"You look fabulous"-- after a huge weight loss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably over thinking this. A co-worker of mine just returned to the office after gastric bypass surgery. She must have dropped a good 250lbs. I was just telling her how awesome she looks but I feel like that's inadvertently telling her that she looked like shit before. I often feel akward in situations like this, even with minimal weight loss, I feel like if you keep going on and on about how great they look, it's essentially saying that they looked like a hot mess before, which they may have, but they don't need to be told that.

You are SOOOOO over thinking this. "you look fabulous" is a very nice thing to say. You don't need to go any further than that.

[Anonymous]

I never give weight-centered compliments because you never know what is causing the weight loss. I dropped a lot of weight when i was severely depressed and got compliments on my weight loss. Or I would see people complimenting a friend on her weight loss, when I knew that she was suffering from an eating disorder. I think a simple, "you look great!" is just fine. But her weight loss is so obvious to her that I'd probably be more likely to say, "how are you feeling? welcome back!" since a "you look great" would obviously be about her weight.

My favorite "compliment" was my uncle saying to my mom (after months of exercise and healthy eating) - "You're not as fat as you used to be." LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is a nice thing to say. Clearly, she worked hard to lose the weight, and your noticing is probably going to be welcome.

I'm sorry, but having Gastric Bypass surgery is NOT working hard to lose the weight. People who engage in healthy weight loss via diet and exercise are the ones to be admired for their hard work and commitment to themselves, not someone who goes in for an expensive and quick fix.

Regardless, I think it fully appropriate her on her new look. I too lost a lot of weight and welcome the recognition. I did look like shit before, I have a mirror.

You've got to be kidding me.

I had GBS and I dieted and exercised like crazy to lose 150 lbs. I now have to diet and exercise like crazy to maintain my weight loss.

Exactly what part of this is "a quick fix"? This is HARD WORK. It goes on every day for the rest of my life. Every. Single. Day.

You are so, so, misinformed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a person who lost 50 pounds (which is not even remotely close to the weight your coworker lost) the world is so much nicer to thin people! Your comment is the tip of the ice burgh. I went through a major depression after weight lost because I hadn't realized before that people treat fat people like sh*t. My weight made me physically healthier but made me think humanity is sh*t!

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is a nice thing to say. Clearly, she worked hard to lose the weight, and your noticing is probably going to be welcome.

I'm sorry, but having Gastric Bypass surgery is NOT working hard to lose the weight. People who engage in healthy weight loss via diet and exercise are the ones to be admired for their hard work and commitment to themselves, not someone who goes in for an expensive and quick fix.

Regardless, I think it fully appropriate her on her new look. I too lost a lot of weight and welcome the recognition. I did look like shit before, I have a mirror.

You seem to assume that they just walk in and have the surgery and that's that. That's misinformed. Gastric bypass surgery often is done when nothing else works, and it's in conjunction with diet and exercise.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/gastric-bypass/MY00825

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP who brought up the point that we don't always know -why- someone has dropped a lot of weight.

(yes, I realize OP does know, but in general a person doesn't always know why someone they haven't seen in 9 months is suddenly 30 lbs lighter).

In my mother's case, it was because she had pancreatic cancer. Think Steve Jobs' changing appearance, or Patrick Swayze. So it really sucked to hear "Wow! You have lost weight!" over and over when she'd bump into someone at the store or bank.

Yes, she did say exactly that, in a rueful way, not long before she died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is a nice thing to say. Clearly, she worked hard to lose the weight, and your noticing is probably going to be welcome.

I'm sorry, but having Gastric Bypass surgery is NOT working hard to lose the weight. People who engage in healthy weight loss via diet and exercise are the ones to be admired for their hard work and commitment to themselves, not someone who goes in for an expensive and quick fix.

Regardless, I think it fully appropriate her on her new look. I too lost a lot of weight and welcome the recognition. I did look like shit before, I have a mirror.

ITA

[Anonymous]

"You look fabulous" is wonderful to hear at any weight. Praise away!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is a nice thing to say. Clearly, she worked hard to lose the weight, and your noticing is probably going to be welcome.

I'm sorry, but having Gastric Bypass surgery is NOT working hard to lose the weight. People who engage in healthy weight loss via diet and exercise are the ones to be admired for their hard work and commitment to themselves, not someone who goes in for an expensive and quick fix.

Regardless, I think it fully appropriate her on her new look. I too lost a lot of weight and welcome the recognition. I did look like shit before, I have a mirror.

