women who don't work or raise kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is making me ill.

At first i thought I was jealous, but even if I had the option to stay home and do nothing, I have way too much pride to do that.

I'd like to be a decent role model for my daughter--I want to teach her that her goal shouldn't be to marry "well," but it should be to fulfill her potential rather than just take the easy/lazy way out. Seriously, ladies, you stay home without kids to raise? Your husbands are going to get tired of that real fast. I know I'd kick my man to the curb if he decided to do that (and we didn't have 2.5 kids, which we do). Why do you as women get that luxury, but your husbands don't?

In my case it was an arrangement that my husband wAnted as much as I did. It is a luxury for him in many ways, as well as a status symbol.

This can't be real. Are you American? What a sorry excuse for a woman. If you have daughters that you plan to follow in these footsteps, are you going to bother educating them?

Of course they'll get an education, just as I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is making me ill.

At first i thought I was jealous, but even if I had the option to stay home and do nothing, I have way too much pride to do that.

I'd like to be a decent role model for my daughter--I want to teach her that her goal shouldn't be to marry "well," but it should be to fulfill her potential rather than just take the easy/lazy way out. Seriously, ladies, you stay home without kids to raise? Your husbands are going to get tired of that real fast. I know I'd kick my man to the curb if he decided to do that (and we didn't have 2.5 kids, which we do). Why do you as women get that luxury, but your husbands don't?

In my case it was an arrangement that my husband wAnted as much as I did. It is a luxury for him in many ways, as well as a status symbol.

This can't be real. Are you American? What a sorry excuse for a woman. If you have daughters that you plan to follow in these footsteps, are you going to bother educating them?

Of course they'll get an education, just as I did.

Case closed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is making me ill.

At first i thought I was jealous, but even if I had the option to stay home and do nothing, I have way too much pride to do that.

I'd like to be a decent role model for my daughter--I want to teach her that her goal shouldn't be to marry "well," but it should be to fulfill her potential rather than just take the easy/lazy way out. Seriously, ladies, you stay home without kids to raise? Your husbands are going to get tired of that real fast. I know I'd kick my man to the curb if he decided to do that (and we didn't have 2.5 kids, which we do). Why do you as women get that luxury, but your husbands don't?

In my case it was an arrangement that my husband wAnted as much as I did. It is a luxury for him in many ways, as well as a status symbol.

This can't be real. Are you American? What a sorry excuse for a woman. If you have daughters that you plan to follow in these footsteps, are you going to bother educating them?

Of course they'll get an education, just as I did.

Case closed!

You don't get an education to get a job. You get an education to explore ideas and expand the mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like angry feminism is alive and well in DC!

Yes! It's posts like this that wake up the side of me that's usually dormant as I go through my weekdays on autopilot. Thanks, OP, and all the SAHWs for taking the place of caffeine this morning! I am so thankful for my job, my kids, my husband, and interesting friends who do more than eat bon bons all day or take pride in being trophy wives.

Says the bitter lady who's secretly pissed her husband doesn't make enough for her to SAH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love it when feminists try to tell other women what they are supposed to do and how they are supposed to live.

Maybe this is too subtle for you, but when I say I don't respect SAHWs, I'm not telling them they should go get a job just to please me. Do you see the difference there?

I just can't help but to see the irony when women who label themselves as feminist want to tell other women what's best for them. Some women I know just can't understand that what's best for them isn't what's best for another woman. I don't know if that describes you, but I've seen a few cases of this in real life. Similar to the movie "Mona Lisa Smile."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like angry feminism is alive and well in DC!

Yes! It's posts like this that wake up the side of me that's usually dormant as I go through my weekdays on autopilot. Thanks, OP, and all the SAHWs for taking the place of caffeine this morning! I am so thankful for my job, my kids, my husband, and interesting friends who do more than eat bon bons all day or take pride in being trophy wives.

