NCS Parents - "I wish I had known x" type advice.

[Anonymous]

My DD graduated from NCS in the last few years and I would just caution you to be aware of your DD's emotional well-being because the school won't be. They mean well but they put no checks on the competitive parenting which affects the girls and creates a very competitive -- academically and socially -- environment. I think its unhealthy and I regret sending my DD there. She did very well and got into a great college but does not have fond memories of her NCS experience. Just don't forget that your DD should be happy. That is not a priority at NCS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holton is definitely inclusive and does everything it can to stop mean girls. it also has more of the coach/teacher model like STA. Would not trade my DDs spot in Holton for one at NCS for anything.

I dont have a "dog in this fight" as of yet but do have a 9 year old DD whom I would like to see attend one of the two starting in 7th. I have honestly heard from just as many Holton girls and Holton parents of mean girl behavior, problems with materialism, and related behaviors, as I have from NCS girls and parents. Truth be told, I have actually heard a bit less of it from the NCS folks. I think it is ridiculous to assert that one does a better job at discouraging such behaviors than the other.

Educationally they seem pretty on par. The cultures at each seem to be somewhat different but neither seems to have the market cornered on discouraging/stamping out mean girls antics.

Additionally, I am not Catholic and not particularly interested in Catholic schools but, I have been told by some very knowledgable women in the educational arena (consultants and ADs at lower schools) that Visitation typically has the least of this negative girl behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD graduated from NCS in the last few years and I would just caution you to be aware of your DD's emotional well-being because the school won't be. They mean well but they put no checks on the competitive parenting which affects the girls and creates a very competitive -- academically and socially -- environment. I think its unhealthy and I regret sending my DD there. She did very well and got into a great college but does not have fond memories of her NCS experience. Just don't forget that your DD should be happy. That is not a priority at NCS.

Interesting post. What checks can/do school's put on competitive parenting? Which private upper schools have done the best job at putting these checks in place?

[Anonymous]

My DD, Pheobe is new to the NCS Middle School and she absolutely loves it. For all the people that believe the rumors buzzing around, DON'T because the people that are saying them don't know what they are talking about and have probably never been to the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD, Pheobe is new to the NCS Middle School and she absolutely loves it. For all the people that believe the rumors buzzing around, DON'T because the people that are saying them don't know what they are talking about and have probably never been to the school.

Thanks, PP. You seem very credible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NCS is a bit like the hunger games but in this instance the odds will be forever not in your favor. Where to begin. Each day my daughter arrives only to be subjected to about a hours worth of verbal abuse at the hands of upper class (both literally and figuratively) students and administrators.
Then she is forced to learn an invented language known only to NCS alums and must take a cold shower after all athletic practices. Also, all girls, divided into "Dowdy House" and the "Hotties" are required to buy their clothes at Ann Taylor to prepare them for a life lived alone working as researchers at government agencies, think-tanks, and universities. Please don't get me started on the Smart board near the entrance that lists the location of each home and its value. Parents are segregated and the most wealthy meet with the head on a weekly basis to discuss vacation homes and the merits of flying private vs. commercial. NCS is a special place.

WTF, sounds like my sorrority house in college. What do you mean about the houses and their value?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NCS is a bit like the hunger games but in this instance the odds will be forever not in your favor. Where to begin. Each day my daughter arrives only to be subjected to about a hours worth of verbal abuse at the hands of upper class (both literally and figuratively) students and administrators.
Then she is forced to learn an invented language known only to NCS alums and must take a cold shower after all athletic practices. Also, all girls, divided into "Dowdy House" and the "Hotties" are required to buy their clothes at Ann Taylor to prepare them for a life lived alone working as researchers at government agencies, think-tanks, and universities. Please don't get me started on the Smart board near the entrance that lists the location of each home and its value. Parents are segregated and the most wealthy meet with the head on a weekly basis to discuss vacation homes and the merits of flying private vs. commercial. NCS is a special place.

WTF, sounds like my sorrority house in college. What do you mean about the houses and their value?