You seem to assume that they just walk in and have the surgery and that's that. That's misinformed. Gastric bypass surgery often is done when nothing else works, and it's in conjunction with diet and exercise.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/gastric-bypass/MY00825

That's not true at all. Gastric bypass is done on people that are morbidly obese and have an unhealthy relationship with food. Diet is not part of the plan. Gastric bypass requires diet changes because the "pouch" can no longer digest certain foods and vitamins. No that long term data is out, many patients regain the weight after 10-20 years because they continue to eat in unhealthy ways and stretch out the pouch. There are very serious complications from gastric bypass and its really very controversial in the field of medicine.

[Anonymous]

You are overthinking this. If people knew she had gastric and you have to be obese to go under that procedures, obciously she knows she is going to look much better after dropping 150 lbs! And I am sure she expects the compliments.

No offense but to lose 150 lbs she was probably not looking too healthy before so I would think a compliment is a nice way to tell her.

[Anonymous]

We had the exact same situation in my office. A coworker had gastric bypass and lost a lot of weight and she looks incredible. Even more so because she's older and now has the body of a 30-year-old. I pretty much stuck to the "Wow, you look fantastic" script and didn't elaborate much. I also sometimes tell her "you look nice today" if she's especially dressed up, but I do that for anyone I know. I think it's always appropriate to give someone a sincere compliment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person who lost 50 pounds (which is not even remotely close to the weight your coworker lost) the world is so much nicer to thin people! Your comment is the tip of the ice burgh. I went through a major depression after weight lost because I hadn't realized before that people treat fat people like sh*t. My weight made me physically healthier but made me think humanity is sh*t!

This.

+1. I loved the compliments, so don't think the OP needs to overthink them (and if she knows the woman had gastric bypass then she knows the woman was trying to lose weight). I've since gained my weight back due to some medical issues and knowing the difference in how people treat you fat vs. thin makes it all the more demoralizing to be fat again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person who lost 50 pounds (which is not even remotely close to the weight your coworker lost) the world is so much nicer to thin people! Your comment is the tip of the ice burgh. I went through a major depression after weight lost because I hadn't realized before that people treat fat people like sh*t. My weight made me physically healthier but made me think humanity is sh*t!

This.

+1. I loved the compliments, so don't think the OP needs to overthink them (and if she knows the woman had gastric bypass then she knows the woman was trying to lose weight). I've since gained my weight back due to some medical issues and knowing the difference in how people treat you fat vs. thin makes it all the more demoralizing to be fat again.

The pp you are +1-ing to did NOT like the compliments. Apparently it was the "tip of the iceberg" or whatever the hell that means for her. I think the compliment was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is a nice thing to say. Clearly, she worked hard to lose the weight, and your noticing is probably going to be welcome.

I'm sorry, but having Gastric Bypass surgery is NOT working hard to lose the weight. People who engage in healthy weight loss via diet and exercise are the ones to be admired for their hard work and commitment to themselves, not someone who goes in for an expensive and quick fix.

Regardless, I think it fully appropriate her on her new look. I too lost a lot of weight and welcome the recognition. I did look like shit before, I have a mirror.

You seem to assume that they just walk in and have the surgery and that's that. That's misinformed. Gastric bypass surgery often is done when nothing else works, and it's in conjunction with diet and exercise.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/gastric-bypass/MY00825

That's not true at all. Gastric bypass is done on people that are morbidly obese and have an unhealthy relationship with food. Diet is not part of the plan. Gastric bypass requires diet changes because the "pouch" can no longer digest certain foods and vitamins. No that long term data is out, many patients regain the weight after 10-20 years because they continue to eat in unhealthy ways and stretch out the pouch. There are very serious complications from gastric bypass and its really very controversial in the field of medicine.

Diet is very much part of the plan. The fact that people may eat in an unhealthy way doesn't mean that diet isn't part of the plan. If you go for GBS, the first thing you'll be asked by the surgeon is "You know this isn't a quick fix, don't you...you will have to diet and exercise for the rest of your life."

[Anonymous]

As a person who is trying to lose 60 lbs I'm telling you that she probably will not be offended by your compliment. I know I look like shit and that's why I'm trying to lose the weight. She probably wasn't in the clouds about her weight before. To me, it's like congratulating someone when they've achieved something really big. The way she looks is secondary to her great achievement of losing the weight.

The world definitely treats fat people differently. What you hear a lot from people who lost a lot of weight is that they felt invisible (which is really ironic sine they were twice the size). People don't aknowledge, respect or take seriously people who are fat. It's like they're saying "you eat too much, so you must be a fuck up in every other aspect of your life."