If you are a working mom, why?

[Anonymous]

Because I married a poor when I was young and stupid.

[Anonymous]

I have not read the thread in full but agree this is a weird question: umm, to feed my kids?

[Anonymous]

This is a strangely phrased OP question and I agree it wouldn't be asked of a man

I value my career, I find it fulfilling, I think the work I do is important because it involves an issue I've cared deeply about for my whole life. I feel lucky to do the work I do, even if every day isn't perfect.

I also WFH with good hours and make a pretty high salary.

We could do without my salary even though DH and I earn similar amounts. I.like feeling like we're in the same place on work (hours etc), taking care of kids, housework, etc. It can be busy and stressful sometimes but I like the bustle.

I thought about going PT when my first was very young but realized I really like my job and the flexibility makes it manageable.

[Anonymous]

The OP is a troll and/or the thread represents how out of touch DCUM is. Most women do not have the financial option to be a SAHM. Only in the DCUM bubble is this a real option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP is a troll and/or the thread represents how out of touch DCUM is. Most women do not have the financial option to be a SAHM. Only in the DCUM bubble is this a real option.

It’s a real option, PP, beyond our bubble. But millions of women worked and studied hard to get into their professions are don’t want to leave. Vocations and passions don’t disappear because you have beloved children.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 young kids and bring in very little after the cost of childcare so, for me, it really was a preference to work.

I loved being a sahm for 6 years but didn’t want to do it forever. I enjoy learning new things at work and stretching myself. I also like going into the office a couple times a week and seeing my coworkers. Last, I like that I earn my own money so I don’t entirely rely on my DH. No question my lifestyle would change dramatically if we separated but I know I could keep a roof over my kids’ head and food on their mouths with my modest salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP is a troll and/or the thread represents how out of touch DCUM is. Most women do not have the financial option to be a SAHM. Only in the DCUM bubble is this a real option.

It can be a real option if you are willing to put the owning a house, taking vacations, etc on the back burner for awhile. DCUM is filled with the McMansion suburban couples who constantly cry poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP is a troll and/or the thread represents how out of touch DCUM is. Most women do not have the financial option to be a SAHM. Only in the DCUM bubble is this a real option.

It can be a real option if you are willing to put the owning a house, taking vacations, etc on the back burner for awhile. DCUM is filled with the McMansion suburban couples who constantly cry poor.

This is true. I was a sahm when we were pretty broke. We moved from a 1 bedroom apartment to a 2 bed but we didn’t vacation, eat out etc. We weren’t destitute but I know quite a few families that have a sahm because it’s cheaper than daycare for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money. I like money. Sure we could get by on one income but that is no way to live. I like nice vacations, traveling and being able to buy whatever I want.

I also never want to be financially dependent on a man or the family who needs a go fund me when the husband suddenly dies and the mom hasn't worked in 10 years.

+1 to all of this. We both have flexible, 35-40 hr a week jobs that pay about 200k each. We could live on one salary, but it is SO much nicer with two. I wasn't interested in a ton of sacrifice when having kids and didn't want to have to pinch pennies to stay home. My job is also fairly interesting, I like my coworkers, I can't see a reason to stop working.

[Anonymous]

I would have continued to work if I was doing some important work like finding cure for cancer or saving the Earth or saving lives. However, I was working for money in corporate America, Once my family stopped needing the money, it was worthwhile for me to be home with my kids and take care of my family. It freed up my DH to focus on his career and actually do the work that changes the lives of millions of people.

I assume women work either because they are doing worthwhile work (and yes, they get to define what is worthwhile) or they need the money. Was there any question about it?

- A SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find sitting around while kids nap painfully boring.

They sleep 10 hours a night and 4 hours a day.

If I work 8 hours I only miss 4 hours of their life. I think it’s weird to want to be with your kids every.single.minute.

I think even SAHM’s agree that is why they are so into independent play. So they aren’t even with their kids every.single.minute.

I don’t clean.

I love to cook though.

I don’t want to be sick of my kids. I treasure all my time with them. I’m the crazy mom that will do the “carpool” but not ask you to drive. I love getting home from work and doing play dates. I love the zoo at 5pm-8pm.

My H feels the same way.