Um, . . . this is a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD graduated from NCS in the last few years and I would just caution you to be aware of your DD's emotional well-being because the school won't be. They mean well but they put no checks on the competitive parenting which affects the girls and creates a very competitive -- academically and socially -- environment. I think its unhealthy and I regret sending my DD there. She did very well and got into a great college but does not have fond memories of her NCS experience. Just don't forget that your DD should be happy. That is not a priority at NCS.

Interesting post. What checks can/do school's put on competitive parenting? Which private upper schools have done the best job at putting these checks in place?

I don't think it is easy for schools to control the parents. And it is not just a private school phenomenon -- I've heard some MoCo "competitive parenting" type stories too. St. Albans does send out a vibe that the parents should give their kids some space, and that seems healthy, but honestly that may only work in the context of a boys' school where boys don't tend to "share" that much about what their teacher said to them, whether they thought the test was fair, etc. Long conversation: "How was school?" "Good." At a co-ed or all-girls' school, where there is much more reporting back to the parents about all happenings in school, sports, extra-curriculars, it may be harder to gently convince the parents to let the kids have the space to attend school and deal with disappointments on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NCS is a bit like the hunger games but in this instance the odds will be forever not in your favor. Where to begin. Each day my daughter arrives only to be subjected to about a hours worth of verbal abuse at the hands of upper class (both literally and figuratively) students and administrators.
Then she is forced to learn an invented language known only to NCS alums and must take a cold shower after all athletic practices. Also, all girls, divided into "Dowdy House" and the "Hotties" are required to buy their clothes at Ann Taylor to prepare them for a life lived alone working as researchers at government agencies, think-tanks, and universities. Please don't get me started on the Smart board near the entrance that lists the location of each home and its value. Parents are segregated and the most wealthy meet with the head on a weekly basis to discuss vacation homes and the merits of flying private vs. commercial. NCS is a special place.

WTF, sounds like my sorrority house in college. What do you mean about the houses and their value?

Um, . . . this is a joke.

I don't think its a joke, satire, maybe, but made up out of thin air, no. My question is, I get the "life alone while toiling as an unhappy but VERY sccessful woman reference, but don't get the refernce to an "invented language that only alums understand" and comments about the home values. What's the parody there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NCS is a bit like the hunger games but in this instance the odds will be forever not in your favor. Where to begin. Each day my daughter arrives only to be subjected to about a hours worth of verbal abuse at the hands of upper class (both literally and figuratively) students and administrators.
Then she is forced to learn an invented language known only to NCS alums and must take a cold shower after all athletic practices. Also, all girls, divided into "Dowdy House" and the "Hotties" are required to buy their clothes at Ann Taylor to prepare them for a life lived alone working as researchers at government agencies, think-tanks, and universities. Please don't get me started on the Smart board near the entrance that lists the location of each home and its value. Parents are segregated and the most wealthy meet with the head on a weekly basis to discuss vacation homes and the merits of flying private vs. commercial. NCS is a special place.

WTF, sounds like my sorrority house in college. What do you mean about the houses and their value?

Um, . . . this is a joke.

I don't think its a joke, satire, maybe, but made up out of thin air, no. My question is, I get the "life alone while toiling as an unhappy but VERY sccessful woman reference, but don't get the refernce to an "invented language that only alums understand" and comments about the home values. What's the parody there?

NP here. It's absolutely a joke, written by an NCS mom who is fed up with all the negative exaggerations from people who have no experience from the school. I don't have a DD at NCS myself, but if I did, I too would be fed up with the criticisms from strangers, and then the Holton nutcase piling on about how much better her school is ... ugh. IMO, instead of getting defensive, parody is a great response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD graduated from NCS in the last few years and I would just caution you to be aware of your DD's emotional well-being because the school won't be. They mean well but they put no checks on the competitive parenting which affects the girls and creates a very competitive -- academically and socially -- environment. I think its unhealthy and I regret sending my DD there. She did very well and got into a great college but does not have fond memories of her NCS experience. Just don't forget that your DD should be happy. That is not a priority at NCS.

