Am I being petty or would you feel the same way?

[Anonymous]

I just need to know- what did you decide, OP?

[Anonymous]

It's petty yes, but understandable if you don't want to give his kids a ride, but DON'T engage by "pointing out that he is being hypocritical" or whatever. Life's too short for that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAH wife with kids who are in school. I have a lot of help. I love my life. My DH loves how relaxing it is for him to come home. My kids have a jam packed schedule but they also appreciate the convenience of having mom present at home.

Our life is going swimmingly. I have my hobbies and causes and my life has the pace that works for me and my family. I am highly educated and I continue to educate myself, just for the heck of it. I don't have to discuss my life with my friends or neighbors or ex-coworkers or family. I am not on social media and I do not give explanations to people.

OP, embrace your life as it is and do not talk about it or explain it. These decisions are family decisions - strictly between your DH and you.

I doubt you are highly educated because no one who is ambitious would want to be a housewife whose sole existence is to serve her husband and kids and make their lives more convenient. The highly educated SAHMs are at home with young kids but start doing something meaningful once their kids are in school.

You do realize people's social circles are different, right? I'm not PP but I am a highly educated SAHM of school age kids. A handful of my mom friends went back to work when our youngest hit K but most didn't. All but one of us have graduate degrees including law and medical degrees. You could make the argument that we are by default (no longer) ambitious but you can't say we aren't highly educated just because we left the workforce.

+1
Or we simply realized what is important to us in life. You are very replaceable at your job, no matter what it is. Very few people look back at the end of the day and wish they had worked more. Quite honestly your assessment that SAHMs are not ambitious only reflects poorly on you.

DP. By definition, if you choose to remain at home and not work once your children are in school full-time, you are not ambitious. This is a basic observation. The only thing that would potentially reflect poorly on someone might be how they feel about people who are not ambitious, but not the fact that they point out the obvious. Not everyone needs to be ambitious, that's okay.

Some individuals are more replaceable than others, but regardless, many people find great satisfaction from their work. And even for those who might not, I'd like to see how happy the wealthy SAHMs would feel if there weren't people out there providing medical care for their precious children, not just doctors, but nurses and all the other laboratory and administrative staff that keep offices and hospitals running, or if the people who work at power plants, water treatment plants, city governments, county governments, grocery stores, farms, and on and on, all just decided their jobs just weren't important? You rely on the hard work of tons of people you will never meet EVERY SINGLE DAY for your cushy life. The simple fact is that you allow someone else to support you at a time when your children no longer need your immediate care for upwards of six hours a day.

It reflects poorly on you that, in your defensiveness, you start your comment with an assertion that only moms who stay home even after their children are in school have discovered what is important in life. How arrogant of you.

This is such a bizarre argument! It's immoral to not pay someone a fair wage for a job you hire them to do. It's not immoral to hire someone. And the fact that some people, and that includes men and women, leave the workforce (whether to stay at home with school age kids, retire early, for medical reasons or they are just rich and don't want to work) does not mean our economy will collapse. There has always been a segment of people in society who choose not to work.

You are not getting me at all. Where did I use the word immoral? Where did I mention economic collapse? No where. WTF are you even talking about? I am not saying everyone has to work, I am saying don't insult those who choose to do so as not having figured out "what is important". I am saying don't insult them by telling them how replaceable they are. Every single one of us depends on the work of many other people every single day, so don't be such a snob that you devalue it in order to justify that you choose not to work or have the luxury not to do so. You are wealthy and lucky. Be grateful that you have that option instead of a snobby prat.

Aww did that comment about being replaceable hurt your feelings? It is funny you think it’s fine to tell people they aren’t ambitious but get defensive when called replaceable. I don't think being replaceable is a necessarily a bad thing or that it is negative, so I don't see any problem with it.

Wow, you are a nasty piece of work as well as being a snob. Hurt my feelings? Nah, you give me some good laughs though. So out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these threads and all these arguments come down to the same conclusion: people who are happy in life and secure with their choices do not worry about whether or why other people do it differently.

