Gonzaga Kairos Vandalism

[Anonymous]

The lack of leadership at GZ is appalling. The parents need to step up and demand better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
9:14 here. That was my first post, not repeatedly posting. And I have no skin in the game. But I think it is odd that people on DCUM think they ought to know more about a matter that is none of their business. Unless a senior boy was 18, they were minors and it’s not a public matter.

Yeah, right on both counts.

OK, how about this: We, as parents (you are a parent, right?) ALL have skin in this game, as this is now a black stain on the private school community, and boys' schools in particular, of Washington in general.

[Anonymous]

But we, as outside parents, have no first-hand knowledge and instead are choosing to pop off about what we don't know about. So perhaps let those involved handle it and MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But we, as outside parents, have no first-hand knowledge and instead are choosing to pop off about what we don't know about. So perhaps let those involved handle it and MYOB.

We know what is now public knowledge, as it was printed in the Post for the world to see. That is what we are discussing. You know, like talking about the weather.

[Anonymous]

Prep grad here. The Gonzaga haters need to stop and think about what they are saying. Certainly, the perpetrators should be punished, including expulsion. What they did was wrong and nothing can justify their actions. Those who witnessed the incidents should also be punished. They are not, however, representative of Gonzaga. It’s a fine school that produces many fine graduates. Could the school have handled the situation differently, before and after—without doubt. Is this something that only happens at private all-boys schools? Absolutely not. A few years ago, kids from a Big-three school and a W public high school trashed a rental house in Bethesda. Do kids from other social spheres commit the same acts—of course!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are not, however, representative of Gonzaga.

Isn't the school's handling of the situation "representative of Gonzaga" though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prep grad here. The Gonzaga haters need to stop and think about what they are saying. Certainly, the perpetrators should be punished, including expulsion. What they did was wrong and nothing can justify their actions. Those who witnessed the incidents should also be punished. They are not, however, representative of Gonzaga.[i][u] It’s a fine school that produces many fine graduates. Could the school have handled the situation differently, before and after—without doubt. Is this something that only happens at private all-boys schools? Absolutely not. A few years ago, kids from a Big-three school and a W public high school trashed a rental house in Bethesda. Do kids from other social spheres commit the same acts—of course!

While I understand - and usually agree - with separating out the individual kids from the school, in this case I don't think that's reasonable. They weren't at some weekend party, unchaperoned and without the school's knowledge. This happened *on* a Kairos retreat. The school was - legally and ethically - responsible for the boys while they were doing this.

I went to an all girls school that did Kairos (not in the DC area). Given the nature of Kairos, what happens on the retreat is, be definition, reflective of the school culture. The fact that each retreat is lead by kids from previous retreats, the fact that the adults and kids are doing/learning/reflecting together, the history of the retreat at each particular school - these are all things that mean that what happens on Kairos - EVERYTHING that happens on Kairos - reflects on the culture of the school.
In what should have been a memorable and meaningful retreat towards the end of their life as Gonzaga students - this is how they live out the lessons they've been taught.
It's pretty damning and a whole lot worse than if the same kids were to have done the same things while parents were away for a weekend or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are not, however, representative of Gonzaga.

Isn't the school's handling of the situation "representative of Gonzaga" though?

Yes, this is what people are so upset about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But we, as outside parents, have no first-hand knowledge and instead are choosing to pop off about what we don't know about. So perhaps let those involved handle it and MYOB.

We know what is now public knowledge, as it was printed in the Post for the world to see. That is what we are discussing. You know, like talking about the weather.

Not at all. I know what the weather is by going outside, not reading a paper. Point is, your comments are worth just as much as you know to be true, which is very, very little.

[Anonymous]

By your logic, nothing we read or see in the news can ever be commented upon because it's not "first-hand knowledge."

[Anonymous]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/acts-of-extreme-vandalism-by-students-stun-gonzaga-college-high-school/2019/02/15/ba02b7ee-306d-11e9-8ad3-9a5b113ecd3c_story.html?utm_term=.66203e5782ec

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But we, as outside parents, have no first-hand knowledge and instead are choosing to pop off about what we don't know about. So perhaps let those involved handle it and MYOB.

I personally believe that this is an irresponsible attitude. I agree that the identities of minors must be protected and that schools are bound to protect the privacy of students and have a duty protect the institution from liability. That basic law 101. I also know that the media never have all the facts and sometimes get facts wrong, so it all comes with a grain of salt anyway.