You wouldn't be "bored" for the four hours a day they were sleeping if you stayed home with them. You'd be grateful for the four hours of rest, peace and quiet. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, some people like to be intellectually stimulated. And sitting at home while a kid naps isn't great for that. Maybe you have no idea what you're talking about.

Meh, I like to be mentally stimulated as well - but as someone who has been both a full time sahm and someone who currently works full time with high schoolers - the amount of stress of working far exceeds the amount of mental stimulation occurring. I actually get far more mental stimulation helping my kids with their homework than I do with a full day of my job or when I had more Time for reading when my kids napped. I actually read A TON when my kids were young and I wasn't working. I reread and read all the classics and loved every second of it. Less time to do that now.

People walking around complaining that being a mom to young children isn't "mentally stimulating" enough for them are missing the point. Your job is to use YOUR brain to stimulate THEIR brains. Not just to walk around pompously talking about how boring you find nap time.

I agree with you, but apparently many parents feel that their children are better off spending that time with underpaid, undereducated, under dedicated and often constantly changing daycare workers. Not to say that some daycare workers and situations aren't okay but I much preferred to be my children's primary influence when they were birth to about age 4 with some half day preschool thrown in. I didn't find it boring at all, I had plenty to do to stimulate my mind and theirs and to keep life interesting. Then when they were in school full time I pursued my career. It worked out great, my kids are grown now and they are my evidence that I did the right thing for my family. Certainly not for everyone obviously but kind or ridiculous to assume all SAHMs are going to be bored while the baby takes a nap.

It baffles me that you think the kind of woman with a career worth going back to, who is successful in her field, doesn’t vet her childcare providers. The only point I agree with is that they’re underpaid and that’s why I make it my business to give extremely generous gifts. Undereducated? My daughter’s infant teacher didn’t have a college degree, you’re right. She did have grandchildren, humor, kindness and endless patience. Underdedicated? Not if you’re in a place that values their staff and treats them well. Same about “constantly changing”.

Honestly your views on the people, primarily women, who work in childcare say quite a lot about you. If you want to be hostile to my choice to return to work— or insecure about your choice to stay home— that’s cool. But bashing women who work in childcare in this high cost of living area is a pretty ugly look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find sitting around while kids nap painfully boring.

They sleep 10 hours a night and 4 hours a day.

If I work 8 hours I only miss 4 hours of their life. I think it’s weird to want to be with your kids every.single.minute.

I think even SAHM’s agree that is why they are so into independent play. So they aren’t even with their kids every.single.minute.

I don’t clean.

I love to cook though.

I don’t want to be sick of my kids. I treasure all my time with them. I’m the crazy mom that will do the “carpool” but not ask you to drive. I love getting home from work and doing play dates. I love the zoo at 5pm-8pm.

My H feels the same way.

You wouldn't be "bored" for the four hours a day they were sleeping if you stayed home with them. You'd be grateful for the four hours of rest, peace and quiet. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, some people like to be intellectually stimulated. And sitting at home while a kid naps isn't great for that. Maybe you have no idea what you're talking about.

Meh, I like to be mentally stimulated as well - but as someone who has been both a full time sahm and someone who currently works full time with high schoolers - the amount of stress of working far exceeds the amount of mental stimulation occurring. I actually get far more mental stimulation helping my kids with their homework than I do with a full day of my job or when I had more Time for reading when my kids napped. I actually read A TON when my kids were young and I wasn't working. I reread and read all the classics and loved every second of it. Less time to do that now.

People walking around complaining that being a mom to young children isn't "mentally stimulating" enough for them are missing the point. Your job is to use YOUR brain to stimulate THEIR brains. Not just to walk around pompously talking about how boring you find nap time.

I agree with you, but apparently many parents feel that their children are better off spending that time with underpaid, undereducated, under dedicated and often constantly changing daycare workers. Not to say that some daycare workers and situations aren't okay but I much preferred to be my children's primary influence when they were birth to about age 4 with some half day preschool thrown in. I didn't find it boring at all, I had plenty to do to stimulate my mind and theirs and to keep life interesting. Then when they were in school full time I pursued my career. It worked out great, my kids are grown now and they are my evidence that I did the right thing for my family. Certainly not for everyone obviously but kind or ridiculous to assume all SAHMs are going to be bored while the baby takes a nap.

