How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?

[Anonymous]

Also adding that the fact that he needs an emergency contact doesn’t make him a bad parent. The fact he can’t be bothered to set one up is the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

I don't think it's odd at all for a mother who is at home to choose to keep her child in preschool. I was a SAHM when my kids were your daughter's age, and they went to preschool, because, like many people, I felt that preschool was important for preparing them for kindergarten. I wouldn't think the same way at all about them being cared for by a babysitter, regardless of who that babysitter was dating.

It sounds as though, during the week she's with you, your daughter spends 24 hours at daycare, 24 hours with your mom, and 12 - 15 hours with your girl friend. That's more than half her waking hours she's in the care of someone else. Is there a way to redo custody so she's with her mom every Sat/Sun and with you every week on the 2 days you don't work? That seems much more sensible.

To some degree understand that many of us are playing devils advocate because you seem certain that you're going to win, and we want to make sure you're considering all angles. But also understand that the court could really go either way. On one hand, you have a parent that's demanding sole legal custody, and courts don't like having people make demands of that kind. On the other hand, it's not really clear whether you're setting reasonable boundaries, or just refusing to communicate at all. Joint legal custody requires communication. To say "well, if she had my daughter on my week, she just wouldn't be able to reach me." isn't reasonable, because of course if you have sole legal custody and she has your daughter on her week, she'd still need to be able to reach you if a medical decision needed to be made. So, you probably need to show the court that your "boundaries" don't mean cutting out important communications.

I’m not certain I’m going to win at all. I truly have no idea how things are going to play out. I know that my household is happy with how things are under the current status quo and I truly don’t think it would be in our child’s best interest to disrupt it.

We do communicate. I initiate or respond to any and all communication that needs a response, but I will only communicate via text or email. I have asked that she only call in a true emergency.

Above you said that if your ex had your daughter on your week and had an emergency she would have no way to reach you because you are with patients and your mom and GF have her blocked. If that’s true on your weeks why wouldn’t it be true on her weeks?

Well, she could reach me, but it wouldn’t be immediate. I will get off work eventually, and she might be able to get a message through frontline staff, it’s just not a guarantee that it will happen quickly. If nothing else if she really needed me immediately she could come or send someone physically to notify me.

That has nothing to do with custody or my preferred method of communication, it’s just the reality of where I work. I mentioned that because it makes last minute childcare arrangements more logistically challenging.

Then you shouldn’t have sole custody. As a teacher, the only parents who use that excuse are dads who assume a woman will pick up the slack. Any mom I have worked with who had a job where they are in a scif or operating on people or whatever has a workaround where they would be able to be notified. I might get weird instructions like “call my mom she has the personal cell phones for the people in the hospital who would be able to find me” but they always have a way. You need to figure that out.

Oh come off it. A parent not being immediately available at all times at work doesn't mean they shouldn't have legal custody. That won't be a determining factor in this case.

OP literally said that if the mom was in car accident with the child, there would be no way to reach him, unless mom came to tell him in person. So, the kid is injured in the ER and he has no other plan for giving consent other than mom leaving the child in the ER and going to his work? Because the other people who would presumably be able to reach him have mom blocked. He doesn't seem to think this is something to problem solve. He can't ask someone at work if he can give out their number, or whatever, because avoiding awkward conversations with his ex is more important to him than his child's medical care.

An ER doesn’t require consent from a parent before they treat a child in an emergency. Do you think they let kids bleed out until they get a parent on the phone? The fact that you need to have an emergency contact due to your job doesn’t mean you cannot have legal custody. Legal custody is about the parent who will make the better decisions and that is OP.

An ER will stop a child from bleeding out. But having sat in the emergency room with kids as a school administrator, with signed paperwork authorizing treatment, where nothing was done till parents were reached because they determined it wasn't life threatening, I wouldn't want to be in that circumstance with my own child. And I certainly wouldn't want to leave my child in that circumstance to go get my ex in person, as he seems to have suggested would be the solution.

My guess is that in this situation, the judge will order substantial child support, and will retain 50/50 child physical custody, and mom will be told that if she doesn't agree to joint legal, dad will get the legal custody. Of course mom will then decide that she can live with join legal custody. Mom may or may not get ROFR. So, Dad will end up out a lot of money, but otherwise things will remain mostly the same.

yes, I think the judge will order what had been the status quo and was working, if (big if) they are fair. It’s hard to see OP losing physical custody he has been exercising for years successfully. OP didn’t mention child support so its not clear if that’s going to be a change for him. I don’t think a judge would include ROFR if OP objects - certainly not to be used as the ex wants.

But if GALs and court-ordered parenting studies come into the picture all bets are off. OP that is why you must do everything in your power to throw your ex a bone and mediate this to a conclusion. If that means you have to agree to get her annoying texts and emails and phone calls or have monthly in person meetings, agree to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also adding that the fact that he needs an emergency contact doesn’t make him a bad parent. The fact he can’t be bothered to set one up is the issue.

Where did he say he can’t be bothered?

And ALL parents need to have emergency contacts - this isn’t unique to OP or something that negates legal custody. It could take a whole hour or two for me to get a call some days depending on my work duties. OP could also authorize his ex to make healthcare decisions. Even if the state is so rigid as to only allow sole legal custody, generally you can always authorize someone to exercise that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

I am present and caring for my kid every minute when I’m not at work, except for those sleepovers with grandma once or twice a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

To add, I spend every waking minute with my child in the morning before I drop off at preschool (6:30 am to 9:30 am) and every evening before bedtime (7:00 to 9:00 pm), all day during my 2 days off during the week, in the morning on Sunday, and all afternoon Sunday. I would be willing to bed I spend more time with my child during my week than your average full-time working dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

I am present and caring for my kid every minute when I’m not at work, except for those sleepovers with grandma once or twice a month.