Happy SAHMs don't judge working moms.
Happy working moms don't judge SAHMs.

People happy with their own life balance don't get angry, defensive, and judgmental very easily!

Very true.

Yep.
(Pp above needs to process this).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAH wife with kids who are in school. I have a lot of help. I love my life. My DH loves how relaxing it is for him to come home. My kids have a jam packed schedule but they also appreciate the convenience of having mom present at home.

Our life is going swimmingly. I have my hobbies and causes and my life has the pace that works for me and my family. I am highly educated and I continue to educate myself, just for the heck of it. I don't have to discuss my life with my friends or neighbors or ex-coworkers or family. I am not on social media and I do not give explanations to people.

OP, embrace your life as it is and do not talk about it or explain it. These decisions are family decisions - strictly between your DH and you.

I doubt you are highly educated because no one who is ambitious would want to be a housewife whose sole existence is to serve her husband and kids and make their lives more convenient. The highly educated SAHMs are at home with young kids but start doing something meaningful once their kids are in school.

Pp, you aren’t a very nice person.

No, PP is not. SAH wife with kids in school, I just want you to know I would give you a fist bump if I could.

Signed, full-time paid working mom.

[Anonymous]

Wow, this escalated quickly. (or devolved?)

I'm one of the PP's who pointed out that the OP is lucky to be in the position she's in. It's not a slap. I recognize that some SAHMs make big sacrifices to be able to stay at home. I get it - I am sacrificing income and career satisfaction by staying in a job I somewhat dislike because it is flexible enough to allow me to volunteer to coach multiple youth sports and be involved in other youth activities while my child is young. I am lucky to have that choice. Not all people have the circumstances (luck, marriage to a high earner, marriage to a supportive spouse, educational level allowing one a flexible career) to do certain things for their kids like stay at home or volunteer. I think it's important to recognize our privilege.

I think it's also important to recognize the concept of "it takes a village". It's all about give and take. Helping another parent out for a week is good karma. I regularly carpool kids even if it's not reciprocated because it helps out the other parents. As a full time working mom and a single parent, I manage to coach three youth sports and lead a scout troop (among other things) because I take the time out from my career and my own stuff to do that.

(And it's extremely rare to have any help at all from SAHMs in those activities. The people involved are always working parents. ALWAYS.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this escalated quickly. (or devolved?)

I'm one of the PP's who pointed out that the OP is lucky to be in the position she's in. It's not a slap. I recognize that some SAHMs make big sacrifices to be able to stay at home. I get it - I am sacrificing income and career satisfaction by staying in a job I somewhat dislike because it is flexible enough to allow me to volunteer to coach multiple youth sports and be involved in other youth activities while my child is young. I am lucky to have that choice. Not all people have the circumstances (luck, marriage to a high earner, marriage to a supportive spouse, educational level allowing one a flexible career) to do certain things for their kids like stay at home or volunteer. I think it's important to recognize our privilege.

I think it's also important to recognize the concept of "it takes a village". It's all about give and take. Helping another parent out for a week is good karma. I regularly carpool kids even if it's not reciprocated because it helps out the other parents. As a full time working mom and a single parent, I manage to coach three youth sports and lead a scout troop (among other things) because I take the time out from my career and my own stuff to do that.

(And it's extremely rare to have any help at all from SAHMs in those activities. The people involved are always working parents. ALWAYS.)

Ugh I was applauding your post until the last line. No it's not true that SAHMs don't help out. I have a whole network of SAHMs I can call upon in an emergency for help or last minute pick ups etc. I also have great WOHM friends who are amazing and also helpful. Can we please stop with the unnecessary blanket statements?

[Anonymous]

OP: I heart my life because I don’t have to do anything for five hours each day!

Other people: Huh, is everyone who is working to support your leisure okay with that?

OP: Shut up, you suck. I refuse to concede any of my leisure to contribute to the village!

Other people: Interestingly, you seem to suck as well. But go forth and enjoy your leisure. The rest of us will keep the trains running.

