MIL ate my birthday chocolates

[Anonymous]

https://belgchocpiron.com (Evanston IL)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my MIL did this and did not apologize I would hold it against her forever. Not in a severe way -- I wouldn't treat her any differently (I'm always pleasant to her) and I wouldn't do anything to harm her. I would just remember she'd done it and it would continue to annoy me for the rest of her life.

My MIL said something thoughtlessly unkind to me right after my DC was born and it is burned into my brain. I'll never forget it and it colors my perception of her. It was just deeply selfish and hurtful, and really demonstrated the degree to which she doesn't really see me as a person, more like an idea.

I think this is common in the MIL/DIL relationship -- I think it can be hard for MILs to see that DILs are just people, that we aren't trying to take anything from them or compete with them (at least I definitely am not). I just want to be treated respectfully. I don't get these weird boundary violations or oversteps that seem designed to get a rise. My mom does some of this stuff too. I don't understand and do my best to ignore, but it really impacts the closeness of our relationship. You just learn not to trust someone when they do things like this all the time.

What did she say? My MIL, while holding my newborn daughter, looked at me and asked, “So when’s the next one?” I didn’t find out the gender and she already had 3 granddaughters. I had had a stillborn son the year prior.

DP, and I'm so, so sorry, PP. That's appalling.

My MIL has done so many little things over the years, it's like death by a thousand cuts. She'd never eat my chocolates like that, but she can be so thoughtless about not viewing me as a human being, rather than whatever fantasy she had in her head. After our first was born, she came to visit and, ostensibly, to help. Mostly she drank and refused to change the baby's diapers. We all decided to take a trip to Target, which would be my first postpartum outing (DD was like a week old), and when I came down to leave, she told me we couldn't go because she was making sangria. DH reamed her out, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Yeah you can’t open someone’s mail. That’s just incredibly rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to guess it’s chocolates from somewhere like Malleys in Cleveland. Good enough that you buy it all the time when you’re local, and get nostalgic for it when you’re far away, but not good enough that you’d rave about it to people who had no emotional connection to the product.

OMG I love Malley's. I grew up in Cleveland.

Me too!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

The only people defending MIL for *opening someone’s mail and consuming the contents, which were a gift* are either already horrible MILs, or warming up to be them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my MIL did this and did not apologize I would hold it against her forever. Not in a severe way -- I wouldn't treat her any differently (I'm always pleasant to her) and I wouldn't do anything to harm her. I would just remember she'd done it and it would continue to annoy me for the rest of her life.

My MIL said something thoughtlessly unkind to me right after my DC was born and it is burned into my brain. I'll never forget it and it colors my perception of her. It was just deeply selfish and hurtful, and really demonstrated the degree to which she doesn't really see me as a person, more like an idea.

I think this is common in the MIL/DIL relationship -- I think it can be hard for MILs to see that DILs are just people, that we aren't trying to take anything from them or compete with them (at least I definitely am not). I just want to be treated respectfully. I don't get these weird boundary violations or oversteps that seem designed to get a rise. My mom does some of this stuff too. I don't understand and do my best to ignore, but it really impacts the closeness of our relationship. You just learn not to trust someone when they do things like this all the time.

People like you astound me. Why on earth would you cede that kind of real estate in your head over something so trivial? It was a box of chocolates. And it would "annoy" you for the rest of your life? Wow. You don't have enough to do and you need to get out into the world and have some experiences that are really meaningful. Sheesh. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

F your FIL as revenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:F your FIL as revenge.

<record player needle scratch>

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I would have said:

"you opened my mail?"
long pause
"you opened a birthday present addressed to me?"
long pause
"you ate some of my birthday gift?"
long pause

Walk away. Done.

But yeah, I don't think I'd allow her in my house without me there ever again. That is such a huge imposition. Time to vet a reliable baby sitter!

So much this! I used the same approach with my MIL, who once went into my purse (it was partially open) to take out a book she wanted to read, which I was reading at the time.

Me: where did you get this book? (long pause)

You took it out of my purse? (long pause)

You thought it was appropriate to go rummaging through my purse to read a book I am currently reading?

(long pause, followed by shaking of the head)

Then my husband had a talk with her. Never happened again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's rude of her but you are overreacting. Surely she left some for you, right? And wouldn't you have offered to share since they were at your house anyway?

+1

There’s no such thing as “leaving some” of someone’s birthday present for them unless it was specifically offered to you. Clearly you two were raided in a barn. You really think it’s OK to open someone’s mail and help yourself to their gifts?!

This. So much this.

[Anonymous]

OP.

You are rightfully pissed.

I would plot sweet revenge.

I like the suggestions to bring it up loudly and often when in larger groups. Constantly remind her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was the funniest thing I've ever read.

I've had chocolate shipped from where I live (another COUNTRY) and while it's nice treat (and talk about overseas shipping) I can't imagine being as pissed off as the OP.

And she just watched the kids while you went away.

And seriously, OP...grow the F up.

This. The woman just babysat for you for free. Consider it payment in kind, OP.

You lack reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my MIL did this and did not apologize I would hold it against her forever. Not in a severe way -- I wouldn't treat her any differently (I'm always pleasant to her) and I wouldn't do anything to harm her. I would just remember she'd done it and it would continue to annoy me for the rest of her life.

My MIL said something thoughtlessly unkind to me right after my DC was born and it is burned into my brain. I'll never forget it and it colors my perception of her. It was just deeply selfish and hurtful, and really demonstrated the degree to which she doesn't really see me as a person, more like an idea.

I think this is common in the MIL/DIL relationship -- I think it can be hard for MILs to see that DILs are just people, that we aren't trying to take anything from them or compete with them (at least I definitely am not). I just want to be treated respectfully. I don't get these weird boundary violations or oversteps that seem designed to get a rise. My mom does some of this stuff too. I don't understand and do my best to ignore, but it really impacts the closeness of our relationship. You just learn not to trust someone when they do things like this all the time.

What did she say? My MIL, while holding my newborn daughter, looked at me and asked, “So when’s the next one?” I didn’t find out the gender and she already had 3 granddaughters. I had had a stillborn son the year prior.

Noooooooooo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my MIL did this and did not apologize I would hold it against her forever. Not in a severe way -- I wouldn't treat her any differently (I'm always pleasant to her) and I wouldn't do anything to harm her. I would just remember she'd done it and it would continue to annoy me for the rest of her life.

My MIL said something thoughtlessly unkind to me right after my DC was born and it is burned into my brain. I'll never forget it and it colors my perception of her. It was just deeply selfish and hurtful, and really demonstrated the degree to which she doesn't really see me as a person, more like an idea.

I think this is common in the MIL/DIL relationship -- I think it can be hard for MILs to see that DILs are just people, that we aren't trying to take anything from them or compete with them (at least I definitely am not). I just want to be treated respectfully. I don't get these weird boundary violations or oversteps that seem designed to get a rise. My mom does some of this stuff too. I don't understand and do my best to ignore, but it really impacts the closeness of our relationship. You just learn not to trust someone when they do things like this all the time.

People like you astound me. Why on earth would you cede that kind of real estate in your head over something so trivial? It was a box of chocolates. And it would "annoy" you for the rest of your life? Wow. You don't have enough to do and you need to get out into the world and have some experiences that are really meaningful. Sheesh. Grow up.

For the 500th time, it is about more than “a box of chocolates.” You sound like a nightmare MIL yourself.

[Anonymous]

How many did she eat and how many were in the box to start with? I’d be so upset no matter what but especially so if she ate like 4 out of a box of 12!

Did you talk to her about it?