course, the Op stepped in and handled the whole incident, gave the girls a good talking to, reported it to the girls' parents...

Hopefully, the girls will make up and remain friends.



Why would they remain friends? Who would want the friendship after this all went down? How would it be healthy in any way for any of them?[/quote]

IDK, when I was in 8th grade, one of my friends went through a jerky period where she talked constantly about how many guys liked her, and suggested that if I didn't wear braces and glasses, maybe guys would like me too. A third friend and I rubbed cookies into her hair while she was sleeping at a slumber party. In the end, we had it out, both wound up apologizing, and were friends for several years more until she moved away.[/quote]

Yeah but did her mom freak out about the cookie crumbs as bullying and sit you down for a "conversation?" THAT is the issue. Kids are supposed to work things out. Best friends, good friends, and so-so friends ALL get into stupid catty fights and do jokes, prans, say something they shouldn't have etc... It is how THEY deal with it that decides the fate of their friendship. You bring moms in to settle the "dispute" and all bets are off

[Anonymous]

Misunderstandings happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm naive, but it's hard to beeline these girls were bullying her. Kids joke around, maybe stupidly, but still... Have your daughter talk to them, tell them she didn't like it and get rid of them if she thinks they were being mean.

Not naive - just rational, but now you will make all Op's supporters mad again.

stop, you will give them chest pains

[Anonymous]

IDK, when I was in 8th grade, one of my friends went through a jerky period where she talked constantly about how many guys liked her, and suggested that if I didn't wear braces and glasses, maybe guys would like me too. A third friend and I rubbed cookies into her hair while she was sleeping at a slumber party. In the end, we had it out, both wound up apologizing, and were friends for several years more until she moved away.

Yeah but did her mom freak out about the cookie crumbs as bullying and sit you down for a "conversation?" THAT is the issue. Kids are supposed to work things out. Best friends, good friends, and so-so friends ALL get into stupid catty fights and do jokes, prans, say something they shouldn't have etc... It is how THEY deal with it that decides the fate of their friendship. You bring moms in to settle the "dispute" and all bets are off

That is a fair point. If her mom had become involved, vs. us just having the fight about it, I don't think we would have made up. I would not have felt comfortable confronting her about the reason that I did it in front of her mother. I think we needed to have the fight and get our respective issues out in the open in order to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^While it's true that different people take things differently (maybe the girls thought that their friend would laugh and think it was funny), when the girls realized that they had upset their friend, they should have apologized.

Of course, the Op stepped in and handled the whole incident, gave the girls a good talking to, reported it to the girls' parents...

Hopefully, the girls will make up and remain friends.

Why would they remain friends? Who would want the friendship after this all went down? How would it be healthy in any way for any of them?

Yes, it would be way healthier for them to see each others' points of view, apologize and make up than it would be for them to avoid/not speak to/shun each other over this stupid prank. I think that if they can do that, they can still be friends.

Of course it would be. But when the girls are seen as bullies and as malicious and are confronted and told they defaced their friend and given a big lecture and told that people cried for hours. Then they get home and find out that emails went out at 3 am about them...those are not good conditions to work through this healthily. Why would Ops daughter want to stay friends if she and her mom think they are bullies, and assuming they just thought it was a joke gone wrong, why would they other girls want to be friends when that is how their joke ended up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

IDK, when I was in 8th grade, one of my friends went through a jerky period where she talked constantly about how many guys liked her, and suggested that if I didn't wear braces and glasses, maybe guys would like me too. A third friend and I rubbed cookies into her hair while she was sleeping at a slumber party. In the end, we had it out, both wound up apologizing, and were friends for several years more until she moved away.

Yeah but did her mom freak out about the cookie crumbs as bullying and sit you down for a "conversation?" THAT is the issue. Kids are supposed to work things out. Best friends, good friends, and so-so friends ALL get into stupid catty fights and do jokes, prans, say something they shouldn't have etc... It is how THEY deal with it that decides the fate of their friendship. You bring moms in to settle the "dispute" and all bets are off

That is a fair point. If her mom had become involved, vs. us just having the fight about it, I don't think we would have made up. I would not have felt comfortable confronting her about the reason that I did it in front of her mother. I think we needed to have the fight and get our respective issues out in the open in order to move on.

