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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If my MIL did this and did not apologize I would hold it against her forever. Not in a severe way -- I wouldn't treat her any differently (I'm always pleasant to her) and I wouldn't do anything to harm her. I would just remember she'd done it and it would continue to annoy me for the rest of her life.

My MIL said something thoughtlessly unkind to me right after my DC was born and it is burned into my brain. I'll never forget it and it colors my perception of her. It was just deeply selfish and hurtful, and really demonstrated the degree to which she doesn't really see me as a person, more like an idea.

I think this is common in the MIL/DIL relationship -- I think it can be hard for MILs to see that DILs are just people, that we aren't trying to take anything from them or compete with them (at least I definitely am not). I just want to be treated respectfully. I don't get these weird boundary violations or oversteps that seem designed to get a rise. My mom does some of this stuff too. I don't understand and do my best to ignore, but it really impacts the closeness of our relationship. You just learn not to trust someone when they do things like this all the time.[/quote]

What did she say?  My MIL, while holding my newborn daughter, looked at me and asked, “So when’s the next one?”  I didn’t find out the gender and she already had 3 granddaughters.  I had had a stillborn son the year prior.[/quote]

DP, and I'm so, so sorry, PP.  That's appalling.

My MIL has done so many little things over the years, it's like death by a thousand cuts.  She'd never eat my chocolates like that, but she can be so thoughtless about not viewing me as a human being, rather than whatever fantasy she had in her head.  After our first was born, she came to visit and, ostensibly, to help.  Mostly she drank and refused to change the baby's diapers.  We all decided to take a trip to Target, which would be my first postpartum outing (DD was like a week old), and when I came down to leave, she told me we couldn't go because she was making sangria.  DH reamed her out, thankfully.[/quote]

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