"You look fabulous"-- after a huge weight loss

[Anonymous]

I'm probably over thinking this. A co-worker of mine just returned to the office after gastric bypass surgery. She must have dropped a good 250lbs. I was just telling her how awesome she looks but I feel like that's inadvertently telling her that she looked like shit before. I often feel akward in situations like this, even with minimal weight loss, I feel like if you keep going on and on about how great they look, it's essentially saying that they looked like a hot mess before, which they may have, but they don't need to be told that.

[Anonymous]

I think that it is a nice thing to say. Clearly, she worked hard to lose the weight, and your noticing is probably going to be welcome.

[Anonymous]

I imagine anyone who has lost 250 lbs really does look fabulous. I wouldn't sweat it.

[Anonymous]

I think you did the right thing. With that much weight, it's sort of obvious what a change it is, and obviously she wanted to lose the weight if she went to all that trouble. it's not like you said "much better than before". don't overthink it. Try not to treat her any differently than before (presumably you were nice to her beforehand anyway, it sounds like you were!)

[Anonymous]

Telling someone they look great does not imply they looked terrible before. A compliment is a compliment.

[Anonymous]

Yes -- it's really nice to give such positive feedback. I would bet anyone who lost that much weight was very scared about the process and is quite happy about the results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably over thinking this. A co-worker of mine just returned to the office after gastric bypass surgery. She must have dropped a good 250lbs. I was just telling her how awesome she looks but I feel like that's inadvertently telling her that she looked like shit before. I often feel akward in situations like this, even with minimal weight loss, I feel like if you keep going on and on about how great they look, it's essentially saying that they looked like a hot mess before, which they may have, but they don't need to be told that.

tell her she still looks like shit and have her second guess going through the procedure.

[Anonymous]

As a person who lost 50 pounds (which is not even remotely close to the weight your coworker lost) the world is so much nicer to thin people! Your comment is the tip of the ice burgh. I went through a major depression after weight lost because I hadn't realized before that people treat fat people like sh*t. My weight made me physically healthier but made me think humanity is sh*t!

[Anonymous]

PP, what would you want someone to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, what would you want someone to say?

Nothing. I hate any comments on my looks. Guys rarely comment on each other's appearance, unless they're busted on each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, what would you want someone to say?

Nothing. I hate any comments on my looks. Guys rarely comment on each other's appearance, unless they're busted on each other.

Or if you feel the need to comment, ask how she feels.

[Anonymous]

She wants to hear that she looks fabulous. She went to a lot of trouble to lose the weight, and she obviously knew she was overweight before, so anything you say is not going to be a news flash to her. What you told her sounds fine and very nice. Good for her!

[Anonymous]

I have this issue in my head, too, OP. I never know how to strike the right balance.

I say this as a sometimes chubby woman (yo-yo) who may cop to being too sensitive but does NOT like it when coworkers, school moms, etc. say things like "Wow! You've lost weight, haven't you????? How much did you lose????? What diet did you do?????"

(I know some women luv, luv, luv to talk about such topics in person and online, but I'm not one of them. so it creeps me out a little when others put me on the spot like that even though I imagine they are admiring, in a way).

Anyway, with my own paradigm in mind, when I bump into someone who has obviously lost 25+ lbs, I say either nothing at all (which is what I would like) or, "Oh hi Lisa, you're lookin' great. So I see you're on the auction committee again this year ....."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is a nice thing to say. Clearly, she worked hard to lose the weight, and your noticing is probably going to be welcome.

I'm sorry, but having Gastric Bypass surgery is NOT working hard to lose the weight. People who engage in healthy weight loss via diet and exercise are the ones to be admired for their hard work and commitment to themselves, not someone who goes in for an expensive and quick fix.

Regardless, I think it fully appropriate her on her new look. I too lost a lot of weight and welcome the recognition. I did look like shit before, I have a mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, what would you want someone to say?

Nothing. I hate any comments on my looks. Guys rarely comment on each other's appearance, unless they're busted on each other.

Well this is a question about a woman and not a guy. Duh.