OP: Did you call me unambitious? You super suck and the only reason you continue to provide financial support for your family is because you are a bad and terrible person who has not figured out what is important in life! I – in contrast – have determined that I value my leisure and do not value being helpful to my neighbors. That makes me the better person and hence more entitled to the leisure. Also, you are just jealous that I and domesticated cats have it all figured out.

Other people: To be clear, you DO have the ambition to bask in your leisure time. That should count for something so I revise my earlier statement on your lack of ambition. Okay?

OP: Yes, to sum up, I am morally superior and fully entitled to do nothing and be revered for my doing-nothingness. I did, after all, produce a child.

Other people: Fair enough. So, um, just let us know if you ever feel like doing something.

OP: Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I heart my life because I don’t have to do anything for five hours each day!

Other people: Huh, is everyone who is working to support your leisure okay with that?

OP: Shut up, you suck. I refuse to concede any of my leisure to contribute to the village!

Other people: Interestingly, you seem to suck as well. But go forth and enjoy your leisure. The rest of us will keep the trains running.

OP: Did you call me unambitious? You super suck and the only reason you continue to provide financial support for your family is because you are a bad and terrible person who has not figured out what is important in life! I – in contrast – have determined that I value my leisure and do not value being helpful to my neighbors. That makes me the better person and hence more entitled to the leisure. Also, you are just jealous that I and domesticated cats have it all figured out.

Other people: To be clear, you DO have the ambition to bask in your leisure time. That should count for something so I revise my earlier statement on your lack of ambition. Okay?

OP: Yes, to sum up, I am morally superior and fully entitled to do nothing and be revered for my doing-nothingness. I did, after all, produce a child.

Other people: Fair enough. So, um, just let us know if you ever feel like doing something.

OP: Ha!

WTF is going on in your head?

[Anonymous]

Did anyone take the time to read her youngest is 4? Still very young. Not sure why there is all this talk of SAHM with kids in school full time, but it doesn’t apply here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAH wife with kids who are in school. I have a lot of help. I love my life. My DH loves how relaxing it is for him to come home. My kids have a jam packed schedule but they also appreciate the convenience of having mom present at home.

Our life is going swimmingly. I have my hobbies and causes and my life has the pace that works for me and my family. I am highly educated and I continue to educate myself, just for the heck of it. I don't have to discuss my life with my friends or neighbors or ex-coworkers or family. I am not on social media and I do not give explanations to people.

OP, embrace your life as it is and do not talk about it or explain it. These decisions are family decisions - strictly between your DH and you.

I doubt you are highly educated because no one who is ambitious would want to be a housewife whose sole existence is to serve her husband and kids and make their lives more convenient. The highly educated SAHMs are at home with young kids but start doing something meaningful once their kids are in school.

You do realize people's social circles are different, right? I'm not PP but I am a highly educated SAHM of school age kids. A handful of my mom friends went back to work when our youngest hit K but most didn't. All but one of us have graduate degrees including law and medical degrees. You could make the argument that we are by default (no longer) ambitious but you can't say we aren't highly educated just because we left the workforce.

+1
Or we simply realized what is important to us in life. You are very replaceable at your job, no matter what it is. Very few people look back at the end of the day and wish they had worked more. Quite honestly your assessment that SAHMs are not ambitious only reflects poorly on you.

DP. By definition, if you choose to remain at home and not work once your children are in school full-time, you are not ambitious. This is a basic observation. The only thing that would potentially reflect poorly on someone might be how they feel about people who are not ambitious, but not the fact that they point out the obvious. Not everyone needs to be ambitious, that's okay.

Some individuals are more replaceable than others, but regardless, many people find great satisfaction from their work. And even for those who might not, I'd like to see how happy the wealthy SAHMs would feel if there weren't people out there providing medical care for their precious children, not just doctors, but nurses and all the other laboratory and administrative staff that keep offices and hospitals running, or if the people who work at power plants, water treatment plants, city governments, county governments, grocery stores, farms, and on and on, all just decided their jobs just weren't important? You rely on the hard work of tons of people you will never meet EVERY SINGLE DAY for your cushy life. The simple fact is that you allow someone else to support you at a time when your children no longer need your immediate care for upwards of six hours a day.

