Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking a HS senior who is literally in the process of applying to college what colleges they are applying to is not the same as asking someone how much money they make. It just isn’t, no matter how many times you insist otherwise. I have never heard anyone of real life—parent or kid—be offended at being asked that question. I am truly flummoxed at what constitutes small talk in your world. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one.

So are there no questions that you would consider inappropriately intrusive to ask a HS senior about their college application process?

If there are, where does it "cross the line" from okay to not okay in your eyes?

We are talking about one specific question. Just the one. No one is arguing every question is fair game. And the one question at issue—where are you applying to college—is not a question that most people in the real world would find offensive.

I'm just trying to figure out where your line between okay/not okay is. The fact that you can't/won't say where that is, suggests to me a lack of good faith in this argument.

DP, but what in the world is your line between okay vs not okay? I am almost afraid to ask you ANYTHING remotely interesting if you believe that asking a teen where they want to go to college is rude. I would have to assume I shouldn't ask you about where you went to college either, because that's a sensitive topic, right? And I have to assume you are also not okay with asking what one does for a living, because what if they are unemployed, or unhappy about their job? Probably also not okay to ask someone where they are from or where they live, because they might be insecure about what area they are from or where they live now. No questions about significant others or if they have kids, because that's probably none of my business too, right? Would you prefer that we just talk about the weather, or is that taboo because we may have different stances on climate change?

Asking directly where they are applying during this ED/EA period is questionable. Those on this board with seniors or college kids know that. Middle school parents really might not know but will soon enough and will probably feel bad about it if they remember.
Asking a more open ended question like where they might want to go to college is better and leaves that easier out to mention a few places and say they are not sure yet.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure how small talk of asking the tour guide what colleges they’re applying to is equivalent to asking someone their salary or if their trying to conceive a child.
It’s small talk.

[Anonymous]

Correct, but those looking for drama who will be without cause when their kids attend college in a year disagree. Protect the fragile!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how small talk of asking the tour guide what colleges they’re applying to is equivalent to asking someone their salary or if their trying to conceive a child.
It’s small talk.

No it’s not. The defenders have said its crucial information they need in order the to make a decision if it’s the right school for their family.

[Anonymous]

As someone with a public school background, I find it interesting how sensitive private school families are on the "where are you applying to college?" question.

I regularly interact with Jackson-Reed kids, and they are very transparent with where they're applying, if they're applying test-optional, etc.

I think for private school families, college admissions serves as some sort of self validation or a source of potential embarrassment. Public school families feel no shame in saying "My kid is going to Old Dominion."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has got to be one of the more self-indulgent posts on DCUM in a while. OP, if your kid puts themselves out there as tour guide then they are going to be asked this question. Why? because prospective parents want to know where graduates attend. duh. you are being far too sensitive If your kid can't handle it they should do a different activity. Or they could come up with a witty response. Or they could lie and say "all the Ivies". Just stop with the whining

Reread the OP. Son has it handled. The parent is giving a heads up to the oblivious buffoons here.

And wasting our time. Why is she scolding DCUM readers? Of course, people will ask because they want to know what colleges the graduates are interested in --- because their own child will be in their shoes someday. Seriously, you moms don't need to scold and police everyone else.

AYour time has no value if you're wasting it on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious. That's the tour guide equivalent of cocktail party question. Where do you live/work. Good lord.

+1
I will continue to ask. If the tour guide is too sensitive about their personal experiences at the school, they need a different role.

How many tours do you go on and why are you obsessed with knowing? Especially now that it exposes you as an obnoxious boor?

We've been on 6 tours. I'm interested in how articulate the students are because it says something about their ability to navigate social situations, which is an important life skill. If your kid can't handle it and they are a senior, then it's not the right fit for my child/family. That's information I need to have. I agree it's the equivalent of the cocktail party question 'where do you live/work'.

This is pretty slimy. You should be embarrassed. I'm certain your kids are. Please tell the admissions director this is what you're doing with their tour guides. I'm sure they'd be overjoyed to have your family at their school.

I'll let you know in the spring. I can tell you my kid is a great candidate for all the schools and as I mentioned we're already at a scho many folks here want to get in, so there's that. BTW you're the one name calling, so whose slimy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All you people on this board arguing it is a fair question, just ask the Admission Office where the student tour guides are applying to college instead of the children leading the tour. You think the question is fine, we don’t, so ask the adults if it’s so important to you. And then we will know exactly who to exclude. And if you are too scared to ask the admissions office because you realize what an a** you are being then you are a coward for asking it of the child leading your tour.

Actually we want to know how the students handle themselves, not the adults who are selling us something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some grade A ass holes in this thread. Let's review - OP said, it makes students uncomfortable, so don't ask about college applicstions. Jackasses respond, 'these kids need to toughen up and learn how to change the topic.'