Interesting post. What checks can/do school's put on competitive parenting? Which private upper schools have done the best job at putting these checks in place?

I don't think it is easy for schools to control the parents. And it is not just a private school phenomenon -- I've heard some MoCo "competitive parenting" type stories too. St. Albans does send out a vibe that the parents should give their kids some space, and that seems healthy, but honestly that may only work in the context of a boys' school where boys don't tend to "share" that much about what their teacher said to them, whether they thought the test was fair, etc. Long conversation: "How was school?" "Good." At a co-ed or all-girls' school, where there is much more reporting back to the parents about all happenings in school, sports, extra-curriculars, it may be harder to gently convince the parents to let the kids have the space to attend school and deal with disappointments on their own.

I'm PP and obviously not a "stranger" to NCS. Yes, competitive parenting is everywhere. But I have had exposure to other area privates through close family members and some do a better job of controlling it than others. I think STA does a better job than NCS, for example. As an NCS parent I rarely, if ever, heard anyone in authority at NCS suggest to parents that they back off and give their daughters space. I know that other schools do this. The message at NCS is you must achieve, achieve, achieve. With such fabulous teachers I wish they had instead emphasized love of learning, of appreciating the riches being offered there rather than competing to see who is the most successful. Those of you with daughters in middle or lower school, I hope your experiences continue to be positive. Just know that the upper years are where you or going to outrageous parent behavior, highly anxious girls, and sharp elbows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD graduated from NCS in the last few years and I would just caution you to be aware of your DD's emotional well-being because the school won't be. They mean well but they put no checks on the competitive parenting which affects the girls and creates a very competitive -- academically and socially -- environment. I think its unhealthy and I regret sending my DD there. She did very well and got into a great college but does not have fond memories of her NCS experience. Just don't forget that your DD should be happy. That is not a priority at NCS.

Interesting post. What checks can/do school's put on competitive parenting? Which private upper schools have done the best job at putting these checks in place?

I don't think it is easy for schools to control the parents. And it is not just a private school phenomenon -- I've heard some MoCo "competitive parenting" type stories too. St. Albans does send out a vibe that the parents should give their kids some space, and that seems healthy, but honestly that may only work in the context of a boys' school where boys don't tend to "share" that much about what their teacher said to them, whether they thought the test was fair, etc. Long conversation: "How was school?" "Good." At a co-ed or all-girls' school, where there is much more reporting back to the parents about all happenings in school, sports, extra-curriculars, it may be harder to gently convince the parents to let the kids have the space to attend school and deal with disappointments on their own.

I'm PP and obviously not a "stranger" to NCS. Yes, competitive parenting is everywhere. But I have had exposure to other area privates through close family members and some do a better job of controlling it than others. I think STA does a better job than NCS, for example. As an NCS parent I rarely, if ever, heard anyone in authority at NCS suggest to parents that they back off and give their daughters space. I know that other schools do this. The message at NCS is you must achieve, achieve, achieve. With such fabulous teachers I wish they had instead emphasized love of learning, of appreciating the riches being offered there rather than competing to see who is the most successful. Those of you with daughters in middle or lower school, I hope your experiences continue to be positive. Just know that the upper years are where you or going to outrageous parent behavior, highly anxious girls, and sharp elbows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD graduated from NCS in the last few years and I would just caution you to be aware of your DD's emotional well-being because the school won't be. They mean well but they put no checks on the competitive parenting which affects the girls and creates a very competitive -- academically and socially -- environment. I think its unhealthy and I regret sending my DD there. She did very well and got into a great college but does not have fond memories of her NCS experience. Just don't forget that your DD should be happy. That is not a priority at NCS.

I'm in my 40s and therefore attended NCS many years ago. Yet my parents could have written this post about my experience so many years ago. I believe that there is truth to this stereotype. There are many benefits to attending NCS, but at an emotional price.

[Anonymous]

Ditto

[Anonymous]

This is so sad! DD just started in the upper school at Maret, and I have to say that she has not experiencd any mean girl behavior. There is a lot of work, but it seems manageable.