It reflects poorly on you that, in your defensiveness, you start your comment with an assertion that only moms who stay home even after their children are in school have discovered what is important in life. How arrogant of you.

This is such a bizarre argument! It's immoral to not pay someone a fair wage for a job you hire them to do. It's not immoral to hire someone. And the fact that some people, and that includes men and women, leave the workforce (whether to stay at home with school age kids, retire early, for medical reasons or they are just rich and don't want to work) does not mean our economy will collapse. There has always been a segment of people in society who choose not to work.

You are not getting me at all. Where did I use the word immoral? Where did I mention economic collapse? No where. WTF are you even talking about? I am not saying everyone has to work, I am saying don't insult those who choose to do so as not having figured out "what is important". I am saying don't insult them by telling them how replaceable they are. Every single one of us depends on the work of many other people every single day, so don't be such a snob that you devalue it in order to justify that you choose not to work or have the luxury not to do so. You are wealthy and lucky. Be grateful that you have that option instead of a snobby prat.

Aww did that comment about being replaceable hurt your feelings? It is funny you think it’s fine to tell people they aren’t ambitious but get defensive when called replaceable. I don't think being replaceable is a necessarily a bad thing or that it is negative, so I don't see any problem with it.

You’re a real piece of work. Wow.
- dp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAH wife with kids who are in school. I have a lot of help. I love my life. My DH loves how relaxing it is for him to come home. My kids have a jam packed schedule but they also appreciate the convenience of having mom present at home.

Our life is going swimmingly. I have my hobbies and causes and my life has the pace that works for me and my family. I am highly educated and I continue to educate myself, just for the heck of it. I don't have to discuss my life with my friends or neighbors or ex-coworkers or family. I am not on social media and I do not give explanations to people.

OP, embrace your life as it is and do not talk about it or explain it. These decisions are family decisions - strictly between your DH and you.

I doubt you are highly educated because no one who is ambitious would want to be a housewife whose sole existence is to serve her husband and kids and make their lives more convenient. The highly educated SAHMs are at home with young kids but start doing something meaningful once their kids are in school.

You do realize people's social circles are different, right? I'm not PP but I am a highly educated SAHM of school age kids. A handful of my mom friends went back to work when our youngest hit K but most didn't. All but one of us have graduate degrees including law and medical degrees. You could make the argument that we are by default (no longer) ambitious but you can't say we aren't highly educated just because we left the workforce.

+1
Or we simply realized what is important to us in life. You are very replaceable at your job, no matter what it is. Very few people look back at the end of the day and wish they had worked more. Quite honestly your assessment that SAHMs are not ambitious only reflects poorly on you.

DP. By definition, if you choose to remain at home and not work once your children are in school full-time, you are not ambitious. This is a basic observation. The only thing that would potentially reflect poorly on someone might be how they feel about people who are not ambitious, but not the fact that they point out the obvious. Not everyone needs to be ambitious, that's okay.

Some individuals are more replaceable than others, but regardless, many people find great satisfaction from their work. And even for those who might not, I'd like to see how happy the wealthy SAHMs would feel if there weren't people out there providing medical care for their precious children, not just doctors, but nurses and all the other laboratory and administrative staff that keep offices and hospitals running, or if the people who work at power plants, water treatment plants, city governments, county governments, grocery stores, farms, and on and on, all just decided their jobs just weren't important? You rely on the hard work of tons of people you will never meet EVERY SINGLE DAY for your cushy life. The simple fact is that you allow someone else to support you at a time when your children no longer need your immediate care for upwards of six hours a day.

It reflects poorly on you that, in your defensiveness, you start your comment with an assertion that only moms who stay home even after their children are in school have discovered what is important in life. How arrogant of you.