It baffles me that you think the kind of woman with a career worth going back to, who is successful in her field, doesn’t vet her childcare providers. The only point I agree with is that they’re underpaid and that’s why I make it my business to give extremely generous gifts. Undereducated? My daughter’s infant teacher didn’t have a college degree, you’re right. She did have grandchildren, humor, kindness and endless patience. Underdedicated? Not if you’re in a place that values their staff and treats them well. Same about “constantly changing”.

Honestly your views on the people, primarily women, who work in childcare say quite a lot about you. If you want to be hostile to my choice to return to work— or insecure about your choice to stay home— that’s cool. But bashing women who work in childcare in this high cost of living area is a pretty ugly look.

DP. You’re the pot calling the kettle black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find sitting around while kids nap painfully boring.

They sleep 10 hours a night and 4 hours a day.

If I work 8 hours I only miss 4 hours of their life. I think it’s weird to want to be with your kids every.single.minute.

I think even SAHM’s agree that is why they are so into independent play. So they aren’t even with their kids every.single.minute.

I don’t clean.

I love to cook though.

I don’t want to be sick of my kids. I treasure all my time with them. I’m the crazy mom that will do the “carpool” but not ask you to drive. I love getting home from work and doing play dates. I love the zoo at 5pm-8pm.

My H feels the same way.

You wouldn't be "bored" for the four hours a day they were sleeping if you stayed home with them. You'd be grateful for the four hours of rest, peace and quiet. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, some people like to be intellectually stimulated. And sitting at home while a kid naps isn't great for that. Maybe you have no idea what you're talking about.

Meh, I like to be mentally stimulated as well - but as someone who has been both a full time sahm and someone who currently works full time with high schoolers - the amount of stress of working far exceeds the amount of mental stimulation occurring. I actually get far more mental stimulation helping my kids with their homework than I do with a full day of my job or when I had more Time for reading when my kids napped. I actually read A TON when my kids were young and I wasn't working. I reread and read all the classics and loved every second of it. Less time to do that now.

People walking around complaining that being a mom to young children isn't "mentally stimulating" enough for them are missing the point. Your job is to use YOUR brain to stimulate THEIR brains. Not just to walk around pompously talking about how boring you find nap time.

I agree with you, but apparently many parents feel that their children are better off spending that time with underpaid, undereducated, under dedicated and often constantly changing daycare workers. Not to say that some daycare workers and situations aren't okay but I much preferred to be my children's primary influence when they were birth to about age 4 with some half day preschool thrown in. I didn't find it boring at all, I had plenty to do to stimulate my mind and theirs and to keep life interesting. Then when they were in school full time I pursued my career. It worked out great, my kids are grown now and they are my evidence that I did the right thing for my family. Certainly not for everyone obviously but kind or ridiculous to assume all SAHMs are going to be bored while the baby takes a nap.

It baffles me that you think the kind of woman with a career worth going back to, who is successful in her field, doesn’t vet her childcare providers. The only point I agree with is that they’re underpaid and that’s why I make it my business to give extremely generous gifts. Undereducated? My daughter’s infant teacher didn’t have a college degree, you’re right. She did have grandchildren, humor, kindness and endless patience. Underdedicated? Not if you’re in a place that values their staff and treats them well. Same about “constantly changing”.

Honestly your views on the people, primarily women, who work in childcare say quite a lot about you. If you want to be hostile to my choice to return to work— or insecure about your choice to stay home— that’s cool. But bashing women who work in childcare in this high cost of living area is a pretty ugly look.

+1 Thanks PP for this response, I couldn't think of how to express how incredibly classist that statement was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a strangely phrased OP question and I agree it wouldn't be asked of a man

I value my career, I find it fulfilling, I think the work I do is important because it involves an issue I've cared deeply about for my whole life. I feel lucky to do the work I do, even if every day isn't perfect.

I also WFH with good hours and make a pretty high salary.

We could do without my salary even though DH and I earn similar amounts. I.like feeling like we're in the same place on work (hours etc), taking care of kids, housework, etc. It can be busy and stressful sometimes but I like the bustle.

