Reply to How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?

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Reply to "How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate. [/quote]

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours.  Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too.  You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend.  And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more.  You obviously have a tight work schedule.  Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time.  Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school.  Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together.  It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that.  Find a way to work this out.  Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

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This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.[/quote]

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody.  And ex is right.  He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently.  He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time.  Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid.  Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40.  He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.  [/quote]

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.[/quote]

I am confused about your schedule.  Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same? [/quote]

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.[/quote]

On your custody week with the child on the weekend, you have her sleep over with your Mom on Fri night and all day Saturday and then you pickup Sat evening. Your girlfriend spends Sunday morning and early afternoon with your daughter while you work and you only see your kid Sunday afternoon?

No wonder your Ex wants custody.

My ex also had the kids over at his house and frequently left them in the care of others. When they got older he would just leave them alone while he went out. TBH, it really made them sad & they noticed from a very young age that their Dad neglected them. That's what you're doing - it's a form of neglect to have custody but then to spend so much time away from them. 8am-6pm during the work week is one thing, but otherwise you should be present, caring for your kid. Not your Mom. Not your GF.  You. If you can't do that, then please let your ex have that time. Millions of Moms manage to have careers while dropping off and picking up kids from 8-6, and if that means you have to make career changes to do so, then that's what you have to do.

Mom will win if it comes out how little time you actually spend with your kid. You can try to spin it all you want as jealousy on her part, but that won't fly. [/quote]

that’s utter bullsh*t. your argument would mean no parent with a nontraditional work schedule could have custody. [/quote]

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