Says the bitter lady who's secretly pissed her husband doesn't make enough for her to SAH

He does, and I still choose to work. Did I just blow your mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love it when feminists try to tell other women what they are supposed to do and how they are supposed to live.

Maybe this is too subtle for you, but when I say I don't respect SAHWs, I'm not telling them they should go get a job just to please me. Do you see the difference there?

I just can't help but to see the irony when women who label themselves as feminist want to tell other women what's best for them. Some women I know just can't understand that what's best for them isn't what's best for another woman. I don't know if that describes you, but I've seen a few cases of this in real life. Similar to the movie "Mona Lisa Smile."

NP here. Nobody has labeled themselves feminist. Please Oh Please find the post where someone has used the word feminist to identify themselves.

On another note, as a WOHM I take comfort in the fact that we seem to have found some common ground - We both like to snark on DCUM throughout the day. Hooray for sisterhood!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a SAH wife, and I never ask my husband for money. We have always had joint bank accounts and both will discuss if either of us wants to make a large purchase. This is no difference with that between the times I'm working and the times I'm not. I don't look at it as his money because having a SAHW allows him to be a better worker. He doesn't worry about dry-cleaning, laundry, dinner, housecleaning. All he has to do is go to work. He never has to leave early to pick up his car at the shop. He used to get phone calls from his mom during work, but now she can call me if she needs something. We live on less money, but we are very happy with this arrangement. Now, Saturdays involve just spending time together, not running errands when the stores are the most crowded. I don't worry about what will happen if he runs off. I supported myself before, and I would be able to again. However, this is not likely to happen because we have built our marriage in a way that we are both dependent on each other. It's probably not for everyone, but I love taking care of my husband, and he loves taking care of me.

Of course, there are plenty of people online and in real life judging me for this. Do I care? Nope.

He's not bored with you?

Not the pp but how does this question even make sense?

My husband's first wife didn't work, and he got bored to death that she never had anything interesting to talk to him about.

Well then that is a specific fear that you have about your marriage and so the setup pp has wouldn't work for you. Obviously hers works for her and her husband.

I agree, this is a specific insecurity for you. Not having a job means you have nothing interesting to talk about? Sorry- but I'm pretty sure this broils down to the personality, not the career. I know plenty of men and women who have careers who I find boring as hell. Do I really need to hear about your mundane work day? I'm a SAHM but I have many interests including current events, politics, travel, culture, reading, tennis, yoga and a charity of which I'm a board member.

Frankly, I find people who can only discuss their kids and their careers to be really boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I want to know is how long these stay at home wives have been doing this? I assume the DH is expecting them to become SAHM's. I have no beefs with SAHM for the record. I do wonder if the husband would one day give an ultimatum to have children or get to work. I also wonder what happens if these women find they can't have children. Would that impact the relationship any differently than say a wife that is working a full-time job?

This happened to a good friend of mine. Got married at 20 right before finishing college and her husband didn't want her to work or go to graduate school, so she didn't. All the volunteering/shopping/housekeeping fun ended when she was found to be infertile. After 3 years or so going through fertility treatments, surgeries, and eventually an unsuccessful adoption attempt, he divorced her for another woman and left her with NOTHING. With a liberal arts BA and ZERO work experience 5 years after college she was completely unable to obtain a decent job and support herself. She worked at car dealerships, clothing stores, restaurants, etc. Her family was poor and not at all supportive so she was completely on her own. Now at age 35 she works as a preschool teacher and rents an apartment with a roommate. Much different than her nice little 3BD house she had at age 20 when everything seemed perfect! Hard way to learn that lesson!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like angry feminism is alive and well in DC!

Yes! It's posts like this that wake up the side of me that's usually dormant as I go through my weekdays on autopilot. Thanks, OP, and all the SAHWs for taking the place of caffeine this morning! I am so thankful for my job, my kids, my husband, and interesting friends who do more than eat bon bons all day or take pride in being trophy wives.