I thought about going PT when my first was very young but realized I really like my job and the flexibility makes it manageable.

+1. Almost exact same situation here. I worked very very hard to get where I am in my career - grew up lower middle class and now make 300k+ in a field I love and have made a name for myself in. At the same time, I have some flexibility and eat dinner with my kids every night and hang out with them all weekend. This is how I want to live, period. Never wanted to stay home, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find sitting around while kids nap painfully boring.

They sleep 10 hours a night and 4 hours a day.

If I work 8 hours I only miss 4 hours of their life. I think it’s weird to want to be with your kids every.single.minute.

I think even SAHM’s agree that is why they are so into independent play. So they aren’t even with their kids every.single.minute.

I don’t clean.

I love to cook though.

I don’t want to be sick of my kids. I treasure all my time with them. I’m the crazy mom that will do the “carpool” but not ask you to drive. I love getting home from work and doing play dates. I love the zoo at 5pm-8pm.

My H feels the same way.

You wouldn't be "bored" for the four hours a day they were sleeping if you stayed home with them. You'd be grateful for the four hours of rest, peace and quiet. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, some people like to be intellectually stimulated. And sitting at home while a kid naps isn't great for that. Maybe you have no idea what you're talking about.

Meh, I like to be mentally stimulated as well - but as someone who has been both a full time sahm and someone who currently works full time with high schoolers - the amount of stress of working far exceeds the amount of mental stimulation occurring. I actually get far more mental stimulation helping my kids with their homework than I do with a full day of my job or when I had more Time for reading when my kids napped. I actually read A TON when my kids were young and I wasn't working. I reread and read all the classics and loved every second of it. Less time to do that now.

People walking around complaining that being a mom to young children isn't "mentally stimulating" enough for them are missing the point. Your job is to use YOUR brain to stimulate THEIR brains. Not just to walk around pompously talking about how boring you find nap time.

I agree with you, but apparently many parents feel that their children are better off spending that time with underpaid, undereducated, under dedicated and often constantly changing daycare workers. Not to say that some daycare workers and situations aren't okay but I much preferred to be my children's primary influence when they were birth to about age 4 with some half day preschool thrown in. I didn't find it boring at all, I had plenty to do to stimulate my mind and theirs and to keep life interesting. Then when they were in school full time I pursued my career. It worked out great, my kids are grown now and they are my evidence that I did the right thing for my family. Certainly not for everyone obviously but kind or ridiculous to assume all SAHMs are going to be bored while the baby takes a nap.

It baffles me that you think the kind of woman with a career worth going back to, who is successful in her field, doesn’t vet her childcare providers. The only point I agree with is that they’re underpaid and that’s why I make it my business to give extremely generous gifts. Undereducated? My daughter’s infant teacher didn’t have a college degree, you’re right. She did have grandchildren, humor, kindness and endless patience. Underdedicated? Not if you’re in a place that values their staff and treats them well. Same about “constantly changing”.

Honestly your views on the people, primarily women, who work in childcare say quite a lot about you. If you want to be hostile to my choice to return to work— or insecure about your choice to stay home— that’s cool. But bashing women who work in childcare in this high cost of living area is a pretty ugly look.

Your anecdotal evidence based on your own childcare providers doesn't actually prove much. I have worked at a daycare center, provided home daycare and know a number of daycare workers. I'm not bashing women who work in childcare centers, I'm talking about who is actually the typical daycare provider (not all) and they are underpaid, they are under educated and staff changes often which indicates under dedicated. I'm not making this up. You can deny it, or you can say your nanny makes great money and has a advanced degree but that doesn't change the demographics of typical daycare providers in this country.

I'm pretty sick of some working moms who act like any idiot can properly care for infants and toddlers. I disagree. For my own kids I felt it was important to provide their early childcare myself. My husband wanted to do it too but he made more money than me so he reluctantly agreed to work but he definitely wanted to stay home with our kids when they were little. I had no problem establishing a career once they were in school.

I think society is paying a price for so many kids being raised by subpar daycare workers. Not ALL kids, but definitely a significant number. You can take that as hostility toward you if you want but I have zero insecurity about my decision to stay home with my kids before they started school. They are adults and they are all the proof I need that I did the right thing.