Reply to When the Average Looking Girl In High School Gets to be in the "Cool" Crowd

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others.  They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.[/quote]

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do. [/quote]

Well said.[/quote]

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored. [/quote]

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. [b]But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.
[/b]
Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

[/quote]

This is 100% a troll post. No one talks like this. You sound like a mediocre wannabe novelist.[/quote]

I loved the part being out on "girls night" and all the snarky comments from the SAHMs who must have done research to find out that she even worked because she had never mentioned that to them before....

She barely knows the women, yet she is going out on girls night with them.  Sure she is.  Did.Not.Happen.[/quote]

Looks like she hit a nerve. Sound pretty typical.[/quote]

Yes.  Typical.  For whatever reason, my name is always on the 'mom's night out' email list.  I never show.  It's common in my area to have a mammoth list.   Truthfully, it's nice that everyone is included.  Most likely, one of her real friends told somebody to add her name to the invite list.  There are always a fair number that don't know each other or have only seen each other at school events.[/quote]

No it's not the Mom's Night Out that dinged the troll bell for me - it's the hackneyed phrases and stereotypes she uses. Of course the SAHMs in this scenario do fitness boot camp and barre. I'm surprised she didn't throw in a mention of white Mercedes SUV. Also - phrases such as "pumping" people for personal info to start drama, the wine was flowing, "snarky digs" thrown at working moms - these sound like a novelist trying to wordsmith a better book. Also her suspicion that someone bothered to look into her background in order to make fun of her. That did not happen. The truth is, in real life, no one cares that much about anyone else to go to the trouble of researching their career and then spreading the info around to other people.[/quote]

Yep.  Her overgrown sense of importance is so off-putting, I'm surprised she was invited in the first place.  I'm sure it'll be the last time though.

Very funny how she included every single catchphrase she could think of to smear these SAHMs.  And by funny, I don't really mean funny.  [/quote]

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