Your daughter should be with HER MOM, not YOUR "GIRLFRIEND"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And daycare is good, it's getting her ready for school. Grandma is good, to build that relationship.

NO GIRLFRIEND. WHat the He!! is WRONG with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

I am present and caring for my kid every minute when I’m not at work, except for those sleepovers with grandma once or twice a month.

Your daughter should be with HER MOM, not YOUR "GIRLFRIEND"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And daycare is good, it's getting her ready for school. Grandma is good, to build that relationship.

NO GIRLFRIEND. WHat the He!! is WRONG with you?

It actually is good for the child to build a relationship with the person who lives with the child and will likely become their stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

I am present and caring for my kid every minute when I’m not at work, except for those sleepovers with grandma once or twice a month.

Your daughter should be with HER MOM, not YOUR "GIRLFRIEND"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And daycare is good, it's getting her ready for school. Grandma is good, to build that relationship.

NO GIRLFRIEND. WHat the He!! is WRONG with you?

It actually is good for the child to build a relationship with the person who lives with the child and will likely become their stepmom.

Seems like baby mama is trying to throw as many wrenches into the works to ensure this doesn't happen. Single mom main character syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

that’s utter bullsh*t. your argument would mean no parent with a nontraditional work schedule could have custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

I am present and caring for my kid every minute when I’m not at work, except for those sleepovers with grandma once or twice a month.

Your daughter should be with HER MOM, not YOUR "GIRLFRIEND"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And daycare is good, it's getting her ready for school. Grandma is good, to build that relationship.

NO GIRLFRIEND. WHat the He!! is WRONG with you?

It actually is good for the child to build a relationship with the person who lives with the child and will likely become their stepmom.

+1. and I say this as a mom who dreads my ex remarrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

To add, I spend every waking minute with my child in the morning before I drop off at preschool (6:30 am to 9:30 am) and every evening before bedtime (7:00 to 9:00 pm), all day during my 2 days off during the week, in the morning on Sunday, and all afternoon Sunday. I would be willing to bed I spend more time with my child during my week than your average full-time working dad.

Why are you withholding this child from their mom and forcing your ex to play mom and babysitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

To add, I spend every waking minute with my child in the morning before I drop off at preschool (6:30 am to 9:30 am) and every evening before bedtime (7:00 to 9:00 pm), all day during my 2 days off during the week, in the morning on Sunday, and all afternoon Sunday. I would be willing to bed I spend more time with my child during my week than your average full-time working dad.

That's great. It sounds like the issue is your "weekend" is in the middle of the week (your 2 days off) and on the traditional weekend you are largely not around to the point that your Mom and girlfriend are caring for your kid for all Fri night, Sat and Sun AM and you are only seeing your kid Sun PM, while bio Mom, who I'm assuming has a typical schedule, could spend the whole weekend time with her daughter. That's wrong. Many couples have right of first refusal written into their custody agreement, and if your ex-wife had this, there would be no question that she would have custody of the kids on those weekends.

It sounds to me like you want to keep perfectly equal custody even though you aren't able to be there full-time on weekends when the other parent could be, and that often stems from a money issue - that you would have to pay child support if it wasn't 50/50.

It makes me sad for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

that’s utter bullsh*t. your argument would mean no parent with a nontraditional work schedule could have custody.

No, parents with non-traditional schedules can have custody when they are physically present for it, just like any other parent. If you cannot be physically present for custody, and the other parent can, then it's up to the parents to maximize parental time and fill in other spaces when they are both working with a caregiver (whoever that maybe) Being gone for 3/4 of a weekend and pawning your kid off on girlfriend and grandma is seriously neglectful.

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Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate.

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours. Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too. You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend. And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more. You obviously have a tight work schedule. Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time. Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school. Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together. It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that. Find a way to work this out. Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody. And ex is right. He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently. He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time. Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid. Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40. He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.

I am confused about your schedule. Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same?

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF. You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly.

To add, I spend every waking minute with my child in the morning before I drop off at preschool (6:30 am to 9:30 am) and every evening before bedtime (7:00 to 9:00 pm), all day during my 2 days off during the week, in the morning on Sunday, and all afternoon Sunday. I would be willing to bed I spend more time with my child during my week than your average full-time working dad.

That's great. It sounds like the issue is your "weekend" is in the middle of the week (your 2 days off) and on the traditional weekend you are largely not around to the point that your Mom and girlfriend are caring for your kid for all Fri night, Sat and Sun AM and you are only seeing your kid Sun PM, while bio Mom, who I'm assuming has a typical schedule, could spend the whole weekend time with her daughter. That's wrong. Many couples have right of first refusal written into their custody agreement, and if your ex-wife had this, there would be no question that she would have custody of the kids on those weekends.

It sounds to me like you want to keep perfectly equal custody even though you aren't able to be there full-time on weekends when the other parent could be, and that often stems from a money issue - that you would have to pay child support if it wasn't 50/50.

It makes me sad for your kid.

Sigh. Not sure why I have to keep on pointing this out but biomom’s OWN behavior in provoking conflict is what renders right of first refusal untenable here.