Says the bitter lady who's secretly pissed her husband doesn't make enough for her to SAH

He does, and I still choose to work. Did I just blow your mind?

No, different priorities. You'd rather parent PT and work FT, rather than vice versa. No sweat off my back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who thinks SAHWs are a waste of space suffers from "angry jealousy"? Wow there, talk about ironic. You don't seem to have considered a variety of reasons why people look down on SAHWs, other than jealousy.

Are you really saying that many of the posters here are not coming off as angry? Come on, read the posts. My point is that we shouldn't make blanket statements about any group of people. I'm sure there are varied reasons women choose this option - and I doubt that all of them sit around "eating bons bons".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I want to know is how long these stay at home wives have been doing this? I assume the DH is expecting them to become SAHM's. I have no beefs with SAHM for the record. I do wonder if the husband would one day give an ultimatum to have children or get to work. I also wonder what happens if these women find they can't have children. Would that impact the relationship any differently than say a wife that is working a full-time job?

This happened to a good friend of mine. Got married at 20 right before finishing college and her husband didn't want her to work or go to graduate school, so she didn't. All the volunteering/shopping/housekeeping fun ended when she was found to be infertile. After 3 years or so going through fertility treatments, surgeries, and eventually an unsuccessful adoption attempt, he divorced her for another woman and left her with NOTHING. With a liberal arts BA and ZERO work experience 5 years after college she was completely unable to obtain a decent job and support herself. She worked at car dealerships, clothing stores, restaurants, etc. Her family was poor and not at all supportive so she was completely on her own. Now at age 35 she works as a preschool teacher and rents an apartment with a roommate. Much different than her nice little 3BD house she had at age 20 when everything seemed perfect! Hard way to learn that lesson!

Crap happens. We all know that. The odd thing is that on DCUM, the crap is the rule rather than the exception. Wonder what their early lives must have been like to have this worldview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love it when feminists try to tell other women what they are supposed to do and how they are supposed to live.

Maybe this is too subtle for you, but when I say I don't respect SAHWs, I'm not telling them they should go get a job just to please me. Do you see the difference there?

I just can't help but to see the irony when women who label themselves as feminist want to tell other women what's best for them. Some women I know just can't understand that what's best for them isn't what's best for another woman. I don't know if that describes you, but I've seen a few cases of this in real life. Similar to the movie "Mona Lisa Smile."

Again, I'm not telling SAHWs that working is a better choice for them than SAH when there are no kids to care for. I do understand that a lot of people don't enjoy paid work and would rather have all the leisure time in the world. I don't have to respect that choice. Feminism means that all choices are viable, not that all choices are smart ones.

[Anonymous]

" On the other hand, his stories about his job are just SOOOOOOO interesting. "Honey, tell me again how you couldn't use the break room because they were painting it?" "

Does he ever talk to you about the meat of his actual work performance? DH and I discuss, as much as we can without violating employer confidences, the substance of our jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who thinks SAHWs are a waste of space suffers from "angry jealousy"? Wow there, talk about ironic. You don't seem to have considered a variety of reasons why people look down on SAHWs, other than jealousy.

Are you really saying that many of the posters here are not coming off as angry? Come on, read the posts. My point is that we shouldn't make blanket statements about any group of people. I'm sure there are varied reasons women choose this option - and I doubt that all of them sit around "eating bons bons".

Then please elaborate on your reasons! We heard from one who chose to become a status symbol, and others who thought they'd get pregnant right away. Who are the others? I can honestly say I think staying home to become a status symbol for your husband is being a waste of space. If you're staying home because you were burned out in your field, and want time to figure out something else, I can understand that. If it's to take care of a disabled or ill family member, I can understand that too. And if it's because your career was too stressful and you fear it was impacting your fertility, then maybe that's the right choice for you. What I cannot identify with are the status symbol wives. Everyone else, my opinions don't apply to you. My opinions shouldn't bother you anyway. It seems you all certainly have strong opinions about us bitches who do work.