This is such a bizarre argument! It's immoral to not pay someone a fair wage for a job you hire them to do. It's not immoral to hire someone. And the fact that some people, and that includes men and women, leave the workforce (whether to stay at home with school age kids, retire early, for medical reasons or they are just rich and don't want to work) does not mean our economy will collapse. There has always been a segment of people in society who choose not to work.

You are not getting me at all. Where did I use the word immoral? Where did I mention economic collapse? No where. WTF are you even talking about? I am not saying everyone has to work, I am saying don't insult those who choose to do so as not having figured out "what is important". I am saying don't insult them by telling them how replaceable they are. Every single one of us depends on the work of many other people every single day, so don't be such a snob that you devalue it in order to justify that you choose not to work or have the luxury not to do so. You are wealthy and lucky. Be grateful that you have that option instead of a snobby prat.

Aww did that comment about being replaceable hurt your feelings? It is funny you think it’s fine to tell people they aren’t ambitious but get defensive when called replaceable. I don't think being replaceable is a necessarily a bad thing or that it is negative, so I don't see any problem with it.

You’re a real piece of work. Wow.
- dp

Just me or is the ones who point out they are a “dp” the most likely to use the same phrases and be the same poster?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone take the time to read her youngest is 4? Still very young. Not sure why there is all this talk of SAHM with kids in school full time, but it doesn’t apply here.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAH wife with kids who are in school. I have a lot of help. I love my life. My DH loves how relaxing it is for him to come home. My kids have a jam packed schedule but they also appreciate the convenience of having mom present at home.

Our life is going swimmingly. I have my hobbies and causes and my life has the pace that works for me and my family. I am highly educated and I continue to educate myself, just for the heck of it. I don't have to discuss my life with my friends or neighbors or ex-coworkers or family. I am not on social media and I do not give explanations to people.

OP, embrace your life as it is and do not talk about it or explain it. These decisions are family decisions - strictly between your DH and you.

I doubt you are highly educated because no one who is ambitious would want to be a housewife whose sole existence is to serve her husband and kids and make their lives more convenient. The highly educated SAHMs are at home with young kids but start doing something meaningful once their kids are in school.

You do realize people's social circles are different, right? I'm not PP but I am a highly educated SAHM of school age kids. A handful of my mom friends went back to work when our youngest hit K but most didn't. All but one of us have graduate degrees including law and medical degrees. You could make the argument that we are by default (no longer) ambitious but you can't say we aren't highly educated just because we left the workforce.

+1
Or we simply realized what is important to us in life. You are very replaceable at your job, no matter what it is. Very few people look back at the end of the day and wish they had worked more. Quite honestly your assessment that SAHMs are not ambitious only reflects poorly on you.

DP. By definition, if you choose to remain at home and not work once your children are in school full-time, you are not ambitious. This is a basic observation. The only thing that would potentially reflect poorly on someone might be how they feel about people who are not ambitious, but not the fact that they point out the obvious. Not everyone needs to be ambitious, that's okay.

Some individuals are more replaceable than others, but regardless, many people find great satisfaction from their work. And even for those who might not, I'd like to see how happy the wealthy SAHMs would feel if there weren't people out there providing medical care for their precious children, not just doctors, but nurses and all the other laboratory and administrative staff that keep offices and hospitals running, or if the people who work at power plants, water treatment plants, city governments, county governments, grocery stores, farms, and on and on, all just decided their jobs just weren't important? You rely on the hard work of tons of people you will never meet EVERY SINGLE DAY for your cushy life. The simple fact is that you allow someone else to support you at a time when your children no longer need your immediate care for upwards of six hours a day.

It reflects poorly on you that, in your defensiveness, you start your comment with an assertion that only moms who stay home even after their children are in school have discovered what is important in life. How arrogant of you.

This is such a bizarre argument! It's immoral to not pay someone a fair wage for a job you hire them to do. It's not immoral to hire someone. And the fact that some people, and that includes men and women, leave the workforce (whether to stay at home with school age kids, retire early, for medical reasons or they are just rich and don't want to work) does not mean our economy will collapse. There has always been a segment of people in society who choose not to work.