Yeah same with me. In grade 6 I remember a big fight with my best friends and we said and did some really mean things to each other - but we talked it out and made a "pact" and stayed friends for years after. I am pretty sure if parents had gotten involved that would have been the end of the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm naive, but it's hard to beeline these girls were bullying her. Kids joke around, maybe stupidly, but still... Have your daughter talk to them, tell them she didn't like it and get rid of them if she thinks they were being mean.

Not naive - just rational, but now you will make all Op's supporters mad again.

stop, you will give them chest pains

And then because of the eggshell skull law I am going to get picked up for murder if one of them strokes out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^While it's true that different people take things differently (maybe the girls thought that their friend would laugh and think it was funny), when the girls realized that they had upset their friend, they should have apologized.

Of course, the Op stepped in and handled the whole incident, gave the girls a good talking to, reported it to the girls' parents...

Hopefully, the girls will make up and remain friends.

Why would they remain friends? Who would want the friendship after this all went down? How would it be healthy in any way for any of them?

Yes, it would be way healthier for them to see each others' points of view, apologize and make up than it would be for them to avoid/not speak to/shun each other over this stupid prank. I think that if they can do that, they can still be friends.

Of course it would be. But when the girls are seen as bullies and as malicious and are confronted and told they defaced their friend and given a big lecture and told that people cried for hours. Then they get home and find out that emails went out at 3 am about them...those are not good conditions to work through this healthily. Why would Ops daughter want to stay friends if she and her mom think they are bullies, and assuming they just thought it was a joke gone wrong, why would they other girls want to be friends when that is how their joke ended up?

Good points. As a 13 year old, I think I would have been pretty mad if my friend had automatically assumed jerky intentions on my part and had gone running to her mommy to tell on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

IDK, when I was in 8th grade, one of my friends went through a jerky period where she talked constantly about how many guys liked her, and suggested that if I didn't wear braces and glasses, maybe guys would like me too. A third friend and I rubbed cookies into her hair while she was sleeping at a slumber party. In the end, we had it out, both wound up apologizing, and were friends for several years more until she moved away.

Yeah but did her mom freak out about the cookie crumbs as bullying and sit you down for a "conversation?" THAT is the issue. Kids are supposed to work things out. Best friends, good friends, and so-so friends ALL get into stupid catty fights and do jokes, prans, say something they shouldn't have etc... It is how THEY deal with it that decides the fate of their friendship. You bring moms in to settle the "dispute" and all bets are off

That is a fair point. If her mom had become involved, vs. us just having the fight about it, I don't think we would have made up. I would not have felt comfortable confronting her about the reason that I did it in front of her mother. I think we needed to have the fight and get our respective issues out in the open in order to move on.

So rubbing cookies in her hair wasn't just some random cute "joke" you were playing on her -- you were mad at her, wanted to "get her" -- there was some reason you did it, right?

[Anonymous]

I think OP and all of the moms that support and want to "fix" everything need to read this article.

And the "free play" and how they handle it, is the same for older kids too. You must let your kids make mistakes, handle sticky situations and give them time to resolve their own issues. We are raising a bunch of sissies with no rational thinking. It is like we want them to have a "run to mommy" syndrome, which really is our mistake as parents.

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/give-childhood-back-to-children-if-we-want-our-offspring-to-have-happy-productive-and-moral-lives-we-must-allow-more-time-for-play-not-less-are-you-listening-gove-9054433.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Of course it would be. But when the girls are seen as bullies and as malicious and are confronted and told they defaced their friend and given a big lecture and told that people cried for hours. Then they get home and find out that emails went out at 3 am about them...those are not good conditions to work through this healthily. Why would Ops daughter want to stay friends if she and her mom think they are bullies, and assuming they just thought it was a joke gone wrong, why would they other girls want to be friends when that is how their joke ended up?

I wouldn't have wanted to stay friends with at least one of the girls involved in this situation, if she had done something like OP described to me. I think that girl (the instigator) is bad news.

BTW crumbling cookies in someone's hair is stupid, but it's not like squirting makeup all over someone's face to make them look "hideous". I think the two actions are very different, symbolically.