Guess what, in the polite world, we don't try to make people uncomfortable. It's rude. End of story.

Seriously. The entitlement is off the charts.

It’s weird, like their decision to have their kid apply to a high school hinges on what colleges the tour guide is considering. Bizarre.

Seriously, the question isn't targeted at the individual. It's a benchmark for measuring how they field generic questions, which reflects education. I don't care where any kid applies, except mine.

This response makes no sense. A benchmark for how they field generic questions? And that reflecting education? Come on, with that kind of BS you've got to be a lawyer too

Families makes odd decisions based on tour guides and spending 1 hour on campuses. People on the DCUM college board are talking about not applying to a school based on a 90-minute visit because of a guide they find strange and one thing they saw.

Well, we chose not to apply to a school that sent a socially awkward kid who could speak with us as a tour guide. The school advertised that it produced articulate, prepared students, clearly this was not the case. If this is what they have to show us, no thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has got to be one of the more self-indulgent posts on DCUM in a while. OP, if your kid puts themselves out there as tour guide then they are going to be asked this question. Why? because prospective parents want to know where graduates attend. duh. you are being far too sensitive If your kid can't handle it they should do a different activity. Or they could come up with a witty response. Or they could lie and say "all the Ivies". Just stop with the whining

Reread the OP. Son has it handled. The parent is giving a heads up to the oblivious buffoons here.

And wasting our time. Why is she scolding DCUM readers? Of course, people will ask because they want to know what colleges the graduates are interested in --- because their own child will be in their shoes someday. Seriously, you moms don't need to scold and police everyone else.

+1

Seriously, educate you kid to deal with everyday people, including people on tours. We don't need a charged anonymous PSA. Your kids could simply respond 'I'm taking a gap year"...fine.

[Anonymous]

Apologies for my naïveté. I am confused by this thread. Do kids now keep where they are applying a secret? When I was in high school, everyone talked very freely about where they were applying and it was a source of peer support. If it’s a secret now, what is the reason - it will give others the idea to apply there too and lead to competition for limited spots?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some grade A ass holes in this thread. Let's review - OP said, it makes students uncomfortable, so don't ask about college applicstions. Jackasses respond, 'these kids need to toughen up and learn how to change the topic.'

Guess what, in the polite world, we don't try to make people uncomfortable. It's rude. End of story.

Seriously. The entitlement is off the charts.

It’s weird, like their decision to have their kid apply to a high school hinges on what colleges the tour guide is considering. Bizarre.

Seriously, the question isn't targeted at the individual. It's a benchmark for measuring how they field generic questions, which reflects education. I don't care where any kid applies, except mine.

This response makes no sense. A benchmark for how they field generic questions? And that reflecting education? Come on, with that kind of BS you've got to be a lawyer too

Families makes odd decisions based on tour guides and spending 1 hour on campuses. People on the DCUM college board are talking about not applying to a school based on a 90-minute visit because of a guide they find strange and one thing they saw.

Well, we chose not to apply to a school that sent a socially awkward kid who could speak with us as a tour guide. The school advertised that it produced articulate, prepared students, clearly this was not the case. If this is what they have to show us, no thanks.

Maybe they do it intentionally to weed out some problematic applicants at the beginning! Schools don't "produce" students either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apologies for my naïveté. I am confused by this thread. Do kids now keep where they are applying a secret? When I was in high school, everyone talked very freely about where they were applying and it was a source of peer support. If it’s a secret now, what is the reason - it will give others the idea to apply there too and lead to competition for limited spots?

Yes, there is a lot of secrecy around early applications to highly selective schools now. I think some on this thread get it (probably those with older kids or family members who strongly considered top colleges recently) and others don't. I'd recommend popping over to the college boards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you people on this board arguing it is a fair question, just ask the Admission Office where the student tour guides are applying to college instead of the children leading the tour. You think the question is fine, we don’t, so ask the adults if it’s so important to you. And then we will know exactly who to exclude. And if you are too scared to ask the admissions office because you realize what an a** you are being then you are a coward for asking it of the child leading your tour.

Actually we want to know how the students handle themselves, not the adults who are selling us something.

I was trying to think of a good adult equivalent of this tour guide situation feeling wise. The best I can think of in terms of comfort would be a stranger who is interviewing at your company/place of work asking you directly how much money you make and then asking follow-ups at a casual lunch you're assigned to do with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you people on this board arguing it is a fair question, just ask the Admission Office where the student tour guides are applying to college instead of the children leading the tour. You think the question is fine, we don’t, so ask the adults if it’s so important to you. And then we will know exactly who to exclude. And if you are too scared to ask the admissions office because you realize what an a** you are being then you are a coward for asking it of the child leading your tour.

Actually we want to know how the students handle themselves, not the adults who are selling us something.

This is so weird.