You are not getting me at all. Where did I use the word immoral? Where did I mention economic collapse? No where. WTF are you even talking about? I am not saying everyone has to work, I am saying don't insult those who choose to do so as not having figured out "what is important". I am saying don't insult them by telling them how replaceable they are. Every single one of us depends on the work of many other people every single day, so don't be such a snob that you devalue it in order to justify that you choose not to work or have the luxury not to do so. You are wealthy and lucky. Be grateful that you have that option instead of a snobby prat.

Aww did that comment about being replaceable hurt your feelings? It is funny you think it’s fine to tell people they aren’t ambitious but get defensive when called replaceable. I don't think being replaceable is a necessarily a bad thing or that it is negative, so I don't see any problem with it.

You’re a real piece of work. Wow.
- dp

Just me or is the ones who point out they are a “dp” the most likely to use the same phrases and be the same poster?

No, actually there is more than one of us that thinks the PP who keeps talking about how "replaceable" everyone is sounds like an a**hat. There is a consensus!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAH wife with kids who are in school. I have a lot of help. I love my life. My DH loves how relaxing it is for him to come home. My kids have a jam packed schedule but they also appreciate the convenience of having mom present at home.

Our life is going swimmingly. I have my hobbies and causes and my life has the pace that works for me and my family. I am highly educated and I continue to educate myself, just for the heck of it. I don't have to discuss my life with my friends or neighbors or ex-coworkers or family. I am not on social media and I do not give explanations to people.

OP, embrace your life as it is and do not talk about it or explain it. These decisions are family decisions - strictly between your DH and you.

I doubt you are highly educated because no one who is ambitious would want to be a housewife whose sole existence is to serve her husband and kids and make their lives more convenient. The highly educated SAHMs are at home with young kids but start doing something meaningful once their kids are in school.

You do realize people's social circles are different, right? I'm not PP but I am a highly educated SAHM of school age kids. A handful of my mom friends went back to work when our youngest hit K but most didn't. All but one of us have graduate degrees including law and medical degrees. You could make the argument that we are by default (no longer) ambitious but you can't say we aren't highly educated just because we left the workforce.

+1
Or we simply realized what is important to us in life. You are very replaceable at your job, no matter what it is. Very few people look back at the end of the day and wish they had worked more. Quite honestly your assessment that SAHMs are not ambitious only reflects poorly on you.

DP. By definition, if you choose to remain at home and not work once your children are in school full-time, you are not ambitious. This is a basic observation. The only thing that would potentially reflect poorly on someone might be how they feel about people who are not ambitious, but not the fact that they point out the obvious. Not everyone needs to be ambitious, that's okay.

Some individuals are more replaceable than others, but regardless, many people find great satisfaction from their work. And even for those who might not, I'd like to see how happy the wealthy SAHMs would feel if there weren't people out there providing medical care for their precious children, not just doctors, but nurses and all the other laboratory and administrative staff that keep offices and hospitals running, or if the people who work at power plants, water treatment plants, city governments, county governments, grocery stores, farms, and on and on, all just decided their jobs just weren't important? You rely on the hard work of tons of people you will never meet EVERY SINGLE DAY for your cushy life. The simple fact is that you allow someone else to support you at a time when your children no longer need your immediate care for upwards of six hours a day.

It reflects poorly on you that, in your defensiveness, you start your comment with an assertion that only moms who stay home even after their children are in school have discovered what is important in life. How arrogant of you.

I am the PP who conflated highly educated with ambitious. Usually (though not always) people who are highly educated are always ambitious, but it’s possible that once they’ve completed that education, they might get burnt out, lose their ambition, and decide to be a housewife. I personally do not know any highly educated housewives. I do know doctors with school-aged kids who’ve cut back to 2-3 days a week, lawyers who work 15-20 hours a week. Barring any serious health/family issues, highly educated / ambitious women aren’t satisfied with a life of gym, errands, and PTA.