However, when I read the public information in the Post article, the first thing DH and I did was sit our boys down and talk to them about what is alleged to have happened, even though they don't attend that school. We went way beyond this incident though and didn't pretend that this could only happen with those specific boys at that specific school. We discussed how this sort of behavior might occur in many settings (could be drugs, alcohol, group think, pack mentality, hazing dares, manipulative bullies intentionally leading others astray, misdirected and mishandled anger, etc.). We talked about and encouraged them to think through how it affects more than just the boys involved, and talked through responsibility and consequences, person by person, from bad actors, to on lookers, to victims like the property owners, to neighbors, to the environment, to the retreat sponsors, to others who use the retreat, to the adults involved, to the parents and siblings of the kids, to the other kids in the school, to kids in other all boys' schools, to boys generally. We also discussed issues of race and consequences, because this is a reality for our boys and their friends, and they need to know it.

We can't mind our own business. We have to talk about these things or we, and our boys, will never learn. PPs have pointed out that this isn't an isolated incident for this school, this area, this country, or this world. Group crime and mob violence is a real phenomenon. It is imperative that we teach our children to resist the manipulations that encourage and fuel it.

I encourage every parent reading this to talk to their kids about this reality.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the best parenting posts I've seen on DCUM in quite a while. Kudos to you and your husband, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But we, as outside parents, have no first-hand knowledge and instead are choosing to pop off about what we don't know about. So perhaps let those involved handle it and MYOB.

I personally believe that this is an irresponsible attitude. I agree that the identities of minors must be protected and that schools are bound to protect the privacy of students and have a duty protect the institution from liability. That basic law 101. I also know that the media never have all the facts and sometimes get facts wrong, so it all comes with a grain of salt anyway.

However, when I read the public information in the Post article, the first thing DH and I did was sit our boys down and talk to them about what is alleged to have happened, even though they don't attend that school. We went way beyond this incident though and didn't pretend that this could only happen with those specific boys at that specific school. We discussed how this sort of behavior might occur in many settings (could be drugs, alcohol, group think, pack mentality, hazing dares, manipulative bullies intentionally leading others astray, misdirected and mishandled anger, etc.). We talked about and encouraged them to think through how it affects more than just the boys involved, and talked through responsibility and consequences, person by person, from bad actors, to on lookers, to victims like the property owners, to neighbors, to the environment, to the retreat sponsors, to others who use the retreat, to the adults involved, to the parents and siblings of the kids, to the other kids in the school, to kids in other all boys' schools, to boys generally. We also discussed issues of race and consequences, because this is a reality for our boys and their friends, and they need to know it.

We can't mind our own business. We have to talk about these things or we, and our boys, will never learn. PPs have pointed out that this isn't an isolated incident for this school, this area, this country, or this world. Group crime and mob violence is a real phenomenon. It is imperative that we teach our children to resist the manipulations that encourage and fuel it.

I encourage every parent reading this to talk to their kids about this reality.

This! We should all use this awful situation to educate our children. Kudos to you, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But we, as outside parents, have no first-hand knowledge and instead are choosing to pop off about what we don't know about. So perhaps let those involved handle it and MYOB.

I personally believe that this is an irresponsible attitude. I agree that the identities of minors must be protected and that schools are bound to protect the privacy of students and have a duty protect the institution from liability. That basic law 101. I also know that the media never have all the facts and sometimes get facts wrong, so it all comes with a grain of salt anyway.

However, when I read the public information in the Post article, the first thing DH and I did was sit our boys down and talk to them about what is alleged to have happened, even though they don't attend that school. We went way beyond this incident though and didn't pretend that this could only happen with those specific boys at that specific school. We discussed how this sort of behavior might occur in many settings (could be drugs, alcohol, group think, pack mentality, hazing dares, manipulative bullies intentionally leading others astray, misdirected and mishandled anger, etc.). We talked about and encouraged them to think through how it affects more than just the boys involved, and talked through responsibility and consequences, person by person, from bad actors, to on lookers, to victims like the property owners, to neighbors, to the environment, to the retreat sponsors, to others who use the retreat, to the adults involved, to the parents and siblings of the kids, to the other kids in the school, to kids in other all boys' schools, to boys generally. We also discussed issues of race and consequences, because this is a reality for our boys and their friends, and they need to know it.

We can't mind our own business. We have to talk about these things or we, and our boys, will never learn. PPs have pointed out that this isn't an isolated incident for this school, this area, this country, or this world. Group crime and mob violence is a real phenomenon. It is imperative that we teach our children to resist the manipulations that encourage and fuel it.

I encourage every parent reading this to talk to their kids about this reality.

I did the same thing with my son, who is will be attending high school next year. I had him read the article first, and we talked through many of the points above. (Although PP above did a more thorough job of it. I’m going to revisit this with him using the points above. Excellent post!)

I try to do this whenever there is something in the news that provides a learning opportunity, i.e., that fraternity hazing incident a year or two ago where the boy was left to die overnight on the floor of the frat house while one of the frat members wanted to call for help but was too timid. I think often of that timid boy and how he has to live with his inaction.